Silver Springs

Mamie knocked on Billie’s door. The sound was hard, fast, and broke the drab silence from inside of the apartment. Billie had been working on a website for some tennis shoes company, but he found himself getting up and getting the door because whatever it was, it was urgent.

He only caught sight of Mamie’s windswept blond hair and her pink painted lips spread apart in a look of distress. “Oh, Billie,” she said, “We have royally fucked up.”

Billie knew what she was talking about. “You saw him again, didn’t you?” he muttered and stepped aside to let her in. She looked apologetic, but spread her hands apart as if in surrender.

“Yes,” she said, “I did. And I don’t know where we stand anymore. I mean, we may not ever get back together. But we can’t do this to him. We can’t! It was so fucking selfish.”

She sat down on Billie’s blue velvet couch and put her nails to her mouth, gnawing at them like it would help. Billie sat down next to her. A surge of affection battled inside of him. Oh, how was he supposed to give her up?

The same happened to Mamie. She thought, Oh, shit. He and I were happy.

Mamie put her hand awkwardly on Billie’s knee. What was she supposed to say? Well, we had a good run?

Billie then said, “You’re right. He still loves you. And I knew that. And I should have respected that.”

“I’m equally as guilty,” Mamie muttered, “And I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry.”

Billie gently pushed away her hand and looked away. Because it was stupid that it hurt this much and he would not let her see it. “Well, we had a good run, didn’t we?” he said.

Mamie cringed. She took the message and got up, sliding her purse over her shoulder. “Billie, I care about you. Always will.” She grabbed his head and kissed the top of his forehead. He replied with a kiss to the lips. It was slow and soft, meant as the memory of a final departure.

But then something happened. And it was exactly what they had always dreaded. There was a knock at the door. Mamie got up and ran toward the closet like the nervous wreck she was. Billie laughed because he expected it to only be a salesman or one of his friends, not the friend. But fate was not fair and it was Gunnar. He was holding two paper cups with steaming coffee.

“Hey man,” he greeted.

Billie’s eyes popped out. “Hey Gunnar!” he said excitedly, an excuse to say his name very, very loudly. He could have sworn he’d heard a little squeak from his closet. But Gunnar hadn’t noticed. It was like a scene from a super shitty sitcom, so Billy followed his natural response, he laughed.

Gunnar watched as nervous laughter escaped his friend’s mouth. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked, half seriously.

“I don’t know. It’s been a weird day. What’s up?” Billie said and they both plonked down on the couch. Gunnar eased himself in like the cat he was, sipped his coffee with a relaxed expression.

“I came to talk to you about Jamie. You know her.”

“Ye –es,” Billie prolonged the word because he did not like where this was going. This was going to break Mamie’s heart.

“Dude, the girl is beautiful, she is cool, she is in recovery like us, and she’s awesome in bed. I like her.”

Billie could feel the tension in the room. Tension that Gunnar was utterly oblivious to.

“What’s the problem then?” Billie said.

“I mean that I like her. But Mamie is always right here.” He gestured towards his head, “She is like following me everywhere, man.”

Billie wanted to throw things.

“That’s tough, Gunn,” he replied sympathetically.

“I know. She stopped by the bar last night. And she looked good.” Gunn had his hands over his eyes like he was trying to stop himself from falling asleep.

“Do you wanna get back together with her?” Billie asked blankly.

“See. I don’t know. There’ s a reason why we broke up. And it wasn’t just the excessive drinking. I mean, I was working at a fucking bar. I’m still working there. Old habits die hard. But it wasn’t that.”

Billie leaned in closer. They had broken up, but had never given a good reason why. Even Mamie remained tight lipped.

“She and I were just like oil and water sometimes. Like, you know when you love someone so much that it just becomes natural to hurt them?” Gunnar continued. Billie shook his head no.

“Well, that’s what it was. I think we were suffocating each other at some point. It was royally fucked up.”

Billie grimaced.

“I think I’m just nervous about that happening again. I can feel it creeping in. I want to have her and I want to know where she is and what she’s doing and what I can do to help.”

Gunnar stated this all with his eyes closed and then he opened them after a long moment of silence. He looked mortified all of a sudden. “Or this could just be my vagina talking,” he informed Billie.

Billie laughed. “You’ll figure it out. If it’s meant to be, it’ll fall into place. Natural way of things.”

Gunnar looked slightly relieved. “Alright, I’m gonna head out. Thanks for listening to my babbling,” a serious look crossed his face, “Tell anyone and I’ll murder you.”

Billie agreed and let him go. Just as the door closed shut, Mamie hurdled out of the closet. She said nothing, only waited with her purse on her shoulder and a red stained face.

“Mary Lou, babe, come on,” Billie offered. But she shook her head.

“I love you, Billie. Just not like that. And you feel the same way about me,” she urged.

He said nothing and then she decided it had been an appropriate amount of time since Gunnar’s departure, and she left without another word.