Status: FINISHED :D
Teach Your Heart To Talk
Believe In Me
Chapter 6
Ryan’s POV
When I wake up I don’t open my eyes immediately and just bury my face in the pillow.
Unlike my bed this one is so comfortable.
I’m about to doze off again when I hear a noise and open my eyes to stare into two brown eyes. My first reaction is to flinch back.
Brendon is crouching on the floor next to the bed and … did he watch me sleep?
“Uhm, what are you doing?” I ask and he smiles nervously and gets up.
“Sorry. I wanted to get you because breakfast is ready but you were sleeping and dreaming I think and I didn’t want to wake you because that’s not good and- ”
“Brendon, stop.” I interrupt and he stares at me for a moment before nodding.
“Sorry, I just- ”
“Stop apologizing!”
“Okay”
I sigh and sit up in bed.
“I’m not going to break, okay? I don’t want you to treat me like I’m sick. That just makes me feel like I’m a freak.” I mumble. “Just act normal like the day we went to the movies.”
He nods quickly and bites his lip.
“So … breakfast? I got doughnuts. My mom is already at work and dad is anyway so no one annoys us.” He says with a smile and I smile back.
“Sounds awesome.”
“I’ll just … wait downstairs.”
“Okay”
He observes me for a minute longer before leaving the room.
I don’t know what to think.
Was it a good idea to tell him?
Well, he’s not creeped out or something but he obviously doesn’t know how to deal with it.
I sigh and get dressed before leaving the room and climbing down the stairs.
Brendon is standing in front of the kitchen table, moving the dishes around.
It looks like he tries to make it look decent.
Uhm, okay?
“Bren?” I ask and he freezes and turns around.
“Oh, hey. Good morning.” He babbles and I don’t know whether to be worried, amused or sad because he acts like this.
We sit down at the table and I smile at the doughnuts in front of me.
“Which one do you want?” Brendon asks.
There’s a blue one and a pink one.
I grin and grab the pink one. Brendon laughs and takes the other one.
We eat in silence. It’s not really uncomfortable but I wouldn’t call it nice either. I know Brendon is desperate to ask questions and I guess I should just answer them.
“Start asking before you explode.” I say and he looks up and bites his lip.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. You’re treating me like I might break any second. Just ask.”
He looks away nervously and I wait patiently till he starts talking.
“What exactly happens when you get an … attack?”
He looks ashamed but I decide to ignore that.
“You should ask Spencer that. I can’t really tell you much about those.”
“I mean what happens to you?”
Oh
“I don’t really know. When I was younger I remembered but now it’s just like I’m out and when it’s over I’m really tired and stuff.”
“So what was it like when you were younger?”
I try to think about that and grimace.
“Oh, you don’t have to- ” Brendon starts but I glare at him.
“It’s actually just … I see stuff and what I see isn’t too nice.”
He stares at me with wide worried eyes.
“It doesn’t matter who you are when I’m like this because I don’t really see you as yourself.”
He just keeps staring.
“But hey, I won’t remember it afterwards anyway so fuck it.”
My try to raise the mood fails and Brendon just keeps looking at me with worry in his eyes.
“Why were you so scared that I would think you’re a freak?” he asks carefully.
I look down and start fiddling with my hands.
“Because everyone left after they found out. Everyone but Spencer.” I whisper.
“I won’t leave, okay? I promise.”
My gaze raises and meets his. We just stare at each other for a while till Brendon starts to smile.
“So what do you want to do today?” he asks and gets up to put our plates away.
“I don’t know.”
“We could just watch a few movies.”
I shrug and get up as well, following him into the living room where I fall down on the couch.
“Uhm … one of those attacks can’t be triggered by fear or something, right?” Brendon asks nervously.
“Nothing triggers them.” I say and close my eyes. “Wait, why- ”
Brendon is now standing in front of the couch, smirking down at me. I roll my eyes and sit up. He sits down next to me and smiles at the screen.
Great, seems to be some horror movie.
“You can still lie down.” He laughs and tugs at my arm.
