Wake Me Up

Niall stared down at his left hand, and traced over the tan line that was barely visible on his fourth finger. There wasn’t much difference in the two areas of skin anymore, only visible thanks to the small M tattoo. The black ink was turning a light gray, thanks to the years of wearing the ring on top of it, and he quickly tore his gaze from his fingers.

He studied the café idly, waiting for Miranda to arrive, and tore at the napkin sitting under his pastry. Normally, he would have eaten the pastry within moments of it arriving, but something was killing his appetite. Niall tore his eyes from the table as the door chimed open, but was sorely disappointed to see what he assumed to be a mom with her young child. He felt something twinge in his chest, and messily ran his hand through his hair as the memories crashed over him.

+
Miranda was laid out on the bed, her jumper pushed up over her now protruding bump, and did her best to contain her giggles as Niall talked to her stomach. He kept ghosting his fingers over her skin, sending shivers up her body, and was whispering things that were absolutely melting Miranda’s heart. He finally decided that he had talked enough, and gave Miranda’s pale skin a lingering kiss, before pulling the jumper down. He slid up next to her, placing another kiss on her lips, and nuzzled his face into her hair.

“I know that neither of us planned on having kids this young, but I’m actually really excited for this,” Miranda said softly, earning a hum from Niall, “Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?”

“I would be fine with either, but I’m secretly hoping it’s a girl,” Niall grinned, placing his hand back on the bump, “I just know that I want them to have your eyes.”

“I want them to have your real hair color,” Miranda sighed, pulling at the roots of his hair lightly, “And maybe that adorable dimple you have on your chin. That’d be a good thing.”

She quickly poked the small dimple on his chin, causing a grin to spread across his permanently red face, and rested her hand over his while interlacing their fingers. As they laid together peacefully, Miranda knew that they would be able to power through everything that this curve ball was bound to throw them in the future. The baby, barely three months along, already had Niall wrapped around its miniscule finger. Niall was quite aware of this, already realizing that he would do absolutely anything for the baby, even it cost him in the long run.
+

Miranda walked through the crowded streets with her head down, picking at her nails as a distraction. It was a habit she had picked up when she was with Niall, in order to avoid any unsightly paparazzi photos, abut now she did it to avoid any stares from the people on the streets. Every one knew that she and Niall were no more, but the circumstances under which they broke up, were still unknown to the general public. That’s what made it so hard for her to be heading to meet him for the first time in months at the café they had always frequented.

The building was tucked away on a back street, away from the bustle of London, and rarely visited by anyone who wasn’t from around the area. Most of the customers were known by name to the small staff, and they always made sure to call out a warm greeting as they entered. Under normal circumstances, Miranda would’ve appreciated the friendly greeting, but the loud greeting took away any chances of her escaping without him noticing. She cursed under her breath, scanning the room for him, and froze in her tracks as his blue eyes locked onto her gray ones.

Niall had barely recognized Miranda when she walked in, and he blamed most of that on her new haircut and dye job. He watched as her lips barely curved into a smile, and bit his lip as she finally made her way to the table. Miranda wasn’t surprised when Niall stood up to pull her chair out, and barely managed to stutter out a thank you as she unwrapped her scarf from her neck.

“Good ‘t see ya, Murph,” Niall said, her nickname feeling foreign on his tongue.

“Same to you, Niall,” she replied, still unsure of how she felt while seeing him, “How’ve you been?”

“Getting better with each day,” he said softly, breaking eye contact briefly, “You holdin’ up alright?”

“Yeah, I am,” Miranda chorused, a fake smile creeping onto her face.

“Bullshit,” Niall said, shaking his head at her, “You think that I can’t tell that you’re lying? I was with you for years, Miranda. I can read you like a book. You’re not okay. Your eyes are dull, and from the bags under your eyes, I can tell that you haven’t slept in a few days.”

“Fine, I still feel like shit, okay?” Miranda said, her voice cracking slightly, “How do you expect me to feel? It’s only been four months, Niall. I keep trying to tell myself that I’m fine, but obviously I’m not.”

Niall’s heart shattered as the tears fell down Miranda’s face, and he jumped into the vacant chair next to her to soothe her. Out of instinct, Miranda latched onto his familiar frame, and cried openly for the first time since everything had happened.

+
“Hurry up, Niall! We’re going to be late!” Miranda yelled through the flat, impatiently tapping her sandal clad foot.

“I’m ready, I’m sorry,” he huffed, shoving his foot into his trainers as he hopped down the hall, “I couldn’t find my left trainer. It was under the bed, can you believe that?”

