Beside the Fire

I sighed again, my breath making a small cloud in the chill night air of Bozeman, Montana. I leaned back against the cool brick of the hotel, the dampness of the night’s earlier rain seeping through my rented tuxedo jacket. I really wasn’t supposed to be out here; there was no re-entry allowed into the dance. I just needed some time away from everything; the crowdedness of the ballroom and the squealing of the girls dressed in gag-inducing cotton candy gowns and the sound blaring from the speakers that made me think that robots and Miley Cyrus made a baby and misnamed said baby “Music.”

I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through the unmanageable mop of curly brown hair on my head, trying to bring myself back to a calm sense of mind. I was just frustrated, was all. Prom was my best friend Derek’s first date with his new girlfriend Regina, and he had been terrified to go alone, so he begged me to come with him. I made it worth my while, making him pay for all the prom expenses and do my math homework for the remainder of the school year, and since he was such a good sport about all of my demands, I decided to be a good sport right back and come along.

Gathering myself and my thoughts, I stood up, straightened my jacket and walked back inside. I had to charm my way past the chaperones at the door, but I eventually convinced them that I hadn’t been off engaging in illegal activities and got back into the dance. I couldn’t resist the urge to roll my eyes at what I saw inside.

The theme for our prom was An Evening in Paris; way too overdone. There were Eiffel towers made out of balloons, with baguettes and croissants offered as snacks at the refreshments table, and pictures that could be taken with a backdrop of The Seine at night. I really hated school functions, especially dances. I looked around for the only people I cared to hang out with that night, or ever—actually, person; I didn’t much care for Regina—but Derek was entangled with his date in a secluded corner of the ballroom, and I wasn’t very eager to interrupt him.

I took a seat in one of the black wrought iron chairs with white cushions at a table far away from the crowd, just as the music became slower. The tabletop was littered with trash from its previous occupants, and one of the plates had a half-eaten chocolate covered biscotti. With a shrug, and since I figured no one was watching, I grabbed it and took a bite. It was pretty good, and because I wasn’t planning on buying the food, I finished it. Just as I was wiping the crumbs from my hands onto the table, I heard a voice behind me say, “You know, biscotti is only 75 cents a piece.”

I turned around and felt as if I had been kicked in the chest. Standing before me had to have been the most dazzling girl I had seen all night. Actually, she had to have been the most dazzling girl I had seen ever. Her body was encased by a green, one-shouldered, floor length gown. The jewel tone of the emerald silk made her chocolate skin seem to glow and her green eyes light up. I recognized her immediately. She and her brother were the only black kids at our school, and besides, it was hard to forget a face like that. She spent a day in my freshman science class before transferring to honors.

Well, I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.

“Yeah, well, apparently if you get half a piece, it’s free,” I joked back once I had regained the power of speech. She gave a light laugh and I felt my smile widen, unable to help myself. The way her impossibly full lips stretched across her face had to be one of the most magnificent things I had ever witnessed, and knowing that I had been the cause of such a wonder gave me a strange feeling of pride.

“Do you want to dance?” she asked me, holding out her hand to me. My jaw nearly dropped off my face. No girl I had ever known in the city of Bozeman had the balls to make the first move on a guy. And here this girl was, shaking the foundation of everything that I had ever known to be true, and I relished in every earth-shattering second of it.

“Yeah,” I responded simply, because that’s all I had the capacity to say. She took my hand and led me to the dance floor. When she chose an appropriate spot she turned around and put her arms around my neck, ignoring the standard hand-on-shoulder, hand-in-hand procedure that all the couples around us were following. I placed my arms around her waist and felt myself become a little light headed at the contact. She smiled reassuringly at me, but I couldn’t return it. I seemed to have gotten lost in the vastness of her wide, green eyes.

“Your name’s Liam, right?” she asked, her voice pulling me out of my trance. I nodded, surprised, flattered and overwhelmingly excited that a girl as exceptional as her had remembered a guy as average as me. “I’m—”

“Aaliyah,” I finished for her. Her eyebrows went up the tiniest bit. Bracing myself, I leaned down to whisper in her ear, “You would have been impossible to forget.” Straightening back up, I smiled down at her and cherished the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Suddenly shy, she laid her head on my chest, her ear over my beating heart. I should have felt embarrassed that she could hear my pulse speed up. But I wasn’t.

For the first time in a while, I felt truly happy.



