"Are You Nervous Now?"

I know you wish it was me,
You wish it was me,
Don’t you?

I spun round to see a six foot something, dark short haired, man in his early 20’s, wearing a white long sleeved shirt with a black tie. He had left his top three buttons undone and his tie wasn’t fastened properly. He had shaven most of his facial hair although he’d kept his soul patch, mypersonal favourite, he’d also kept his moustache and short goatee, this man was Spike.

Spike had been my best friend for almost five years and he was supposed to be giving me away in less than 10 minutes.
I made my way over to him feeling the soft carpet mould under my feet, I sunk into his arms and rested my head on his chest, I smiled at the warmth of his body, he always gave me the best hugs.

I remembered when I was around 16 years old and one of the older boys, whom I thought I was head over heels for, had previously asked me out, we’d slept together and he’d decided to tell everyone that I’d gave it all up to him, he was telling people mixtures of truth and he was making some things up. I had run straight to Spike and broke down in hysterical tears in his arms; I couldn’t understand why boys could be so cruel. I thought that no one would ever go anywhere near me ever again, I was an A grade slut. Spike had just told me to simply ignore him and that I wasn’t what he was saying I was, Spike tried to toughen me up so that I was ready for anything that may hurt me in the future.

If I’d have had a father I would have run to him, but I didn’t have a father and I didn’t have an older brother, so it was Spike that I ran to, he was my best friend, I couldn’t have asked for a better friend than him, even if I did find it odd that he used to have a different girlfriend every time I saw him.
As I came to my senses and slipped back into the present, I sort of blurted it out rather quickly and sharply, “You smell like whiskey.” I looked up into his golden caramel eyes.
I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together, smiling at him, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you” I started to pat little bits of fluff off of his black blazer before giving it to him to put on,
“You didn’t answer my question.” He smiled at me and held my shoulders, looking into my eyes
I began to sort his tie out, trying to avoid his questioning gaze “What was it?”
“Are you nervous?” He repeated

I turned my back on him and looked at my reflection in the mirror, his hands were still on my shoulders, and I looked down at my left hand, examining each finger, starting with my thumb, I paused at my left ring finger, there would soon be a wedding ring on that finger, I was ready for this, I wanted to marry Kirk. When I looked back up, I could see the light colour in my cheeks and the red in my lips, the dark eye liner I had chosen and always wore, I had a smoky eye shadow. I saw how my blonde locks flowed down my back and onto my shoulders; I examined the way the ivory dress hugged my body tightly, gracefully, perfectly. I studied how unbelievably perfectI seemed to look, looked like an illusion, like I wasn’t real, I snapped out of it,
“No,” My voice broke; I cleared my throat lightly and continued, “No, not at all Spike. This is the happiest day of my life, why on Earth would I be nervous?” My eyes widened a little and I plastered a fake smile across my lips, I didn’t know whether to yell at him or just laugh his comment off, how rude could someone be?

He shifted closer to me and moved my hair off of my shoulders and to the other shoulder, exposing my neck and face “Then why are you crying?”
I could feel his cool breath on my bare neck, it made the little hairs stick up and sent excited little shivers down my spine.
“They’re happy tears” I hadn’t even noticed the tears welling up in my eyes
He snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me closer “Are you sure?”
I almost gasped when my bum pressed against his crotch, I felt my knees shake a little when I realised he was getting hard, I breathed out unsteadily, trying to calm myself, I nodded and moved forward a little, to be out of his grip.

He smirked, stepped close behind me, then slid one hand down my front, I could feel his persuasive touch through the thin silk, I felt his hand trailing down past my stomach, my body was growing ever more aware of his presence, I bit the inside of my lip feeling my stomach flip a little with arousal, my heart beat quickened and the blood rushed to my cheeks. I turned to face him and glared up at him, our bodies were pressed together, I was breathing unsteadily and heavily, I was getting ever so slightly lost in this hot, heated, hypnotically heavenly moment. I noticed my hands were shaking, I felt so weak and defenseless; I didn’t know what was coming over me. Did I really want Spike? Or was this just pre-wedding jitters? I felt myself helplessly move in closer, for a kiss, our lips were barely an inch apart,
“Anyway, I’m gonna wait for you outside.” He grinned sadistically then swiftly left the room, it was only when I heard the door click shut that I let myself breathe, I gasped as I slumped against the wall. I let my legs give way and slid down the wall to the floor.

