Jeah, Whatever

I was so embarrassed that I cried in front of Ryan and during sex with Ryan. I was so ashamed that I let him see a little more of how insecure I could be. It all stemmed back to my broken engagement, I know it did.

Ryan clung onto me a little tighter. I felt his steady breathing on my neck. He would be waking soon as he had swimming finals to get to.

I rested in his arms a while longer as his alarm began to go off. Ryan reached over me to hit the off button and kissed me lightly on my bare shoulder.

“Good morning,” he said to me.

“Hi,” I said in a small voice.

“Well that’s not the voice of a happy girl,” he said, I turned to face him, he smiled at me and pushed the hair out of my face.

“I’m sorry I got all girly and emotional,” I sighed. His smiled grew and he kissed my forehead.

“Natalie, we’re both emotionally insane but when you let that insanity down, I like it,” he promised me.

“So you don’t like, want to run away because I shared a little?” I asked, making sure. He laughed.

“You’re ridiculous, no I don’t want to run away. I think you hold onto what I was and who people said I am, I don’t think you see the change within me,” he said.

I thought about it for a minute. I still was not giving Ryan the credit he deserved.

“But on the for real side, you lost,” I laughed at him. He just rolled his eyes.

“Jeah, jeah, whateva, I am indebted to you for a week,” he said dismissively.

“Ryan, stop using that stupid word,” I begged.

“Nat, that’s MY word, like literally MY word, I have to use it,” he said to me seriously. I sat up and reached for his shirt on the floor, slipping it over my body.

“You have finals today, get up,” I said, knowing I wouldn’t win.

Ryan got out of bed and gave me a proper morning kiss before heading to the bathroom to do his morning routine. I sat back down on the bed and clicked through the TV.

“And in the entertainment world, studly swimmer Ryan Lochte is officially off the market. While it has been speculated that he was involved in a relationship, rumors have been confirmed that Lochte is dating multi billionaire heiress, Natalie Crenshaw. While it had been rumored the two were together and Crenshaw’s father was asked about the subject, the two were caught getting up-close and personal at a swimming race just yesterday, this photo shows that Ryan was certainly getting his hands full,” the reporter said as the TV show revealed a cell phone snapped photo of Ryan grabbing my chest yesterday at the swim meet.

“No other comments have been received,” the anchor finished before moving on to another story.

I put a pillow over my head.

“Natalie what are you doing?” Ryan asked when he came out of the bathroom.

“It was on TV that you fondled me yesterday,” I said, taking the pillow off of me. Ryan shrugged as he got dressed and packed up his swim gear.

“And now it begins, all over again, where everyone gets in my business, let’s hope you can handle it,” he said, looking up from his bag and directly at me before walking out of the room.

What the heck just happened?

I showered and changed into a simple summer dress and sandals and made my way to the aquatic center. It didn’t take long to find Natalie, sitting with Michael in the front. I saw Ryan’s mom and stopped to say hello out of politeness.

“Excited to see both your boys out there winning?” I smiled as I gave her a hug.

“Yes, it’s wonderful seeing them out there together, I just wish we could see a little more of Ryan during this meets, he’s always so hectic,” his mother sighed.

“Well, I’ll see what I can do. But I do see my sister and I’m eager to talk to her, we haven’t been able to see much of each other but it was great to see you,” I smiled a little more before promising to visit again before making my way to Andrea.

“So Ryan threw me a weird one this morning,” I said as I sat next to her. Michael rolled his eyes and looked at me.

“Am I gonna hear girl talk to whole meet?” He groaned.

“You can move,” I said to him. We looked at each other with serious eyes and began to laugh.

I barely knew Michael, in fact, the last I talked to him since before this meet was in London when our families got together but somehow we always felt like we were old friends.

“Go on,” he said, encouraging I just share what happened, when I finished sharing they were both confused.

“I think something happened with his last girlfriend when he got media attention, I don’t recall clearly though,” Michael pondered.

“But he’s an idiot for shutting down,” Andrea confirmed. I wanted to talk more but the swimmers began to come out and Andrea screamed loudly when Nathan and his team came out. As the Florida swim came out, I clapped lightly, not sure if Ryan even wanted me around right now, the blow off and leaving without a goodbye was really out of his current character.

Especially after everything that happened just earlier.

I watched on as Ryan swam the 200 backstroke. He was gliding through the water as if he was the master and decider of where the water should sit.

“He’s a great athlete, that’s for sure,” Michael said as he watched Ryan soar.

“He’s the best there is now,” I smiled. I didn’t take my eyes off the water as Ryan came in and touched first.

I couldn’t help but be proud. Even though he had confused me earlier, even though my feelings were hurt by his actions of leaving after he assured her wouldn’t, I had to smiled and applaud for him loudly, he had just won first place, 2 for 2 and soon he would be 3 for 3.

