I Miss You, I'm So Sorry

Alex’s P.O.V.

Alex flopped down onto his sofa the night after his birthday, feeling miserable. It wasn’t that he was expecting a huge birthday party or anything, but it would have been nice for at least one person to come and see him on his birthday.

Since he spent most of his time with Craig, it was a bit strange not having him follow Alex like a little lost puppy.

He got one phone call throughout the whole night from his mum, and one knock on the door from next door asking if the postman had dropped off his package while he was out.

Alex didn’t have many friends so he didn’t really know what he was to expect, but he figured now that him and Rian were on speaking terms he might have dropped round. But no, not a peep from anyone.

Surely it wasn’t too difficult to drop round and see someone on their birthday? Maybe Alex had finally succeeded in chasing away every last friend he had. He wouldn’t be surprised, he was always acting like an asshole to all the people he cared about.

The most disappointing part of the entire day though was that Alex was half expecting to be seeing Jack. Alex knew there was absolutely no way Jack would have forgotten his birthday – they had been joined at the hip for a good fifteen years, he knew Alex inside out.
So if he hadn’t forgotten he must have just not bothered to come round.

Nice.

And the even weirder part was that Alex’s phone had stayed silent all day, something it hadn’t done for about a week. He hadn’t received a single call, text or voice mail from Jack, which was a shock because he was used to 20 of each a day.

Maybe Jack had finally taken the hint and left Alex alone? The thought should have made Alex relieved, happy even, but instead he just frowned as his heart sunk.

He wasn’t even going to deny it anymore: He was loving the amount of attention Jack had been giving him. Alex’s heart would flutter and his spirits would soar whenever he would see the boy’s name on the screen of his phone, even if he did pretend the constant calling and texting annoyed him.

He loved the way Jack would pester him constantly until Alex wanted to rip his gorgeous little head off, and the way Jack would grin smugly when he could see how much he was annoying Alex.

So yeah, it was really weird not being constantly badgered by his ex-best friend, and it was starting to bring Alex down a little if he was honest.

He stood up sighing, deciding that since nothing exciting was going to be happening tonight he may as well watch whatever shitty programmes were on television this early in the evening. However, since it was only just gone half 5, the best thing on television at that moment in time was Countryfile.

Alex was pretty sure he would rather watch nothing than that.

The spluttering of an old and possibly on the way out engine could be heard through the open window, and Alex curiously peeked out onto the street below to see what was causing the unhealthy sound.

He grinned widely when he saw the vehicle parked up outside his apartment building. It was a baby blue VW camper van, with a pair of furry dice hanging in the windscreen and cream leather seats. It stood out like a sore thumb amongst all the other vans and cars parked, but it made Alex’s heart warm just seeing it.

He’d always loved those things – even as a kid. There was something about their quirkiness and hippy vibe that just made Alex smile.

Alex was jerked out of his little daydream when he heard a loud knock on the front door echo through his apartment. Wracking his brains as to who it could be, Alex went to unlock the bolt, before letting the door swing open.

He almost laughed when he saw who was leaning against the doorframe on the other side. There stood Jack Barakat, with a huge goofy grin on his face and looking especially happy.

He seemed to have made an extra effort with his appearance tonight, and it had certainly paid off. The clothes that he wore were tighter than usual, and both his jeans and his t shirt clung to his body like a second skin. His normally messy hair looked straighter than usual, and it was styled nicely with a tiny bit of gel. It was a sight that almost had Alex foaming at the mouth.

“Jack? What are you doing here?”

He seemed to have already clocked the way Alex had been shamelessly checking him out, because as he answered his goofy grin turned into a smug smirk.

“You didn’t think I would forget your birthday did you?”

Alex tried to control the way his mouth turned up at the corners slightly but he really couldn’t.

“Well it’s a nice thought Jack, but you’re a day late.”

This just seemed to make the smirk on Jacks face get bigger, and he walked past Alex and into his apartment without even asking if he was allowed in. Alex shook his head at his cheekiness, but did nothing to stop him.

