Jeah, Whatever

[Ryan]

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked Connor as we headed to breakfast, referring to what happened with Andrea last night.

“I just feel like an idiot. I didn’t realize how much it meant to her, the girls I usually get with are quick to give their virginities away,” Connor said, still feeling bad about last night.

“Well you had consent from her so that’s the good news. And you gotta remember, these girls aren’t like our typical hook ups,” I said patting his shoulder.

“Yeah? You think you’re going to really go somewhere with Natalie?” He asked.

“Kind of. I don’t know. I just know that I don’t want to rush it with her, it’s like, she’s different,” I tried to explain but I sucked with words.

“Yeah, you probably shouldn’t be a dick to her,” Connor laughed a little. We both knew he was right.

At breakfast, Connor and I sat down with Natalie Coughlin, Missy, and Nathan.

“So, how are the girls?” Natalie asked. I shrugged.

“I do have your clothes to return to you from Nat,” I promised her, she shrugged it off.

“I have enough clothes, I’m sure they do too, but you’re making wise choices right?” She asked.

“I think so,” I assured her a little more.

“So guys, we should all hang out tonight!” Missy spoke up excitedly, desiring to change the conversation.

“That’d be a fun idea,” Nathan chimed in.

“We could just do a simple movie night,” Allison suggested, as she trained with Michael, she was a very focused, intense athlete.

“Karaoke in the lounge!” Missy screamed. People stared at our table.

“I’ll do it if Ryan does it,” Connor grinned. I looked at Missy who was practically jumping out of her seat.

“Fine, I’ll do it,” I groaned, the girls seemed amused about our team plans tonight though. It would be nice to spend time with my teammates as I haven’t been lately.

I got to the aquatic arena on time, today would be another double meet but not as bad as the next day would be. I would be swimming another team event and a freestyle race. I was feeling much better today about what would go down in the pool.

Soon it was time for me to hit the blocks for the 200m freestyle. I came out and had my game face on. I looked to my right and saw that Natalie was not where she would normally stand these last few games. She promised to be here.

I was stretching out, looking all around the arena for her. Where the hell was she? I saw no vibrant colors or heels around anywhere, I didn’t see her giddy sister. I looked up to the stands and saw my family but I didn’t spot her anywhere and it was time to take my stance on the wall.

The annoying beep went off and I pushed off the block as hard and fast as I could, counting my strokes as I swam down the lane. I reached the 50m mark and pushed off hard again, but I began to lose count of my strokes. I was worried about why Natalie wasn’t here, watching me. Why did she say she would come if she didn’t mean it?

And more importantly, why was I caring so much? It was too soon to care. Even if I did ponder the idea of taking it slow with her.

I could hear my coach screaming from the coaches box. He was telling me to focus. I blocked everything out for the rest of the race and when it was over, I saw the news.

I got fourth place. I had lost the race that I should have dominated. Not wanting to talk to anyone, I jumped out of the water and stormed out of the aquatic arena.

I was mad at myself for getting distracted by a girl. Before, it was me, I didn’t do my best last night but this time, Natalie worked her way into my mind. Why? Why did that have to happen. I checked my phone and saw I had texts from her.

-i’m sitting with my family in the stands, we’re with the announcers, good luck!- it read.

I worried over nothing. But I still let her in my mind. I didn’t have time to think more about this. Tonight, I could not let my team down, I had to give us the lead we needed. Michael stressed that to us earlier in the waiting area.

I met up with my team and we huddled together one last time. It was me, Connor, Ricky and Michael.

“Guys, forget whatever has happened in the past, tonight we work for now, let’s do this, not just for ourselves but for the United States,” he spoke, we were all getting pumped up.

I would be the first in the water, and how I just performed not too long ago, I could tell everyone was a little nervous. I took my block and dived in at the beep this time I focused only on my strokes and stretching my body as far as I could. I didn’t want to think about Natalie but it did make me go a little faster knowing she was in fact somewhere in this arena.

