Status: I need to edit again. I'm not very good at that. But otherwise it's complete.
The Busty Muggle Women, the Fire Whiskey, and the Towel
Trouble
“Okay, we’ll make it a drinking game,” Teddy said to Fred and James.
“Teddy, I don’t know if I should have more than a sip of Fire Whiskey, don’t you think?” James asked.
“You’re ruining it,” Fred said. “Suck it up and play the game. What are the rules, oh great one?” Teddy’s previously light blue hair turned bubblegum pink in his excitment.
“Every time someone snogs, we take a shot. Every time the party gets quieter, we take two shots to keep our spirits high and our voices loud. And for every time Professor Longbottom comes in, three shots!”
“And how many for each detention?” Professor Neville Longbottom, head of Gryffindor house and close friend of James’s parents, came up behind them. Teddy looked at James who gave Teddy a nod.
“I think two for every detention,” Teddy said. “One, if it becomes a lot.” Neville stared at him.
“You can stick with two for now, two nights detention for each of you. James, Fred, you’re exactly like your fathers. Teddy, your mother.” Teddy ignored Neville.
“That’s three for his appearance and four for the detentions?” Fred nodded. Teddy slopped Fire Whiskey into nine of the ten shot glasses and gulped them down before passing the bottle to Fred. Fred didn’t bother pouring it, rather took nine swigs from the bottle which, after noticing it was a bit low, Teddy refilled before it was passed to James. “You can do half of ours,” Teddy said. “You’re younger.” James glanced up at Neville who had his eyebrows raised.
“Potter, you can drink it. But I don’t hold buckets so don’t come crying to me tomorrow.” Neville turned and went to tell the students singing out of tune to the Weird Sisters to quiet down. James then turned to Teddy who was looking at him expectantly. Then he took nine perfect swigs and, panting, gave the bottle to Teddy.
“No more taking swigs from the bottle,” Teddy whined. “These muggle shot glasses with busty women were expensive!” Fred rolled his eyes and James was swaying a bit, dizzy from the shots. “Anyway, OH LOOK THAT COUPLE IN THE CORNER ARE SNOGGING!” His outburst was loud enough for the entire room to turn towards the kissing couple who, realizing that they were being subjected to an audience now, decided to go full out with a show. Teddy took a shot and passed the bottle and a shot glass featuring a blond muggle woman in a bikini. Fred obliged and the game went on. Little did the other two know, James refused to drink out of the shot glasses, not because the bottle made him feel older, but because after his nine shots at once, he was only pretending to drink, which was more difficult to do with a shot glass.
Neville, with one last look at the trio drinking in the corner, shook his head and left. While he walked down the hall, he didn’t consider how their detention would go tomorrow, but remembered fondly the parties that Fred and George would throw when he was at Hogwarts. Gryffindor parties always seemed to shout at the top of their lungs, “WE DON’T CARE IF THE WHOLE BLOODY CASTLE IS ASLEEP, WE LIKE BEING THIS LOUD”. Always very obnoxious. Always very fun.
Back in the common room, Fred was asleep on the floor and Teddy and James were playing Truth or Dare.
“Truth,” James said.
“Wimp. Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.... Do you like any of the girls here?”
“No. Truth or dare?”
“Wait a moment, you’re blushing! Who is it?”
“It’s no one Teddy!”
“If you’re lying, you have to do a dare!”
“Alright, alright, I do like someone here.”
“Who?”
“That wasn’t part of the original question, I don’t have to answer.”
“Wimp. Okay, I choose dare.”
“Dare? Let’s see..... OH! I dare you to, wearing nothing but a towel, run down the hall and into Professor Longbottom’s office professing your love for him.”
“Oooooh. Nice one. Where’s the towel?” Teddy was so drunk, James was surprised he could stand, much less get to Neville’s office.
“I’ll go get one, you start to undress. Just wait to take off your pants for the towel. No need to scar the whole room for life.” He ran upstairs to grab a fluffy pink bath towel Teddy had nicked from the girls’ dorm earlier that year, nearly breaking his neck in the process on the stairs. When James arrived back in the common room, Teddy was clad in only his boxers, his hand sticking out for the towel. By now, the whole room was watching.
Teddy grabbed the towel, wrapped it around his hair, pulled off his boxers and ran from the room, James chasing after him.
“Teddy, the towel was for your waist!”
“OH, NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM, HOW I LOVE YOU SO. YOUR LOVE FOR PLANTS HAS ALWAYS BEEN A FANTASTIC TURNON FOR ME, YOUR CHUBBY CHEEKS HIGHLIGHT YOUR PERFECT BODY IN WAYS THAT ONLY YOU AND I COULD EVER UNDERSTAND! I’VE LONGED FOR YEARS TO FEEL YOUR SOFT LIPS ON MINE, TO GRAZE YOUR THIGHS WITH MY HAND UNTIL I REACH YOUR-” Neville walked out of his office when Teddy was still fifteen feet away.
“Protego!” Teddy smacked into the invisible wall. “Mr. Lupin, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Professing my love for you?”
“I suggest you return to your common room at once. Clear?”
“Yes, my sweet.” Neville rolled his eyes as Teddy ran back down the hall, still shouting his love for Neville. Before he went back in his classroom, he noticed James take a picture of Teddy and whisper something that sounded a lot like, “Revenge for the sheets, mate,” but it made absolutely no sense to him, so he went back inside his classroom and took a potion to help him sleep.
