Married or Not, I Hate You

Days went, I went to a therapist, Gerard stopped being nice to me and life went on. Everyone continued wondering how I got out alive and why I of all children was the 'perfect sacrifice'. Neither of the questions had any reasonable explanations, so I tried to forget about it.

"Can I ask you something, Gerard?" I said, turning my head towards him, who was sitting in the chair on the other side of the living room. He looked up from the book he was reading, and stared at me on the red couch I was sitting in. He made a soft grunt and nodded before looking down in the book again. My tongue caressed the lip ring on the left side of my lower lip before I started the question. I'd been thinking about it all day, what happened two weeks ago when I bumped into Ryan and Gerard at the same time. I really hadn't seen Ryan, or.. Or anyone else other than Gerard, his parents and the therapist since that night.

"You called me your boyfriend."
There was silence for a moment, and even though Gerard was still looking at the book page, I saw he wasn't reading anymore. It took a moment before he looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. "I thought you asked if you could ask me something." He said bitterly, putting pressure on 'ask'. I nodded impatiently. "Yes, yes I know, I'm getting to the question, hush!"

Gerard rolled his eyes and nodded. He closed the book and put it on the small oval wooden tea table next to him on the right side. "Why exactly did you call me your boyfriend?" I asked, my eyes wide with curiousity.

Gerard sighed and looked into the kitchen where we both knew that Donna was eavesdropping with excitement. "Let's go outside and grab a cigarette." Gerard said shortly and pulled up a pack of Lucky Strikes as he walked out the door and down the stairs with that blank expression he held whenever he acted like his normal self. I followed quickly behind and yawned. I'd gotten very little sleep lately. Gerard was being abnormally horny in the evenings, but wouldn't even look at me at daytime. That man always confused me.

We smoked in silence for a few seconds before Gerard made a 'Nh..' to start the conversation after he'd blown out smoke from his lips. "Because Ryan Ross wants to get in your pants, and I won't let anyone touch you." He said with a smug grin on his face. The only reason he said that was to provoke me. Everything with Gerard made me angry and confused, yet I wanted him to fuck me hard up against a wall. But how could I let him? I'm dirty.. I'm d-- "You're not dirty, Frank."

In fright and confusion my eyes went wide as I looked at him, then held my head, thinking he could read my mind. He made a soft chuckle. "No, I can't read your mind. You have the same face everytime you say that, so I'm guessing you're thinking it now." I sighed and put the cigarette between my lips and sucked in the toxic. "Whatever, I think I am." The smoke flew out of my mouth as I spoke.

Gerard moved closer and caressed my right cheek and looked into my eyes. "Don't let whatever you think about yourself hold you back from something you wanna do. Don't always listen to that downbringing little voice inside if your head. Listen to the people around you, that cares about you. They know better than the voice. Okay?" That was one of the few nicest thi--- "So stop being a little bitch and suck it the fuck up!"

Nevermind..