Miranda rolled her eyes at her husband, an action that become almost constant during her pregnancy, and ushered him out the door as soon as he picked his keys up. He helped her into the car, making sure she was settled before getting into his own seat, and drove with the upmost safety towards the doctors office. Miranda always hated being the person who was driving slow and holding up traffic, but knowing that Niall was doing it for the safety of the baby made her extremely happy.

They made it to the office just in time for the appointment, and Miranda was buzzing as she sat in the exam room while waiting for the doctor. Today was the day they were going to find out the sex of their baby, and to Miranda it made everything a little more real. The baby would go from being an ‘it’, to one of the names she and Niall had agreed on during a cuddle session a while back. Niall was babbling endlessly about the bet the boys, as well as their girlfriends, had put on the sex of the baby. Miranda just laughed at his explanation of the whole thing, and the pair were quieted when the doctor walked into the room.

She went over the normal questions, and it wasn’t long until Miranda had her shirt hiked up so the ultrasound could begin. She gripped Niall’s hand as the cold gel gave her goosebumps, and the pair stared in awe at the image that became visible on the screen. Niall felt his heart stop as he studied the image. That was their baby.

“Would you like to hear the heart beat?” the doctor asked, tearing the two from their gazes.

Miranda practically shouted yes at the doctor, and blushed as she realized how loud she had answered. The doctor smiled at the eagerness from the young couple, and flicked a switch on the side of the monitor. The three of them waited eagerly for the faint thumping noise, and after a few moments of silence, Niall become worried.

“Shouldn’t we have heard it by now? Is everything okay?” he asked, concern washing over his features as Miranda felt her anxiety level rise.

“Sometimes it’s hard to find, let’s see if this is better,” the doctor responded, moving the wand around her stomach a few times.

As every second without a sound passed, it was evident that everything was certainly not alright. Miranda’s breathing was becoming ragged, and Niall was positive that he had cut off the circulation in her hand with his firm grip. The doctor kept moving the wand around, and when he finally stopped, Miranda was positive that the whole world had too.

“I am incredibly sorry,” were the only words Miranda and Niall needed to hear before their hearts shattered.

Miranda let her hands fly down to her stomach, ignoring the gel that was still there, and let out a strangled sob as she processed the news. Niall quickly lept up to grab Miranda in a hug, and made a similar sobbing noise as he pressed his face into her hair.
+

After they had lost their baby, things had changed drastically for the couple. Miranda shut herself off from the world, and could barely look at Niall without wanting to cry. Niall tried everything to help her, but with every ignored gesture, he became more and more annoyed. He understood that she was hurting, he heard her cry herself to sleep nightly, he just wanted to be able to help her cope with the situation.

When Miranda was finally ready to talk about what had happened, the discussion had quickly turned into an argument. They both knew that neither one of them was to blame for what had happened, but they both found absurd reasons as to why the other might be to blame. Miranda finally snapped, and threw her ring at Niall before packing her bag and leaving. Niall, out of anger, had told her that she should be leaving, and even had the audacity to help her pack. That was the last time they had seen each other, until the café meeting Miranda had insisted on.

“I didn’t mean anything I said, Miranda, I hope you know that,” Niall said, rubbing her back softly as she stopped crying.

“I didn’t mean anything I said either,” she sniffled, pulling away from her, “It wasn’t either of our faults.”

“Can we just leave it all in the past, and move on?” he said, gripping her hand lightly.

“I-I don’t know Niall,” she admitted regretfully, pulling her hands away from him, “I actually asked you to meet me here for a reason, and not to just talk about what happened.”

Niall knitted his eyebrows together as Miranda reached for her oversized purse, and became even more confused when she produced an envelope from within. He watched as her shaky hands withdrew the folded papers, and felt his stomach drop when realization hit him.

Miranda was nervous about giving Niall the divorce papers, knowing that he still loved her, but she knew it was the right choice. She handed them over tentatively, and looked away as he read them over. When she got the courage to look at him, she immediately had to look away, knowing his red rimmed eyes would make her own tears return. Niall stared at her in disbelief, not knowing exactly what to make from the papers, and hastily brushed away a few tears.

“The hearing date is on the bottom,” Miranda said, standing up quickly, “I’m so sorry.”

“You cut your hair,” Niall said quickly, making Miranda stop in her tracks, “You cut your really short, and you promised me you wouldn’t.”

“Sometimes promises are only made to be broken,” Miranda said in a monotone voice, before rushing from the café and earning some stares.

Niall finally let the dams in his eyes break, and pushed his palms into his eyes, hoping someone would wake him up from the nightmare he was in.