I Know It's Hurting You, But It's Killing Me

-Matty's Point of View-

As I spun on my bar stool at Johnny's Bar I noticed through the blur of people that there was someone I needed. Brian. He was back in town and by what I had heard, for good. It's been years since we last spoke. His hair was in that spiked gel mess that I adored and I could see the playful glimmer in his mocha brown eyes.

I bit on my lip ring as I looked at him. When his eyes met mine I was quick to look away. In the 2 years since we spoke I've gained muscles and got a few more tattoos, but he had to know who I was. Especially after everything that happened with us. How could he not?

I spun around and ordered another beer. I drank it faster than I had the previous. Maybe if I drank faster than any other night then I could get drunk enough to forget ever laying eyes on his perfectly tan skin.

*-

"I'm so drunk. I don't know where my keys are. It's late." I just kept saying over and over again. "I... I saw him today. I /saw/ him." I said as I got up and bumped into a body.

"Just come with me." he said softly and I didn't object. I didn't know who he was or where we were going, I just wanted to get out of here and sleep. Or have sex, whichever came first.

I felt my body being pulled out of a car.

"Matthew, work with me." The voice said.

"Hey... Did.. Did you know.. Did you know that I had a relationship with someone. And.. And he.. He just left me? He left me for someone else I think.. I think that's what he did."

It was weird to me that this guy knew how I liked to sleep. No clothes and a blanket. One pillow below my head and if someone wasn't there- a pillow to wrap my arms around. I felt a kiss on my cheek and I fell asleep.

-Brian's Point of View-

I walked out of the bedroom and to the couch. I brought Matt here and I didn't know why. I felt bad, I had a lot of guilt and I wished that everything that happened between us (the bad) would just go away. But I knew that I'd be gone again and in the morning I'd get out of here before he woke. No note, nothing. Just lay all of his stuff in a pile and walk out. He was too good for me. Actually, that was a lie. I'm Synyster fuckin' Gates! No one is to good for me, I'm to good for them.

I heard a thud and I knew that he had fallen off the bed. I went to go help him and he looked at me. In these 20 minutes he had sobered up because that's how Matt was. But he still had some booze in his system.

"Do we sleep together now.. Or later?" he asked with a sly smile on his face.

I wanted to say 'Never, Matt. I called it off for a reason.' But I didn't. "I don't want sex tonight. Just hand jobs or something." I said as I looked at him.

"Well then come here." He said with that glimmer in his eyes. I knew what he had. Matt had hope for us. I didn't see why he wanted me even though I told him being together wouldn't be good for us. Now that I thought about it I realized that we had all ready pushed far past our limit of "being good for us." We had all ready broke the rules so what could the consequences be?

They could be so much worse than what we had ever imagined.