I frown and he keeps tugging till my head rests in his lap.
“Can you watch like this?”
“I don’t even want to watch this.” I hiss and he giggles and hits play.
I groan and try to turn away from the screen but Brendon pulls my hair and holds my head in place.
“Dude, what the fuck?” I ask but he just smiles down at me and keeps playing with my hair.
At first I’m tense but soon I relax and start watching the damn movie.
*
Brendon’s POV
I have no clue how to act around Ryan now that I know but treating him like he’s different obviously isn’t the right way. I expected a lot but not this. I didn’t expect him to have a mental illness but it triggered something inside me.
It makes me want to look after him.
I’m ripped out of my mind when Ryan whimpers.
Oh someone just died in the movie.
I chose the remake of A Nightmare on Elm street because I thought it’s not too scary so Ryan would like it.
Well, he isn’t really enjoying it.
“I hate you, Bren! I won’t be able to sleep after this.” He mumbles and I move my hands to cover his eyes when I notice a shocking scene is about to come.
“You can always just come sleep with me.” I laugh but then freeze.
Why did I say this?
Ryan turns his head to look up at me and I smile nervously.
“I might just do that.” He says and watches the screen again.
I feel a blush creep into my cheeks and start playing with Ryan’s hair again. He sighs contently but flinches when the next person in the movie dies.
*
We spend the whole day like that, just watching horror movies.
While watching My Bloody Valentine Ryan screams a few times and then glares at me because every time he jumps is obviously my fault.
Then we watch A Haunting in Connecticut and Final Destination. Somewhere between the last movie Ryan falls asleep so I’m trapped on the couch with his head still in my lap. I let my head fall backwards and close my eyes
When I hear the front door open I look up and see my mother walk into the living room.
“I’m home! What did you- ”
She stops when her gaze rests on us.
“Uhm, Brendon?”
“What?” I ask quietly so Ryan won’t wake up.
My mother watches us for a bit longer before turning around and walking into the kitchen. I think that was disgust in her eyes.
Fabulous.
I look down at the sleeping boy and move one hand to his shoulder, shaking carefully.
“Hey, Ry” I whisper.
He groans and turns to bury his face in my lap.
“Come on”
I turn him over so he looks up at me. He blinks a few times with confusion in his eyes.
“Brendon? Where- ” he looks around. “Oh, right.”
I smile at him and he sits up.
“We should just eat something and go to bed.” I suggest and Ryan nods.
Without another word we get up and walk into the kitchen where my mother is standing. She turns and observes us before turning towards the counter again.
I glare at her back and walk over to the fridge to get something to eat quickly. Then I grab Ryan’s hand and pull him up the stairs and into my room.
“Uhm, what’s going on?” he asks and sits down on my bed.
“Nothing” I say quickly.
He watches me closely for a while before nodding. After that we eat in silence.
When we are finished we decide to sleep so Ryan leaves and I change into my pyjamas. I crawl into my bed and turn the light off.
Half an hour goes by and I’m about to doze off when my door opens.
“Bren? Are you still awake?” I hear Ryan ask quietly.
I roll to the side to see him standing in the door.
“Yes” I whisper and he creeps inside and closes the door. “What is it?”
He says nothing and comes closer.
“Are you okay?” I ask and sit up.
He nods and starts fiddling with his hands.
“What?”
“Do you remember how I said I can’t sleep alone after watching those movies and you said I could sleep with you?” Ryan whispers.
“Are you really scared?”
He nods and takes another step towards the bed. I just look at him for a moment before holding up the covers. He smiles and crawls in next to me.
I retreat so he can lie down but he moves towards me.
“Ryan, what- ” I start but he makes a displeased noise.
“Shut up. You agreed to be friends with me.” He mumbles and buried his face in the pillow right next to my head.
I freeze and watch him for a while till his breathing evens out.
He looks so peaceful and happy but fragile at the same time. Slowly I reach out to run my fingers through his hair, completely fascinated with the view in front of me. My hand moves down till it rests on his cheek. His skin is so soft and pale.
I move a bit closer and withdraw my hand.
