If I Ever Lose You
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Tuesday: 9:34 am
I stood there, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Picking out each and every error I had. My eyes were too big, my lips were too small, my hair wasn’t the right shade of brown; Everything just looked so ugly.
The sound of my phone seemed to snap me out of my daze. I looked over and had received a text message from my boyfriend of one year, Niall Horan.
hey babe tour is done and we are all headed bck to london cant wait to see u love u!! x
I couldn’t help but grin at Niall’s terrible grammar, and I quickly responded.
thank god. I miss you so so so much. Can’t wait to see you!!
Spending time with Niall meant the world to you. He was probably the only person on the planet who could make you feel beautiful, who could make you feel worth something.
I looked down and noticed that Niall hadn’t replied. It made me sad sometimes to think that he was too busy doing One Direction stuff that he couldn’t text me. He was probably taking photos with girls.. Gorgeous girls.
I shook my head to snap out of it, and I exited my bathroom, making my way into my bedroom. Niall and I didn’t live together, but he spent the night here a lot.
I climbed into my bed, and clutched the pillow that had Niall’s scent on it, and I began to cry. I needed Niall to be here, and I needed him to be here now. I never understood what caused me to be upset all the time. I guessed it was always just a mixture of my insecurities, the fans all over Niall, and the fact that Niall wasn’t around much.
I needed to be happy, for Niall.
Wednesday: 7:12 pm
I stood nervously in the airport with Eleanor, Danielle and Perrie as we all anxiously waited for our boyfriends to come through the terminal. The airport was flooded with fans, some snapping photos of us girls. This didn’t bother me much, because I was too focused on seeing my beautiful boyfriend’s face after him being away for so long.
Girls started screaming and my attention shot to the terminal. I could barely see, being pushed back by so many fans, but I could just make out that it was in fact all five boys, with Paul and a few other body guards.
Me and the three other girlfriends gently pushed through the crowd and made it to the front. Liam, Louis and Zayn all ran up to their girlfriends and I stood there, staring at Niall. He wasn’t looking at me. I felt my heart sink as my eyes noticed his. He had tears welling up and dripping down his cheeks. Niall was crying..
I slowly walked up to him, and he dropped his bags on the ground, wrapping his arms around my waist and scooping me up into his arms, spinning me around. As he put me down, I ran my thumb across his cheek, removing the wet tears.
“Why are you crying?” I asked him, and he shook his head.
“I am just so glad to be back home.” He smiled and kissed my forehead gently.
Paul then quickly guided us all out of the airport and into our own taxis.
Wednesday: 10:15 pm
“Wait, so you’re going to Ireland in two days?” I looked at Niall with sad eyes, and he sighed.
“Well babe, I have to see my family.” He said, opening the refrigerator to grab some food. “You had Nandos last night?” He chuckled, pulling out a Nandos box with leftover chicken in it. I nodded my head.
“Yeah. It’s my favorite now, thanks to you.” I smiled and hopped up onto the counter. “You can have that if you want.” He nodded and put the chicken into the microwave. As he waited for it to heat up, he walked over to me and I placed my hands on his shoulders.
“You look so beautiful.” He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. Blushing, I could barely hold back my smile.
“I love you.” Was all I could say, and he chuckled, leaning in to kiss my lips very gently.
“I love you, too.” He whispered against my lips. I ran my fingers through his blonde hair and I stared into his blue, icy eyes.
His hands came onto my cheeks as he brought his lips back to mine, kissing me passionately. Just as the kiss began to get heated, the timer on the microwave went off and Niall pulled away.
“Chicken!!” He laughed and got his meal from the microwave.
Thursday: 1:03 am
“I can’t sleep.” I muttered, as Niall ran his fingers through my hair. He kissed the top of my head and I cuddled up closer to him.
“Try, baby.” He said in a soft voice, his Irish accent hardly audible. I looked up at him.
“Niall, have I ever told you how much you mean to me?” I asked, nibbling on my bottom lip. He smiled.
“Yes, you’ve told me a few times hun.” He said, closing his eyes. He looked so tired so I decided to shut up. “If I ever lose you, my world will be over.” Was the last thing he said before he fell asleep.
