Ever After

Josh didn’t speak for a very long time. He just stared at Kali with an unreadable expression. It was almost like he was made of stone.

Kali felt tears build up in her throat and threaten to spill over. But Josh spoke then, keeping her tears at bay.

“Gone? What do you mean it’s gone?” he asked in an almost silent voice.

“Paper fell onto the coffee machine and started a fire. Everyone’s okay but the café didn’t really fair too well…” Her voice began to waver near the end and her vision blurred with tears.

Josh could see his wife beginning to fall apart. He quickly grabbed her in his arms and she started sobbing into his chest.

“Baby, I’m so sorry…” he murmured. He was staring over her head at nothing with distressed eyes. Not the café…not her Mom’s café… he thought in shock.

“It’s gone…I can’t believe it’s gone…” she cried.

“Shh,” Josh kissed her head. All the memories he had at that place had been torched. He felt like a good chunk of him had burnt down with it.

Kali pulled back a little and wiped her eyes. “I have to go home, Josh. I’m sorry but I have to…” she whispered.

“I understand,” Josh replied. His heart broke even more. He never wanted Kali to leave him on tour. And now that she was pregnant it was even worse. He didn’t want her so far away in such a state. He thought the same thing he always did when he was away from her. If something happens to her…

“I have to see the damage and figure out what repairs are going to cost, even though I don’t want to.” Kali ran distressed fingers through her hair.

“I know, babe. I can’t ask you to stay after that news.” Josh tried to say it strongly, but it came out way too weak. The truth was, he didn’t want her to go. He wanted her to stay right there, in his arms, where he could watch over her and keep her safe and take her pain away. But he knew he couldn’t do that when the problem was two provinces away.

Kali looked up at Josh through drowning green eyes as if she was reading his thoughts. His face betrayed him. She kissed his lips softly, her eyelashes brushing tears onto his cheeks. When she pulled away even he looked about ready to cry, but she knew he wouldn’t.

“I really don’t want to leave you,” She cursed. “This was supposed to be your birthday present…now it’s all ruined…”

“Hey, Kali, hush,” Josh tilted her face up to look at him and held her closer. “I loved your present. It sucks that it’s getting cut short, but I loved every second I spent with you on this tour. I’ll miss you, but I’ll be home in a few more weeks. Then we can get through this together, alright? Until then, we’ll book you a flight home tonight if we can and once you land you better keep me up-to-date on everything that’s happening.”

Kali just nodded and looked as sad as Josh had ever seen her.

“It’ll be okay, baby. We’ll get this sorted out.” Josh kissed her forehead.

Kali’s phone began ringing and she was hesitant to look at it again. “It’s my Mom,” she whispered. “I’m gonna go take this.” She walked away from Josh as she answered the call.

Josh looked after her and sighed before stepping onto the bus.

“Ramsay! Did you see the little—hey, wait, what’s wrong?” Ian asked, his expression going from pleasant to concerned in a second. Everyone looked up from what they were doing to stare at Josh in worry.

“Yeah, we, we saw the baby,” Josh said in a tired voice. “Kali has pictures, I think.”

“What’s going on?” Mike asked.

Josh took in a deep breath. “Kali’s café…there was a fire.”

It was like death had settled over the front lounge.

“What?” Chelsea asked in barely a whisper. “Where’s Kali?”

“Talking to her Mom. She’ll explain it to you when she comes in.” Josh moved past everyone and walked to his bunk. He clambered up into it and pulled the curtain across so only a small shaft of light came in by his head. He shut his eyes tight and opened them slowly. He saw the pictures he’d taped above his head and on the wall beside him. There were pictures of his family and his pets, some fan pictures and letters, pictures of him and Kali in several different places throughout the years, including one from their wedding. There was one by his head that nearly broke his heart as he turned over to look at it. It was a picture they’d taken together atop the café after only dating for a few months. They were kissing. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to hold onto it for so long, but he never went on a tour without that picture.

He thought back to the evening the picture had been taken and sighed. He shut his eyes so he could picture it in his head clearer. Everything had been so much easier then.

