If I Could Change Your Mind

3 am the next morning, Alex woke with an empty beer in hand and Jack’s head still in his lap. He gently nudges him off, and gets a bottle of wine. He shouldn’t have let Jack fall asleep like that, or told him he loved him. It’s not going to help the situation they’re currently stuck in. Should he tell Jack he knows? Would that help? Alex doesn’t have the answer. He has no idea how to move forward from here. He needs time to think, without Jack and without Kelsey, but there’s no being alone on the bus. He doesn’t even WANT to think about it. Somehow, deep inside, though he won’t admit it, the whole situation confuses him. You’d think it would be cut and dry, Alex loves Kelsey and only likes Jack as a friend. But for some reason, Alex can’t get that through his head. Why? He doesn’t know and he’s not going to explore his insides for a plausible reason. So instead of dealing with it, he’s going to drink his problems away, even if only for an hour.

He must’ve passed out again somewhere during his second bottle, because when he woke up again, he had a massive headache from being just slightly hungover. Jack was sitting next to him on the ground, looking down at him. “Are you okay? He says with sincere concern in his eyes. “I’m fine.” Alex slurs, holding his head. He tries to get up, and Jack helps. “I don’t need help, I’m fine.” Alex manages to stand up, holding onto the counter for support. “Are you sure? You don’t seem fine.” Alex looks at Jack and sees how is hair is messed up and it looks well, cute. “I’m fine, I just have a headache so I’m uh, gonna go to uh, bed.” Alex squints, searching to remember the words for things. “Okay...?” Jack pauses, picking up the bottles off the ground. “Alex, are you drunk?” “No, I just wanted a drink...and Jacky, your hair looks cute when its a mess.” Alex says, looking intently at Jacks skunk hair. “Um, thank you?” “Mmm, g’night Jacky...” Alex then stumbles toward the bunks. “Alex, where are you going? It’s morning. Well, actually about noon. And Kelsey is coming over, cuz you missed the band meeting this morning at breakfast. So you gotta get dressed.” Jack says. “Ugh, does Kelsey HAVE to come over? I don’t want her too, I rather spend my time with you...” Alex grins at Jack, who gives him a strange look in return. “Jacky, I can’t believe I didn’t realize this sooner but I loveeee youuuuu.” Alex comes in Jacks personal bubble, making Jack uncomfortable but secretly excited inside. Until he remembers Alex is drunk. But Jack will pretend he’s not, because he knows Alex won’t remember this later. “I love you too Alex, and uh, I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time now...but then there’s Kelsey...” “Shhh, let’s not talk about her...” Alex wraps his arms around Jack and starts leaning in to kiss Jack, and Jack wants to kiss him but he knows it’s wrong and...

The bus door opens and Kelsey walks in. “Alex! Are you in here I’ve been so worried-Oh my God, what the fuck is going on here?!” Jack turns around to see Kelsey with a horrified and confused look on her face as Alex plants a wet, sloppy kiss on Jack cheek. “I uhhhh...it’s not what you think...” Jack trails, unsure of what to say. The air of awkwardness in the room is practically tangible... Kelsey looks at what Alex is doing, then storms out, disgusted. “No wait, Alex is drunk!” Jack calls after she slammed the door. “Who was that?” Alex asks, opening his eyes to look at the door. “That was Kelsey, your girlfriend. And she just saw you kiss me.” Jack says, pulling Alex off him. “Oh...I’m gonna hear about this later aren’t I...” Alex sighs. “Yeah, probably. You should go take a nap, let Kelsey cool off and talk to her when you’re sober. I’ll deal with everyone else, who will probably start asking questions soon.” Jack takes Alex’s arm and leads him to the couch, pulling a blanket over him as Alex lays down. “Good night Jacky...” Alex whispers. “Good afternoon Alex, sleep well.” Jack grins before Alex closes his eyes and falls asleep.