“Teddy, I don’t know if I should have more than a sip of Fire Whiskey, don’t you think?” James asked.
“You’re ruining it,” Fred said. “Suck it up and play the game. What are the rules, oh great one?” Teddy’s previously light blue hair turned bubblegum pink in his excitment.
“Every time someone snogs, we take a shot. Every time the party gets quieter, we take two shots to keep our spirits high and our voices loud. And for every time Professor Longbottom comes in, three shots!”
“And how many for each detention?” Professor Neville Longbottom, head of Gryffindor house and close friend of James’s parents, came up behind them. Teddy looked at James who gave Teddy a nod.
“I think two for every detention,” Teddy said. “One, if it becomes a lot.” Neville stared at him.
“You can stick with two for now, two nights detention for each of you. James, Fred, you’re exactly like your fathers. Teddy, your mother.” Teddy ignored Neville.
“That’s three for his appearance and four for the detentions?” Fred nodded. Teddy slopped Fire Whiskey into nine of the ten shot glasses and gulped them down before passing the bottle to Fred. Fred didn’t bother pouring it, rather took nine swigs from the bottle which, after noticing it was a bit low, Teddy refilled before it was passed to James. “You can do half of ours,” Teddy said. “You’re younger.” James glanced up at Neville who had his eyebrows raised.
“Potter, you can drink it. But I don’t hold buckets so don’t come crying to me tomorrow.” Neville turned and went to tell the students singing out of tune to the Weird Sisters to quiet down. James then turned to Teddy who was looking at him expectantly. Then he took nine perfect swigs and, panting, gave the bottle to Teddy.
“No more taking swigs from the bottle,” Teddy whined. “These muggle shot glasses with busty women were expensive!” Fred rolled his eyes and James was swaying a bit, dizzy from the shots. “Anyway, OH LOOK THAT COUPLE IN THE CORNER ARE SNOGGING!” His outburst was loud enough for the entire room to turn towards the kissing couple who, realizing that they were being subjected to an audience now, decided to go full out with a show. Teddy took a shot and passed the bottle and a shot glass featuring a blond muggle woman in a bikini. Fred obliged and the game went on. Little did the other two know, James refused to drink out of the shot glasses, not because the bottle made him feel older, but because after his nine shots at once, he was only pretending to drink, which was more difficult to do with a shot glass.
Neville, with one last look at the trio drinking in the corner, shook his head and left. While he walked down the hall, he didn’t consider how their detention would go tomorrow, but remembered fondly the parties that Fred and George would throw when he was at Hogwarts. Gryffindor parties always seemed to shout at the top of their lungs, “WE DON’T CARE IF THE WHOLE BLOODY CASTLE IS ASLEEP, WE LIKE BEING THIS LOUD”. Always very obnoxious. Always very fun.
Back in the common room, Fred was asleep on the floor and Teddy and James were playing Truth or Dare.
“Truth,” James said.
“Wimp. Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.... Do you like any of the girls here?”
“No. Truth or dare?”
“Wait a moment, you’re blushing! Who is it?”
“It’s no one Teddy!”
“If you’re lying, you have to do a dare!”
“Alright, alright, I do like someone here.”
“Who?”
“That wasn’t part of the original question, I don’t have to answer.”
“Wimp. Okay, I choose dare.”
“Dare? Let’s see..... OH! I dare you to, wearing nothing but a towel, run down the hall and into Professor Longbottom’s office professing your love for him.”
“Oooooh. Nice one. Where’s the towel?” Teddy was so drunk, James was surprised he could stand, much less get to Neville’s office.
“I’ll go get one, you start to undress. Just wait to take off your pants for the towel. No need to scar the whole room for life.” He ran upstairs to grab a fluffy pink bath towel Teddy had nicked from the girls’ dorm earlier that year, nearly breaking his neck in the process on the stairs. When James arrived back in the common room, Teddy was clad in only his boxers, his hand sticking out for the towel. By now, the whole room was watching.
Teddy grabbed the towel, wrapped it around his hair, pulled off his boxers and ran from the room, James chasing after him.
“Teddy, the towel was for your waist!”
“OH, NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM, HOW I LOVE YOU SO. YOUR LOVE FOR PLANTS HAS ALWAYS BEEN A FANTASTIC TURNON FOR ME, YOUR CHUBBY CHEEKS HIGHLIGHT YOUR PERFECT BODY IN WAYS THAT ONLY YOU AND I COULD EVER UNDERSTAND! I’VE LONGED FOR YEARS TO FEEL YOUR SOFT LIPS ON MINE, TO GRAZE YOUR THIGHS WITH MY HAND UNTIL I REACH YOUR-” Neville walked out of his office when Teddy was still fifteen feet away.
“Protego!” Teddy smacked into the invisible wall. “Mr. Lupin, what do you think you’re doing?”
“Professing my love for you?”
“I suggest you return to your common room at once. Clear?”
“Yes, my sweet.” Neville rolled his eyes as Teddy ran back down the hall, still shouting his love for Neville. Before he went back in his classroom, he noticed James take a picture of Teddy and whisper something that sounded a lot like, “Revenge for the sheets, mate,” but it made absolutely no sense to him, so he went back inside his classroom and took a potion to help him sleep.
♠ ♠ ♠
YAY!