As it became time for the IM race, I made my way down to the deck so I could grab him when this was all done.

I wouldn’t be avoiding this problem.

Ryan swam the perfect race. I saw him come out of the water and spot me. He smiled a little bit as he hugged his brother and made his way to me.

I liked that this race wasn’t as structured as the Olympics. I didn’t have to wait for interviews or for him to meet any other expectations, he could just meet me.

“Congratulations,” I smiled at him.

“I’m surprised you’re here with the way I acted earlier,” he said, we went into a corner and sat.

“Yeah, we need to talk about why you said that and just left,” I looked down at my feet, afraid to look at his eyes for answers.

“Media attention and relationships don’t tend to do well for me,” Ryan told me.

“You know being the daughter of Mark Crenshaw tends to make me use to media?” I told him, he looked at me and I saw the guilt in his eyes.

“I messed up again, didn’t I? After all that happened last night and this morning, I found a way to screw up,” he looked defeated. I took his face in my hands so he would pay extra attention.

“Ryan, you are being far too hard on yourself right now. We are both going to fail, mess up and get pissed off. We just have to learn how to properly deal,” I said, he grabbed onto my wrist and brought his face close to mine.

“So if this media hounding gets harder, you won’t leave and make a bigger name for yourself like the last one?” He asked, I saw Ryan more deeply. I saw that he had fear, insecurities.

I pulled him into a firm kiss, putting all I could into it.

“No, Ryan, I won’t. If you can last through my family, I can’t walk away over stupid media,” I assured him, Ryan pulled me into a firm hug, getting me wet from his race.

“Ryan, you jerk, we have medals to get!” his brother yelled at him. Ryan pulled away and helped me up from our corner bench and took my hand as we walked to the medal stand where they would be awarding the race winners.

I stood nearby and watched as Ryan took the stand. He looked relieved to be done and that we were able to talk about what went down earlier. I saw him stand proudly with his brother as his mother came up to me.

“He’s falling for you,” she said to me.

“Now I don’t know about all that,” I laughed her comment off.

“Natalie, I know my son, he’s falling for you. It’s why I don’t see him often anymore, it’s why he’s upset with his sisters for saying what I know you heard. I’m not saying they were right for saying what they said but I am saying, you two come from two different worlds and Ryan’s sacrificing so much, what are you doing?” She asked me. Her eyes were fierce and her face was stern.

Andrea stood right next to me, ready to speak up but Michael tugged at her, motioning that she not intervene, it would only fuel whatever confrontation the two of us were now having.

I looked to Ryan, he was looking over at us from the podium, unsure if this was a pleasant interaction or something he should be worried about. Why couldn’t this meet just be easy? Why did it have to be full of so many emotions from the two of us and now from his mother?

“I think that what is happening between me and Ryan is between me and Ryan, with all due respect. But I don’t dare take the blame for Ryan not seeing you anymore,” I said, sticking to my ground. I heard my sister say “I know that’s right” to Michael as I finished speaking.

Ike was about to say something when Ryan came down to meet us.

“I love seeing two of my favorite people talking,” he grinned as he kissed his mother’s forehead, he looked at me and put the medals around my neck.

“Golden,” he grinned.

“Ryan, your sister would like for you to answer your phone when she calls, remember what’s important,” his mother snapped at him before turning away.

“Natalie, you should have told that woman a little more of what you thought,” my sister said, finally speaking.

“What did my mother say to you?” Ryan asked. I saw Michael put his hand over Andrea’s mouth, allowing me to speak.

“Nothing, it’s irrelevant, there’s too much heavy happening right here, we need to do something fun,” I said, not wanting to make this weekend any more dramatic than it already has been.

“Natalie, you should-” Andrea squirmed away from Michael, but he grabbed her more.

“She and I are going to find Nathan, Ryan, great swim, nice to see you,” Michael said before dragging my sister away, Ryan looked at me for a moment before realizing he would not get me to say more.

“So what fun are you looking for?” He asked.

“Well it’s the last night we’re together for a couple weeks so we could either go out alone or in a group, personally, I’d like to drink tonight,” I shrugged, wanting to forget all the mess we had been through this week.

“Then out with others it is, I’ll go tell the guys,” he smiled before walking away.

I sat and played with the medals that were placed around my neck by Ryan. I thought about what his mother had said to me. She clearly didn’t want me and Ryan together and that hurt me. Mothers always liked me. I was loved by them, told I was good for their sons. Well, by my one serious boyfriend. But what have I done to make this mess for her? Do I move to Florida? Isn’t a little too soon to move for this relationship?

I was so confused, I just needed to drink tonight, heavily, drown my troubles away in a bottle or two.