2 MONTHS LATER

“Aaliyah, come back to bed,” I whined. I stared at the single rose I had gotten her earlier that night, which was sitting in a glass on her kitchen table. I was lying naked in the bed of her studio apartment that she rented after she moved out of her parents’ place half a year ago. I watched her as she finished putting on lotion after getting out of the shower. Her hair, usually a mane of natural curls flying wild around her face and adding three inches to her height, now hung limp and in a braid past her shoulders.

She smiled at me and turned off the light in the bathroom, which had been lighting the entire apartment, plunging it back into darkness. I marveled at the glorious silhouette of her naked body as she made her way back to me. I grinned and opened my arms to her, and she giggled as she climbed under the covers and snuggled into me. I smiled down at the sight of our bodies entangled together. I never tired of the beautiful contrast between my pale skin and her dark skin. I thought we looked like a gourmet dessert; she said we looked like a half-eaten Oreo.

We had been dating for two months now, since the night of the senior prom. School had just let out, and we had spent every night here since then. However, this had been the first night Aaliyah and I had made love, and I wasn’t sure I would ever completely return to earth. In fact, I hadn’t returned since I checked out during our first dance at the prom. Aaliyah was everything I could have ever hoped for and more.

We joked like old friends, played like children, and I still hadn’t gotten over her smile. Or her eyes. Or her hair. Or the way she lit up when we got to see each other, as if she had been waiting for me since I last left. Or the way she always sighed ever-so-slightly when we kissed, her knees going weak and her body getting limp as she surrendered herself to me completely. Or the way she gasped when I kissed her here, or shuddered when I touched her there. The sight and sound of her pleasure, both physical and emotional, seemed to have become my new life force. I lived by giving to her, and I thrived on watching the way she received it. I felt more wanted and more needed when I was with her than I had in my entire life.

“Aaliyah, I love you,” I whispered into her hair. She smiled into my chest as she lightly traced my collarbone with her finger.

“I love you too, Liam.” I smiled and rolled over abruptly so that I was lying on top of her. I littered her face and neck and chest with quick, happy kisses, making her giggle and yelp and throw her hands above her head. I stifled her laughter with my mouth and she sighed that little sigh that I loved so much, making my skin prickle. Pulling away from her, I lifted myself just enough so that I could speak.

“And I swear when I grow up, I won’t just buy you a rose. I will buy you the flower shop and you will never be lonely.” I gazed down at her as she stared up at me, her delectable mouth parted speechlessly and her eyes shining with tears. Gently, tenderly, I kissed her forehead, her nose, her lips, her chin, her jaw, her neck. I kissed her shoulder and lay there, keeping my mouth on her skin. “Even if the sun stops waking over the fields, I will not leave, I will not leave ‘til it’s our time.” I slid my hand up her arm to her palm and intertwined our fingers, resting my head in the crook of her neck.

“So just take my hand. You know that I will never leave your side.”



10 MONTHS LATER

Aaliyah and I stared at the fire in the grate roaring steadily, and filling our house with the crackling sound of burning wood. I had officially moved into her apartment, the two of us living together a lot easier than everyone had said we would. We bickered over small things, like unfinished milk and hair in the sink, but none of it ever lasted very long.

We sat in the armchair we had pushed in front of the fireplace; Aaliyah sat in my lap with her head on my shoulder as we stared into the fire. We sat in a comfortable silence, a luxury that rarely occurred in our home. However, when it did, I seemed to finally understand the saying “silence is golden.” Aaliyah played with the gold wedding band on my finger twisting it around and around, watching it glint in the fire light.

We had just gotten back from our dinner, celebrating the night that we met at the prom a year ago. We went to eat at the Gallatin River Grill, a little restaurant that overlooked a fishing pond in the woods, and the same restaurant in which I proposed to Aaliyah three months ago. At dusk, we watched the deer and ducks and squirrels come out, and although we had both grown up in Montana, we never tired of the forest animals. We went home and watched movies until three in the morning before she made a fire, we changed into our pajamas and made S’mores. We laughed and enjoyed ourselves rather loudly the whole night.

After everything was cleaned up, and our energy began to dwindle, we settled into the armchair and sat in silence. I listened to the crackle of the fire mingling with the sound of mine and Aaliyah’s steady breathing. I focused on the beating of my heart, and realized that I was still as happy with this woman as I had been the first day we met. I wondered if it would always be like this, and the answer that seemed to be the only reasonable conclusion was “yes.”

