If I Could Change Your Mind

Rian and Zack were waiting in the lobby of the hotel when Jack and Alex entered, holding their suitcases. Rian looks from Alex to Jack and back to Alex, wondering why they both don’t seem annoyed with each other. “Hey guys, so where are our rooms?” Alex asks, smiling a little. “Just up the stairs. We decided to switch the roommates, so now Zack and Jack are together, and you’ll share a room with me.” Rian says, slightly confused but happy that Alex seems to be feeling better. “Oh, um, okay, that works I guess...” Jack murmurs, looking at Alex. Alex looks back at him, practically saying “Are you gonna be okay?” with his eyes. Jack nods, and they all head upstairs. They’re rooms are across the hall from each other, and while Zack and Rian were unlocking the doors, Alex gave Jack a hug. “You sure you don’t need me tonight?” Alex whispers. “Yeah, as long as we’re still good.” Jack smiles, hugging Alex back tightly. Jack felt relieved they were still friends, but part of him still wanted to share a room with Alex. Then he remembered what he had admitted to Rian, and now Rian and Alex were sharing a room... “Rian, can I talk to you for a sec?” Jack asks once Alex releases him. “Sure, what’s up?” “You’re not gonna tell Alex about what I told you, right?” Jack says so softly that even he can barely hear himself talk. Rian looks away for a moment before replying “No Jack, I won’t tell him.” In his mind, Rian knows he wants to tell Alex, but knowing Jack will hate him if he does....he’ll figure it out later. “Don’t. Please Rian, it just got better between us. Please.” “I won’t, don’t worry Jack.” Rian tries to give Jack a reassuring smile, but it feels forced. Luckily, Jack doesn’t seem to notice, and goes into his room, leaving Rian in the hallway alone.
Rian enters his and Alex’s room, putting his bag down. Alex is in the bathroom, so Rian sits on what he claims to be his bed, and turns on the TV to the sports channel. When Alex comes out, Rian asks “So I heard you and Jack are cool now? That’s great! How did that happen?” “Yeah we are, I guess we realized it was stupid because there’s worse matters at hand...” Alex sits down on Rian’s bed next to him. “Like what? What happened?” Rian questions. “Well...Rian, I need your advise. I can’t deal with knowing this and not telling anyone about it.” “Alex, you can tell me anything, what’s wrong?” “What do you do when you find out your best friend in the whole entire world, that you’ve known since middle school, is cutting? How do you deal with that?” Alex looks at Rian pleadingly, praying that he has the answer. “Does this kid have skunk hair? And sucks at guitar?” Rian laughed trying to lighten the mood, but when he looked back at Alex and saw the pain in his eyes he stopped. “Jack promised me he stopped.” “Wait...you knew already? How long have you known? Why didn’t you tell me?” Alex asks, shooting each question one right after another. “Yeah, but I’ve only known since we went to the mall. Jack didn’t want me to say anything, I’m surprised he changed his mind and told you.” Rian says, semi-confused. Why would Jack tell Alex if Alex was the reason? “Well, he uh...didn’t.” Rian gives Alex a questioning glance. “I walked in while he was doing it. I just don’t understand why he would, I know lately has been stressful, but to do something as serious as cutting...did he tell you the reason?” Rian looks down at the carpet, unsure of what to say. He can’t tell Alex and keep his promise to Jack. But Alex needs to know; if they talk about it maybe it would help Jack get over it. Rian sighs, cursing himself for not telling Alicia. He hadn’t had the chance to and even then he still couldn’t wrap his head around the news, but he really needs her advice. Unfortunately, it was too late now. “I don’t know Alex.” Rian finally replies, feeling guilty for lying. “Yes you do, it took you a long time to say that. Rian, tell me, I’m worried about him. Please Rian.” Alex practically begs, staring at Rian with pleading eyes. Rian can’t resist. “Fine, it’s...it’s because of you Alex.” Rian whispers, not wanting to make Alex feel bad all over again. “What? Me? Why? Because I spend too much time with Kelsey? I didn’t think me having a girlfriend would affect him so much, I’ve had other girlfriends and he hasn’t acted like this. What’s different?” Alex stands up, thinking of possibilities. “Well, Jack um...he...never mind, I can’t.” “Rian, what? Jack what? Tell me!” Alex’s voice grows louder. “I can’t tell you, I promised him I wouldn’t! I can’t do that to Jack!” Rian resists. “But Rian! This is serious, I need to know! And it’s about my best friend! Tell me Rian!” Alex shouts. “No! I can’t!” Rian shouts back. “Fine, don’t. Let him continue cutting.” They both stay quiet for a moment until Rian asks softly “Say your friend is gay for your other friend...how do you keep that a secret?” “What?” Alex gasps, comprehending what Rian just said. “Jack...he’s gay? Since when? And Jack, my best friend, h-he likes