I got us the lead we needed, the team dominated the race and Michael swam one of his fastest splits. We all shouted out when we saw we had won the gold, hugging and hand shaking one another. Michael pulled me into a hug, telling me I did good work in the pool. I was feeling a little better about my work.

As we were getting interviewed by Andrea for the NBC telecast, I heard my name being shouted above me, I looked up and saw Natalie.

I smiled to her and waved as Michael spoke on behalf of the team. She smiled widely at me and I felt the guilt from blaming her earlier.

But I also felt fear and worry about the fact that she was able to get in my head like that.

As we went to the medal stand, Michael was ecstatic, he was still making history in the swimming world.

“Ryan, hold his hand, come on!” He playfully yelled at me as we took the stand, we all held hands and raised them together as our medals were placed around our necks. As the anthem played, my mind was still all over the place. I hadn’t had a girl get this into my head since my last serious girlfriend four years ago.

When the anthem was over, we stepped down and took a million pictures. Michael went off to meet his mother and me and Connor began to leave the arena to meet the girls for karaoke tonight. I saw Natalie make her way towards me and the fear entered in.

“Alright, gold!” She said, putting her arms around my neck. I gave her a small hug and she pulled away, a little confused.

“Yeah, we did it,” I smiled at her, freaking out internally.

I wasn’t ready for this.

“So, are you guys celebrating?” I asked. Connor was about to speak when I spoke up first.

“We are going to go back to the Village, hang out with the guys, I think we just need a bro night,” I explained. She pursed her lips a little and nodded.

“Yeah, you totally should, that’s a good idea, I am going to be hanging out with my family, I haven’t seen my mom much,” she explained. We stood at the exit awkwardly.

“So, cool, congratulations,” she said with a small smile before walking away.

“So why did you lie to her?” Connor asked when she was far enough away. I saw her go and talk to Michael and meeting his mother and sisters from above.

“She’s getting to me and it freaks me out,” I sighed as I watched her pose with Michael for photos. I felt a little jealous.

“Do what you have to, dude, but remember, don’t be a dick,” he said putting his hand on my shoulder. I pushed the door open and walked out the arena, not looking back again.

[...]

Later that night, we met most of the swim team in the lounge and Missy was too excited about this karaoke.

“I’m so excited about how many people decided to come out to this! Practically the whole swim team except Michael and the couples,” she smiled.

“Is Michael with his mom or something?” Nathan asked.

“Probably planning with his coach,” Connor said. I just shrugged, I had nothing to say.

“He’s not in his room or with his mom, he’s with the girl from the aquatic center, I think you know her, Ry,” Allison chimed in. I looked at her.

“What girl?” I was hoping it wasn’t Natalie.

“The cute girl, long dark hair, pretty tall, her dad does a lot for us athletes, I swear you know her,” she described Natalie.

“She lied to me,” I said. The girls looked at me.

“Well you lied to her too,” Connor defended.

“And maybe at the time it wasn’t a lie,” he added quickly. I pulled out my phone and texted her, jealousy once again hitting me and pissing me off more.

-having fun with michael?- I sent to her and set my phone down.

I thought she was different, not like every girl I know but she proved me wrong. But Connor was right, I had lied to her too.

I had also pretty much blew her off.

“Ryan, you’re phone is going off,” Missy handed me my phone, Natalie was calling me.

“What,” I said shortly in my phone.

“Ryan, what’s wrong? I am with Michael, yes, with our families, hanging out,” she explained. I began feeling bad again.

“Natalie, look,” I was about to go on, be honest about how freaked I was when Missy came over.

“Ryan! Come on, play with us!” She whined.

“So about that boys night...” Natalie was clearly pissed.

“Well you’re not my girlfriend, Natalie,” I was going on defense mode instead of the honest road.

“You’re right, I’m not, and you know what, I’m really nothing to you, don’t call me again,” she snapped ending our call.

How did I manage to be the biggest dick in the world and ruin things with a girl I wasn’t even all that sure about?