Jack steps out of the bus and out of nowhere Alicia starts yelling “Jack!!! What happened in there with Alex?!?! Why did he make her cry?!?!?!” Jack jumps, momentarily confused and scared. “Nothing, nothing happened! Alex is just not Alex right now.” Jack says, looking away. “He KISSED you and that’s just NOTHING?! And in front of KELSEY no less! Why? Why would he do that?! Were you two kissing before she got there? What’s going on?” Alicia shoots off question after question, glaring at Jack. She’s kind of acting like annoying paparazzi after a big secret comes out. “Nothing, just, Alex is drunk, he must’ve thought I was Kelsey or something, so he kissed me, but I turned away and tried to get him off me, it meant nothing.” Jack explains, even though he wishes it did mean something...“Your eyes say a different story. Are you gay? Is Alex gay? Are you gay together?!” Alicia demands, eyes widening as she is undoubtedly thinking up some elaborate tale about them. “No, we’re not together, Alex isn’t even gay, just forget it-” “Are you sure?! I think you’re lying to me!” “There you are! Alicia, stop going off on Jack, this is between Alex and Kelsey, let’s go.” Rian jogs over from around the side of the bus, stepping in between Jack and Alicia. “No! I need answers! Kelsey is crying and it’s not fair to her!” Alicia complains, annoyed. “Well it’s none of your concern, come on, we’re leaving.” Rian says, gently trying to lead her away. “Make me!” “Fine.” Rian picks up Alicia, slinging her over his shoulder as she’s yelling “I will get to the bottom of this! You can’t hide from me Jack Barakat!” and in that moment he know his cover is going to be blown soon.

Hours later, Alex wakes up, feeling a lot better. He’s at least sober now. He gets up and starts getting ready for the show because it’s in two hours, when the memories of earlier that day start flooding back. He had kissed Jack. In front of Kelsey. And she was MAD. “Shit, why the fuck did I do that?” Alex asks his reflection in the mirror. He was drunk then. He does crazy things when he’s drunk. That’s all it was, probably. He doesn’t remember what he said to Jack though, but he knows Jack said something about wanting to tell him something...Alex forgets what though. Oh well, he’ll remember eventually. After Alex cleans himself up a little bit, he decides he needs to apologize, like yesterday, to Kelsey for doing something so stupid. And talk to Jack, he needs to know it meant nothing. Nothing at all.

When Alex reaches the Purple Vomit bus, he opens the door slowly asking “Can I come in?” He’s greeted by stares from Rian and Alicia who are sitting just a little too close to each other on one side of the couch and a death glare from a red puffy eyed Kelsey, who’s sitting on the other end with a box of tissues. “Kelsey, can we talk? I need to explain...” Alex trails, pleading to her with his eyes. “Do you want me to kick him out?” Alicia asks, ignoring Alex’s glare as she talks. “No, no it’s okay. You guys can go.” Kelsey gives Alicia a half hearted smile. Alicia gets up and leaves the bus, ramming into Alex rudely with her shoulder. Rian follows, apologizing to Alex for Alicia’s rudeness. Once they left, Alex sat down next to Kelsey, unsure how to start their conversation. Her angry glare didn’t help the nervous knot in his stomach. “I- I’m sorry.” Alex finally choked out breaking their awkward silence. But just as soon as the words came out he knew it was the wrong thing to say “Alex, do you really think an apology is going to fix this?” Kelsey paused as if she expected him to answer her question, but she continued talking before he actually could. “ Alex, you were making out with Jack! I’m not gonna be your cover up story, if I’m not good enough for you please, just say so. Don’t lead me on like this.” Alex could tell Kelsey was on the verge of crying again. He quickly moved closer to her, trying to pull her into a hug, only to get denied. “ Kelsey, you’re perfect in every way. I was the one who fucked up, if anything, you’re too good for me.” Alex could see a few tears flooding over Kelsey’s eyes, the ones she was so desperately trying to hide. This was the first Alex has ever really seen Kelsey cry, it hurt him a lot. ‘But not as much as Jack’s been hurting because of me...’ Alex thought. He quickly shook that thought out of his head and attempted to hug Kelsey again, this attempt being successful. “To be honest, I was so drunk, I couldn’t even tell the difference between my right foot and my left arm. I guess I thought you were Jack...” ‘LIAR!’ Alex screamed at himself in his mind . He knew it was Jack, Kelsey wasn’t even in his mind....but he couldn’t tell Kelsey why he kissed Jack, because the truth is, he didn’t know.