“It’s always so beautiful up here,” Kali smiled, spinning around in circles on the café rooftop. Josh followed her with his hands in the pockets of his ripped jeans with a grin on his face.

He couldn’t help but wonder how it was possible for him to get so lucky. He had a beautiful girlfriend who was exactly what he needed and he was recovering from his heroin, bulimia and self-harming addictions. Despite the consequences of the latter, life was pretty sweet for him.

“It’s beautiful because you’re up here.” He said smoothly, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.

“Oh, you sweet-talker, you,” Kali blushed. “I might just melt in your arms.”

“I’ll just put you in the freezer until you’re whole again.” Josh whispered into her hair.

Kali giggled. “But if I’m just a melted puddle, when I freeze I’ll be all disfigured and freak-ish.”

“And I will still love you just the same, even if you are a disfigured frozen puddle of Kali.” He said sweetly.

Kali blushed, a hot, sweet sensation just below her skin. Josh kissed her warm cheek, swelling with pride at the knowledge that he was the cause for the heat. He liked putting colour in her face. She was a sight to behold.

“Hey, let’s take a picture,” Kali said suddenly, turning on her bulky Polaroid camera. She held it at arm’s length with the lens directed at the two of them and turned to look at Josh.

He stared back into her eyes and smiled. “Okay,” He pressed his lips to hers as the flash went off.

Kali removed the Polaroid picture and began to shake it as the image appeared. The couple were dead centre and connected by the lips. She beamed proudly at it and handed it to him. Josh took it uncertainly.

“Just in case I ever melt into a puddle, you’ll be able to remember when I was solid.” Kali clarified when she saw the confusion in his face.

“Right,” Josh chuckled, “thank you.” He admired the photo.

Kali surprised him by kissing his cheek. He turned to see her simply gazing at him.

“What was that for?” he asked softly.

“For loving me,” Kali answered. “For never failing to make me laugh and surprise me and for always understanding and giving me not what I want, but what I need.”

Josh just stared at the beautiful young girl wrapped up in his arms.

“I’m kind of a mess and I’m not the easiest to deal with, I know that,” Kali continued, “but somehow you manage me just fine. You always have. You know when I’m holding on by a thread and you have this way of making it better. You can always tell when I’m about to fall apart at the seams and you always know what’s best for me in those moments. So thank you.”

Josh sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. His chest was aching and he felt sore and tired all over. He hopped down from his bunk and stood in the entranceway to the front lounge. Chelsea and the girls were hugging Kali simultaneously, and Kali was hugging herself in the middle of their arms. Josh knew all too well what that meant. She was holding herself together as best as she could. She was doing everything she could to not fall apart. He leaned against the wall as Kali caught his eye. He saw all her pain reflected back at him from those shimmering green orbs. He gave her a soft smile.

She walked over to him and all but fell into his embrace. Gently, Josh kissed her hair.

“C’mon, let’s go pack your stuff, yeah?” He moved her towards the back of the bus and dug out her suitcase. He began to put her clothes in it when her hands found his and he stopped.

“I can do it,” she whispered with a kind but sad smile.

Josh sighed but stood back. Watching Kali pack up to leave was one of the most heartbreaking things he’d witnessed. There wasn’t much more on the planet that he hated more than leaving her side. Worry was already creeping into his bloodstream and he chewed on his lip.

Kali sighed and spun around to look at Josh. “Don’t you dare say anything similar to ‘I’ll come with you’.”

Josh’s eyes widened. “I wasn’t going to—well, maybe if I just…”

“No, Josh. No way. I’m not having it. You’re staying on this tour bus and seeing this tour through. I’ll be fine, the café will be fine, everything will just be fucking fine…” Kali punched her shirts into her suitcase.

Josh rushed to her side and held her. “Hey, Kali, shh…please…I’m sorry.”

Kali sighed into her hands. “It’s not your fault. I just…this is too much and I’m already leaving you behind, I don’t want to be responsible for ruining a tour, too.”