Thursday: 8:25 pm
“Here, you’re going to need this too.” I said, handing Niall his toothbrush. The only flight he could get was the one leaving London at 12:00 am, so I was helping him pack. He took the toothbrush from my hands and he sighed.
“I’m sorry my visit was cut short.” Niall put the toothbrush in his suitcase and then wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt tears building up in my eyes.
“It’s okay. I get it. Your family needs to see you.” I said and he pressed his lips to my forehead, followed by his thumbs wiping my tears away.
“I love you so much. I’ll be back before you know it.” He whispered, hugging me tightly to his chest. I took in his scent and held back the rest of my tears. Crying wasn’t going to changed the fact that Niall had family in Ireland. He’d be back in a few weeks. I was sure of it. “Come on, we should be getting to the airport.” Niall grabbed his keys and I threw my hair up into a messy bun, not caring what I looked like. If the paparazzi saw me it didn’t matter. I was saying goodbye to the love of my life, that’s what mattered. Niall is what mattered.
Niall always mattered.
We arrived at the airport without a fan spotting us at all. No cameras. No screaming. Nothing. We were just two normal people walking into the airport, which was nice for a change. Some girls recognized him, but saw my tears on my cheeks and decided to hold back. I really respected them for that. Niall rolled his suitcase in one hand and held my hand with the other.
After paying for his ticket we both walked and a security guard stopped me.
“Ma’am. If you’re not boarding you can’t pass this point.” He said, and I nodded.
“Oh, alright. I’m sorry!” I said, and turned to face Niall. “Well, call me when you get there.”
“Of course.” Niall pushed his lips against mine softly. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I sniffed. “Bye.” I whispered as he walked away.
Friday: 9:25 am
I sat by my cell phone, waiting for Niall’s call while I watched the news. His flight should have landed hours ago.
My fingers drummed the top of my phone and something on the news caught my attention.
“We have very upsetting and disturbing news to report. Early this morning a flight leaving from London to Dublin crashed. We don’t know how many survivors there were, or even if there were any. Stay tuned for later details.”
My hands shook, and I couldn’t move.
Niall was on that flight.
After a few minutes of sitting there in shock I picked up my phone and dialed Niall’s number over and over again at least 15 or 20 times, each time it went straight to his voicemail. His sweet accent causing me to lose my mind. I ran down the stairs, grabbed my keys and got into my car, driving to Liam’s London flat. I needed to tell someone.
I jumped out of my car and banged on his door. I had to wait a few minutes for a tired looking Liam to open the door.
“Um, (Y/N), what’s wrong? Why are you here?” He asked, and my arms shot around his neck, and I cried into his shoulder.
“Niall was in a plane crash.” I sobbed, and he stumbled back a little bit. He didn’t say anything but I could feel his hot tears falling onto my shoulders.
Friday: 10:56 am
Liam and I sat as we watched the news, waiting for further information. I knew that Liam was Niall’s best friend, and he was the best person to be with right now. His arm was around my shoulders, and I leaned into him. I loved Liam, but like a brother. He was always there for me.
“This morning we delivered the grim news that a plane had crashed just near Dublin. There were no survivors. And we are very sad to announce that one of the bodies was identified as pop singer Niall Horan.”
The words on the TV seemed to go in one of my ears and out the other. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it. Niall wasn’t dead, he was with his mum in Ireland. Drinking tea on the porch in the hot sun. He wasn’t dead.
He couldn’t be dead.
Tuesday: 6:48 pm
I looked up as I saw the group of people standing around Niall’s grave in his home town, Mullingar. All of the boys from One Direction and there families were there, Niall’s family and friends, and a couple others I didn’t recognized. My hand rested on my chest, playing with a necklace Niall had given me for Christmas. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, as Niall’s mum spoke. I couldn’t even hear her words, I just stared at Niall’s grave.
As people started leaving, I walked up to Niall’s grave, and placed my hand on the top.
“If I ever lose you, my world will be over.” I whispered. Eleanor had walked up to me, and she placed her hand on my shoulder.
“Let’s go, sweetie.” She said, and I stood up. As I began to walk away, I turned around to look at Niall’s grave one more time.
“I love you.” I whispered, as a breeze blew by me, as though Niall was saying he loved me too.
