Accept Me or Except Me

One thing I’ve noticed is that I don’t really have friends. I mean, there are Lee, Matt and Laurence, but we’re not really into the same kinds of stuff. I’ve been doing all these things because Lee likes them, but now I have the freedom to do what I like, I’m stumped. Lee’s been my whole world lately, and that’s gotta stop. We’re two different people.

I wasn’t about to call up Josh or Carl, obviously, so I didn’t know what to do with myself. I didn’t want to hang by the park, I didn’t need to or want to go shopping and my parents were busy. I decided then, once I had breakfast, to go for a jog. I changed into my sporting wear, went downstairs again and grabbed an orange. Then, after thinking about how hard it would be to peel the orange while jogging, I swapped it for an apple.

I started jogging down Grafton Avenue and admired the nice homes and trees. It was a shame, ‘cause the trees on the avenues look really nice, but the small ‘parks’ dotted around Dayton are really dry and dusty. They really make an effort with the main park, though.

I jogged for a few hours and it felt nice. Once you get into the groove of exercising regularly it feels good to just move. It had only just struck me how still I’ve been lately. Being kicked off the football team is harsh. It’s a wonder I haven’t lost my figure.

Wait, I know why I haven’t.

I was just turning a corner when I bumped into Coach Marley. I almost bumped into him and I had to backtrack a little bit. I was about to turn and jog away, but he stopped me.

“Hey, Jockling!” he called.

“Yeah, coach?” I coughed. “I mean, sir.”

“Why haven’t I seen you around?”

“What do you mean, sir?” I asked as politely as I could. Of course this man knew why I wasn’t on the team!

“You haven’t been going to practice. I was going to ask you but I haven’t seen you around. I figured you were having, uh, boyfriend trouble,” he said with an embarrassed expression.

“I was kicked out of the team,” I said, puzzled.

“Why in God’s name would I let that happen? You’re still on the team, son. You’re a brilliant player.”

“I was told by...”

“You really think I’m gonna let you off my radar just because of some homophobic bastards?”

I ignored his language and asked him, “If it wasn’t you who kicked me out, how do you know about, uh, me and Lee?”

“Teachers talk, kid. We’re not robots you know,” he chuckled. “I should thank you. Gossip’s been a lot more interesting this year than it used to be.”

I laughed and waved goodbye and jogged across the street before realizing I’d lost track of the practice schedule.

“Coach,” I called across the road. “When’s practice?”

“It’s baseball season so it can’t be in your lunch period,” he said. “It’s on Monday, after hours period. Don’t be late!”

* * *

Monday morning was something. Nobody talked to me during homeroom except this one girl who sat next to me for the first time. I learned that her name was Eve (or “Evie” as she liked to be called), and that she was in most of my classes. She had brown hair with striking, red highlights and a high voice. She looked a bit like a younger, more naïve version of Alice. If that was possible.

“I’ve seen you around a lot and I just wanted to say ‘hi’,” she said in an overly preppy voice.

“Oh, I see. I haven’t seen you much, but I recognize you,” I laughed. “If that makes sense.”

“I get what you mean,” she smiled. “So, uh,” she sighed, hesitating slightly, “is it true what they’re saying about you? You and, uh, Lee?”

It was my turn to hesitate. It was like coming out all over again. “Yeah, it is.”

She looked down in her lap and played with her fingers. Her cheeks reddened and she turned away for a moment. Did she have a crush on me? It wasn’t the first time, but it was still as flattering as ever. “I feel stupid,” she mumbled.

“Don’t worry about it, I take it as a compliment,” I laughed, and touched her shoulder. She flinched in surprise.

“Uh, do you think that there’s a possibility,” she started, “that you’ve made a mistake?”

I questioned her with my eyebrows. “About being gay, I mean,” she laughed almost silently. “You’re too cute to be gay.”

“As flattering as that is, I’ve never been surer about anything in my life. We can be friends, though, right?”

“I guess,” she sighed, and left.

That made me feel a bit odd for the rest of the day. Was she really offended? It wasn’t any of her business what I like, but still I felt a bit off. After homeroom, I made my way to English. In class, I couldn’t help noticing Lee’s empty seat. It was weirdly quiet, too, without Matt.

I went through the rest of the day without talking to many people exclusively, but I was open for conversation and I spoke to a few people here and there. Other than that, I felt alone.

After the last bell rang, I made my way to the locker room. I opened the door, and every member of the team turned to see me walk through the door. As if it was already planned, they walked up to me. They were ganging up on me!

“Look, the little fag has come to practice!” I heard someone say from the back of the group. “Were you expecting a shower party or something?”

“No, I –”

“Don’t you have a cock to suck or something? Beat it,” said Joshua, who got some fist-bumps from some of the others.

“That’s coming from you,” I said, angry all of a sudden.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Carl, the offended ginger.

“You haven’t told anyone?”

Carl’s face became an ugly shade of red, and frowned deeply. I took that as a ‘no’, so I decided to expose him for the hypocrite he was.

I stood on the bench in the center of the room. I cleared my throat dramatically.

“Joshua here says he hates us fags,” I said, “but did you know was helped by Carl to kidnap me, strip me and feel me up? They went out of their way to get me naked so they could drool over my package.”

“Gross, man,” said an anonymous voice. People looked at Carl, but the focus was on Josh. “I can’t believe you’re a homo!”

“You really did that?”

“What a closet case.”

“Get away from me, perv!”

All these insults were being bombarded on the two, but they deserved it. Josh ran past me when he headed for the exit. “You dick!”

He left quickly, and I got some apologies from the others. We dressed quickly and made our way to the fields. It felt good to be out there again.