“Liam?” Aaliyah’s tired voice murmured, bringing me back to my senses. Her heavily lidded eyes weighted down with sleep, I chuckled softly as she fought in vain to stay awake.

“Yes, love?” I whispered into her hair. She stopped fiddling with my ring and gripped my hand, closing her eyes now.

“I swear I’ll be here ‘til I decide that it’s our time. So just take my hand. You know that I’ll never leave your side. You’re the love of my life. You know that I’ll never leave your side.”

And with those words, she drifted away from me into sleep.



3 YEARS LATER

“Aaliyah!” I shouted up the stairs as I neared the landing of our studio apartment floor. Brandon, our newborn baby gave a start where I was holding him on my shoulder and began to whimper, frightened by the sudden boom of my voice. I shushed him and cradled him as I stepped into the open door of the apartment, staring down at our son’s big green eyes; they matched his mother’s. He eventually settled down and closed his eyes again, his thin lips settling into a sleepy line. I smiled down at him, my heart clenching in my chest and making my left arm tingle. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I looked up and saw my wife of three years staring pensively out the window, her left arm across her stomach and her right elbow propped on top of it, her fingers resting on her lips. I took back my previous thought, deciding that Aaliyah tied with Brandon for beauty. Gently, I set Brandon down in his car seat on the floor, and walked over to my wife of three years.

“What are you thinking about?” I whispered in her ear, wrapping my arms around her waist and resting my chin on her shoulder. Aaliyah sighed and laid her arms on top of mine, leaning her head against my own as we both stared outside. I felt her relax and lean into me at my touch, and saw the furrow between her brows lessen just a bit. I smiled into her neck, giddy from the fact that I still did that to her.

“I’m just…I’m gonna miss it here, y’know?” she answered in a hoarse tone. I stayed quiet for a few moments, knowing that she needed some time to gather herself and her thoughts before speaking again. While I waited, I lifted my head to look around at our empty apartment. It had been cleared of all pictures; all furniture; everything that even remotely suggested that we had ever lived there. The only reminder of our presence was the scent of us that still lingered in the air; honey and coffee and leather and lotion and candles and perfumes. All the smells that told the story of our life together. And soon, that would be gone too. Finally, after taking a deep breath, she continued.

“I mean, it’s not the best place in the world. Not by far. I mean, what with all the subtle racism; the not-so-subtle racism; the below zero winters. I hated growing up here. I really did.” Aaliyah sighed and bit her lip. “But…it’s home. As much as I hate it, it’s home. It’s what I know—it’s all I know! I’ve never been out of state, let alone all the way across the country—!”

Before she got too frantic, as she tended to do, I took her by her shoulders and turned her around, pulling her into me and wrapping my arms around her. She took in a shuddery breath and buried her face in my chest, as if she was trying not to cry. She hated crying; she hardly ever did it. She said it was gross, like sweating, but out of her eyes.

I cooed at her and murmured nothings in her ear until I got her breath to become steady again. Then I began to speak. “Aaliyah, it’s perfectly okay to be scared. I’m scared too. I’m fucking terrified. I’m surprised I haven’t pissed my pants yet.” She chuckled softly, and I felt my heart leap and do a midair heel click in my chest knowing that I was the cause of her laughter even during her struggles. Our struggles.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and pulled her away from me so I could look at her. My stomach flipped, and I couldn’t help but be delighted to find that her beauty still made my mouth go dry, and her eyes still made my heart become so warm that it melted and trickled down my body until it settled in the pit of my stomach and simmered happily there. “But, Ali,” I said, addressing her in the pet name that many had tried to use, but only I was permitted to call her. “We’re going to make the new place our home. Start our family and our careers and our new and what I know will be a very long life together in a place that we don’t despise. And I know it’s scary to start over, but change is always scary, darling. However, this time, it’s for the better.”

Aaliyah gazed up at me, and her face, usually so full of life and joy—the very picture of the word ‘bubbly’—held a dreamy, lovestruck expression that only I could put there. I cupped her face in my hands, and she placed hers on top of mine as we touched noses. “We’ll make it work,” I whispered. She closed her eyes and nodded and we shared a brief, very tender kiss that made lights explode behind my eyes, the sparks of which landed on every inch of my skin before they seeped into my veins, pumping through my bloodstream long after we parted. Smiling at me, Aaliyah picked up her purse and walked out the door.