Maybe this can be more than just a friendship.
Ryan’s POV
When I wake up I don’t open my eyes immediately and just bury my face in the pillow.
Unlike my bed this one is so comfortable.
I’m about to doze off again when I hear a noise and open my eyes to stare into two brown eyes. My first reaction is to flinch back.
Brendon is crouching on the floor next to the bed and … did he watch me sleep?
“Uhm, what are you doing?” I ask and he smiles nervously and gets up.
“Sorry. I wanted to get you because breakfast is ready but you were sleeping and dreaming I think and I didn’t want to wake you because that’s not good and- ”
“Brendon, stop.” I interrupt and he stares at me for a moment before nodding.
“Sorry, I just- ”
“Stop apologizing!”
“Okay”
I sigh and sit up in bed.
“I’m not going to break, okay? I don’t want you to treat me like I’m sick. That just makes me feel like I’m a freak.” I mumble. “Just act normal like the day we went to the movies.”
He nods quickly and bites his lip.
“So … breakfast? I got doughnuts. My mom is already at work and dad is anyway so no one annoys us.” He says with a smile and I smile back.
“Sounds awesome.”
“I’ll just … wait downstairs.”
“Okay”
He observes me for a minute longer before leaving the room.
I don’t know what to think.
Was it a good idea to tell him?
Well, he’s not creeped out or something but he obviously doesn’t know how to deal with it.
I sigh and get dressed before leaving the room and climbing down the stairs.
Brendon is standing in front of the kitchen table, moving the dishes around.
It looks like he tries to make it look decent.
Uhm, okay?
“Bren?” I ask and he freezes and turns around.
“Oh, hey. Good morning.” He babbles and I don’t know whether to be worried, amused or sad because he acts like this.
We sit down at the table and I smile at the doughnuts in front of me.
“Which one do you want?” Brendon asks.
There’s a blue one and a pink one.
I grin and grab the pink one. Brendon laughs and takes the other one.
We eat in silence. It’s not really uncomfortable but I wouldn’t call it nice either. I know Brendon is desperate to ask questions and I guess I should just answer them.
“Start asking before you explode.” I say and he looks up and bites his lip.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. You’re treating me like I might break any second. Just ask.”
He looks away nervously and I wait patiently till he starts talking.
“What exactly happens when you get an … attack?”
He looks ashamed but I decide to ignore that.
“You should ask Spencer that. I can’t really tell you much about those.”
“I mean what happens to you?”
Oh
“I don’t really know. When I was younger I remembered but now it’s just like I’m out and when it’s over I’m really tired and stuff.”
“So what was it like when you were younger?”
I try to think about that and grimace.
“Oh, you don’t have to- ” Brendon starts but I glare at him.
“It’s actually just … I see stuff and what I see isn’t too nice.”
He stares at me with wide worried eyes.
“It doesn’t matter who you are when I’m like this because I don’t really see you as yourself.”
He just keeps staring.
“But hey, I won’t remember it afterwards anyway so fuck it.”
My try to raise the mood fails and Brendon just keeps looking at me with worry in his eyes.
“Why were you so scared that I would think you’re a freak?” he asks carefully.
I look down and start fiddling with my hands.
“Because everyone left after they found out. Everyone but Spencer.” I whisper.
“I won’t leave, okay? I promise.”
My gaze raises and meets his. We just stare at each other for a while till Brendon starts to smile.
“So what do you want to do today?” he asks and gets up to put our plates away.
“I don’t know.”
“We could just watch a few movies.”
I shrug and get up as well, following him into the living room where I fall down on the couch.
“Uhm … one of those attacks can’t be triggered by fear or something, right?” Brendon asks nervously.
“Nothing triggers them.” I say and close my eyes. “Wait, why- ”
Brendon is now standing in front of the couch, smirking down at me. I roll my eyes and sit up. He sits down next to me and smiles at the screen.
Great, seems to be some horror movie.
“You can still lie down.” He laughs and tugs at my arm.
I frown and he keeps tugging till my head rests in his lap.