me?” Alex sits back down next to Rian, staring at the wall. “I don’t know, but after you got in a fight, he was crying on the floor and he told me he was in love with you. But you’re with Kelsey, you’re not even gay, so...” Rian trails, the guilt setting in. What had he just done? “God...I had no idea...” Alex trails, deep in thought. “He didn’t want you to know, I-I’m sorry...I hope I didn’t just ruin your friendship again...” Rian says miserably. He screwed up, and now Jack will face the consequences. “No no, I’m glad you told me, and I won’t tell him I found out it’s just, God, it’s a lot to take in...” “Well, what are you gonna do about it without telling him you know?” Rian inquires. “Nothing, I don’t know, for now I’m just going to pretend I don’t know. I don’t want to ruin our friendship anymore. It’s broken enough as it is. Thanks for telling me Rian.” Alex says, coming back to reality. Rian smiles half heartedly, feeling as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders, but at the same time, he had betrayed Jack. “Oh, so how was your date?” Rian asks, realizing Jack’s secret had made him forget about Alex and Kelsey’s romantic evening. “It was amazing, Kelsey is such a great girl. It was really awkward because neither of us are good in fancy restaurants, but I gave her a promise ring so it went just perfect. How was hanging out with everyone else? How’s Alicia? Are you ever gonna ask her out?” Alex grins, attempting the change the subject causing Rian to blush. “What? I don’t like her, what are you talking about?” Rian asks, his face reddening. “Don’t lie to me, everyone knows. You should do it, you can obviously tell she likes you back.” “You think? I was thinking about it...but we’ll see. I just don’t want to be rejected by a girl I really like.” “You won’t be. Besides, it would make her really happy if you did. Think about it. I’m about to crash, a lot of things happened tonight, night Rian.” Alex flips off the light and crawls into his bed. “Night Alex.”
<i> Alex was at the park with Kelsey, pushing her on the swing. “Alex, stop me for a second.” Kelsey smiles, dragging her feet on the ground. Alex grabs hold of the swing's chains, jerking her to a stop. “What is it honey?” Alex asks, slightly concerned. Maybe she wasn’t having as much fun as he thought. “Nothing, don’t look so unhappy! I just wanted to tell you how much I love you.” Kelsey wraps her arms around Alex, still smiling. Alex grins back, “I love you too Kelsey. Do you like the ring I got you?” Kelsey’s face lights up. “Of course I love it! Look at it!” Kelsey flashes her hand in front of Alex, showing off the glittering silver band. “It’s beautiful.” She says. “Almost as beautiful as you.” Alex goes for the cheesy line because he knows Kelsey will think it’s still sweet. She giggles and places a kiss on his hand before jumping off the swing exclaiming, "Come on Alex! Let's go to the jungle gym!" Then she takes off running, pulling him along. Suddenly, a figure near the big orange twirly slide catches Alex's eye and he stops running, Kelsey jerking to a stop in turn. "Jack?" Alex calls out, squinting at the figure. Sure enough, it’s Jack, shirtless, holding a razor blade to his side, crimson blood running down his pale skin. "Jack don't!" Alex screams, trying to run to his friend. "But Alex, you can't go and leave me!" Kelsey whines, pulling him back to her, trying to lay a kiss on his face. "You love me remember? Not Jack." "Kelsey, I do love you but I have to go, he's my best friend, he needs me right now. See you later." Alex slips her hand from his wrist and tears down towards his friend across the playground with Kelsey yelling “Alex! Where the hell are you going?! Don’t leave me! Don’t you love me?!”
When Alex reaches his friend, he rips the razor from Jack’s hand, accidentally cutting his own hand and asks in a desperate whisper, "Why Jack? Why do you need to do this?" Tears are welling in his eyes and Jack replies, "Because of you. Because I love you. I fucking LOVE YOU Alex! But you love her." Jack glares over Alex's shoulder at Kelsey who is impatiently waiting near the jungle gym. "...I know..." Alex relents. "And I do, i DO love her, but... but Jack--" “But nothing. Whatever Alex, forget about it, you’re bleeding let me help you.” Jack takes Alex’s hand, who snatches it back quick. “No, Jack, I need to tell you, I-” "Don’t. You don’t know what you want. Who do you love Alex? Who do you love..." Jack interrupts. Alex gazes into Jack eyes when everything starts to turn red, everything glittering with blood until the world is blotted out and becomes black. <i>
Alex sits up in a panic, sweat dripping off his face. He’s drenched and confused. What did Jack mean by who does he love? He loves both of them, just in different ways...right? He loves Kelsey in a romantic way, but Jack, he loves Jack like a close friend, even a brother. But Jack liking him in a romantic way...it’s different, a foreign different. It makes Alex wonder about himself, with Jack...
