My Paper Heart

Blank.

Blank.

Blank. Blank. Blank. Blank. Blank. Blank. Blank.

No emotions. No feelings. No words, no numbers, no sounds, no nothing could explain Rory at the moment.

“Hey. Rory, are you alright?” Jace asked. Rory tore himself out of the nothingness, and it almost
hurt just as much as his heart. Almost.

“Yeah. I’m fine,” Rory whispered. He tore himself away again, this time from Jace’s hands. Oh those hands that he wanted around him, the very same hands that he wanted to hold and get to know.

But not now. Those hands had just been a bit concerned for him, that’s all. Those hands didn’t feel the same.

Rory went and collected his things from the desk and went to his room.

Only when the door was shut, and he heard the sound of the front door slamming shut was he sure that it was okay.

But big girls don’t cry, said Fergie again.

Rory shook his head.

No, Fergie.

Sometimes it’s okay.

Rory collapsed on his bed and rolled onto his back, too tired, too muddled, too sad to even cry.

Even if it was okay sometimes, big girls don’t cry tonight, Fergie.

✿✿✿

Three soft knocks on Rory’s door. Only three, like a mother. Rory hoped it was his mother, but he knew better. His mother wouldn’t come visit him if he was dying of cancer. Dying of a broken heart isn’t a good enough reason for her to see him either.

“Are you alright?” Jace asked. To Rory, it wasn’t a gesture of concern anymore, it was a gesture of contempt, just to make sure that Rory was still alive so that he could kill Rory’s poor heart with more words.

“Hey, I’m coming in,” Jace said. As it opened, the door creaked the slightest bit. The noise reminded Rory of dying mice for some reason. Not that he’d ever killed a mouse on purpose. That would just be cruel.

Jace’s weight settled on the edge of Rory’s bed. “Look, I know you’re mad at me right now, and I kinda guess I should be flattered that you can draw me so well,” Jace started out.

He was rambling. He was also close enough for Rory to smell him. He smelled of cigarettes and expensive wine.

But not sex.

No, definitely not sex. And not a shower either. How many days had it been? Three? That was a record for Jace. Three days.

And then Jace was leaning over Rory. “--but I’m a fucking liar.”

Rory’s eyebrows shot together into a frown. “What the hell, Jace?” he said. His own voice reminded him of gravel rattling around in an iron pot. Jace lowered himself closer and closer to Rory until his lips were just barely touching Rory’s.

“I wanna fuck you like an animal. I wanna feel you from the inside. You-- You get me closer to God,” Jace whispered. Rory only vaguely knew that Jace was quoting lyrics from some band with some name and a suggestive song.

“So now you’ve fallen in love?” Rory asked. Jace made a noise that could be taken either way.

“Just fucking kiss me,” he said. Rory pressed his lips to Jace’s softly.

Then he pulled away. “Jace, are you really here for me? Or just to satisfy your needs?” Rory asked. Jace growled.

“What does it matter? Stop being such a fucking girl.”

His problem now was starting to be Rory. The boy needed to relax. But Jace would never admit to Rory that maybe, just possibly, there was the slightest chance that he needed Rory almost as much as Rory needed him. Maybe in two completely separate ways, but they still needed each other.

But that was all shit for later. Right now, he had too many layers of clothing separating him and imminent release.

✿✿✿

Rory woke with arms around him and a buzzing noise on his night-table. It had been so long since he’d gotten a call from someone. He’d forgotten about his cell phone, lying on the night table for months, still on the charger.

He scooted out of Jace’s grip and reached for his phone and without thinking, answered.

“Hello? Is this the phone for Rowan Luvely?”

Rory sat up, then winced at the sharp pain in his backside and opted to lay back down.

“Yeah, this is him,” Rory said. He glanced over at Jace who still lay sleeping beside him. All was good. So far.

“Oh, good. I’ve tried so many times to contact you. Your boss is something else, I tell you. And your landlady? How do you put up with that? Don’t you have a mailbox, or email?”

Rory frowned. “Who are you?”

“That’s not important, but Rowan, you’re going to be such huge help to me. I need you to meet me somewhere soon. Are you free at about noon tomorrow?”

Rory gritted his teeth. “It’s Rory. And no. I’m not meeting anyone anywhere until I know exactly who you are.”

“I can’t do that over phone, Rowan. It’s complicated to understand who I am without seeing me in person. Just meet me in the mall, by the fountain with the fish in it.”

Before Rory could correct the person about his name again, there was a click and the phone went dead. Rory stared at the phone, willing it to buzz again. But nothing happened. The clock on the phone read 11:42 P.M.

Damn, that was early to be sleeping.

Rory settled himself close to Jace and in response, Jace’s arm tightened around his waist. Rory’s mind started to wander and doze off and eventually, he slipped back into a deep sleep.