The Consequence

** Josh's POV **

I sat silently in my bunk, hunched over a small notebook with a pencil hanging limply from my bottom lip like a wooden cigarette. I heave a sigh of frustration, I've been in this same damn position for over an hour and all that I've written is the fucking date. My hands make their way into my shaggy hair and I stare blankly at the crisp white page. My mind is like a bee's nest, thoughts buzzing around with no real purpose other than to irritate, every time I trie to reach out and grab one they always seen to dart away. But one main thought occupies my mind the most, like the Queen Bee of the nest. Carrie. No matter how many times I repeate to myself "She's not yours anymore." "You can't love her anymore." I still find myself pining for her touch, her attention, her affection. I have to stop myself from staring at her whenever I see her around the bus or lash out with jealousy every time I see her with Max.

Max. It's down right obvious that he fucking fancies her. Everyone on our bus knows it. I could tell he's been encouraged by them to make a move on her but they never do it in my line of hearing or sight. Backstabbing cunts. I've tried winning her back, to start up conversation with her but she just shoots me down like an ignorant crow. I just don't know what I should do with myself every time I see her. Should I leave? Flit with her? Shout at her? Kiss her? I grab my pencil from out my mouth and pack it away under my pillow with the notebook. A good ol' stroll will do me good I think. Clear my mind a bit. As I leave the bus a sharp gust of cool night air nips at the skin of my exposed arms. Damn, should have put on a jumper. I continue my walk nonetheless and let my feet lead me past the many rows of buses to a small cafe. The lights inside are warm and welcoming and the sweet aroma of freshly baked muffins and coffee fill my nostrils without complaint. My stomach gives out a low gurgle. Meh, I could do with a cookie. I advance towards the counter where a stumpy blonde girl with rosy chipmunk cheeks awaits me with a smile plastered onto her face.
"And what can I get you sir?" She seems to be in a very chipper mood seeing as it's just about 11 at night, I rattle off my order and wait patiently at the side of the counter as she whizzes around pushing buttons and what not. My eyes glide over the unoccupied tables until my eyes land on a young couple at the far corner beside the display window, their hands intertwined as the boy feeds the girl bits of his muffin. I do a double take. Is that...Jack? I narrow my eyes to get a better look at the guy; jet black floppy hair, prominent nose, dark eyes framed with...glasses? Ha, the dude has glasses! Yup, that's so Jack. But, who's the girl facing him with her back to me? She had her wavy dirty blonde hair tied up in a messy bun with a baggy black hoodie on (presumably Jack's, bless, what a gentleman). I heard a small cough and I snapped my head back to see the girl had finished making my order, I grabbed the small paper bag with my cookie in it and with the other hand took the warm cup of coffee. I plodded over to Jack with a smirk on my face, he never told me he had a girlfriend! Lying git!
"Hey Jack! Fancy meeting you-" My heart stopped. My tongue feeling heavy in my dry mouth. It can't be. I shook my head, hoping, no...praying I was seeing things. But that was just wishful thinking. As I turned my head to see the girl facing Jack my heart broke into a million pieces.
"Oh, hi Carrie." I lowered my head, swallowing hard in attempt to keep the tears at bay. From the corner of my eye I could make out Carrie nodding her head curtly in greeting. "You know what? I better go and...leave you two...alone." I marched out the cafe, my eyes stringing. How could she do that to me? I thought I meant more to her then just someone she could quickly replace. I needed a drink. If she was going to move on, then fuck it so will I.

** Carrie's POV **

"What was his problem?" I looked up from my coffee to see Jack eyeing the door with a sceptical look. I scoffed in response. I couldn't speak, my mouth was completely dry. He wasn't supposed to find out this way. Fuck, was he supposed to find out at all? I felt numb, void of all feeling. I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat and gave Jack's hand a squeeze.
"I'm gonna see if he's okay. I'll be back in a minute." I stood up from my seat, gave Jack a quick kiss and headed out into the cold night.

I found him easy enough. He was slumped down against a wall, his coffee spilled all over the pavement. His hands were covering his face so I silently made my way forward and crouched in front of him, I let out a small cough to inform him that I was there. He lowered his hands from his face slowly, his eyes glassy and blood-shot. I gave him a small smile.
"I thought I'd make sure you were okay. You stormed out like a proper diva. Good job." I gave a humourless laugh in attempt to lighten the mood. Alas, it didn't work. His eyebrows were furrowed and a frown was making an appearance into his face.
"Why are you doing this? I thought I meant more to you." He trailed off at the end, his voice berely a croak. I looked down at the pavement, watching the moisture from the past rain glisten in the yellow light from the street lamps.
"I, I don't know Josh. I was so confused and hurt...I guess I latched onto the first thing that showed me the love I needed the most," I was surprised at the things coming out my mouth, I've been struggling with these questions myself but what I was saying was exactly how I was feeling. "You mean the world to me Josh, you really do. The night we broke up I didn't know what to do with myself, my world felt dull without you in it but at the same time...I almost felt...free." Wait...Are these words coming from me? I looked up at him now, his face showing hurt and shock.
"So, you care about him? About Jack?" My voice caught in my throat. This was the question I knew deep inside I really didn't want to know the answer to.
"I do, but I still don't know in what way yet." This was the only answer I was able to give. He looked away from me, his eyes staring at something far off into the distance. A shiver ran down my spine and I hugged Jack's hoodie closer to me. I patted Josh's knee and got up heading back into the cafe.
"I'll see you round Josh." I heard him scramble to his feet and calling my name, I turned around, holding in a breathe. His mouth was hung open as if he was going to say something, he swallowed his words down and gave me a sad wave. heading in the opposite direction. I turned back around, kicking a stone that was lying on the pavement.

Deep down I knew what he was going to say, and deep down I wanted him to say it, I just could bring myself to admit it.