The Sun Always Sets in Paradise

“Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are.”
― Joss Whedon

My name is Desiree Rose Kriston. I used to be a normal, average teenage girl in the normal, average high school with the basic, average life. I used to be able to tell my friend, Ellie, anything in the world. I used to be able to do a lot of normal things.

Now I’m caught up in situations that I never asked for. I never wanted any of this. But it’s too late to change any of it. I’m stuck.

Part of me would never want to change it. That part of me looks back and reminds me of how naïve and weak I was.

For instance, I had a boyfriend, by the name of Haden, the summer before sophomore year started. He was controlling and insecure. I let myself be involved with that. I let him push me around and abuse me. I was weak.

I also let my mother be a complete fucking bitch to me. I put up with her horrid words and bad-tempered attitude. Every time I was around her, I let her words sink into my heart and take their hold. I let her verbally push me around just because I reminded her of my father.

I never stood up for myself. I never fought back.

And I trusted way too easily… Not anymore. The only person I trust was the one who helped me survive even though, through him, I was brought into this mess.

However, the other part of me wishes that I could go back to just change everything. I wish that I could change that first time I let it be anything more than a simple hello. I simply wish I could change the way I felt.

My emotions are what really got me stuck in this… this world. If I had just left it as a friendly encounter, I would have never felt that fondness.

Actually, I need to correct that previous statement.

I would have never been led to feel this love.

But then again, I never regret a single thing. I love him and he loves me.