“Ah yes, but I have a good explanation for that you see. Now how about you go and get changed and I’ll tell you all about what I have planned for tonight.”

Alex’s stomach lurched in excitement, only made worse by the cute excited expression on Jack’s face. However Alex just narrowed his eyes at Jack, a look which didn’t seem to dampen his ex-best friend’s spirits.

“I don’t wanna go out. Not with you anyway.”

Jack covered his heart in mock hurt, and pretended to wipe a tear away from his eyes. Alex didn’t know why he even bothered lying to the guy; Jack had always been able to see right through him.

“Well Alex as much as I would love to respect your decision, you should go and get changed now. Unless you want me to drag you out the door in what you’re wearing of course.”

Alex didn’t doubt for one second that Jack would literally drag him out of the house, he had done it before after all.
Sighing and looking down at his old sweatpants and t shirt, Alex began the short walk to his bedroom, hearing a victorious chuckle from behind him.

Feeling slightly frantic, Alex manically searched through his wardrobe for something to wear. Should he dress up? Jack seemed to be wearing nice clothing, so Alex pulled out his best pair of tight jeans, throwing them along with a v neck t shirt on as quickly as possible.

Alex thanked every god that he had washed and blow dried his hair about halfway through the day today, so it wouldn’t take much to sort out. Spraying a little hairspray on, he grabbed his phone and shoved it in his pocket as far as his skin tight jeans would allow, before walking back out to where Jack was waiting.

Jack seemed to have made himself at home in the five minutes Alex had taken to get ready, as he was sprawled out on the sofa flicking through the television channels, turning his nose up at every programme.

Not missing the way Jacks eyes trailed up his body, Alex pulled a hoodie on, exposing some of his stomach as he shrugged it over his shoulders. Jack’s eyes clocked the bare skin straight away, staring shamelessly as the butterflies swarmed around Alex’s stomach.

“So um, where exactly are we going?”

Jack jumped to his feet, grinning widely and tapping the side of his nose. He seemed to be loving every second of knowing something that Alex didn’t, and if it wasn’t really annoying for Alex it would have been cute.

Switching the television off, Jack bounded over to Alex before grabbing his hand and literally dragging him towards the front door. Alex hastily grabbed his keys off the hall table, barely having enough time to lock the door behind him before they were on the move again.

Alex couldn’t help but smile at the excited twinkle in Jack’s brown eyes, a twinkle exactly the same as the one that used to permanently be there. His excitement was making him act like a big child, exactly like he had used to when they were teenagers.

It was like a smack in the face when Jack unlocked the little blue camper van outside the building. Suddenly his brain seemed to put two and two together, and he was immediately remembering the night he had described the best day ever to Jack. He couldn’t remember what else he had said, but the fat that Jack had remembered the camper van made Alex’s heart flutter.

Alex turned open mouthed to a gleeful looking Jack, making a sound of disbelief as Jack held the door open for him, and he sat down on the bouncy leather seat just as Jack got in the driver’s seat next to him.

There was literally no controlling the smile on Alex’s face; it was actually beginning to hurt his cheeks. Jack looked at him once he was sat comfortably, and blushed when they made eye contact.

“I seriously can’t believe you remembered how much I love these things. Where did you even get it?”

As Alex spoke he ran his fingers over the dashboard, admiring the interior of the old motor.

“I know a guy who rents them out, I caught a train down to Dunstable to pick it up.”

He looked bashful as he spoke, as though he were ashamed of having gone to so much trouble for Alex. Before Alex even had a chance to thank him however, he spoke again.
“Okay so I know it’s fairly obvious what we’re doing next, but it’s the best I could think of.”

The dumbfounded thoughts running through his head must have been obvious by his facial expression, because Jack looked surprised as he turned to look properly at Alex.

“…should I know what we’re doing next?”

“I assumed you would know! I’m glad you don’t though, now it will be a surprise! YAY!”

Alex laughed at the huge grin on Jack’s face, finding it very sweet that he was so excited about the idea of surprising Alex. The amount of affection Alex was feeling towards the man sat next to him was scary, though Alex just put it down to nerves about wherever Jack was taking him to.

