R.I.P

Dear Freddy.

My little boy. My little prince. Your death is my fault. I should've stopped you from fighting. I should've done something. I should've known this would be the outcome. I knew it was unlikely that we would all make it out alive. But I just hoped it would've been me who died instead of you. You had your whole life in front of you. I knew you were going to make your dreams come true. And the day you and George started your joke shop I was the proudest mother in the world. I know I didn’t always show it. But I was. You made me the happiest mother in the world. And I cannot thank you enough for everything you did for all of us.

Ron took over the joke shop with George. George desperately needed the help. It's going as strong as ever. You were right, people always need a laugh. And I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about your 'poor choice of career' I see now that if was your dream, and just because I didn't achieve mine, didn't mean that I could hold yours back. I didn't mean to be such a grump; I was just trying to look after you. I was trying to make sure you were okay. But I failed at that didn't I?

I think we all blame ourselves. Percy the most. He hardly ever leaves the burrow anymore. Only if he has to. He just stays in his room, cursing. Blaming it on himself. I know what he means. But it’s worse for him. He saw you die. He thinks if he had done more, you would be alive. But it was only one persons fault: Voldemorts. Yes I now can say his name. He is the despicable wizard that I blame for the mess our family is in. George doesn’t sleep in your room anymore, he doesn’t laugh anymore either. He occasionally cracks a joke, but his smile is always forced. I’m his mother I can tell. Even If he doesn’t know it himself. I come downstairs at night and he’s just sat there staring at the wall, tears in his eyes. He misses you more than anyone in the world. I’ve often heard him calling your name in the night, which makes things a worse atmosphere here. Without his partner in crime he’s lost. He has no one to help him come up with those insane ‘skiving snack boxes’ or whatever it was that you both used to spend all your time on.

Harry spends a lot of time here now, he constantly apologises for your death. Which I wish he wouldn’t do. Every time someone mentions your name it feels like a punch in the stomach. But I guess we all have to be strong. Him and Ginny are as close as ever, maybe closer. But it’s nice that at least one of us is getting on with life. He’s helped her keep strong. He’s been a blessing in disguise, he helps around the house, cooking, cleaning. And helps us take our mind of things. But even he can tell it’s not the same. We all hope to hear you and George apparate in on us, scaring us like you used to. Or have races up and down the stairs. Then argue about who won. It used to always end in me shouting at you both to sit down and have dinner. Now I look back I wish we hadn’t had so many fights. That is my one regret. I hope you didn’t hate me for all of them.

Bill spends all his time away from home with Fleur now. I guess there are too many memories here for him to cope with. But I admire him for doing what’s best for him. Charlie is also still in Romania. It’s like I lost three sons in one. Things with me and your father aren’t the same anymore. I guess after you died we just fell out of love. Simple. But we’ve not said anything to any of the kids. We don’t want to cause anymore grief for anyone. It’s hard to go on now. The days drag by slower every day. You were the glue that kept all of us together Freddy. Please come back. Please come back and fix this mess. Please come back and make me the happiest woman to walk this earth.

I love you son.

Love your mother.