Chaser of Faith

I ran up yet another flight of stairs, almost tripping on the red carpet that lined the steps. The fluorescent lights above me flickered and buzzed. The pipes along the ceiling creaked loudly, as if they were settling in the freezing cold.

He was still close behind me. I could hear his pounding footsteps a few yards behind me.

How long had I been running?

I could hardly feel my legs anymore. My wings were gone, and maybe so were his. Why else would he be running after me like this? Why wasn’t he tired yet? Why was he still chasing me?

By this point, I was starting to slow down. I was mostly pulling myself along using the grey, metal railing. It echoed with each desperate slap of my hand. My lungs burned and ached. It felt like they vibrated with every breath I took.

He said something but it sounded garbled and I couldn’t make it out. He repeated it again, but still, I couldn’t understand.

Finally I slammed against the roof door. I forced my whole body into the metal door, pushing it open as slow as molasses. He was there on the other side to catch me. He spoke directly to me, but I still couldn't’ make out what he was saying. I could only stare, taking heaving breaths of air, and watch his mouth move.

Simon and I were back in his home. The rooftop was my room in his mansion. He pulled me into the room, shutting the door behind me.

Simon took my hands and pulled me further into the room.

“Goddess,” he said quietly. Finally, something I could understand.

I tried to say something back to him, but it felt like my mouth was gone. I was still able to breathe normally, continuing to take deep, tired breaths. I tried to move my lips, but they were merged together, as if they had been glued shut. My words were lost as hopeless hums of pain.

“You’re back,” he continued. He smiled widely at me. His teeth were bright. His eyes were cunning. “Goddess,” he repeated. “I knew it.” I moaned again, trying to pull my arms away. My arms were weak. Any strength I had left me.

I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t there for him. I tried to tell him- even with my mouth glued shut, that I wasn’t there at all.

Simon spun me to his place, pushing me back to the bed behind me.

“I told you,” he said as I fell. “I told you.” I continued to fall back. “I told you…”

I jolted, startled, almost falling off the side of my bed. The bedsheets had fallen onto the floor. My sweaty skin shone in the hot sun that poured through my window. I was overheating, breathing heavily, trying to calm my racing heart.

I pushed my hair out of my face as it clung to my wet skin. I rubbed my eyes, holding my hands there for a moment to bring back the soothing darkness. I took in deep breaths as I sat up in the bed. My nightmare was already beginning to escape me.

I opened my eyes again, letting my hands fall to my lap. The shining silver of my necklace caught my eye and I turned to the side to look at it. My broken necklace sat on the side table. The star pendant reminded me of Simon’s confusion. Asteria. Perses. Gods and titans. Nonsense. The necklace was right next to the small box of matches that gave me my wings.

I continued to stare and brood as I attempted to calm myself.

When my breathing evened out, my frustration spiked. I swung my legs off the bed, opening the drawer and sweeping my necklace and the matchbox off the table with the side of my hand and into the drawer. I slammed the drawer quickly and got up out of bed.

I stretched my arms and legs, moving my stiff bones and muscles. When the candle from the table behind me fell to the floor, I jumped startled as the clang of the candlestick echoed in my room. I hadn’t realized my wings had stretched out as well, with a mind of their own. I tucked them back into myself tightly and bent down to pick up the candle and the candlestick.

As I bent down, I caught a glimpse of white underneath my desk. The map that Nicholas had given me was still underneath the desk, where I had hidden it. I crawled over to the desk and, sitting up against the inside of the desk, I removed the map and gently unfolded it. I traced my fingers over the outlines of the countries and states. I then followed my finger down the line I had travelled over the course of the past weeks. South, North-West, East- home. I must have travelled through at least six states over two countries.

I sat, studying the map in my spot under the desk and basking in the warmth of the sun. Now that I had cooled down from my nightmare, its heat was welcome. I reached above my head, on top of the desk, to search for my bag. I pulled out the dictionary and the Nythen words I had written down. I studied these sheets for a while, growing more accustomed to them. I had learned so much; come so far, since I first set foot on this planet. And, there I was, just returned from a harrowing journey and still trying to understand the mysteries that these people hid.