Kelsey didn’t say anything, she just cuddled closer against him. “I know your still mad, but what if I take you out tonight? Some place real special, just the two of us!” Alex said kissing the top of her head. He knew she bought everything he said, but that doesn’t mean she completely forgave him, or that he was off the hook, but maybe an amazing date would. “Alright Alex, after the show tonight? Promise?” Kelsey looks up at Alex, her eyes are still slightly red and puffy. “Promise” Alex says before kissing her. “I love you” he mumbles into the kiss, not quite sure if he really means it.

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It was ten minutes before the show and Alex was backstage, looking for the rest of the band. “Guys?!” He shouts. Just then, the backstage door opens, revealing Rian, Alicia, Zack and Amber from Purple Vomit. Each of them were holding a bag or two and Alex asks “Where the hell have you guys been? The show is starting in ten minutes!” Alex exclaims. “Sorry, we were...shopping.” Alicia says, looking at Rian and giggling. Rian smiled back at her, his face turning red. “First date?” Alex asks, smirking. “Pfft, no...” Rian denies “Besides, we were with Zack and Amber, so it wasn’t a REAL date.” Alicia says, playfully glaring at Rian, who pretends to be offended. Alex looks past them at Zack and Amber, who are holding hands and talking quietly. Well, at least Amber was talking. “Wait...are you guys dating?” Alex asks, confused. “Yeah, where have you been? We started dating before Kelsey and you did!” Amber says, looking at Alex like he was stupid. “Oh...thanks for telling me Zack.” Alex replies. Zack just shrugs. “Alicia, Amber! Where have you been?! We’re on like, NOW, you guys can be all eww with your boytoys later!” Anna, the drummer everyone forgets about yells, taking Alicia and Amber by the wrists and dragging them away. For a small little thing, Anna is quite strong, but she can’t stop Alicia from planting a kiss on Rian before she leaves. Rian stands there awkwardly, happy but wishing that didn’t happen in front of his band mates. “Rian’s got a girlfriend.” Alex says childishly. “Oh shut up, she’s just my...friend.” Rian grins, playfully punching Alex in the shoulder. Alex laughs and says “Show time.”

The band bounces off stage happy and sweating, but Alex’s smile quickly fades. He can’t think straight anymore, so he’s trying not to think at all. He needs a drink. Kelsey slides her arms around Alex’s torso to give him a hug, but Alex isn’t paying much attention. He gives Kelsey a small insincere hug in return, and smiles at her half heartedly. His eyes are fixed on Jack, who is standing across the room talking to Alicia and Rian. Jack. Jack. Jack. That’s all Alex can think about. When you find out the guy who means the most to you, is gay for you, it’s weird. It doesn’t get out of your head.

Jack leans against the wall, listening to Rian and Alicia drone on and on about what they did after sound check. He could care less, but it’s better than being alone or watching Alex and Kelsey be all gross together. Jack turned his head, noticing Alex staring at him, then noticing Alex’s small girlfriend wrapped around him. Jack quickly gave him a side smile and a small wave before turning his attention back to Alicia and Rian. It didn’t last long though, until Alex is running through Jack’s mind again. ‘A drunken mind speaks a sober heart.’ Jack began conversing with himself in his mind, ‘Maybe Alex really does love me.... but how could he love me and... her? He either loves me or he doesn’t.’

