Love Like a Tidal Wave

I pulled up to the parking lot for another week of counseling with Carolina. Then it'll be another week after that, then another one after that.

I sighed and looked up at the ceiling of my car then began to put the car in park after leaving my foot on the brake for a couple of minutes.

I took my sunglasses off from my eyes and let them hang on the collar of my shirt then began to climb out of my car. My phone has been sitting in my pocket for hours and I'm surprised Carolina hasn't been texting or calling me asking where I am. She usually does this. I know I'm late again. After like the third time. I just didn’t want to attend these counseling sessions.

I began to walk through the doors of the building, observing my surroundings. The only thing I could hear was the sound of my pants colliding and making a “swooshing” noise.

I walked down the corridor, looking through the door frames of other offices. People were looking at me in fear, because of my tattoos. I lowered my head down, stared at my feet and continued walking to the door I'm dreading.

I approached the door, the room I have to sit in for what feels like hours, sometimes longer if Carolina decides to bitch at me even more. I don’t even believe that taking this stupid shit will help our marriage. I already decided I wanted to divorce her. I don’t want her in my life anymore.

I reached for the door handle, feeling the cold of the metal on my hand, and then slowly beginning to turn it. Once I felt it stop from turning, I pushed the door opened and away from me, and began to step inside. I see Carolina sitting on the couch, her legs crossed, and her arms folded under her chest. She scoffed as I began to sit next to her, just on the other side of the couch—keeping our distance.

I took a quick a glance at her then looked at the marriage counselor, and back at Carolina. I never realized it before. I peered at her hands that were set on her lap, fidgeting with her wedding and engagement ring, her knee was also moving. Then I moved my glance up to her face. Her hair was pulled back which gave me a clearer picture of her features. Her earlobes have shrunk; she's not wearing her plugs anymore. I moved my hand up to my ears and felt the size of my hole. I left my hand there. My attention then moved to her face once more, but this time really observing her features. Her skin began to droop very, very slightly, her eyes were more beady, and she had dark circles underneath them too that she tried to hide with her makeup. I saw fresh tear stains on her cheek as well. She’s taking this really hard.

"Mr. Perry," Dr. Smith cleared her throat. I shot my eyes up to her face and opened my mouth, ready to respond.

"Yeah, yes?" I said shifting in my seat, not making eye contact with anyone anymore.

"Did you have anything to say?"

Shit, I wasn't paying attention. I just shook my head and looked down at her coffee table. There was a magazine there this time so I focused on that.

~
”What the hell are you fucking talking about Tony!”

“You know damn right what I’m fucking talking about!” I yelled back at her. It was pissing me off that she was denying it right in front of my face. My own wife cheating and now lying? I can’t even begin to think what I wanted to do to her and to Mike again.

“You’re INSANE! I would never cheat on you with fucking Mike!” She made a disgusted look when she said his name. “You know I don’t even like him!”

“Stop trying to cover up your stupid lie! I freakened picked you up last night and you were all over him!”

“Is that just your way of getting me mad because I told your mom about Stephanie? Because if that’s the case, you have some real issues—”

“This isn't about my mother!” I yelled at her, stepping forward. I wanted to punch something so badly. I wanted to slap her in the face for lying to me, for cheating on me and for just being stupid and hurting me this way. I would have never imagined her doing this to me. Especially with Mike. I swear I wanted to go back and kill Mike. He knew how I feel about her. I didn’t give a fuck if he had his eyes at her at the party. She was mine. Always has been and always will be.

“Tony I have no goddamn idea what you’re talking! Vic took me home last night!”

“Oh yeah?” I took my phone out and tapped on the voice mail icon. “Then what’s this?” I pressed play and put the volume up out loud for her to hear every single thing she said that night. The more I listened to this, the more pissed off I got.

I looked at her expression and she just covered her mouth. She knew what she did and she’s not getting away with it.

“I was drunk, Tony. I—”

“SAVE IT! I don’t want to fucking hear it. I already heard enough to know what you did.”

She got closer to me. “You don’t even know my side of the story!”

I got closer to her and towered over her. “You’re the worst liar in the whole world! First you say you were drunk and now you’re saying you have a side? Why don’t you fucking admit that you cheated on me! That you had feelings for Mike while you were with me!” She was walking backwards as I continued to yell at her face. “If you didn't want to marry me then why the fuck did you accept my proposal?!”

Her back hit the wall and it irritated her more because she started getting all up on my face. “I FUCKING SAID NO TO YOU!” She pushed me away and I slammed my hands on the wall and she got scared.

“Goddammit Carolina! STOP FUCKING LYING AT ME!” I was all up on her face now. She tried to push me away again but I grabbed her wrists and pinned her on the wall. “Stop being a fucking cunt and tell me why you cheated on me!”

She tried slapping me but I put more force on her wrists. "You're hurting me Tony!" She said through her gritted teeth. "Let go of me."

"I'm not letting go until you tell me why you cheated! What did I ever do to deserve this?!"

"LET GO OF ME!" She struggled to get away from my grip but she’s not strong enough to push me away. I didn't say anything. I just glared down at her. I was waiting for her to answer my question but since I have no patience anymore, I was getting more pissed off. "I didn't cheat on you on purpose!" She shouted. "I don’t even know what the fuck I did or how I got home. How the fuck am I supposed to know what I did with Mike?! LET GO OF ME NOW TONY!"

"I'm gonna give you five seconds to answer me truthfully." I said through my clenched teeth.

"Or what? You're going to hit?!"

The blood in my arms flowed rapidly that I pulled my arm away from her wrist and swung to slap her across the face. I’m so angry and I didn't give a rat’s ass if she’s a girl. She’s lying to me and she knows I hate it.

"TONY!"

I stopped before I could hit her and lowered my head down. I can’t do it. I can’t hit her. I felt Carolina pushed me back with full force that I almost fell to the ground. She then came and punched me multiple times on my chest and began shouting at me.

"DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO LAY A HAND ON ME!" She yelled and continued hitting. I tried grabbing her hands so she can stop but she continued pushing me back. "If you don’t fucking trust me then why are we even together!?" She shouted and tried catching her breath.

"Because of this!" I pulled up my finger to show her the wedding ring. "I vowed to love you no matter what the fuck happens between us! That’s the only thing holding me back!"

"Then why don't you just end it already! If you don’t trust me then your fucking vows were bullshit!"

"Apparently your vows were bullshit also!" I took off my ring and threw it on the floor next to her. "WE'RE DONE! Expect a divorce from me!"

~
"Tony."

I shut my eyes quickly and turned to the psychologist. I just realized I’m still at the marriage counseling and again I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying.

"Are you even paying attention because you haven't answered any of the questions I asked?"

I looked at Carolina and then back at Dr. Smith. "Are we done here?" I said, ignoring her question. I stood up from the seat and stared at her. I was mad and I didn't want to fight with Lina or even talk to her.

I need some good kush and a fucking beer.

"I just have a few more questions to ask, Mr. Perry." She looked down at her things and flipped through her papers.

"I'm sorry but I gotta go." I walked away not looking back and just exited the office. I walked out quickly down the hallway and out to my car. Tears ended up flooding my eyes and then they started to drop down. I immediately wiped them away with my arms and ran to my car. I opened the door and drove off before anyone saw me like this.