I didn’t try to resist watching the tantalizing way her hips swayed when she walked, or delighting in the sexy sound of her stilettos rhythmically hitting the floor as she left. I smiled proudly, knowing that I was the only one in the world with the luxury of calling her my wife. Picking up the car seat that held our sleeping baby boy, and looking around our first home together one last time, I followed her outside to the car.

She was already sitting in the driver’s seat of our station wagon, and I loaded the baby in the backseat before settling in the passenger side. She leaned out the window and gave a thumbs-up to the drivers in the moving van parked behind us, which held all of the things from our apartment. With that, she drove away.

So we moved to Arizona to save our only son.



22 YEARS LATER

“Kailani Amoretto,” the principal announced.

“YES!” Aaliyah shouted, standing and cheering louder than any parent had during the entire graduation.

I laughed and smiled up at her before returning my attention to the ceremony. Our daughter was walking across the stage in her sapphire blue cap and gown. She shook hands with the principal and accepted her high school diploma with a wide smile, before looking to us as she flipped her tassel over to the left side. Aaliyah gave her a thumbs up, and Kailani returned it as she walked off the stage. Aaliyah smiled and shook her hair back as she sat down.

“I’m so proud of her,” she whispered to me as she leaned over, picking up the large bouquet of flowers that she had placed momentarily on the ground and set them back in her lap. When she was picking them out of our large garden that she tended for earlier that afternoon, I told her she was going overboard, but she sucked her teeth and swatted her hand at me, shooing me away like a pesky fly. I had laughed and decided to help.

I looked over at my beautiful wife who seemed to have aged much better than I had—although she swore it was the other way around—and saw that she had tears swimming in her eyes, eyes that I still hadn’t quite gotten over. And it was no wonder she was so proud. Kailani, our only baby girl, was graduating high school and going on to Harvard Medical to become a doctor.

I reached over and grabbed her hand. She turned her face to me and gave me a watery smile. I leaned over to kiss her on the temple and rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb. With a sniffle, her smile, although still present, grew softer, as did her voice. “She has eyes just like her father’s,” she told me. “They are blue when skies are grey.” Taking a deep breath and straightening back up, she looked up at the stage to our smiling daughter, cheering and clapping for her peers. I, however, couldn’t take my eyes away from the stunning profile of my wife whom I was still mad for. “And just like him, she never stops,” she continued. “Never takes the day for granted. Works for everything that’s handed to her; never once complains.”

“And that son of ours…” I started, pulling her eyes back to mine with just my voice. We both shared a knowing smile. Our son—now twenty two—had moved to New York to study his passion for theatre at the renown Julliard. “You know, he thinks just like his mother. He believes we’re all just lovers; he sees hope in everyone.”

We smiled at each other for a few moments, seeming to float away together, so far above the cheering crowd that we had created our own world.

“We did okay, huh?” she asked in a strained voice with a gentle smile, trying to keep from crying, still one of the things she hated to do most in the world. I felt tears prickle at the back of my eyes as my throat got tight. I was still so ridiculously, impossibly in love with her, and the even more ridiculous part, was that she still loved me just as much.

I leaned forward and kissed her softly on the nose before pulling back and leaning my forehead against hers.

“We did okay.”



5 YEARS LATER

I paced back and forth in the small doctor’s office, staring at my feet as they made their way back and forth across the shiny white linoleum. I was clenching and unclenching my jaw, and running my hands through my hair, which had thinned considerably over the years. My breathing was shallow and coming out hard and fast through my nose as I tried to keep the tears that wobbled threateningly on the brim of my eyes from spilling over. ‘This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening, this isn’t happening…’ I thought to myself over and over again. It seemed to have become a chant, and maybe I thought that if I chanted it enough, I could will it into becoming true.

Aaliyah sat on the crinkly, off white paper on the examination table in a hospital gown, her feet hanging over the edge. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her watching me solemnly as I paced silently. She watched me in that same fashion she watched the world go by outside our apartment the day that we moved: her left arm across her stomach, the fingers of her right hand resting on her lips. I didn’t know long I had been pacing for. Maybe it had been a minute, maybe ten, maybe an hour. However long it actually was though, it felt like forever. The doctor still had yet to come back with results.

“Liam,” I heard Aaliyah’s soft voice drift toward me and bring me back to earth, the way only she could. I kept pacing, never stopping, for fear that if I did, I might just fall apart. “Liam,” she repeated in the same tone.