“Alex? Are you okay?” Kelsey said pulling away from Alex after not receiving the affection she wanted from him. “Uh, what?” Alex questions, snapping his head to look at Kelsey. “Nevermind.” Kelsey said, slightly annoyed, but then went back to her peppy self, “So where are we going for are amazing date today?” ‘Oh Shit!” Alex thought, he had completely forgotten about the date he promised to take Kelsey on. All he wants to do is talk to Jack, but maybe spending time with his girlfriend is what he needs. “It’s uh.. a surprise!” Alex says knowing Kelsey likes surprises and it would buy him a few minutes to think of something they could do. “Why don’t you shower and I’ll come and get you in an hour.” Alex smiles, trying to hide his forgetfulness. “Okay! Yay, I’m excited!” Kelsey squeals. She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek then bounds off to go get ready.

Alex is pacing around the tour bus, desperately trying to think of a place to go. He doesn’t even want to go, he rather stay on the bus, hang out with the band and drink. But he has to go, it’s his girlfriend. Ugh, what to do? Where to go?

Jack comes in from the bunk area, seeing Alex looking unhappy. “What’s wrong?” He asks, sitting on the couch. Alex looks up “Oh, um, nothing. I’m just going out with Kelsey soon.” “Oh...” Jack says, deflated. He can’t take it, Alex leaving him to go hang out with Kelsey. What about the park? The other night? Even earlier that day! Does that mean nothing? And after what Alex said... “Alex, you can’t go on that date.” Jack stands up. Alex gives him a confused look. “Why not?” “Well...well because...” Jack mumbles looking down, suddenly regretting saying anything. “No, tell me, what’s up?” Alex questions, concerned. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a long time...” Jack gulps before continuing , “Alex, I uh...I play for the other team if you know what I mean...” Jack whispers. “You’re gay?” Alex says it more like a sentence than a question. “Yeah, and um, I uh...well you’re my best friend and we’ve had a lot of fun together...and I well, I...I- I love you, Alex...” Jack says almost inaudibly. Surprisingly, Alex doesn’t look that taken off guard, but says nothing. Alex, even though he knows all this, can’t believe he just heard his best friend confessed to him. Maybe part of him thought Jack didn’t really feel that way, this removed all that doubt in his mind, And for some reason, it doesn’t bother him. It kind of...it kind of makes Alex happy. He has a feeling of butterflies in his stomach, but he doesn’t know why and now is not the time to talk about it. “Jack I...Jack, I gotta go, I gotta meet Kelsey, we’ll discuss this later, okay?” Alex starts for the door. “What? But Alex...” And it hits him. Alex doesn’t love Jack back. Jack has always known that, but he was clinging to that tiny sliver of hope that maybe if he told Alex, Alex would realize he loved Jack back. But that was all just a happy fantasy. “Bye Alex.” Jack breathes, heavy sorrow in his soft voice. “See you Jack.” And with that, Alex leaves Jack, alone and broken hearted.

When Alex reaches the Purple Vomit bus, he’s upset. He shouldn’t have left Jack like that but he didn’t know what else to do. What do you say to something like that when you’re confused about how you feel?

“Alex! You’re here, I was getting worried you forgot or something! So where are we going?!” Kelsey couldn’t contain her excitement. She was really hoping it was finally going to get better between them Alex and her, besides, all his other dates have been amazing, this apology one should be the best yet! “Shh, calm down, you’ll love it. It’s different but fun.”

