Hazy Days

Jones terrifies me. If he notices, he doesn't mention it. The open mouth of the tattooed skull on his shaved head is laughing at me. "So how's school going, Victoria?" he takes a sip of the beer he helped himself to. Jones doesn't care. He's just screwing with me until Joel comes back.

"I dropped out, actually," I smooth the hem of my skirt down again. Jones gazes at me with glazed beady eyes. "My parents cut me off and I can't afford the classes."

"Huh. How about that..." keys jiggle the lock just then. Joel steps in and his eyes size up the situation: Jones, sitting leisurely on our own sofa. Me, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Jones," Joel nods once. He slowly closes the door behind him. "What do I owe the honor of this surprise visit?"

"Business, Joel," he says. "I don't like when people fuck with me, you know? I don't like being lied to." I squirm in my seat. I would give anything to be out of this room right now.

"Victoria, you look exhausted. Why don't you go take a nap, I'll let you know when Jones is leaving so you can say good bye," Joel comes to my rescue. I stand up, giving Jones a small smile.

"Sweet dreams, sweetheart," he winks. I scurry off to the bedroom. Our walls are paper thin, so even though I hear the entire conversation doesn't mean I want to. No, no, no, I grind my teeth together. Not Joel. Anyone but him. I put both pillows over my head to try to muffle out their voices. It helps some. I start to wonder if you can suffocate yourself like this. I try it out- my lungs start screaming for air, though, and I have to remove the pillows.

Joel comes in a while later. "I'm sorry you had to listen to all that," he sits on the foot of the bed.

"You're not going to do it, are you?"

"Of course I am," he says angrily. "Did you not see who was out there? Fucking Jones."

"Well tell him no," I sit up, crossing my legs under me. "He can find someone else."

"Victoria, stop being stupid."

"Then stop endangering our lives!" Joel has a temper. He doesn't like when we yell. Now, he grabs both my wrists and hold them above my head, pressing me into the mattress. Veins pop out, ever so slightly, of neck.

"Why can't you listen to a goddamn word I say?" he hisses. I purse my lips, waiting. "I'm doing this for us. For you. Didn't you hear how much I'll get paid?"

"Money means shit when you're dead, Joel," I whisper. "What if someone finds out? What if someone- Jones, even- sells you out?" His hands move to my neck, which means he's getting tired of me being stupid.

"He wouldn't do that," the grips on my neck tightens. I start seeing specks of black. "That would lead me right back to him. He's not taking that chance."

One more thing, I plead before I black out. "I don't know what I'll do if anything happens to you." The hands disappear from my neck and pull me up with him so we're both sitting. I take a deep breath and he runs his fingers through my hair.

"Don't even think about that," he says softly. "Nothing can stand in the way of me coming home to my girl each night." He's lying. I don't say anything, though, and just nod.



"Do you have a light with you?" I pull out the lighter in my coat pocket and hand it to Joel. "Thanks, babe," he says, taking it with the hand that isn't holding mine. The sun is starting to set, casting shadows on the streets we're walking on. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, letting Joel guide me, and commit this scene to memory: Joel and me, his palm warm against mine, window shopping for Christmas gives we have no intent on buying.

"This is my favorite type of weather," I open my eyes and tell Joel. I love the winter. I love curling up near the fireplace and hot chocolate and the snow.

Joel chuckles. "I know, Vic. You've only told me ten times today," he drops my hand to throw and arm around me and pulls me closer. We walk for a few more blocks until Joel pulls me into a little store, where he buys us hot apple cider and powdered doughnuts. We talk about anything that comes up, I tell him funny stories about some customers at the diner, he laughs, and the sound of his laugh makes me smile. I can't remember the last time I've just felt so... content. Happy.