“That’s just crazy talk. I don’t play for that team.” Alex whispers to himself, his heart slowing down to a normal pace. As his eyes adjust to the darkness of the hotel room, he looks over at Rian. “Rian, are you awake?...Rian?” Rian groans “Alex...? What’s up?” “I had a dream, and it was about Jack.” Alex whispers. “Mhm, what happened?” Rian yawns. “Well, I was at the park with Kelsey and then I saw Jack cutting and ran to him and he, he asked me who I loved...do you think that means anything?” Alex asks, watching the black silhouette that is Rian. “Rian? Did you hear me?” Alex says a little louder. He waits a little longer, until he hears Rian reply to his question by snoring. “Thanks for the help Rian.” “Mmm, welcome Zack, good luck with Amber...” Rian murmurs. “Who’s Amber? Amber, the bassist from Purple Vomit?” Alex thinks as he lays back down to go back to bed. He makes a mental note to ask Zack about it tomorrow and falls back into a dreamless sleep.
The next day, both bands get on their buses, travel to the next city and play another show. All day, Alex and Jack had been hanging out and joking around like they always had, it was good to have a normal tour day like they used to. It was one of their best shows yet on the tour, because everyone was happy and having fun. The only problem was Alex couldn’t stop thinking about Jack. He began noticing the little things about him, like the way Jack would stand a little too close to him when they were sharing a mic on stage or how when Alex wasn’t looking, he could feel Jack’s eyes on him. It was starting to bother him, because he didn’t think of Jack any other way than as a friend, Jack being gay was just making him overthink everything he did.
At the end of the show he sees Kelsey for the first time all day and takes her in his arms. He is extremely happy to see her, but for some reason, it feels awkward hugging Kelsey in front of Jack, because he knows it makes Jack upset. He had learned a lot about Jack over the last 24 hours, and it was getting to him. It was just a lot to take in. As Alex kisses Kelsey, she draws back, looking at him curiously. “Alex, what’s on your mind? Are you okay? I thought you and Jack are all better, what’s bothering you now?” She asks. “It’s nothing, it’s just...” Alex is about to tell Kelsey about Jack, but he quickly decides against it. It’s Jack’s secret, and he didn’t even tell Alex himself about it, so he shouldn’t bother Kelsey with it. Not unless it gets to be a problem. “Never mind.” Alex says, smiling reassuringly, but it doesn’t look believable. “No, tell me Alex, what happened? Is it about Jack?” She presses. “No, I’m fine. I missed seeing you all day. Come on, let’s go somewhere more...private.” Alex grins slyly at Kelsey, taking her hand as she raises one eyebrow, but doesn’t reply. Alex leads her to the back of the theater and out the back door, into the staff parking lot. It’s a beautiful night, and the stars are twinkling in the sky, a full moon shining down on the couple. Alex keeps walking until he stops at the van they took to the mall the other day, then hops on the hood. Kelsey jumps up and lays down next to Alex, who’s staring into the sky. “Gosh, it’s such a nice night.” Kelsey says softly. “Very.” Alex murmurers. He’s glad he’s sitting there with the girl he loves by his side, but it’s like he’s on another planet. He needs time to process all this, but he doesn’t want to be alone right now. He’s not paying attention as Kelsey inches closer to him, then leans against him, putting her head on his chest. “Whatcha doing?” Alex asks, coming back from space. “I’m cold.” Kelsey says, pressing against him more. “Here, take my jacket.” Alex sits up and takes off his jacket, handing it to Kelsey, who happily puts it on. “Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” Kelsey questions, looking into Alex’s eyes. “It’s complicated and I don’t want to think about.” Alex replies. “But talking about it will make you feel better!” Kelsey insists. “What would make me feel better was if you kissed me.” Kelsey smiles at Alex’s suggestion. Alex leans in and soon their lips connect, and for a moment he forgets all about Jack. Until the question “Who do you love?” goes through his mind. That question has been on the edges of his mind all day, but he doesn’t have an answer. He doesn’t understand why there is even a question, he’s with Kelsey, so obviously he loves Kelsey. But if he really did, why would he subconsciously think of the question?