“What?” I snapped, stopping directly in front of her and looking up to stare at her. She didn’t react to my outburst at all. She did nothing. She said nothing. She just stared at me blankly and we breathed together. Just…breathed. Mine was unnaturally fast, but she kept hers at a slow, even pace and stayed calm. Before I knew it, mine had slowed down to join hers and soon, we were breathing in perfect sync.

“Aaliyah, what if you have cancer?” I said out loud, my voice cracking terribly on the last word.

“The doctor said I might—”

“And what if you do?” I croaked, balling and relaxing my fists at my sides.

“I might and I might not—”

“That’s BULLSHIT, Aaliyah!” I roared, suddenly losing my temper and pounding my fist against the wall as hard as I could. I saw her flinch in my peripheral vision, but her expression stayed the same. My face was screwed up tight as I placed my palms flat against the wall on either side of my head and leaned my forehead against it.

“Liam,” she said again, in the same tone she had used before. And, just like before I turned toward her voice, the way a plant turns toward the light. Aaliyah was my sun; my life force. I wasn’t sure I had even been alive before I met her, and if she was ever taken from me, I don’t know if I could ever be truly alive again.

“Why aren’t you scared?” I asked her gently, truly curious as to why she was so calm. A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she cocked her head to look at me. I had learned that was her way of saying, ‘You silly, silly boy.’

“Liam, I’m terrified. I’m more terrified than I’ve ever been of anything in my life. But you need me right now. And your needs come before my own, always. They have since the day I met you. And right now, you need someone to be calm and level-headed. I’m just doing for you what you’ve always done for me.” I bit my lip hard, the lump in my throat becoming more and more impossible to swallow. She laughed a bit. Getting down from the table, she walked over to a chair against the wall and sat in it.

“Baby, c’mere,” she said, holding out her arms. I walked slowly over, got to my knees, and collapsed into her. When I felt her arms wrap around me, I sobbed helplessly into her shoulder. And the longer I cried, the more violent my sobs became, until I was gasping for air and clinging hopelessly to her delicate frame. But no matter how small she had gotten since the disease we suspected she had began to eat away at her body, she was still my rock. The only thing that kept me grounded. She cooed at me and murmured nothings in my ear until my sobs had peaked and died down to quiet, pathetic weeping. Taking a deep breath so that I could speak through my tears, I opened my eyes and turned my face to look up at her.

“Do you remember the night you took my hand beside the fire?” Aaliyah nodded slowly. “Thirty years ago to this day, you swore you’d be here ‘til we decide that it’s our time.” Beginning to sob again, I said, “Well, it’s not time; you never quit in all your life.”

Reaching down, Aaliyah and I watched as her fingers intertwined with mine. She leaned down to kiss the top of my head, then laid her cheek there. I closed my eyes and listened to the steady beat of her heart. “So just take my hand. You know that I’ll never leave your side.” Lifting her head, and bringing our hands up to her mouth, she kissed mine. I looked up at her, entranced and still enchanted by her beauty.

“You’re the love of my life,” she whispered. “You know that I’ll never leave your side.” She smiled down at me as she held one side of my face with her hand.

Just then, the door opened and the doctor, who was inspecting the contents of the manila folder with a rather grave face was standing there. He turned his eyes to us, still entangled in one another, with me kneeling on the ground in my wife’s arms.

“Mr. and Mrs. Amoretto?” he asked. My wife gave one nod. The doctor stepped in, closing the door behind him.



6 YEARS LATER

“Liam! I’m home!” I heard Aaliyah’s voice ring through our house. I was sitting at the long, mahogany table in our dining room, eating a sandwich and reading the paper through my glasses. I turned my head toward her voice and felt my heart beat faster, more excited than our frantically barking dogs to see her come around the corner and smile at me. It seemed to take forever, but she had finally made it down the entrance hallway and through the living room into the dining room.

The moment she laid eyes on me, her face brightened and seemed to split in half as she beamed at me. My smiled matched hers and I lowered my glasses from my face as she picked up her pace, as if she couldn’t reach me fast enough.

“Hi, sweetie,” she cooed, kissing me on the eye, the way she always did.

“Hey, beautiful,” I responded, smiling at her. She pet our two dogs for a few minutes—a brown Labrador and a gray Husky—before she stood to place her purse on the table and make some changes in the calendar on her phone. Once the dogs realized that she was done with them, they switched objectives, flopping down beside me on the floor, cocking their heads to the side and staring up at me. This begging didn’t go unnoticed by my wife. She put her phone down, placed one hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged as if I had no idea what she was referencing. “What?”