“Mini golf?” Kelsey asks as the pull up the the old fashioned run down mini golf place.
“Yeah! Why not? It’ll be fun! Besides, it’ll take your mind off things.” Alex says happily. “If you say so...” Kelsey sighs. This isn’t what she was expecting. She liked mini golf, but she always thought of it as a thing to do with a group of friends, not for a make-up date. Kelsey follows Alex as he pays for their game, silently radiating annoyance. Alex hands her a golf club and a red golf ball before leading her to the first hole.
“After you,” Alex smiles, gesturing toward the first hole. Kelsey gives him a fake smile back, and puts her ball down on the fake grass. She then angrily hits it, sending it flying into some guy’s head. “Oops.” She says monotone. Alex laughs and runs over to get the ball, apologizing to the guy she hit. “Here, let me help you.” Alex goes to put his arms around Kelsey, but she brushes him off, “I got this!” She lies. Kelsey was trying to subtly show that she was a little mad at Alex. In fact, she’s been getting quite mad at Alex lately, he’s been the opposite of everything she fell in love with. Somehow, he’s different. They’ve become more and more distant. Maybe, just maybe, this was the end...
Alex watches as Kelsey hits the little golf ball again, this time not as hard. She seemed extremely annoyed with him. Why, he’s not really sure. He hits his blue golf ball and it goes next to Kelsey’s. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He asks her. She blinks, then focuses on him. He obviously ruined her train of thought. “Nothing, nothing...” “You sure? You can tell me anything you know.” Alex sighs. Maybe it was one of those girl problems or something. All he knew was that she wasn’t having fun. Lately, they were always having problems and he couldn’t stop thinking about Jack...
At the second hole they were both quiet, both in their own worlds of thought. This time, Alex didn’t even go after the ball when Kelsey hit into a bush and had to spend a few minutes looking for it. He was barely paying attention. He wanted to leave and go back to Jack, he...he regrets leaving him. Yes, Kelsey’s his girlfriend and all, but Jack, he wants Jack so bad right now. But that’s not going to stop him from trying his hardest to fix this relationship.
At the third hole Alex hits a hole in one, exclaiming “YEAH! Hole in one!” Alex did a victory dance, much to Kelsey’s dismay. “People are looking at you weird, stop it.” Kelsey says under her breath. “So? Live a little Kelsey, we’re supposed to be having fun!” Alex was determined to make the best of this night. He knocked a crab apple off the tree and hit it, causing it to go flying, “Fore!” He yelled. Alex laughed, it reminded him of how Jack and him always used to do the same thing at their mini-golf course back home, except it as with walnuts. They’d aim for different people until they were kicked out. He knocked another crab apple down and repeated his previous actions, a smirk plastered on his face as the crab apples seemed to explode into pieces from the force of the swing. Jack and him have been best friends for as long as Alex could remember, how could not have noticed how Jack felt about him.... or how he felt about Jack.

“Alex!” Kelsey gave him a light hit on his arm “Stop it, do you want us to get kicked out?” Usually Kelsey would be enjoying the loud, funny, immature Alex, but she just wasn’t in the mood. She just wanted to go back to the tour bus and pretend tonight never happened. Alex just shrugged at Kelsey, the smile immediately disappearing off his face. “Let’s just skip to the last hole.” Kelsey suggested. It was the coolest hole in the whole course, it was the big waterfall hole and it was the only thing Kelsey liked about this mini-golf course. “Okay, let’s go.” Alex says. They walked past everyone to get to the last hole. The waterfall was pretty high, taller than both Alex and Kelsey. It was a beautiful waterfall, the water cascaded down into a little pond with koi fish in it. Right in front of it was the last hole that stole your ball. Kelsey went first, then Alex, in almost complete silence. Then Kelsey thrust her golf club at Alex roughly, but he wasn’t done taking his turn. “Can you hold it just a sec? I’m almost done and then we can leave.” Alex says dryly. He isn’t having fun and he knows Kelsey isn’t either.

And then...and then there’s Jack. Jack, his best friend. Jack, who had always been there. Jack, who’s in love with him. And to be honest...Alex loves him back. He had never thought about it, but ever since Jack said it...it, it clicked. It had always been Jack, he just pretended he didn’t have these feelings...Alex knew what he had to do.