What was happening? I’d never felt like that before. Why the hell was I disappointed when he walked out? Jesus Christ, I didn’t want Spike, I’d never wanted Spike in that way, holy crap, what the hell? I was so confused. Spike had always been there for me, however he’d always joke about getting me into bed, he’d tried once or twice, but he heeded the words “Stop” and “No”, he’d never taken it that far before. He didn’t seem drunk, seemed quite sober. I couldn’t explain my reaction to Spike’s advances, did I want to? I frowned at the thought. I didn’t want to hurt Kirk, my soon-to-be husband, I loved him, but why did Spike touching me excite me? Did I somehow secretly I want Spike, deep down? Like, subconsciously? Without me fully knowing? No, I was being silly. Just pre-wedding nerves playing with my mind, of course it was, it could only be that, I knew because I had loved Kirk since Spike had introduced us.

I recalled the memory well, it was a Saturday, in January, about two years ago and Spike and I were going to a New Year’s party, when we’d got there Spike disappeared and left me to my own devices, I’d started talking to a girl about something I can’t remember fully, something about how she’d slept with Spike and him not calling her back. I went to get a drink, trying to avoid the awkward conversation and a man had started trying to convince me to dance with him, all of a sudden I felt a hand grip my wrist and I was dragged me through the crowds of people and push down into a chair in front of some dude with olive skin, who upon standing to greet Spike, was just taller than me by a few inches, he had long black curly hair, and dark brown eyes, the young man smiled at me and I smiled awkwardly back, he didn’t take his eyes off me as he sat down, he held his hand out for me to shake and introduced himself, Spike sat down in-between us tried to join in the conversation, I guess he didn’t expect Kirk and I to hit it off right away. A few days later we were a couple and within a few months we were engaged, I guess you could say it was love at first hand shake? I didn’t really see much of Spike after Kirk and I got engaged, I think he decided to concentrate on work because whenever I went to the Garage where he worked his colleges said he was really busy and that I could leave a message if I wanted, so we pretty much grew apart but when I finally caught up with him, he seemed happy to see me. I remember Spike’s exact words when I asked him to give me away.
“What, so I can let you two be boring together?” I spoke the words with a distant smile as I put my heels on and fixed the last of my make-up, and fiddled with my hair, I pulled a few strands into completely awkward directions. I didn’t like being this damn perfect. I stood up to test whether or not I could actually walk in these heels, I hadn’t tried them on before, I didn’t chose them, I would have happily gone with some Doc Martins, I walked across the room and back again, to and fro, until I heard Spike muttering outside the door, I moved behind it. I couldn’t hear him well enough, he sounded like he was talking to someone, who? I found a glass of water on the side table and tipped the water on the floor; I hurried back over to the door and held open end of the glass to the door and the other to my ear.

“Yeah, she’s a little nervous. She’ll be fine though.” I heard Spike’s voice first, “She’ll be out in a minute, she’s just doing the finishing touches.”
“Oh, right, is she definitely going to turn up then?” Kirk asked, I could hear in his voice that he was nervous
“I’ve just been in she was doing her make-up,” I heard the click of Spike’s zippo lighter, “She looks hot…” he chuckled
“You’re not supposed to smoke in here.” Spike’s comment had stumped Kirk as there was a long moment of silence while he worked out whether to say anything about it or not, “I guess I’ll go take my place then?” He decided not to, I heard him retreat quickly, I didn’t hear Spike move, the door flung open, I flew backward, I landed on the floor, my legs wide open. The force of my fall caused the glass to smash and cut the palm of my hand
“Well,” Spike winked at me, “It’s nice to see you’re not denying me what I want anymore.” He smiled his boyish smile with a cigarette in his mouth

I blushed and tried to get up but put pressure on my cut hand I felt the glass sink in a little more, it was a sharp, slow pain, I hissed with pain and felt strong arms wrap around me. I felt the ground fall from underneath me; I wrapped my arms around Spike’s neck and rested my forehead on his shoulder. He set me down on the sofa and attended to my hand, he had always been very kind to me, in his own, flirtatious way. He bandaged my hand and smiled at me then took my other hand as I held the bouquet with my bandaged hand; we walked down the corridor slowly.

I was waiting for him to ask the question that would have been on my mind if I’d have walked in on that scene.
“Why were you behind the door anyway?” He asked me trying to hide a knowing grin
“I was,” I tried to think of something quick, “Getting a drink of water, and then I was coming to join you…” I smiled at him trying to make it look as genuine as possible.