I'll Be Right Beside You

“All right everybody! You’ve all seen the way the Canes have been playing; they’re having a good season. We need to keep the defense tight and we need to dig deep on that fore-check; Ward’s been a brick wall so far and we need to put some good dents in it before it’ll start to crack and let any goals in. So are you ready?” Dan asked, getting a loud and positive response from us. This was the start of our first big road trip of the season; going through North Carolina, Dallas, the two Florida teams, and Nashville before playing Philadelphia and then returning home.

Dan announced the unsurprising starting line of Sid, Duper and I before leaving the room. Sid immediately started getting everybody pumped up, and by the time we were running out onto the ice nobody could control their excitement. We had a few new faces with us; Despres, Tangradi, Agostino and Bennett were playing this game with us, and the nerves were there. Despres was on-again-off-again playing with us, same as Tangradi, so they at least had some NHL experience and knew what to expect. Bennett and Agostino, not so much. They were both really talented players, but I knew their nerves tended to get the best of them, like it had during training camp. I’d worked with Bennett, both playing the same position, and had done some on-ice workouts with him aside from practice. The kid was crazy-good, but then they stuck him in front of Dan and it was like he couldn’t play, he got so nervous.

“Ready to go Benny?” I asked, and he gave me a nervous smile. I tapped my stick on his shins lightly as we headed out to the blue line for the anthem. I would’ve been a mess had I not had Jordan to do the same for me when I started in the NHL.

I gave Jared and Eric each a nod before settling in to focus on the game, listening to the now-familiar American anthem being loudly sung throughout the arena, and mouthed some of the words along with it. With that a huge cheer went up and Sid, Duper and I took our place at the faceoff circle, ready to take on Jared and Eric’s line. This was one thing I liked about playing left wing; when we played the Hurricanes Jared and I were usually matched up against each other, and that made things even more interesting.

“Ready to go down?” he asked, a grin on his face as we watched the ref get ready to drop the puck.

“No, but I’m ready to kick your ass,” I responded, lunging forward when the puck hit the ground because I knew Sid would try to tie up Eric from the get-go. Jared and I battled for position until finally Skinner managed to get the puck out of the scrum and head toward our end.

Once we were off and Geno’s line was on I started to relax into it, feeling the smile that usually accompanied playing hockey on my face. I also noticed the nervous energy Beau had sitting next to me.

“Hey, take a deep breath and relax, all right? It’s just another game,” he shook his head, looking about ready to throw up. I’d been the same way before my first game in the NHL too.

“It’s not, this is the NHL; if I don’t do well they’ll send me back down,” he insisted, and I shook my head, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Look at me; it might be the NHL, but it doesn’t change a thing. You’re still here to play your game, all right? Treat it like just another game, and even if it’s not the best game you’ve ever had, who cares? Dan and the guys will be able to see that you’re working and that you want it, and that goes a long way; it did for me,” I told him, seconds before James came flying over the boards and we sent Beau on his way. James squirmed onto the bench next to me, both of us watching the younger guy trying to stick with the rush.

“Poor kids needs to relax,” James shook his head, noticing the jerky way Beau was skating and forgetting to keep his head up when he was trying to catch up.

“I know, it’s hard,” I nodded, and we both made sure to compliment him when the shift ended and Craig’s line went out.

The first period was scoreless, and partway into the second Jared and I joked about getting into a fight to start something up, before Eric told me he’d kick both of our asses for doing it and then Jordan would have a say in the matter. So instead we just roughed back and forth a little, which I guess got the crowd a little more into it, before Steve ended up starting a fight with LaRose that really got everybody into the game.

Sutter managed to get one behind Fleury, and we went into the third down a goal. That was when the joking ended; Jared focused on trying to keep his team’s lead, while my goal was to put an end to it. Dan noticed the way Sid, Duper and I were giving two hundred percent until the very last second; Sid and Pascal both getting a lot of quality chances. Jared was on my ass the whole shift, so I had no opportunity to take a shot, but it worked well for setting up my linemates.

“James! On with Sid and Bates!” Dan called, just forty seconds after my shift had ended, and as Bennett and his line came off we hit the ice running, doing the best we could. We were cycling perfectly, the shots were all there, but Ward just wasn’t giving us any leeway at all. When the buzzer went and the crowd went wild, indicating the end of the game, we had no energy for anything. We’d given everything we had, and just hadn’t been able to capitalize on it.

“Good game out there; you did everything right, we were just facing a goalie who wouldn’t crack. I have nothing negative to say, no criticism, you guys did everything I could have asked for you. We’ll get them next time,” was Dan’s parting words for us before I left the locker room to the player’s lounge in my T-shirt and gym shorts, even though I was sweaty and gross. Our rink was the only one with a ‘girls’ locker room, so I had to make do elsewhere and wait for everyone to clear out.

“H-hi,” I turned and saw Jordan walking into the lounge; Ward just waving over his shoulder as he left. It was obvious he’d shown Jordan where to go, and I felt a little self-conscious in my smelly under armor while he stood there in jeans and a Hurricanes hoodie.

“Hey Jord,” I smiled, and returned the hug as he wrapped his arms around me. He smelled exactly the same as I remembered, and when he started to pull away I wished like hell that he didn’t.

“Good game – sorry about the loss,” he told me. All I could do was nod, and soon Eric had left, the excuse that Tanya and the kids were waiting for him, and with a wink to me Jared said goodbye and left the room as well, leaving Jordan and I alone.

“Yeah, Ward was just incredible tonight,” I agreed, and he managed a smile before shrugging.

“Oh well, one of those things,” he decided before sitting down. I sat down next to him, and soon found I was fidgeting with my hands. Jordan looked over, before his gaze seemed fixed. He gently reached for my hands and held them out so he could see.

“You, uh, don’t wear your ring anymore,” he quietly stated, not making it a question. I heard the pain in his voice even though he tried to keep it hidden, and pulled my hands away.

“I didn’t know what else to do Jord… it was hard wearing it every day and thinking of you every time I looked at it,” I whispered, folding my hands in my lap and staring at them. I heard him shift beside me, before I felt his arm around my shoulders.

“Hard as in made you wanted to beat my face in or hard as in…?” he left the comment hanging, knowing I would understand what he meant.

“Hard as in that,” I agreed, and felt his lips softly press to my temple.

“I’m sorry about that Cam. I just… I just wish we could start over, with all of this, because I still love you and I don’t think that’s ever going to change,” he softly told me, and I leaned into him a little more, wishing I could just do that. But I wouldn’t be able to just put everything behind me like that, as much as I wanted to. It would eat away at me the way it did now.

“I wish we could too Jord, but it’s not that simple,” I finally said, and felt him nod.

“I know,”

“But at the same time, it doesn’t mean we can’t work on it,” his blue eyes lit up then, and we both smiled before I heard someone clear their throats, and I looked over to see TK with a shit-eating grin on his face as he stood in the doorway.

“Locker room’s cleared out for you Cam. Hey Jord – how you been?” he immediately walked over and chatted with Jordan for a while as I hesitated. I didn’t want to get up and leave yet.

“Jord?” I saw Eric walk in from the opposite hall, and knew I’d have to hustle my ass to get showered and ready to head back to the hotel without holding everyone up.

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?” TK waved and left, letting us say goodbye ourselves. Jordan waved back, before turning to me.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll call you, okay?” he whispered, and I nodded, before feeling myself enveloped in his strong arms, and I all but melted into him, neither of us wanting to let go.

“Sounds good Jord,” I told him with a small smile as I finally pulled away, knowing I’d be the butt of a lot of jokes if I took much longer.

“I’ll miss you Cam,”