In Due Time

Before he died, my dad taught me everything he could about motorcycles. It was his life passion, taught to him by his dad. It’s how the men in our family bonded. Dad collected bikes of all types. Street bikes, cruisers, low riders. You name it, he had one. He kept them all in our enormous garage. Custom made to accommodate the sixteen bikes he acquired.

No one really expected that his life passion would end up being the very thing that caused his death. He got into a really really bad accident one night. He was coming around a really sharp turn and wiped out. The bike crushed him, causing a snapped spine and a punctured lung. He barely made it to the hospital. We barely had a chance to say goodbye.

I was thirteen.

It took me two whole years to be able to go into the garage again. I still haven’t been able to actually ride one yet. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to me and having to put my ma and sister through it again. Hell, Jeremy doesn’t even know what it feels like to lose someone. I couldn’t do that to him. So, no, I don’t ride motorcycles. I collect them, fix them up and clean them. I’ve added twelve bikes to my dad’s collection of sixteen. All twenty-eight of the bikes are proudly displayed in the garage.

In reality there are only a very select few who are even allowed in the garage.

I hear the door open and look up to see my boyfriend clad in his post workout sweats. I smile at him and wipe my hands on a rag so that I can kiss him. “Hey baby.”

“Hey.” He smiles. “Timmy says hi and dad says I can spend the night.”

“Does this mean we can finish our Batman marathon?” I ask.

He laughs and nods. “You’re such a dork.”

“You love it.” I wink, turning back to the almost finished bike.

“Correction, I love you.” Jeremy straddles his favorite bike and watches me work. I love seeing him on a bike. It’s so fucking hot.

“I love you too.” I grin, grabbing some pliers and twisting some wires. “I’m almost done here and then we can go on a snack run.”

“Already? You just got this bike a week ago.” Jeremy points out incredulously.

I shrug. “I couldn’t wait.”

Jeremy shakes his head and we start talking about things. Anything. Everything. Topics blur together. This is how it is for us. We never get bored with each other.

Almost an hour later and I’m done. I straddle the bike after putting it back together and rev the engine. A loud roar rips through the garage and a large smile crosses my face. Jeremy jumps off his bike and cheers.

“Simon! It sounds amazing.” Jeremy yells.

I turn off the bike and grin at him. “I think this might be the best thing I’ve ever done.”

My boyfriend looks at me with pride and leans over to kiss me. “Maybe we can go for a ride?”

I sigh and look away. I had honestly thought about it. This is the safest bike in my collection. A perfect bike to help break me out of my fear. But then again, this is almost the exact same make and model that my dad crashed. How safe could it be?

“Jeremy, I don’t think so.”

“Hey, look at me.” He ducks into my line of vision. “You can do this. I know you can. I think that it’ll be good for you.”

“But what if-“

“No baby, you can’t think like that. Tons of things could happen at any point in time. It was just an accident. It won’t happen to you.” He insists.

I search his face and find nothing but sincerity there. But he doesn’t know the future. He doesn’t know what could happen.

“It could bring you closer to him.” Jeremy says quietly.

This surprises me. I have never felt closer to my dad then when I’m fixing a bike. Wouldn’t riding one be a disconnect? Reminding me of how I lost him? I don’t think I could handle that. But maybe Jeremy has a point.

Jeremy climbs onto the bike behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head between my shoulder blades. “I love you, Simon.”

“I love you too.” I murmur.

That’s why I can’t do it.

We sit like that for a few more minutes. Jeremy’s breath blows across the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I don’t think it’s possible for me to love anyone as much as I love him. It’s almost scary how hard I’ve fallen in such a short amount of time. In only ten months he’s become my everything. But then again, isn’t that how love is supposed to be?

“Just promise me you’ll think about it. Really think about it.” Jeremy says, breaking the silence.

“I promise.” I nod.

“Good.” He lets me go and climbs off the bike. “Let’s go.”

I follow him out of the garage and lock the door carefully. The last thing I need is for Katie or Leo to get into anything when I’m not there. I call out to mom that we’re leaving and will be back soon, then I grab Jeremy’s hand and head out to my car.

Aside from my motorcycles my car is my most prized possession. A 1982 Chevy Impala in midnight black with authentic leather seats. I would live in this car but mom says it’s not practical. Jeremy slides into the driver’s seat and looks up at me hopefully. He just got his permit and he’s constantly asking me to drive.

“Fine.” I roll my eyes and hand him the keys. “But only because you look so fucking sexy in the driver’s seat.”

“According to you I look sexy doing everything.” He laughs as I slide into the passenger seat.

“Well you do. Except for when you sleep. Then you just look downright adorable.” I explain.

The trip to the store results in my spending $75 on nothing but junk food, giving in to every one of Jeremy’s requests and refusing to let him pay for any of it. A lot of the time he hates being spoiled because he feels like a lot of people give him better treatment just because he’s good a sports. I keep trying to tell him that I don’t care about that stuff. I give him special treatment because he’s my boyfriend and I love him.

We get back to my house and transfer all of the groceries to my room. I warn Katie not to bother us, make sure Leo is fed, and ask mom if there’s anything she needs me to do before we lock ourselves in my room. Jeremy almost immediately sheds his clothes in favor of one of my shirts, and buries himself under my comforter.

I love it when he’s in my bed. It’s like he belongs there more than on any sports field. And I don’t even mean it in a sexual way, you know?

I step out of my pants and climb in beside him before turning on the movie and cuddling him from behind.

I don’t know if he truly knows how much he means to me even though I tell him several times a day. That’s the reason why I won’t get on a bike. I can’t leave him. I won’t. He just doesn’t understand it. And I’m completely willing to spend the time it takes to make him understand.

I kiss him on the back of the neck and he sighs in content, pressing back against me. “I love you, Simon.”

I smile and breathe in his scent. “I love you too, baby. So much.”

One day I’ll make him understand just how much. Maybe one day he'll finally convince me to get on the back of my favorite Harley. Who knows? It’s all in due time.