Find Your Own Way

Staring at her walls Arianna cried. She no longer had to do chores and she was getting the food she liked but she was confined to her room and if she was good she was allowed to go to other rooms in the house.

She’d been in her room for a week now and she hated it.

She hated her purple walls. She hated her stupid white furniture. Most of all she hated the band posters she had hung up.

Screaming she jumped up and went to town tearing them down. She was going crazy in here. Hearing a soft knock she turned her head to glare at the intruder. “Arianna?” Dan asked sticking his head in. “Your dad said it’d be alright for you to come down to the living room for a few hours.”

Contemplating it for a few seconds she stared at the man. She still didn’t know him that well but he was the most soft spoken out of the group that was lounging downstairs.

Feeling tears start to well up she quickly bowed her head. She wouldn’t be going down anytime soon.

“You okay?” he asked quietly coming in and shutting the door. “Arianna you can talk to me you know.”

Shaking her head Arianna shrank to the floor holding her knees to her chest. She wanted to get high so badly right now. Just forget her pain for a little while.

Sitting on the floor next to her Dan hugged her to him. They stayed quiet for the most part as he rocked her. He knew what she was going through and then some.

“Love of mine, someday you will die, but I’ll be close behind,” he softly sang. “I’ll follow you into the dark. No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white.”

Staring down at her he watched her peak her tear stained face out and watch him. Smiling softly he continued the song he had never sung to anyone before.

“Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark,” he continued to rock her and sing. “If Heaven and Hell decide that they are both satisfied, Illuminate the Nos on their vacancy signs, if there’s no one beside you, when your soul embarks, then I’ll follow you into the dark,” he hummed for a little bit and when she brought her face fully out from her knees he wiped away her tears.

“I didn’t peg you as the singer,” she whispered staring into his eyes. “I’ve never heard that song before.”

“No one has,” Dan told her picking her up on her feet. “Maybe one day you can hear the whole thing, guitar and all.”

Arianna nodded and wiped at her eyes. “I’ll be down in a minute, I just want to wash up my face.”

“I’ll wait for you,” Dan said sitting on her bed. He was glad she would come down. He stared at the torn posters around her room and sighed. He’d have to talk to Brian about letting her out more often. “You ready?” he asked once she appeared again from the bathroom.

“Yeah,” she spoke.



“So what do you want for dinner Ari?” Brian asked picking the phone up. “Chinese? Indian? Pizza?”

Thinking for a minute she smiled, she was so happy she was getting food that she liked. “Taco Bell!”

“Alright, get your shoes, whose driving?” Brian asked setting the phone back down.

“I will,” Matt offered grabbing his keys from the table by the door. “No one make a mess of my car.”

Arriving at Taco Bell the group got out of the car and piled into the small restaurant.

“Alright, order for yourselves and I’ll pay,” Brian said getting in back of everyone. He almost regretted it when the bill came to sixty dollars. Oh well.

“You want to eat here or go home?” Matt asked as Brian brought his bag over to where they were waiting.

“Home,” Arianna said before Brian could reply. She had watched the cashier the entire time they had been in here and he had been dying to ask them for an autograph.

“Alright then,” Matt laughed leading the way out of the restaurant.

Finally at home and their food all gone Arianna went out and sat on the back porch. It was a nice night, not horribly humid and not too cold.

“Mind if I join you?” Dan asked. The guys had all started drinking and he hadn’t been sober long enough not to be tempted.

“Sure,” Arianna said looking up. “They get too old man for you?”

“Nah,” Dan laughed sitting beside her. “How are you?”

“Okay,” she said smiling a little. “I don’t know. How are you?”

“I’m good,” he spoke looking up to the stars. “Want to know a secret?”

“Depends is it a good one?”

Dan laughed and shook his head. “Depends on your definition of a good secret.”

“Alright then what is it?” she asked turning to look at him. She slightly wished that she was a few years older. She was really starting to like him.

“I’ve only been clean and sober for two years,” he said looking down to her. He could tell she didn’t think it was a good secret but he shrugged it off. “I still get tempted to go back; to chase it.”

“Then why don’t you?” she asked looking down at his arms. She realized that he was always wearing long sleeves. He was ashamed of his scars.

“I’d be giving up everything I’ve worked for,” he paused and followed her gaze to his arms. “It’s not worth it in the long run.”

“I’m not looking at the long run,” she admitted turning her gaze to the sky again. “I’m only sixteen, I’m having fun, living life. I don’t want to think of all the consequences yet.”

“But someday you will?” he asked noticing she added yet to the sentence. “It’s better to think of it now than to think of it five years from now when you’re barely holding on.”

“Maybe,” she said biting her lip. “Fuck I want a joint.”

Laughing Dan just shook his head. He had to bite his lip from giving his remarks. He really wanted some Persian gold.



Waking up at the crack of dawn Arianna sneaked a phone call from the house phone to one of her friends. They were going to throw a weighted down baggy up onto the roof outside her window. She was so excited she could barely contain herself when she watched them show up.

When the package landed she mouthed a thank you to them and threw them a weighted down sock full of money. She didn’t even know what they were giving her but if it brought her up to cloud nine it’d be worth every penny.

Opening the small package she stifled her squeal. A nice size bag full of weed, a couple pills, and to top it off a small little baggy full of white powder. Quickly looking around her room she sighed. And then she thought of the perfect hiding spot. The box of tampons under her sink.

Making herself a small joint Arianna quietly made her way downstairs and outside. No one would be awake for a few more hours. And when they were awake she’d have food all cooked and no one would think twice about why she was shoveling it down like she hadn’t eaten in days.