Alex finishes the game and returns the golf clubs, then gets in the car that Kelsey is already waiting in. He doesn’t say anything and neither does she, so they drive back to the buses in an awkward silence. Alex parks, and turns to get out of the car, but Kelsey stops him “Wait, Alex...can we talk?” Alex closes the door and turns to her, but before she says anything he interrupts “Kelsey, I think we need to break up.” “Wait, you can’t break up with me” Kelsey almost yells, “I was about to break up with you! After every time you’ve hurt me lately, you don’t deserve to break up with me.” Kelsey states, crossing her arms. “Okay, fine. Break up with me then.” Alex says, somewhat confused. Kelsey pause, looking Alex in eyes before turning her head, “No you ruined it. Why are you breaking up with me anyways? You’re not the one who’s been hurt.” Kelsey points out. “Yes, I have. And I’ve hurt others. You...and Jack.” “My God, it’s always about Jack! It’s like you’re in love with him or something.” Kelsey rolls her eyes. “Well you know what Kelsey? I think I am." Alex stated, making Kelsey eyes grow huge. “Yeah, that’s right...I’m in love with Jack. And I messed up. Fuck! Kelsey, I have to go.” Alex gets out of the car, leaving Kelsey confused and a little surprised and upset but he didn’t care. He had to find Jack.

Alex’s heart is pounding as he runs up the stairs of the All Time Low bus. “Jack” he yells as soon as he is in the bus. As he looks around the front of the bus, he sees Rian hugging Alicia, looking rather sad. Zack is on the other couch with a similar expression on his face, Amber rubbing his back for comfort. But right now Alex could careless. He feels like he is in the movies, he falls in love with his best friend and this is the scene where he finally admits it. “Jacky! Jack-a-lop! Jack-a-lion! JACK-O!!’ Alex yells every nickname he has ever given Jack, as he runs through the tour bus checking all the bunks and even the bathroom. Eventually he winds up in the front again, ‘he must of went out to get something to eat or something.’ Alex thinks. Just then he feels a familiar hand on his shoulder. “Alex,” Rian says softly, “We need to talk.” “Yeah alright. After I find Jack.” Alex says while fishing his car keys out of his pocket. “No. Now.” Rian uses a serious tone that Alex hadn’t quite heard before. Alex doesn’t care though, right now the only thing on his mind is how he needs to talk to Jack. “Right Ri, but I gotta talk to Jack first. Oh and Kelsey and I broke up.” “What!” Alicia jumps from her seat, “I got to go see her, sorry Ri Ri my sweetie-pie.” With that she runs out the door.

“What was that?” Alex asks a completely red faced Rian. “Nevermind, I need Jack.” “Jack left, Alex.” Rian says, his voice monotone and his face as cold and depression as it was before. “He said he just couldn’t handle it anymore.” “Wh-what?” Alex barely chokes out the question. He feels as though someone has just punched him in the stomach and in the heart. “When is he coming back?” “He quit Alex, he quit the band. He’s not coming back. We have to finish the tour without him.” Rian says, making his way back to his spot on the couch. “N-no!” Alex stuttered. He slowly makes his way to the fridge and grabs a big bottle of Jack Daniels, not caring how the rest of the band will look at him strangely for drinking in this moment. His body is craving it and he knows he needs it; he needed the pain to go away. He was right, it does feel like a movie, and this is the scene where he finds out he waited too long and Jack is gone... “I have to find him. I have to stop him.” Alex states as he rushes out the door before anyone has a chance to protest.
Alex slammed the car door as soon as he was in the cheap piece of junk metal. He put the keys in the ignition, before taking to big gulps of the Jack Daniels in his hand. “I’m gonna find you Jack!” Alex he declares to himself. Saying it aloud made it seem real. He quickly pulls out his phone as he backs out of his parking spot, his finger hovering over Jack’s name “It’s always been you, Jack. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to tell you that.” Then he hit call.