Don't Let Me Jump, Don't Let Me Fall

"But Mom, you don't understand! This isn't my fault! Are you really going to blame this on me?" I yelled. I had just told them I'm pregnant. It wasn't my fault. My ex-boyfriend had raped me and now my parents were freaking out.
"You're the one who decided to be with him in the first place! If you wouldn't have gotten so close to him, then this wouldn't be happening, now would it?" My Dad was yelling and packing my bags.
"Where are you guys sending me?" I asked.
"You're moving back to San Diego and living with Vic and Mike. We can't have you around here. Our friends will think we're bad parents," my mom said.
"Oh yeah let's worry about what our friends think more than the fact that our daughter got raped. Then, let's send her to live with her two brothers that she hasn't seen to in 10 years and has barely talked to in those 10 years." I mimicked my mom's voice.
"Victor will be here to pick you up in three hours. You're stuff is packed and ready to go. Sit on the couch until he get's here." my dad said.
"Yes sir.."

I sat on the couch for the three hours. I loaded my stuff into the car and I sat in silence in Vic's car. I was silently crying.
"Caroline.. I heard that you're pregnant.. I'm really disappointed in you.." he said.
"I don't think you heard the whole story, Vic... remember that boy I went out with for like, 2 years and broke up with a few months ago?" I asked. He nodded his head. "Well, about a month ago.. I was walking home from a friends house and he uh.. grabbed me. I tried to scream and kick back but he was too strong... he abused me and he raped me.." I was crying and my voice cracked as I spoke.
"Wait if you were raped then what's Mom and Dad's problem? Why are they sending you back to San Diego and basically dis-owning you?" he asked.
"They're more worried about how their friends are going to look at me than anything. I hate them. I really do."
"that's fucked up.."
"Vic?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for a baby.. I'm 17 with no boyfriend and moving to San Diego, I won't even have any friends. I don't want this child to grow up without a father, Vic. I don't know how to raise a kid. I'm scared. I'm truly scared. I don't know what I'm going to do.."

I turned my head to look out the window and lay my head on it. Tears were still rolling down my cheeks. I can't even take care of myself according to my parents, how the hell am I going to take care of a baby?
"Caroline. Everything will be alright. What happened is bullshit. You're going to get through this. If you ever need any help, you can come to me or Mike. We're going to kick this mother fucker's ass when we come back." he said.
"It's really good to see you again, though. I've missed my older brother..." I said.
"I've missed you too, Caroline. You know that, but I couldn't stay there with Mom and Dad. They wouldn't have let Mike and I do what we wanted to in life. I wouldn't be who I am now. They're crazy and all they care about it themselves." he said.

The rest of the three hour ride was quiet. We pulled up to a decent size house. There were two cars parked in the driveway, meaning there were other people. Great.
"We're here." he said. We got out of the car and I grabbed my things from the back seat.
"Um.. who else is in there?" I asked nervously. We began walking up the driveway to the front door.
"Just Mike and my friends Tony and Jaime,"
"Uh.." I really don't like human interaction. I always feel like people are judging me or pointing out my flaws. I feel like as soon as I walk out of ear shot, they're going to talk about me.
"It will be fine. I promise." he reassured me as we walked through the doorway. There were three guys sitting in the living room. Mike looked different. He looked like Jesus with tattoos. There was a guy with what I'm assuming is a Pandawan braid and both sides of his hair shaved, leaving long hair in middle. Like he had a mohawk but it was just hanging on one side underneath his snapback. He had a lot of tattoos too and the best smile I've seen in a long time. The other guy had hair that was spiky. He had tattoos on his left arm and dimples when he smiled. Mike got up an hugged me.
"Hey, Caroline! How have you been?" he asked.
"Hi Mikey! I've been good, I guess. Besides the whole.. you know.." I put my head down.
"No.. I don't know... What happened?" I looked at Vic. He motioned Mike to go into the other room with him so they could talk. The other two guys were looking at me. I still didn't know who was who. I sat down on the chair and fiddled my fingers.
"SHE'S PREGNANT?!" I heard Mike yell from the other room. The two guys look at me with their eyebrows raised. I closed my eyes and put my face in my hands. This is how everyone is going to react now. Not much later, Mike and Vic walk back into the room like nothing happened.

"Caroline, this is Tony," Vic pointed to the guy with the braid. "Tony, this is Caroline."
"Hi Tony, it's good to meet you," I said and fidgeted in my seat.
"Hello," he said back.
"This is Jaime," Vic said, pointing to the guy with funny hair.
"Hi Jaime. I like your hair," I said awkwardly. He smiled and showed his dimples.
"Thank you, Caroline. I like your...uh..." he trailed off.
"You don't have to compliment me back," I giggled. Vic walked over to me.
"Hey, come on, I'll show you your room." I got up and followed him up the stairs and down the hallway. I was the last room on the right. It was a decent size room.
"It's nothing big, but it's got a bed and a dresser and stuff.." he said and sat my bags on the ground.
"It's a bit messy, sorry about that.. it was kind of last minute." he said.
"It's fine. It's fine. I like it. I'm gonna rest a little bit." I sat on the bed.
"That's alright, it's your room, after all." he began walking to the bedroom door.
"Hey, Vic?" I said and he turned back around to face me.
"Could you help me find a doctor tomorrow? I have to find one, but I don't want to go alone.."
"Of course." He said and turned to leave. I laid down and closed my eyes.

This is where I will be living now. No contact with old friends. No one to talk to, besides my own two brothers. I'm going to miss everyone. Not my parents much, but my friends. Everyone's going to think I died or something. Everything about that night began playing in my head. Walking home, being dragged from the sidewalk into a car. Struggling to get out of his grip. It was all painful to think about. How am I going to tell my child that it's father was a rapist? How am I going to raise a kid on my own? What if I mess up? What if something happens to me? I can't let my child grow up without a dad AND a mom.

Tears began to fall down my face as these thoughts ran about my mind. I turned to my side and tried to think about better things. I drifted off to a very light sleep.