No One's Gonna Need You More

“I’m so fucking sorry, Lex.” Jack was holding Alex as they lay in Jack’s bunk. Alex just hummed and rubbed his face against Jack’s t-shirt.

“No, really, baby, I’m such an asshole.”

“Shut up, Jack. Yeah you could have just not stormed off and we could’ve avoided all of this but I just want to sleep and not fight and move on.”

“I just feel so bad; I can’t believe I slammed your hand in the door! I could’ve fucking broken it! I’m so sorry.” Jack had pulled back a bit to look into Alex’s eyes but Alex had his own closed.

“Alex, come one, I need you to forgive me!”

“Jack, I do, If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here right now. I love you, okay, now be quiet, I’m really fucking tired.”

Alex had flipped so his back was now to Jack and Jack couldn’t help but feel that Alex wasn’t being 100% truthful with him. He didn’t want to make Alex anymore upset than he already was though so he settled for rubbing Alex’s back. Alex sighed as Jack worked some of the muscles.

“I love you.” Alex mumbled before he drifted off to sleep.

Jack lay awake for quite a while afterward. His relationship with Alex was falling apart. Tonight was far from the first night they’d gotten into a fight. Alex was drifting away from him and there wasn’t anything he could do about. Jack fell into a restless sleep only to be woken up what felt like seconds later.

“Ugh” Jack groaned and opened his eyes in time to see Alex leaving the bunk.

“Lex? Where are you going?”

Alex didn’t answer him; he just picked up his pace and headed out into the front lounge. What the fuck? Jack grumbled and swung his legs out of the bunk.

“Alex?”

Jack peered into the front lounge but didn’t see Alex anywhere. Where the hell had he gone? Jack was standing in the doorway pouting because seriously, it was too early for this shit and he just wanted Alex to come back and lay down with him.

“Jack?”

Jack looked up at his name being called. It was the fucking new tech who had been passed out on the front lounge couch apparently. Jack just glared at him.

“Umm…Alex…he umm…he just walked outside.” Jack narrowed his eyes, what if this guy was lying to him to get him away from Alex? It was obvious that they both liked each other. Ian had let Alex curl up and fall asleep on him last night and seriously it’s like every tech they’ve ever had has had some kind of crush on Alex, but Alex had never shown any interest before.

Jack was debating between going outside or just going back to his bunk and hoping that Alex came back on his own. Alex was restless sometimes; maybe he just needed to get some air. He groaned to himself and started walking toward the bus door. He couldn’t really just leave Alex outside without at least making sure he was okay.

Jack held himself back from flicking Ian off as he trudged over to the door and headed outside. He didn’t have to go far as Alex was sitting on the ground right next to the bus door.

“Alex? Are you okay?”

Alex shook his head and brought his knees up to his chest. He felt so helpless right now. How could he do this to Jack?

“Alex, baby, what’s wrong?” Alex pushed him away and curled in on himself. He didn’t deserve Jack’s kindness. He was the worst boyfriend ever.

“Leave me alone, Jack.” He barely said it above a whisper but he knew Jack heard it when the hurt look crossed his face. How could he do this to Jack? He knew their relationship wasn’t always easy but he was positive he still loved him.

“Lex, just tell me what’s wrong.” Alex shook his head and buried his face into his knees.

“Alex! I’m not fucking playing here. I’m so sick of you never telling me what you’re feeling. You just hide everything and I’m not a mind reader which is apparently what I’d have to be to stay in a relationship with you.”

Jack took a deep breath and looked back down at Alex. He instantly regretted what he had said when he saw Alex was shaking and heard him let out a quiet sob.

“Shit, Lex, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

“Yes you did.” Alex swiped under his eyes as he looked up at Jack. “Don’t say you didn’t mean it, you meant it.”

Jack moved to sit down next to Alex and frowned as Alex cringed when Jack’s arm bumped against his own. He sighed and turned his head to look at Alex. Alex had thrown his head back against the bus.

“I do love you, Alex.” Alex glanced over and gave him a sort of smile. He rubbed at his nose before laying his head onto Jack’s shoulder.

“I love you too.”

“Can we go back inside?” Alex shook his head. He needed to be alone for a bit. His brain was still cloudy and he had to think a few things through.

“Do you mind giving me a bit? I just need to be alone.” Jack nodded and stood up, leaning back down to kiss Alex’s forehead.

“I’ll be in my bunk, k?”

Alex nodded as Jack walked back on the bus. Jack meant so much to him but he was starting to feel like that wasn’t enough. He loved Jack but maybe he wasn’t in love with him anymore. As if his dream earlier this morning hadn’t told him something was messed up, he’d woken up with his tent pitched and the reason hadn’t been Jack.

The reason had been Ian. Their sexy new tech had come into his bunk last night, had run his fingers up and down Alex’s chest, softly biting on his collarbones. He had slowly moved his perfect mouth down to Alex’s dick and licked the base. Using his fingers and pumping while sucking on the tip where Alex had been leaking pre-cum. Alex shuddered at the thought and jerked himself out of the day dream. It had felt too real. He had woken up hot and sweaty with Jack’s arm wrapped around his waist. He had to get out because what kind of boyfriend had wet dreams about other guys.

Alex rubbed at his eyes and was only a little surprised to find them wet. He didn’t want this. He just wanted to be with Jack and for them to not fight over stupid shit. He wanted them to have the perfect relationship everyone thought they had, the one they all wrote about. Instead, they constantly fought. They threw insults at each other and had screaming matches in hotel rooms. More than once they’d progressed to a full out fist fight where security had had to be called. What kind of a relationship was that?

Alex rubbed at his forehead, he had a headache and his hand was throbbing. He slowly stood up, using his good hand and walked back onto the bus. He rummaged in the cabinets for a minute before giving up and sitting down at the table, dropping his head onto his arms.

“Can I find something for you?” Alex looked up to see Ian standing there; he was staring at the ground and rubbing the back of his neck.

“I really need some pain killers. Please?”

Ian nodded and went over to the cabinets managing to find them in about 5 seconds. Alex frowned at that because seriously, he’s been living on this bus for like a year and Ian has been here a day. He held out his hand without voicing this though and dry swallowed them before Ian had even got the chance to offer him some water.

“How do you do that?” Ian pulled a face and reflexively swallowed. His throat hurt just watching that. Alex just shrugged.

“I’m gonna go back to bed for a while. I’ve got a splitting headache.” Ian just nodded at that and watched Alex stand and stumble back toward his bunk.

Alex tried to be quiet as he got into the bed where Jack had already fallen back asleep. He’d debated going into his own bunk but he didn’t want Jack to think something was up. So he crawled in beside Jack and curled up. Jack stirred in his sleep but didn’t fully wake, just turned to wrap his arm around Alex’s waist and pull him into his chest.