Sing Me to Sleep, I'll See You in My Dreams

I ran. I ran until my lungs were on fire. I ran until my legs felt like they were made of lead. I ran until I just couldn't run anymore. And still I ran.

The sun was sinking into the horizon, the sky tainted with splashes of reds and blazing oranges. I ran up the path of the cemetery, panting and wheezing like a dying man...oh the irony.

I crashed down on our usual spot and waited.

And waited.

Curiosity got the best of me and I carefully turned my head around to look at the gravestone Alex spends most of his time mourning over. It took my brain a few minutes to register what I had just read. Finally it clicked. I let out a great heaving gasp and looked down at the newspaper article still clutched in my death grip. They were the same. They were the same.

Here lies Alexander William Gaskarth. Always loved, always wanted, always in our hearts.

This didn't make sense. I wouldn't allow it to make sense. I shakily read out the last paragraph out loud, as if that would make it all better.

"-dead on arrival. The young boy (later recognized to be a local boy named Alex Gaskarth) was reported to have made a suicide attempt as eye witnesses watched him fling himself across the car. The reasons for his suicide remain unknown. His parents have been told."

I let out a blood curdling scream that mixed with my fountain of tears. He was dead. He was always dead, and my parents killed him. I pounded my fists against the ground in a fit of fury and hurt. Nonononono. The only boy who had ever shown me any signs of love and compassion has already been taken away from me by my own parents. My whole world was crumbling, falling around me. My sobs echoed around the empty graveyard like a chorus of mourners. My heart felt empty and cold, like someone had ripped it right out of my body.
"This can't be happening. This can't be happening." I whispered to myself through the shaking sobs. "I love you Alex, please come back. Please come back. I love you. Come back!" I was clutching at the gravestone as if willing it to give Alex, whole, breathing, alive back to me.

I curled into a ball beside the grave. Still sobbing and whispering pleads as if that would make a difference. I closed my eyes tight and waited.

Waited.

Waited for what? I do not know. For Alex to come back. For all of this to be a dream. For the cold hands of death to take me away to be with Alex. Alex.

Have you ever felt so alone you feel trapped in your own skin? Like you're isolated from everything and everyone? Even in a large crowd you still feel the pang in your heart of having nobody beside you? I used to feel that way until I met a wonderful, beautiful boy named Alex who seemed to take that pain and suffering all away from me. Now? I had no one. Nothing but the gaping hole in my chest where Alex should be, where my parents should be. They were both taken away by the same fate.

Now I'm waiting to join them.