Status: Complete
Tough Love
Chapter 2
“Me? They’re after me? But why?”
“I don’t know sir but judging by their politeness I’m guessing they might also be human, which is highly unlikely because we’re three million years into Deep Space and there’s no way that another human could reach us and survive.”
“Ooh, incoming message!” Lister allowed communication between Starbug and Venus 619.
“Hiiiiiii guys!!” said the blonde dreadlocked baby of the crew.
“Hello… are you human?”
“Of course we are! We’re the three crew members of the starship Venus 619 - yes Dave, you can laugh, we named this ship ourselves - and we’d like to do some, err, scientific research using Mr Lister.” the purple-haired pilot replied.
“I don’t believe ya, you can’t possibly be human?”
“We ARE!! This ship has been on autopilot for an insanely long time while we were in stasis because we didn’t want to die having failed our mission to find Dave Lister.” The redhead said with a hint of sorrow in her voice.
“So lemme get this straight; you three lovely ladies put yourselves into stasis for over three million years, just to find me?”
“Yep. Three million and two hundred years to be exact. We set off into space long before you were even born, Lister.”
“How is it that you’ve heard of me then?”
“Becauuuuuussseee…. we know everything? Like, how the crew of the mining ship Red Dwarf got wiped out and you ended up being the last human being in existence, how Cat came to be, aaaand stuff.” The purple-haired captain said with a cheesy grin.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Tough cookies Dave, you have to.” The blonde dreadlocked lass said with a tone of attitude in her voice which oddly intimidated Lister.
“Alright, alright, I’ll do as you say.”
“So you’ll come on board Venus 619 then?” The redhead asked with the same cheesy grin as her purple-haired girlfriend.
“Only if you tell us what P, M and T stands for.” Kryten said.
“Sure. I’m Psnowy, with a capital P…”
“I’m Melissa…”
“And I’m Tammy.” She pointed to Psnowy, Melissa and herself as she said “P, M, T.”
Kryten and Lister looked at each other, a bit dumbfounded and generally puzzled as to why their initials alternatively stood for Pre-Menstrual Tension. Was it coincidence, or did they intend it to be that way? The mind boggles.
“Right, so, hand him over then.”
“Woah, steady on, ladies!! Can’t we get to know you a little better?”
“Only you, Dave. Sorry. Oh, is Kochanski on board?”
“Yeah she is, why?”
“Perfect. Dave, we’re gunna teach you a little lesson in understanding women. Kryten, hand him over.”
“But-“
“DO YOU WANT us to attack Starbug?” Psnowy said, pretending to lose her temper. She always did love to play the psychotic bitch at times. She even started to get their weapon into gear.
“No, of course not!!”
“Very well then; hand him over. Now.” Psnowy demanded in a calm yet psychotic tone that intimidated Kryten like nobody’s business.
“OK, OK, I’m comin’.” Lister headed off to the airlock area where the two ships remained connected, and Tammy met him halfway and dragged him onto Venus 619.
“Don’t worry, Kryten!! We’ll bring him back in one piece, we promise. And don’t tell Kochanski the real reason we’ve taken him.” Melissa said with a wink and ended the communication between two ships. Pilot Psnowy disconnected the two ships and the Venus 619 wasn’t to be seen for the next two weeks.
“I don’t know sir but judging by their politeness I’m guessing they might also be human, which is highly unlikely because we’re three million years into Deep Space and there’s no way that another human could reach us and survive.”
“Ooh, incoming message!” Lister allowed communication between Starbug and Venus 619.
“Hiiiiiii guys!!” said the blonde dreadlocked baby of the crew.
“Hello… are you human?”
“Of course we are! We’re the three crew members of the starship Venus 619 - yes Dave, you can laugh, we named this ship ourselves - and we’d like to do some, err, scientific research using Mr Lister.” the purple-haired pilot replied.
“I don’t believe ya, you can’t possibly be human?”
“We ARE!! This ship has been on autopilot for an insanely long time while we were in stasis because we didn’t want to die having failed our mission to find Dave Lister.” The redhead said with a hint of sorrow in her voice.
“So lemme get this straight; you three lovely ladies put yourselves into stasis for over three million years, just to find me?”
“Yep. Three million and two hundred years to be exact. We set off into space long before you were even born, Lister.”
“How is it that you’ve heard of me then?”
“Becauuuuuussseee…. we know everything? Like, how the crew of the mining ship Red Dwarf got wiped out and you ended up being the last human being in existence, how Cat came to be, aaaand stuff.” The purple-haired captain said with a cheesy grin.
“I don’t believe you.”
“Tough cookies Dave, you have to.” The blonde dreadlocked lass said with a tone of attitude in her voice which oddly intimidated Lister.
“Alright, alright, I’ll do as you say.”
“So you’ll come on board Venus 619 then?” The redhead asked with the same cheesy grin as her purple-haired girlfriend.
“Only if you tell us what P, M and T stands for.” Kryten said.
“Sure. I’m Psnowy, with a capital P…”
“I’m Melissa…”
“And I’m Tammy.” She pointed to Psnowy, Melissa and herself as she said “P, M, T.”
Kryten and Lister looked at each other, a bit dumbfounded and generally puzzled as to why their initials alternatively stood for Pre-Menstrual Tension. Was it coincidence, or did they intend it to be that way? The mind boggles.
“Right, so, hand him over then.”
“Woah, steady on, ladies!! Can’t we get to know you a little better?”
“Only you, Dave. Sorry. Oh, is Kochanski on board?”
“Yeah she is, why?”
“Perfect. Dave, we’re gunna teach you a little lesson in understanding women. Kryten, hand him over.”
“But-“
“DO YOU WANT us to attack Starbug?” Psnowy said, pretending to lose her temper. She always did love to play the psychotic bitch at times. She even started to get their weapon into gear.
“No, of course not!!”
“Very well then; hand him over. Now.” Psnowy demanded in a calm yet psychotic tone that intimidated Kryten like nobody’s business.
“OK, OK, I’m comin’.” Lister headed off to the airlock area where the two ships remained connected, and Tammy met him halfway and dragged him onto Venus 619.
“Don’t worry, Kryten!! We’ll bring him back in one piece, we promise. And don’t tell Kochanski the real reason we’ve taken him.” Melissa said with a wink and ended the communication between two ships. Pilot Psnowy disconnected the two ships and the Venus 619 wasn’t to be seen for the next two weeks.