Scumbag

Billie Joe’s POV

Brian had an incredibly comfortable bed. He was faced away from me, but I could tell he was awake once again as I was. We’d fallen asleep pretty quickly a few hours ago after we’d dragged the spare mattress into Brian’s room to lay it on the floor and pretend it was for me. Of course, his grandparents didn’t think to question that. I guess not many people would have.

I was actually intending on sleeping there, but Brian had asked me, so very softly, if I’d sleep by his side. He said he wanted company. He said he’d hardly ever slept by anyone’s side before. Of course, I knew he’d slept by Dixie’s side. That was somehow different, I guess. I guessed now that he wasn’t sleeping around with her, because he didn’t seem all that upset by the attention she was giving Mike’s friend Tyson, as of late. I mean I couldn’t be sure, but I had a good feeling they were pretty innocent. She may have been a slut in the past, but perhaps that was all behind her. I didn’t much want to think about it, and so was glad when Brian finally rolled back to face my way.

“Are you awake?” he whispered, and I nodded, thinking he’d feel the movement. “I can’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” I whispered back but truth be told, I probably could. I didn’t want to. That was the problem.

“Come closer.” I could already feel his breath as it hit my face, but I did as he requested. I felt as his shirt touched the bare of my skin, and goose bumps were beginning to form on my arms. I couldn’t sleep with so many clothes on, but he seemed reluctant not to. My hands found his waist much easier than I might have liked, and he responded in kind. He felt much smaller than I was, though we were roughly the same height. I liked that.

“You’re so tiny.”

“I know. It’s sickening, isn’t it?” he spat, completely changing the mood. I hoped I hadn’t given him the impression that I thought that. I didn’t want him to think that.

“Why is that sickening?”

“I’m disgusting.” There was a short moment as I listened to him breathing. “Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and just… cried?” he asked, but no, I had not.

“No, not really. But you have no reason to cry.”

“I wish I was less of who I am on the inside on the outside.”

“But I like your inside. Very much. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met. You’re so… innocent, Brian.” He coughed and seemed to choke on his words, then began giggling as he lay beside me. I was thoroughly confused, but at least he was laughing.

“I’m not innocent. I’m never innocent!”

“You’re laying here beside me almost fully clothed, and only wanted a cuddle. Nothing more. That’s pretty innocent to me…”

“Who said I only wanted a cuddle?” My body couldn’t take that subtle hint and not react to it. I felt those goose bumps again and tried to ignore the impulse to run my hand up his shirt.

“I mean, I assumed…” I began, but didn’t want to continue and sound like a fool. “Are you fucking with me? Because I don’t even know if you like me all that much. It looked like it almost killed you to invite me over here.”

“I was… shy. I thought you might say no.”

“I told you you were innocent,” I said, smiling. All the air left my lungs shortly after as Brian suddenly jumped on top of me and started kissing down my neck. This was not happening. Was it? I wasn’t sure I wanted it, really. I mean, I wanted it, in that moment, but I hadn’t been quite as far with a guy before as Brian might have thought. I’d never had a boyfriend, only several drunken kisses and a bit of a feeling up. His tongue prodded my nipple and I might have let out a sound I wish I hadn’t, because I felt as it caused Brian to smirk.

“So am I still innocent?” he asked, his hands making curls in my hair as he lay on me.

“Yes.” I felt as his hands left my hair, and almost grabbed them to move them away as they moved down my body. Truth was, I was shy, and I wasn’t sure why. I needed alcohol. I needed something, anyway. That need for something to rid me of my thoughts burned as he started pushing my boxers down over my hips, which is when I did grab for his hands.

“I can’t.”

“I wasn’t going to do much,” he replied, suddenly shy once more. “I mean, you think I keep lube in my grandparent’s house? I don’t want that kind of trouble…” I was blushing profusely, I knew, and so was he as he crawled off of me and tried to subtly hide his face in the pillow. “I’ve never actually… slept with a guy before. Not that I’ve slept with loads of girls, either… but you know.”

“Me neither.” He seemed relieved to hear that, as was I to hear it from him. “It’s just, I’m usually drunk when I fuck someone. Well when I say usually I mean always, really…”

“I’d find that distracting.”

“Exactly…” He made a face to say he found that odd, I guess, before he turned back around to face the wall.

“Can you… hold me? You don’t have to be drunk to enjoy that, do you?”

“No, not at all.” I wrapped my arms around Brian and felt as he curled up and into me. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face as I buried it into Brian’s neck and found a cosy place to lie. He fell asleep much faster than I did, but I didn’t mind. It gave me a little more time to simply be in that state of mind as I lay comfortably beside him.