I've Abandoned Control

It was nearing the end of our stay in Bali and she wanted to stay in, but I had to get out of this room. After finally giving in, she let me go out without a fuss. After putting on my hat and giving her a kiss, I headed out the door and got into a taxi. I told him to take me somewhere low key. I just needed to get away, something was bothering me and I couldn’t put my finger on what it could be. I had everything in my life that most people dream about, a career, someone who truly loves me, a beautiful, healthy baby girl and I’m comfortable in my life. What could possibly be wrong with me?

The place the taxi driver dropped me off looked dark and deserted. He told me to go to the side and I would see the entrance, after giving him a generous tip, he sped off down the dark street. I hesitantly made my way down the dark alley, there were a couple of people propped up against the concrete wall talking on their cell phones. They shot quick glances at me as I walked past them.

When I opened the door to the bar, the scene completely changed from still and quiet to alive and roaring. As the hostess at the door greeted me, she led me to a small booth at the back of the bar. After ordering my water, I noticed the atmosphere that surrounded me, people were dancing on the dance floor and guys were trying their best to pick up girls that would never give them the time of day by providing them with countless drinks at their expense.

It was nice to get away for a little while, I needed some time to myself. I loved Jana and her company was great, but that room was suffocating me. Looking down at my phone, I noticed she sent me a text saying to have fun and be careful.

“Hi.” a girl said as she sat down across from me. I looked around, wondering why she was invading my space, I hope she didn’t recognize me.

“Hi.” I replied back to her, looking back down to my phone as I shot Jana a quick text back.

“Do you want to dance with me?” the young girl said with a big smile on her face. I noticed she was rather pretty, she had a unique look about her, tan skin, dark, long hair, petite. I was surprised at myself when I agreed to dance with the girl. Pushing my phone deep into my pocket, she led me onto the dance floor.

We danced to a couple of songs, she was a good dancer too. As I motioned that I was tired and I was heading back to my table, she followed me. As we both sat down, the waitress came over to see if we needed anything. The girl ordered us both a shot of Jack and some waters. I contemplated not drinking the shot, but I felt like something was bothering me and maybe some alcohol might help me realize what it was, or forget the feeling that I felt.

“What’s your name?” I asked the girl, who definitely worked up a sweat. Her skin glistened under the dim bar lights.

“Tatiana” she said taking a drink of her water. We talked for about 2 to 3 hours about everything. I had asked her did she know who I was, she just shook her head no, which was a relief for me. When people recognize me, I feel like I have to entertain them for some reason and tonight I just wanted to be alone. She ordered us a couple of more shots and before I knew it I was drunk. I never drank, so it didn’t take much to push me over the edge.

She pulled me out on the dance floor against my will and we danced to a couple of more songs. Turning her back to me, she grabbed my arms and pulled them around her as we swayed to the music. Looking down, I seen her neck exposed for my taking, I controlled myself as Jana flashed across my mind. I started to walk away when she grabbed me by my wrist and brought me to her as she slid down the front of my body and slowly made her way up. As I watched her move, her hair moved to show she had glyphs tattooed on her neck.

“What the fuck?” I said grabbing the girls neck bringing it close to my face so I could focus. I had to make sure I was seeing the tattoo clearly.

“What?” she asked as she squirmed under my grasp.

“I thought you didn’t know who I was? But I see you got my band’s symbols tattooed on your fucking neck?” I yelled at the girl staring at me.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to be around you.” she said as tears filled her eyes. Letting go of the small girl, I stumbled through the bar as I made my way outside.

Hitting redial on my phone, I called the cab company to come pick me up. As I waited on them to arrive, the girl joined me on the curb.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you I knew who you were. I just thought that if you knew, then you’d probably think I was a crazy fan or something and blow me off.” she said nervously.

I wanted to ignore the girl, but she seemed genuine. It bothered me though that I was about to make a move on her, and if she knew who I was then, she knew I had a wife and baby. I can’t believe I was thinking of cheating on Jana, I would be furious if she cheated on me, I couldn’t do that to her.

“It’s okay. I know I can come off as a dick sometimes.” My words sent us both into laughter. “If it makes you feel any better, I had a really good time back there, and you’re a great dancer”.

She said thank you and we talked for a couple of more minutes until the taxi arrived. I gave the girl a hug and I climbed into the taxi.

Stepping through the door, I immediately felt guilt wash over my body, even though I didn’t do anything, I was contemplating it and that scared me. Noticing Jana was asleep, I stepped into the shower and washed the scent of the night off of me.

As I got out of the shower, I headed into the bedroom to where Jana was tossing and turning in her sleep. Throwing off my robe, I climbed into bed with her and wrapped my arms around my wife, slightly awakening her.

“Did you have fun tonight?” she said with a raspy voice.

“Yeah, but I should’ve stayed in with you, that’s what I should’ve done.” I said as I kissed her luscious pink lips.

Before I knew it, she crawled on top of me and lowered herself onto me. I was nearing my release, when Tatiana’s image flashed into my mind. What was wrong with me? All I could see was her dancing with her back to me and her neck glistening open and ready for my lips to attack it. Why was I thinking of this when my beautiful wife was on top of me giving me the greatest pleasure?

After we both got our release, she snuggled close to my chest, like we always did. Maybe that was it, I was tired of the same routine Jana and I shared. I needed some excitement again in my life, but that didn’t mean I had to go and cheat on my wife.

I could not sleep the entire night, I laid on my back staring at the ceiling, while she slept soundly next to me. I finally made the decision, as I laid there in the darkness of the room, that I would talk to Jana tomorrow about what was going on with me, but should I tell her about the girl?

As I slipped from under my sleeping wife, I threw my robe on and grabbed my acoustic guitar and headed out onto the porch. I strummed it unconsciously as thoughts filled my head about what I could talk to her about. Before I knew it, the sun was coming up and I looked back to see her opening the door to join me. I watched as she sat down next to me, still half asleep. If we were going to talk, I needed to talk to her now, because if something doesn’t change with us, I’m afraid of what I might end up doing, and the sad thing is she has no idea anything is wrong.