After Remy had let us in the night before, we ate him and Rahmiel out of house and home. He was very accommodating and understanding. It seemed that he was still rather nervous that we were merely an illusion- he had written us off as dead and gone long ago. He figured Nicholas had perished in the sun, and that Adriel and I would never be found again. Remy told us that Adriel had never returned to Beythas. He was still missing. Rahmiel had been sent off after him- his prison sentence. And ever since then, Rahmiel had been chasing Adriel across the continent. He couldn’t escape to Earth this time, so he was bound to Aksan- but that didn’t make Rahmiel’s job any easier.

This unfortunately meant that there were no angels around to translate the Nythen words we found to protect ourselves from Gage’s magic. We would have to find another way.

So, it would just be the three of us for a while longer. Remy had spent the past weeks alone interviewing Saniats in the area. He told us that Gage’s activity was back to nothing. Remy wasn’t sure where he was anymore. He didn’t understand his patterns or motive, and this made me even more fearful. But, still, if Gage had left the area then perhaps we were safe again. The mystery would be left to Remy and Nicholas to solve.

I put the map back in its place above my head, underneath the desk top. I stood back up and gently placed the dictionary and Nythen words next to each other on top of the desk.

After I took a bath I put on a creamy tan-colored dress ad got ready for the day. I went to the living room to get a glass of water and breakfast. I was sure to take my sweet time, glad to be able to relax finally. Nicholas sat alone, reading a book in one of the armchairs by the front window. He had a mug sitting on the table and was dressed in pajamas.

“Hey,” I greeted as I wandered towards the couch. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to him first before eating. “How are you?” I sat as Nicholas’s eyes looked up from his book. “I mean, how are you feeling?” He smiled, and in the sunlight I could see there was some color in his cheeks. He looked happy and healthy, and human.

“I’m feeling… pretty amazing.” As he spoke, he stuck a piece of scrap paper into the book, closing it and sitting up in his chair a little higher. “How about you?” I smiled with him, snuggling into the couch and wrapping my arms around myself.

“Me too,” I agreed. I got a few flashes of my dream from last night and my smile started to drift slightly. Simon was in my head, and I hated it.

“I told you, I told you, I told you…”

“It’s nice to sleep in my own bed,” I added. I rolled my shoulders. “It suddenly feels like the past few weeks were a dream.” Nicholas shrugged.

“For me they basically were. I don’t remember anything up until a few days ago. I still have no idea what I was doing out there for all that time.” I hugged myself tighter, anxious about the thought.

“Maybe the memories will come back to you. You might just need some more sleep.” I gnawed at my lower lip. I felt the heavy weight of secrecy. What if I told them about Simon? About Perses? About Simon’s theories? “I’ve been having so many nightmares I wish I could sleep less.” I gave him a lopsided smile, shrugging. He sat forward in his chair.

“Nightmares? What about? I’m not a psychotherapist, but I can listen. Do you want to talk about them?” I picked at my nails, looking down at my hands.

“Well, in the one last night… I was running from someone. And in some of the most recent ones, I can’t speak. My mouth is glued shut.” Nicholas frowned and thought for a moment. I sat nervously, worried to look him in the eye.

“Running away from something in a dream can sometimes mean that there’s something you are avoiding. A fear, a problem- something you should confront. And, usually, when you can’t open your mouth, it means you have a secret that you have to keep.” I nonchalantly looked up from my hands finally. I didn’t say anything. “Do you want to talk about it?” We held eye contact for a few beats until I smiled and stood up.

“Maybe during our next session, Doc. I’m gonna grab some food, you want anything?”

“No thanks, Claire,” he responded with a smile. “Enjoy.” He picked his book back up and began to read as I went to the back of the cabin. I grabbed a mug and a plate from the shelves, and headed outside. I leaned against the door after I shut it, closing my eyes and letting out a breath. Images from my dream flashed through my mind. I had to put my hand to my lips to make sure that they were still there; that they weren’t merged together as a hideous lump of skin.

To be honest, I couldn’t quite remember how to even find the food in this place. I had merely wanted to steal myself away from Nicholas’s knowing stare. All I could remember was that there was a stream in the woods near us where we could get water. I wished that I could go back inside and ask for help, but I was far too proud for that.

I made my way towards the trees, appreciating the gentle sunlight on my shoulders and my hair. I stretched my arms and wings out widely, enjoying the open air. The stretching made me yawn. After I got some water, I would lay in the grass for a while. Just for today, I wanted to do… nothing. After what I’d been through, I deserved it, didn’t I?

