A Match into Water

The clock ticked by and read 9 in the morning. Reina was now lying on her side so that Jordan was spooning her from behind. She was still restless and rolled out of bed, causing Jordan to groan as he realized that Reina was missing from his grasp. Reina leaned over him and kissed him on the forehead to comfort him, “I’m just going for a walk.”

“Wait up, I’ll come with you.” He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“No. You should get your sleep, I don’t want you to be all tired for the gym” she tried to push him back down.

“If I sleep until 4 in the afternoon, I won’t be able to sleep tonight.” He wrapped one arm around her as he ran his other hand through his hair.

“Okay, okay.” She gave up as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“Let’s go, girlie.” He said as he got up and carried Reina with him. They walked through the lush ravine lit up perfectly by the sun. “Are you going to tell me what you’re thinking about or do I have to guess?” he squeezed her hand.

“I just don’t know what to do at the moment. I know I said that we should wait and see how things work out but I can’t help but think of the scenarios based on whichever decision I make.”

“You do tend to do that.” He said as he pulled her towards a bench and sat down.

“If I stay and finish school, I can find a job up in Edmonton more easily. I don’t just want to be there and not do anything while you’re at practice or on the road. I need things to do, Jordy.” She said as she leaned her head on his shoulder. “At the same time, I hate us being apart. It’s 8 months – in some ways, it’s really short but during the nights when I’m just lying in bed by myself, it might as well be 8 years.”

“I don’t want to pressure you into making a decision. That’s totally up to you. As much as I want you to come up with me, I realize how selfish that is of me. We’ve survived three years - I can survive a few more months. I just want you to be happy in the long run. Okay?” he kissed her forehead.

“It would be nice to know the outcomes before I choose which one I want.” She pouted.

“That’s life, babe. It wouldn’t be any fun if you knew.” He tried to make her smile but only managed a weak smile. “C’mon, let’s find something to eat,” he said as he stood up and offered her a piggy back ride, something she loved.
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The next day, while Jordan was training, Reina met up with her best friend of eight years, Evan. “I don’t know what to do, Ev.” She said as she sipped on her iced tea as they sat outside on the grass.

“Well,” he started as he snapped a photo of her, “What does your gut say?” he faked punching her in the stomach.

“My gut doesn’t want to be punched, for one, but it’s telling me to listen to my heart while my heart is being bipolar.” She continued picking at the grass and adding on to her pile which acted as a cup holder for her iced tea.

“Rei, I can’t tell you what to do. From the way I see it,” he started adding to her growing pile of grass, “You love him but you also love what you do. You’re so close from your goal that if you just gave up now, you would regret that more than not moving with Jordan. Jordan will always be there. I can see it. But your opportunity won’t.” he lectured to his friend.

“Thanks Ev. But-“ “No buts!” he cut her off as he grabbed the pile of grass shavings and threw them up in the air, “the great Evan Kennedy has spoken.” He smiled.

“You do realize that you just told me what to do, right?” she laughed.

“Tell you to do what?” he winked to which she punched him and pushed him over as she took a photo of him writhing in pain on the ground, “The great – Evan – is still great.” He said between his deep breaths of air.

When she met up with Jordan for dinner, she couldn’t eat as she thought about how to piece together the words to tell him what she wants to do for the next year. He could sense her anxiety and looked up across the table and analyzed her blank look and furrowed eyes.

“What?” she said as she looked into his concerned eyes.

“I’m trying to read your mind.” He continued examining her.

“Would you rather me telling you?” she smiled, thinking of how cute he looked as he tried to figure out what was bothering her.

“Please. This is taking too much work.” He said as he held her hand on the table and continued to drink his soup.

“I think I’ve made my decision but wanted to discuss it with you more.” She said as he nodded, prompting her to continue on, “I want to stay and finish school. I know how much you want me to be in Edmonton with you but I’ve worked so hard for this year of my life and I trust that you’ll always be there. I’ll also have a lot lighter schedule so I can visit more. What do you think?” she squeezed his hand lightly.

“I’m glad.” He said honestly. “I didn’t want you to just give up everything you worked for just for me. And I will always be with you.” He said with a smile as he kissed her fingertips.

“I love you.” She leaned across the table to kiss him.

“Likewise, babe - to the moon and back.”

Later on that night, they decided to take a walk through the ravine in which they walked through a few days ago. The frogs had come out and croaked melodically as Jordan and Reina walked through hand in hand. “Do you remember when we met?”

“You mean when I embarrassed myself in front of you and fifty people?” she laughed lightly.

“Yes, yes, that day. But not that exact moment, later on in the day when we went on the midway and all that excitement.”

“Yessir.” She said happily, reminiscing about their first date.

“And when I looked at you in that way you hate because it gives you that feeling?”

“You still do and it still gives me the heebee-jeebees.”

“That’s never changed, you know. Even though you’ve become more beautiful physically; even though I’ve grown to know more and more about you; regardless of all of that – don’t hit me because of how cheesy this will sound,” he prepared for the love-punches she gives, “I always see that little spark that makes Reina, Reina.” He looked at her as the setting sun took the light with it.

“You need to stop looking at me like that.” She blushed.
“Never.” He scooped her up into his arms.
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It was their second or third date, she couldn’t remember because they had basically been hanging out non-stop after their first date. Reina had a difficult time explaining why she was wearing a long-sleeved shirt in 30-degree Calgary weather to Jordan. She was cooking from the sun beating down on her but she just couldn’t take off the sweater.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jordan looked down at Reina who was now red in the face and had stopped sweating.

“I’m… fine.” She said hesitantly as she stumbled.

“No, you’re not.” He said as she fell over into his arms that were ready to catch her.

He ran her into an air-conditioned store and tried to force some water into her as she was now unconscious. Finally, he decided to unzip and remove the hoodie she was wearing. What Jordan saw alarmed him: faded brown slashes across both of her arms. If it were physically possible, Jordan heard his heart break as he saw what she had done to her beautiful pale skin.

As though his stare was shaking her, she woke up and instantly covered up her arms. “Oh my god.” She said quietly to herself as she got up and tried to run away from Jordan but once again, stumbled into his arms with tears streaming down her face. “Don’t…” she tried to pull away from his hug.

“No,” His strength was just too much for Reina and she gave up as she sobbed into his arms. Jordan didn’t have much to say and neither did Reina. She was just waiting for Jordan to realize what her scars meant and for him to run away like all the other guys do.

And although she waited, it never happened. They had a fourth, fifth, sixth date and eventually stopped counting. Jordan stayed.

Reina was always ashamed of her scars from “a time in which she was lost within herself” as she would say. But regardless of how many she has, each one has a meaning to her and Jordan was always there to listen to the story behind each one. He always had a pre-conceived notion that people who cut were looking for a way out of life but Reina taught him that they were a sign of wanting to live.

“I never wanted to die but I didn’t want to live either. I just wanted a way to escape and pain seemed like the only option I had” she would say so eloquently and shamelessly even though to this day, she feels that they were mistakes.

Jordan wondered how this beautiful girl could be so scarred on the inside as well as the outside.