We'll Be Alright

This is it
That’s the first thing Jesse Caldwell thought when she opened her blue eyes that Friday morning.

“This is the last time I’ll wake up in this bed,” she said softly to herself. To some this would be a depressing thought, but the only feeling that flooded Jesse was a sense of complete relief. She even found she was a little excited. The joys of feeling absolutely nothing. After these past few months, it would be a welcomed feeling.

As Jesse followed her morning routine, she counted all her lasts:
This is the last time I’ll brush my teeth.
This is the last time I’ll take a shower.
This is the last time my mother will have breakfast cooking for me.

“Morning Jesse,” Patty Caldwell smiled up from her tired eyes, “Did you sleep well?”

Jesse nodded and kept her head down, not daring to look at her mother. As a single mother, Patty worked a double night shift and instead of coming home and collapsing in bed like she wanted too, she opted on making breakfast for her children and seeing them off to school.

“Are you going to that festival thing they have going on at the Civic Center? It’s all over the radio.”

“I might…” Jesse slowly moved her eggs across her plate.

“Well if you do, just take some money from my purse,” Patty yawned, “I’ll still be asleep by then.”

Jesse’s little brother, Al, joined the pair a few moments later. Al was a typical thirteen year old boy. He enjoyed video games and hanging out with his friends.

“Okay, you two have a great day at school. I’m beat.” Patty yawned again and headed down the hall to her bedroom.

“Mom Wait!”

Patty stopped and turned, looking expectantly at her daughter, “Yes?”

Jesse jumped up and engulfed her mother in a hug. The last hug she would give her,

“I love you. You’re a great mom and I hope you never feel different.”

Patty returned the hug, “Oh I love you too sweetie.”

Al made a face as he dumped his empty cereal bowl into the sink, “yuck! We need so more guys around here.”

Jesse turned and engulfed Al as well, kissing the top of his copper hair, “I love you too.”

Al pretend to fight out of Jesse’s grasp, secretly enjoying his older sister’s attention, “Stop it!”

Jesse blinked tears from eyes, “I’m sorry, I just don’t wanna forget this.”

Patty stared at her daughter strangely, “Are you okay?”

Jesse waved her concern away, “I’m fine. I’m just a little emotional.”

“Okay…” Patty battled with herself on whether to press the issue more, but sleepiness won out, “ I’ll see you guys later.”

“Bye mom,” the children both said in unison.

Jesse made her way back into her small bedroom. Touching all the memorabilia that made up her life. Seventeen years didn’t seem like such a long time to be alive, but looking at all of her baby photos, she felt eons older. She packed the small bag that she would need for tonight and then stood in front of her vanity mirror. Did she look like a girl that would take her own life away? Did she look like a girl holding a dark secret? She lifted up her shirt exposing her once taunt stomach. There was no noticeable change that she could see, but her stomach was rock hard.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard her brother knocking on her door, “ Come Jesse, I need to get to school>”

She kissed her brother’s forehead again as he exited in front of his middle school. He quickly wiped the kiss off and scanned the parking lot for his friends, “Stop being weird.”

When she arrived at her high school, she took time to stare up at the huge brick building. This is the place she spent most of her time. She almost felt nostalgic, but too many rotten people ruined that for her. Like her stupid ex-boyfriend Roy. He was a complete jerk to her and left her when she told him about the baby.

The final bell rang, and Jesse scurried through the hallways. She acted completely normal the entire day, which is more exhausting than it sounds. She had to listen at the right times and pretend to be excited as her friends talked about Youth Fest. She escaped a few times to cry quietly in the bathroom, but besides that she was fine. But more importantly, she was ready.

After picking up Al from school, Jesse drove him to a friend’s house,

“I love you,” Jesse called to his retreating figure as he ran inside to meet with his friends. Jesse drove to the local McDonald’s and changed into her plain white dress in the ladies’ restroom. She hoped the virgin color would win her some points with the big guy. She then proceeded to order the largest chocolate shake and French fries and eat them in her car.

The sense of calm that filled her was eerie. Jesse licked the last of the salt from her dainty fingers and looked at the sky. It was dusk. It was time.

She pulled up to the bridge just as the darkness began to settle. She had a slight fear of heights, but she figured this was the simplest way. It left no clean up for mom. She turned off her car and pulled out her cell phone. This was her last task. She dialed and her mother’s number and prayed it went to voicemail. It did, and she let out the breathe she was holding in,

“Hi Mom. It’s Jess. I just wanted to say again how great you are and how much I truly love you. I’m sorry that I’m putting you through this… I hope you can forgive me.” She ended the call as a sob broke from her. She was wasting time; she needed to get this over with.

Walking barefoot, Jesse reached the flat surface of the rail and stared down into the dark depths of the water. It was surprisingly windy.
[I”] I might need the extra push,” Jesse thought to her as she climbed onto the rail and clung to the pole as she found her balance.
” I’m gonna jump on three,” she told herself. She leaned forward towards the icy water
“One….”

She pushed herself back towards the street,
“Two…”

She pushed herself one last time towards the water,
“Three…”

She noticed fog lights lighting up behind her. She could someone screaming at her. Jesse turned around and saw a figure jump out of the still running car screaming at her, “Get down! Please don’t jump!”

She turned back to the water and let go of the pole floating down towards the water.

This is it.