I'm Gonna Push You Away, With Every Word That You Say.

"Okay, got the plan?" Justin asked as the doorbell rang.

"Yeah, wait no!" I said as he ran down the stairs to answer the door.

"Fuck it, just hide!" he screamed before opening the door.

I hid inside his closet and sat down on the floor as they came upstairs. I heard them as they came inside Justin's room.

'Why the fuck did you bring them up here Justin?' I thought as I closed my eyes and tapped my foot repeatedly.

"No Copeland don't open the closet door!" I heard Justin yell.

I panicked and moved over towards the corner and put a bunch of Justin's clothes on me. Then, Copeland opened the door. There was a little opening right in front of my face so I peeked out and saw Copeland crying in Kellin's arms on the bed.

"Dude what's your problem?" I saw Kellin snap at Justin.

"I'm sorry, I just- never mind" he sighed before looking in my direction.

When he saw my eye his jaw clenched, 'Lucky' he mouthed. Which made me scoff, a little bit too loud. This caused Kellin’s head to shoot up.

"What the fuck was that?" he said angrily.

"What?" Justin said confused.

"I swear I just fucking heard Ashley scoff" Kellin said angrily through his gritted teeth.

"Dude are you okay? She just went missing! You're probably hearing things" Justin said calmly but I saw by the look in his eyes he was screaming out in frustration.

"Yeah dude I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. I just......miss her. I don't even know why she left" he said as he set Copeland, who was now asleep, down.

Justin nodded before playing with his shoes.

'Oh, come on Justin don't give me up now' I thought at I bit my lip nervously.

"Maybe she just wanted a fresh start" Justin said shrugging.

I shook my head grunting quietly which caused him to glance at me with guilt in his eyes.

"Yeah because I caused all of this, the accident, her going missing, all of it! I put so much fucking drama in her life! No wonder why she left! She fucking hates me!" he screamed as Copeland stirred around on the bed.

Justin looked down at his feet, "Are you really gonna do this?" he said.

"Do what?" Kellin said now confused.

But those words weren't meant for Kellin. They were meant for me. I cried quietly as I truly thought about my choice.

Should I really do this? Should I leave everything behind like this?

Kellin, I don't hate him.

"What else do you want me to do" I said quietly, but Justin already heard.

"God damn it do you see what you're fucking doing? You're breaking all of us! You're fucking stabbing us in our fucking hearts, you think this is for the best but it's not! You just can't see it! You always run away from your problems that you never realize what you're leaving behind! We-We need you, all of us do. And I can't fucking watch you do this let alone help you with it" Justin screamed facing the wall, whispering the last two sentences.

"Dude? What're you talking about?" Kellin whispered as he put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're my best friend. I can't lose you" Justin whispered as he started to cry.

Those words stabbed me right in my heart and made me realize what I was actually doing. I hadn't realized what I would be doing to them. I only thought of myself. When Justin didn't hear a response he threw Kellin's hand off his shoulder and stomped downstairs with Kellin close behind.

Do I really want to do this?