Initially, it didn’t feel as hot out here as it had been in my room when I’d woken up- with the sun beating down on me through the glass window as I slept. Out here, the breeze balanced out the heat. The wind blew wisps of my hair across my shoulders, tickling the skin on my neck and back.

I scratched at the back of my neck, but stopped when my nails pulled at the puckered scar on my skin. I winced, pulling my hand away quickly. I had nearly forgotten it was there. I stopped walking and felt along the edges with fresh blood coating my fingers. I swore under my breath, annoyed. I tried to wipe away the blood from my neck, pulling my hand in front of me to check the damage. It wasn’t much, but it shone a clean, bright red in the sun. It actually looked surreal and satisfying. The kind of red color women wanted their lips to be- powerful and dangerous.

Before I realized what I was doing, I found myself smearing the red over my own lips. It glided smoothly over my chapped lips. The cooling blood felt soothing. The taste seeped through the cracks in my lips, lighting my tongue up with angry metal. My gaze had settled on the trees ahead of me.

What are you doing? I asked myself, feeling like I was asleep.

“Getting ready,” I whispered. I knew that the wound on my neck had healed already because it stopped stinging.

I snapped out of whatever trance I was in, yanking my hand away and trying to rub the blood off my hand. I rubbed at my lips with the back of my clean hand. The blood had already dried and felt sticky and crumbly. I felt a wave of nausea hit my empty stomach, and rushed towards the stream in the woods.

What was wrong with me? What was I doing? What had made me do that?

I kneeled at the brook, dunking my hands into the water and disrupting the still, steady stream. I washed the blood off of my hands, then my mouth, then my neck. I halfheartedly attempted to dry my hands on my tan dress. I took in a deep breath, laying one damp hand on the muddy ground and the other on my forehead. The sun was blocked by the trees, but some light filtered through the leaves, lighting up spots on the ground and the water.

The silence of this world was deafening. The stream trickled lightly, which saved my sanity for the moment. I focused on that, breathing steadily.

I was just tired. I was exhausted and disoriented. Simon had gotten in my head.

That’s why I was going to relax today.

I cupped my hand and scooped a handful of water to my mouth. Any blood that had lingered on my tongue was washed away. I felt cleaner.

I stood back up and headed back to the field.

Finding a suitable patch, I fell to the grass, letting my wings spread out underneath my back. The sun blinded me and I closed my eyes, letting the sun warm my skin, which was being prickled by the grass. I wanted to smell fresh-cut grass and new patio furniture, but all I could smell was the earthy, floral smell of Aksan’s air. So different from Earth, yet still familiar to me.

Spending time in the field under the sun felt like magma running down the side of a volcano. Slow and hot.

Dangerous, I thought. Like the blood on your lips. Like the way men look at you.

I let my breathing even out, embracing the heat and letting my heart swell with comfort.

A shooting, sharp pain sliced into my skin suddenly. I clutched my chest, gasping in air, and letting out shrieks of pain. I opened my eyes, falling to my knees.

I had been standing. I was in front of the cottage, looking at the trees.

I looked down at my chest, which was covered in blood and gashes. Beads of sweat dotted my skin and mingled with the dark blood. I felt so hot and afraid. I continued to gasp in attempt to catch my breath.

“Help!” I screamed.

What happened to me? I only closed my eyes for a moment. How did I get here? What did I do? So many panicked thoughts ran through my mind. I couldn’t focus on a single one, besides the thought of just how much pain I was in.

“Nicholas!” I called out, sobbing. I couldn’t hold in the tears as the pain grew.

My cream-colored dress was stained with dark red blood now- it flowed down from my chest to my waist.

In the blood, my fragile fingers felt the gashes that had been carved into my skin.

It was another symbol.

Suddenly, memories of Simon’s mansion pounded against my skull like waves against rocks.

“That is a Nythen symbol,” he said. I put my hand up to the wound, tracing the edges. It felt like nothing to me. “It means… prophecy.”

The symbol on my neck- it meant prophecy.

My body felt cold, and I felt goosebumps raise on my arms. I felt dizzy, and I began to see blackness cloud my vision.

“It also has a sister symbol. A symbol that is deeply connected to it. Naheth,” he told me. “Star.”

And then, I smelled smoke.