“Can you watch like this?”
“I don’t even want to watch this.” I hiss and he giggles and hits play.
I groan and try to turn away from the screen but Brendon pulls my hair and holds my head in place.
“Dude, what the fuck?” I ask but he just smiles down at me and keeps playing with my hair.
At first I’m tense but soon I relax and start watching the damn movie.
*
Brendon’s POV
I have no clue how to act around Ryan now that I know but treating him like he’s different obviously isn’t the right way. I expected a lot but not this. I didn’t expect him to have a mental illness but it triggered something inside me.
It makes me want to look after him.
I’m ripped out of my mind when Ryan whimpers.
Oh someone just died in the movie.
I chose the remake of A Nightmare on Elm street because I thought it’s not too scary so Ryan would like it.
Well, he isn’t really enjoying it.
“I hate you, Bren! I won’t be able to sleep after this.” He mumbles and I move my hands to cover his eyes when I notice a shocking scene is about to come.
“You can always just come sleep with me.” I laugh but then freeze.
Why did I say this?
Ryan turns his head to look up at me and I smile nervously.
“I might just do that.” He says and watches the screen again.
I feel a blush creep into my cheeks and start playing with Ryan’s hair again. He sighs contently but flinches when the next person in the movie dies.
*
We spend the whole day like that, just watching horror movies.
While watching My Bloody Valentine Ryan screams a few times and then glares at me because every time he jumps is obviously my fault.
Then we watch A Haunting in Connecticut and Final Destination. Somewhere between the last movie Ryan falls asleep so I’m trapped on the couch with his head still in my lap. I let my head fall backwards and close my eyes
When I hear the front door open I look up and see my mother walk into the living room.
“I’m home! What did you- ”
She stops when her gaze rests on us.
“Uhm, Brendon?”
“What?” I ask quietly so Ryan won’t wake up.
My mother watches us for a bit longer before turning around and walking into the kitchen. I think that was disgust in her eyes.
Fabulous.
I look down at the sleeping boy and move one hand to his shoulder, shaking carefully.
“Hey, Ry” I whisper.
He groans and turns to bury his face in my lap.
“Come on”
I turn him over so he looks up at me. He blinks a few times with confusion in his eyes.
“Brendon? Where- ” he looks around. “Oh, right.”
I smile at him and he sits up.
“We should just eat something and go to bed.” I suggest and Ryan nods.
Without another word we get up and walk into the kitchen where my mother is standing. She turns and observes us before turning towards the counter again.
I glare at her back and walk over to the fridge to get something to eat quickly. Then I grab Ryan’s hand and pull him up the stairs and into my room.
“Uhm, what’s going on?” he asks and sits down on my bed.
“Nothing” I say quickly.
He watches me closely for a while before nodding. After that we eat in silence.
When we are finished we decide to sleep so Ryan leaves and I change into my pyjamas. I crawl into my bed and turn the light off.
Half an hour goes by and I’m about to doze off when my door opens.
“Bren? Are you still awake?” I hear Ryan ask quietly.
I roll to the side to see him standing in the door.
“Yes” I whisper and he creeps inside and closes the door. “What is it?”
He says nothing and comes closer.
“Are you okay?” I ask and sit up.
He nods and starts fiddling with his hands.
“What?”
“Do you remember how I said I can’t sleep alone after watching those movies and you said I could sleep with you?” Ryan whispers.
“Are you really scared?”
He nods and takes another step towards the bed. I just look at him for a moment before holding up the covers. He smiles and crawls in next to me.
I retreat so he can lie down but he moves towards me.
“Ryan, what- ” I start but he makes a displeased noise.
“Shut up. You agreed to be friends with me.” He mumbles and buried his face in the pillow right next to my head.
I freeze and watch him for a while till his breathing evens out.
He looks so peaceful and happy but fragile at the same time. Slowly I reach out to run my fingers through his hair, completely fascinated with the view in front of me. My hand moves down till it rests on his cheek. His skin is so soft and pale.
I move a bit closer and withdraw my hand.
Maybe this can be more than just a friendship.