His thoughts are interrupted when Kelsey draws back. He opens his eyes to see two fangirls are standing behind a car across the lot whispering loudly “Look, it’s Alex from All Time Low and Kelsey from Purple Vomit!!!” “Do you think we should go over there?” “They seem a little busy...” “Wait, wait, I think they see us...” “Hi guys!” Kelsey waves. She loves meeting her fans. The two girls dash over and say hi. “OMG can you sign my shirt?!” The blonde one asks. “Mine too!” The redhead exclaims. Alex and Kelsey sign their shirts and get pictures with both of them before they finally leave. “Now, where were we?” Alex asks, waggling his eyebrows. He leans in to kiss her but she stops him “Alex, I want to know what’s wrong. You trust me, don’t you?” She looks up at him with big eyes. “I do, it’s just...it’s just I’m confused about something and it bothers me. Just forget it.” Alex leans back, crossing his arms across his chest. Kelsey looks at him and is upset he won’t let her help him. “Okay. Can we go inside now? It’s cold and we have to travel in the bus all night.” Kelsey gets off the hood and starts for the door. Alex follows silently in pursuit, until they reach the door. “Kels?” Alex asks quietly. “Yeah?” Kelsey turns and looks at him. “I’m sorry for ruining this. I’m just going through some stuff with the band, but I don’t want to concern you with it. I love you Kelsey.” Kelsey smiles and replies “I love you too Alex.” He pulls her close and kisses her, and mid-make out Rian opens the door with Jack and Alicia in tow. “Found you! Jack, you were right, they did go out here, good job. Oh, uh, sorry for interrupting...” Rian says awkwardly. Kelsey and Alex pull apart, and giggle. “Nah, it’s cool bro, we better go, we have a long bus ride ahead of us.” Alex takes Kelsey’s hand and they step inside. The bus is parked on the other side of the building, so it’s faster (and warmer) to go through the building. When they reach the buses, Alex feels Jack’s eyes on him and Kelsey, so he only gives her a quick kiss good night. Kelsey searches his eyes, confused, but doesn’t ask the question that she know he won’t answer. “Night Kels, see you tomorrow.” Alex calls over his shoulder. She just nods. She feels bad about Alex, but even worse that he won’t trust her.
Alex slumps down on the couch and sighs. “You okay?” Rian asks, concerned. Alex’s eyes slide from Rian to Jack and back, and Rian nods. He’s filled with guilt again, and he knows it’s displayed on his face, so he looks down and pads toward the bunks before Jack could notice. Zack follows silently, doing the guy nod thing to Alex and Jack as if to say good night. Alex starts flipping through the tv channels as Jack goes through the fridge. There’s awkward tension in the air, but Alex doesn’t think Jack can feel it. “Jack, can you grab me a beer?” Alex asks, being too lazy to get up and get it himself. Jack is over there anyways he thinks. Jack walks over with a two beers and sits on the couch next to him, a little too close for Alex’s comfort. “Wait wait! Go back, The Woman in Black is on!” Jack exclaims, pointing at the tv. “You don’t even like scary movies, why do you wanna watch the Woman in Black?” Alex questions. “I heard it was really good...pleaseeee can we watch it?” Jack gives Alex the irresistible puppy dog face, and Alex flips it on. “Just don’t wet your pants, okay?” Jack nods and settles into the couch, watching the screen intently. When the eerie music starts playing, Jack grabs hold of Alex’s arm and scoots closer to him. “Jack, you’re such a big baby, it’s just a movie.” Alex shakes him off and gets two more beers. The second Alex sits back down, Jack screams and jumps in Alex’s lap, hugging him so hard he can’t breathe. “Turnitoffturnitoffturnitoff!!!!” Jack yells, burying his head in Alex’s shoulder. Alex grabs the remote and pushes the channel button, changing it to the nature channel. “Okay, it’s gone.” Alex takes a sip of his third beer, and rubs Jack’s back a little to soothe him. Jack looks up at the tv then realizes he’s still on top of Alex. “Oh sorry...” He mutters, climbing off him. “It’s fine. I think Ice Cream Truckers is on, why don’t you watch that? I think I’m gonna go crash...” “Wait, do you have to go to bed? I-I’m scared...” Alex swears under his breath and takes another gulp of his beer. “Fine, I’ll watch it with you.” They sit in silence for awhile until Jack yawns and lays down, laying his head next to Alex. His eyes start fluttering closed, but open fast when he starts thinking about the movie. “Shhh, go to sleep Jack, it was just movie. Nothing will come get you, I’ll be right here and watch.” Alex whispers, playing with Jack’s hair. “O-Okay...” Jack adjusts himself so he’s more comfortable and lays his head in Alex’s lap. “Thanks...” Jack murmurs. Alex smiles and rubs his thumb across Jack’s forehead, moving his hair out of Jack’s eyes. As Jack’s eyes finally close softly, he whispers “I love you, Alex...” Alex closes his eyes for a moment before whispering back, “I love you too, Jack.”