“Liam,” she chuckled, shaking her head.

“What?” I said laughing, throwing my hands up. She rolled her eyes.

“I told you, you should never feed them what is ours. Dogs eat dog food; people eat people food.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I grumbled, waving a hand at her. She laughed and started heading toward the kitchen. Not wanting to be out of her company, I tore the remainder of my sandwich in half, winked at the dogs, and threw one to each of them. I then followed my wife into the kitchen, where she was taking one of her many pills with a glass of water.

“How was work?” I asked her, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her close to me. She smiled and rested her hands on my biceps.

“Absolutely wonderful. We’ve been getting a lot of big orders for weddings lately. Apparently, someone rather important recommended the store and we’ve been getting so many demands for bouquets and arrangements, I can barely keep up!” I smiled at the way her face lit up when the talked about the shop. There used to be a small, nearby restaurant that we had visited a couple of times, and each time we went, Aaliyah couldn’t help but marvel at how perfect the place would be for a flower shop. Over the years, she had gotten not only more interested, but really good at gardening, and when the restaurant went out of business a few years ago, I decided that would be my chance to fulfill that promise I had made to her all those years ago.

So I bought the place, and when I showed her the deeds, I told her I had finally grown up, I decided it was time to buy that flower shop. And since she was so good with people and plants, it didn’t take a long for the shop to take off. She decided to name it Never Be Lonely. When I asked her why, she told me because I had kept my word on more than one promise I had made that night.

“You know the kids are coming home for dinner tonight?” I reminded her. She squealed and gripped my arms tighter as her eyes grew bright. She never seemed to really age, nor did I when I was with her. We kept each other young, reminded each other of what was important in life. And even after all these years, we still had the same luminescent spark we had in that hotel ballroom thirty seven years ago.

“Let’s go sit on the patio,” she suggested, pulling away to go to the cupboard. “You go, I’ll get us some iced tea—” I sighed and pulled her back to me.

“No.” She gave me a funny look.

“What?”

“No!” I said, laughing at her.

“Why not? It’s a beautiful day, the kids won’t be home for hours—”

“Remember what we used to have in mind when we said ‘the kids won’t be home for hours’?” I said, raising an eyebrow at her and putting my hands on her shoulders. She laughed and rolled her eyes at me.

“Liam,” she giggled as she swatted playfully at me.

“Slow down,” I murmured, cupping her face in my hands and bending down to look her in the eye. I chuckled when that same dreamy, lovestruck expression appeared on her face. I kissed her gently on the lips and I felt my brain begin to buzz and get fuzzy when she sighed the way she had since our first kiss. Pulling away, I leaned my forehead against hers. “We’ve got time left to be lazy. All the kids have bloomed from babies into flowers in our eyes. We’ve got fifty good years left to spend out in the garden—”

She laughed, interrupting me, and straightened up, bringing my hands from her face so she could hold them. “Baby, we’re 55. And I have cancer. You honestly think we have fifty more years to spend together?”

My heart got tight in my chest as I realized that she was right. Although when we were together, we didn’t remember that we were getting older, the world did. And no matter how hard I wished for time to stop—and I wished everyday at 11:11 and on every eyelash and on every birthday candle—it didn’t. And the likelihood of us having fifty more years together was very, very slim.

But as I looked down at my wife—my beautiful, perfect wife who still loved me with all her heart and who still I loved more than my own life—I realized that I would rather have only one minute left with her instead of no minutes at all.

“Screw your stupid cancer,” I smiled. She gasped and laughed.

“I beg your pardon?” she giggled.

“I don’t care to beg your pardon,” I chuckled into her hair. “We should live until we die.” We held each other for a few minutes before I kissed her on the head and pulled away.

“We should get ready, huh?” she asked, reading my actions and interpreting them out loud. I nodded.

“I’ll set the table. You can make the fire.” She began to pull away to go to the living room, but before she was gone, I grabbed her and pulled her to me fast, kissing her hard and passionately before she could question what was happening. I pulled away from her just as things were beginning to get exciting.

“Hey, honey,” I mumbled into her lips.

“Hm?” she muttered, still unable to speak.

“The kids won’t be home for hours…” I whispered, grinning.

We both laughed and fell into each other again. I felt her melt into me and I smiled as both of us forgot about the tasks at hand and kissed.