I stood there, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Picking out each and every error I had. My eyes were too big, my lips were too small, my hair wasn’t the right shade of brown; Everything just looked so ugly.
The sound of my phone seemed to snap me out of my daze. I looked over and had received a text message from my boyfriend of one year, Niall Horan.
hey babe tour is done and we are all headed bck to london cant wait to see u love u!! x
I couldn’t help but grin at Niall’s terrible grammar, and I quickly responded.
thank god. I miss you so so so much. Can’t wait to see you!!
Spending time with Niall meant the world to you. He was probably the only person on the planet who could make you feel beautiful, who could make you feel worth something.
I looked down and noticed that Niall hadn’t replied. It made me sad sometimes to think that he was too busy doing One Direction stuff that he couldn’t text me. He was probably taking photos with girls.. Gorgeous girls.
I shook my head to snap out of it, and I exited my bathroom, making my way into my bedroom. Niall and I didn’t live together, but he spent the night here a lot.
I climbed into my bed, and clutched the pillow that had Niall’s scent on it, and I began to cry. I needed Niall to be here, and I needed him to be here now. I never understood what caused me to be upset all the time. I guessed it was always just a mixture of my insecurities, the fans all over Niall, and the fact that Niall wasn’t around much.
I needed to be happy, for Niall.
Wednesday: 7:12 pm
I stood nervously in the airport with Eleanor, Danielle and Perrie as we all anxiously waited for our boyfriends to come through the terminal. The airport was flooded with fans, some snapping photos of us girls. This didn’t bother me much, because I was too focused on seeing my beautiful boyfriend’s face after him being away for so long.
Girls started screaming and my attention shot to the terminal. I could barely see, being pushed back by so many fans, but I could just make out that it was in fact all five boys, with Paul and a few other body guards.
Me and the three other girlfriends gently pushed through the crowd and made it to the front. Liam, Louis and Zayn all ran up to their girlfriends and I stood there, staring at Niall. He wasn’t looking at me. I felt my heart sink as my eyes noticed his. He had tears welling up and dripping down his cheeks. Niall was crying..
I slowly walked up to him, and he dropped his bags on the ground, wrapping his arms around my waist and scooping me up into his arms, spinning me around. As he put me down, I ran my thumb across his cheek, removing the wet tears.
“Why are you crying?” I asked him, and he shook his head.
“I am just so glad to be back home.” He smiled and kissed my forehead gently.
Paul then quickly guided us all out of the airport and into our own taxis.
Wednesday: 10:15 pm
“Wait, so you’re going to Ireland in two days?” I looked at Niall with sad eyes, and he sighed.
“Well babe, I have to see my family.” He said, opening the refrigerator to grab some food. “You had Nandos last night?” He chuckled, pulling out a Nandos box with leftover chicken in it. I nodded my head.
“Yeah. It’s my favorite now, thanks to you.” I smiled and hopped up onto the counter. “You can have that if you want.” He nodded and put the chicken into the microwave. As he waited for it to heat up, he walked over to me and I placed my hands on his shoulders.
“You look so beautiful.” He reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. Blushing, I could barely hold back my smile.
“I love you.” Was all I could say, and he chuckled, leaning in to kiss my lips very gently.
“I love you, too.” He whispered against my lips. I ran my fingers through his blonde hair and I stared into his blue, icy eyes.
His hands came onto my cheeks as he brought his lips back to mine, kissing me passionately. Just as the kiss began to get heated, the timer on the microwave went off and Niall pulled away.
“Chicken!!” He laughed and got his meal from the microwave.
Thursday: 1:03 am
“I can’t sleep.” I muttered, as Niall ran his fingers through my hair. He kissed the top of my head and I cuddled up closer to him.
“Try, baby.” He said in a soft voice, his Irish accent hardly audible. I looked up at him.
“Niall, have I ever told you how much you mean to me?” I asked, nibbling on my bottom lip. He smiled.
“Yes, you’ve told me a few times hun.” He said, closing his eyes. He looked so tired so I decided to shut up. “If I ever lose you, my world will be over.” Was the last thing he said before he fell asleep.