He genuinely couldn’t think. Alex wracked his brains as to where they could be going as Jack took a left and started driving down the motorway, only making Alex even more confused. He wasn’t expecting them to be going out of town for this surprise.

“I’m so confused. Where are we going? Can you give me a clue?”

Jack smiled smugly without taking his eyes off the road, which only made Alex more aggravated when he saw that there was no way that Jack was going to tell him.

“You’ll know in about…20 minutes. We’re nearly there now.”

Alex huffed, folding his arms over his chest and staring moodily at the side of Jack’s face. Jack just smiled even wider, shaking his head at Alex’s antics.

“Oh Alex, you know me well enough to know that I’m stubborn. And that there’s no point asking again because I won’t tell you.”

That made Alex smile a little, because it was so true. If Jack didn’t want him to know something, there was no amount of pleading that would make him change his mind.

“Well I was hoping you would have grown out of your stubbornness by now, a lot can change over 5 years you know.”
The tone of voice Alex used when he said the last bit had an accusing edge, but he didn’t regret saying it.

Jack’s eyes flickered over to Alex’s at that, and the guilt in his eyes reappeared just like it did every time Alex brought up the subject of him leaving. No amount of guilt would change how badly his departure had affected Alex though.

“You’re right a lot can change in 5 years, but it sucks that nothing changed for the better huh?”

“Yeah it does suck… But you have no one to blame but yourself. And I have no one to blame but you.”

Jack nodded at this, and shrugged his shoulders, as though he agreed with Alex’s statement.
Alex suddenly felt kind of bad for bringing up the touchy subject, after all the effort Jack had put into his birthday. He was doing more than Rian or Craig were doing after all, he shouldn’t be so harsh with him.

“I’m sorry for bringing that up again Jack… Let’s just forget about it for tonight yeah?”

Jack smiled gratefully, and leaned over the steering wheel so that he could get a better look out the windscreen.
“Forgetting about it tonight sounds good. Right, if you look out the window right now you should be able to figure out where we’re headed.”

Alex looked out the window excitedly. They were in what looked like a small town, with only a few small shops and boutiques. Right in the middle however there was a large building that stuck out like a sore thumb. He looked at Jack expectantly, still confused as to what he should be looking at.

Jack just grinned and pointed past Alex’s head, to the large building with the high ceiling. There was huge queue outside which consisted of mainly teenage girls. It was after a close look at the writing on the white billboard that Alex nearly screamed.

Tonight Only: blink-182

A high pitched sound slipped out of Alex’s mouth, but he was too excited to be embarrassed about it.
Jack parked a couple of roads down from the venue, and looked at Alex who was still stunned into silence. The excitement about seeing his favourite band live was beginning to catch up on Alex, his head spinning and his hands shaking.

"Well... you know those adorable little VW campers? I would totally hire one of those for the day, and just go driving to all the best places in it with the radio blaring. Then I would drive out to a Blink concert, and after that find some hill to park up on and sleep out under the stars. All with you of course, I could never go to a Blink concert without you."

He couldn’t believe Jack had remembered all that. It was one of the most obscure memories Alex had of the two of them together, and Alex would have thought it would have been one of the most insignificant ones.

Without even thinking about it Alex unbuckled his belt and threw his entire body onto Jack’s lap, where he wrapped his arms around the black haired man’s neck tightly. Jack laughed, and Alex pulled away blushing before climbing out of Jack’s car door.

Jack followed suit, locking the door of the blue van behind him and leading the way down the street. Alex skipped alongside him happily, barely being able to contain his excitement, making Jack laugh.

“I seriously can’t believe you remembered everything I told you Jacky, you’re actually the best.”

The old nickname he had for Jack just slipped out without him meaning for it to. There was something about how they were acting around each other today, something that made it feel alright for Alex to call him ‘Jacky.’
It felt like old times.

As they joined the back of the queue, they both made a similar high pitched noise of excitement and both looked equally embarrassed about it, making them break out into synchronized laughter.

“I’m literally about to pee from excitement.”

“Same here Jacky, same here.”