“I’ll stay on the tour. I just worry about you. I know you say you’re going to be fine, but what if one day you aren’t? No one is always fine, Kali, take it from me. Plus, now you’re pregnant, so I’m really freaking out—”

“Josh—”

“—But I’m going to let you go. Okay, Kali? I’m going to let you go, and I’ll just have to get over it.” Josh held Kali by her shoulders and stared straight into her eyes, forcing the full impact of his words onto her.

Kali searched his face for a moment, unsure of what exactly to say. She could say “Okay, thanks” but it just didn’t seem to fit right. Josh was never this simple when he had to be separated from Kali. Usually there were endless hours of bitching and complaining and arguing from him. But now he was actually being simple and letting her leave. She could hardly believe her ears.

“I’m gonna let you go because I love you. I fucking love you so much, and I love our mystery baby, and I want you to be okay. You aren’t going to be okay if I make you stay here with me. You need to leave.” Josh’s voice cracked and faded out as his strength to speak dwindled with each word. He desperately didn’t want to have to say goodbye to her.

Kali blinked, and a crystal tear slipped from behind her dark crescent fan of eyelashes. Her emerald eyes were watery and she smiled weakly at her husband.

“Thank you,” she said soundlessly.

“You know I only want you to be happy,” Josh murmured.

“You do make me happy, Josh, everyday. I haven’t regretted a single day spent with you.”

“Not even when I was being unbelievably stupid?”

“No, not even then.”

Josh half-smiled and got his grasp back onto the real world. “Almost packed?”

“Just about,” Kali nodded solemnly.

“I’ll go check the flight times for this airport.”

“Wait, what about your interview?” Kali asked.

“Fuck the interview.” Josh groaned. He kissed her cheek and disappeared to find his laptop. Someone out there must really dislike me, he thought.



“There’s my gate,” Kali whispered. She wheeled her suitcase behind her and set it at her side. Josh stood next to her on the other side and stared desolately at the busy gate in front of them.

It was nearly midnight. Kali had stayed to watch the boys play their show and then when Josh had showered he’d driven her to the airport. They’d purchased their tickets earlier and now all Kali had to do was leave.

Kali turned her face up to Josh and it took a moment before he looked down at her. She snuggled into him and pulled him close, hiding her face in his chest. Tears were painfully crawling up her throat and she was trying her best to hold them back. She thought she’d cried enough today. She was tired of it. She was just plain tired.

“It’s gonna be alright, baby,” Josh whispered next to her ear. “You’ll get this all figured out. Please call me every night and text me throughout the day until I get home. That’s the least I can ask, right?”

Kali giggled weakly and nodded. “Of course, you’ve done plenty for me already. It’s the least I can do.”

“I love you,” Josh said quietly. “I’ll be home with you soon enough, I promise. I’ll think about you every hour of the day until then.”

“I love you, too. I just want you to try and enjoy yourself on this tour, okay? Be the best rockstar you can be, Joshua Keeler Ramsay.” Kali smiled up at him.

“I promise I will be, just for you.”

“Mm,” Kali reached up on her tip toes to give her husband a long goodbye kiss. He held her so tightly in his arms she thought he might crush her, but it was bearable. She embraced it because she’d be away from those arms for another month yet and she was going to miss it, just like she always did when he was gone. She would cope somehow, though. She always did.

When the two reluctantly pulled away from one another, Kali sighed and grabbed the handle of her suitcase again. She brushed the hair from her eyes and chewed her lip.

“Bye, bye, baby.” Josh said sadly. His voice wavered and he kissed her forehead.

“I’ll see you soon, dork.” Kali said softly.

“Not soon enough for my liking.”

She offered him another smile and a small wave. She took in everything about him, from his black leather jacket and white Queen shirt to his silver and black shoes and green sunglasses on his head. She even took notice of the sad glimmer to his oceanic eyes and the little quirk in his lips that held the threatening tears at bay. She turned away from him and walked to the gate. She couldn’t bring herself to look back one last time, because she knew he’d still be there, and she knew she’d want to rush back to his arms and beg him to take everything away and fix it. But she couldn’t do that to him or to herself. She had to go home and deal with things and sort them out, and when Josh got back from an amazing tour, everything would be okay.

At least, she desperately hoped so.