Thursday: 8:25 pm
“Here, you’re going to need this too.” I said, handing Niall his toothbrush. The only flight he could get was the one leaving London at 12:00 am, so I was helping him pack. He took the toothbrush from my hands and he sighed.
“I’m sorry my visit was cut short.” Niall put the toothbrush in his suitcase and then wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt tears building up in my eyes.
“It’s okay. I get it. Your family needs to see you.” I said and he pressed his lips to my forehead, followed by his thumbs wiping my tears away.
“I love you so much. I’ll be back before you know it.” He whispered, hugging me tightly to his chest. I took in his scent and held back the rest of my tears. Crying wasn’t going to changed the fact that Niall had family in Ireland. He’d be back in a few weeks. I was sure of it. “Come on, we should be getting to the airport.” Niall grabbed his keys and I threw my hair up into a messy bun, not caring what I looked like. If the paparazzi saw me it didn’t matter. I was saying goodbye to the love of my life, that’s what mattered. Niall is what mattered.
Niall always mattered.
We arrived at the airport without a fan spotting us at all. No cameras. No screaming. Nothing. We were just two normal people walking into the airport, which was nice for a change. Some girls recognized him, but saw my tears on my cheeks and decided to hold back. I really respected them for that. Niall rolled his suitcase in one hand and held my hand with the other.
After paying for his ticket we both walked and a security guard stopped me.
“Ma’am. If you’re not boarding you can’t pass this point.” He said, and I nodded.
“Oh, alright. I’m sorry!” I said, and turned to face Niall. “Well, call me when you get there.”
“Of course.” Niall pushed his lips against mine softly. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I sniffed. “Bye.” I whispered as he walked away.
Friday: 9:25 am
I sat by my cell phone, waiting for Niall’s call while I watched the news. His flight should have landed hours ago.
My fingers drummed the top of my phone and something on the news caught my attention.
“We have very upsetting and disturbing news to report. Early this morning a flight leaving from London to Dublin crashed. We don’t know how many survivors there were, or even if there were any. Stay tuned for later details.”
My hands shook, and I couldn’t move.
Niall was on that flight.
After a few minutes of sitting there in shock I picked up my phone and dialed Niall’s number over and over again at least 15 or 20 times, each time it went straight to his voicemail. His sweet accent causing me to lose my mind. I ran down the stairs, grabbed my keys and got into my car, driving to Liam’s London flat. I needed to tell someone.
I jumped out of my car and banged on his door. I had to wait a few minutes for a tired looking Liam to open the door.
“Um, (Y/N), what’s wrong? Why are you here?” He asked, and my arms shot around his neck, and I cried into his shoulder.
“Niall was in a plane crash.” I sobbed, and he stumbled back a little bit. He didn’t say anything but I could feel his hot tears falling onto my shoulders.
Friday: 10:56 am
Liam and I sat as we watched the news, waiting for further information. I knew that Liam was Niall’s best friend, and he was the best person to be with right now. His arm was around my shoulders, and I leaned into him. I loved Liam, but like a brother. He was always there for me.
“This morning we delivered the grim news that a plane had crashed just near Dublin. There were no survivors. And we are very sad to announce that one of the bodies was identified as pop singer Niall Horan.”
The words on the TV seemed to go in one of my ears and out the other. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it. Niall wasn’t dead, he was with his mum in Ireland. Drinking tea on the porch in the hot sun. He wasn’t dead.
He couldn’t be dead.
Tuesday: 6:48 pm
I looked up as I saw the group of people standing around Niall’s grave in his home town, Mullingar. All of the boys from One Direction and there families were there, Niall’s family and friends, and a couple others I didn’t recognized. My hand rested on my chest, playing with a necklace Niall had given me for Christmas. Tears were streaming down my cheeks, as Niall’s mum spoke. I couldn’t even hear her words, I just stared at Niall’s grave.
As people started leaving, I walked up to Niall’s grave, and placed my hand on the top.
“If I ever lose you, my world will be over.” I whispered. Eleanor had walked up to me, and she placed her hand on my shoulder.
“Let’s go, sweetie.” She said, and I stood up. As I began to walk away, I turned around to look at Niall’s grave one more time.
“I love you.” I whispered, as a breeze blew by me, as though Niall was saying he loved me too.