15 YEARS LATER

Aaliyah and I sat in front of the fire crackling in the mantle, silent the way we only were when we were sitting together like this. I was laid out on the couch and she was lying with me, my arms around her. She toyed with my wedding band as we let the silence we created consume us and surround us, creating a cocoon; a tiny world whose boundaries went no further than our living room and we were the only inhabitants. We had been sitting like this for about half an hour or so before I heard Aaliyah speak.

“Liam?” she whispered.

“Yes, love?” I murmured into her hair. She stopped fiddling with my ring and sat up to look at me. I frowned, worried about something. She didn’t look any different. She didn’t sound any different. But something in the air, in the moment…it felt different. “What is it?” I asked, trying to slow my heart that was beginning to speed up.

“Do you remember how I promised I would tell you when it’s our time?” My heart stopped in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think.

“Yes…” I croaked, afraid of what was coming next.

Aaliyah gave me a small, soft smile and said it: “It’s our time.” I wanted her to stop. I wanted to rewind all of this and find some way to go back in time. Back two minutes. Two days. Two years. I wanted to rewind us all the way back to that half-eaten biscotti at the prom, and the first time I saw her in that dress. I wanted to re-live our first kiss, our first time, our first fight, all of it. I wanted to do all of it over again, because if it would keep me from being here, now, I would, in a heartbeat. I felt tears to spring to my eyes as I shook my head.

She laughed the tiniest bit, and that sound still made my head reel and my mind go blank. “Yes, dear.”

I sat up beside her and grabbed her hands, looking her in the eye. “No. No, we still have time. Just a little bit more.” She sighed and pressed a palm to my cheek. I grabbed and closed my eyes, turning into it, kissing it over and over. “Just a day.” Kiss. “A month.” Kiss. “A year.” Kiss. “A lifetime.” Kiss. “An eternity.” Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

“Liam,” she said in that tone that made me forget what was happening for a moment and see only her. She held my face in both of her hands. “It’s our time,” she repeated. I felt my tears spill over relentlessly, never seeming to stop as I held my breath to keep from sobbing. Aaliyah made sure to wipe away every one.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” she asked me calmly, leaning her head on my shoulder and placing her hand on her lap. I sniffled and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, burying my face in her hair, breathing her in, memorizing her scent.

“I’m scared,” I whispered in a cracked voice, laying my wet cheek on her head. “I’m scared to live without you. I don’t think I can do it. I don’t know how I did it before we met, and I don’t think I’ll be able to remember now.” Aaliyah took my hand tilted her head back so I could see her eyes. They were still just as bright and lively as they had been the first night I truly saw her, and I felt my heart break as I realized this was the last time she would ever look at me like this.

“Don’t be scared, darling. You're the love of my life. You know that I'll never leave your side.” I gave a strained whimper, which turned into a sob.

“You’re the love of my life, Aaliyah. I’ll never leave your side.” She smiled and gave me one last kiss. She sighed that sigh that I loved so much when our lips met, and although I knew this was our last kiss, I cherished it with every fiber of my being. I had to be sure to keep it with me forever; to never forget it. To never forget her smile. Her laugh. The way her hands weren’t quite the same size. The mole on her left shoulder blade. It was the little things I was afraid of forgetting. So I promised myself that those were the things I would never forget. She finally pulled away from me, and smiled.

She leaned her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes. “I will always love you, Liam.”

“I will always love you, Aaliyah.” And then, that oh-so-familiar smile began to tug at the corner of her mouth.

And with those words, the love of my life drifted away from me into sleep. And from her sleep, she drifted away from me forever.

I wept silently into her hair until the fire died.

Until the morning came.

Until there were no more tears left to weep.



11 YEARS LATER

I sat silently in front of the fire and watched its last flames fight for survival, but slowly die off. I did this every night since Aaliyah’s death. I did it to remember. Not to torture myself, but to keep myself alive. The morning after, I bought a journal and wrote down all my favorite memories of us in the fifty two short years we had spent together. Then I wrote down all the other memories of us; the ones that were just there. Then I just listed the small things I needed to remember. The things I didn’t want to forget. And every night, as I sat in front of the fire, I read each and every word.

Tonight, however, I didn’t bring it down with me. I knew I wouldn’t need to.

“It’s my time, Aaliyah,” I told her, looking up toward the heavens. “It’s our time. And when we meet, I’ll set the table, and you can make the fire.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth, and the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes forever were the last embers of our last fire dying.