Love Like a Tidal Wave

"My name is Dr. Smith and I'll be your Marriage Counselor for the next few weeks." The lady doctor greeted me with a hand shake and a warm smile. She was wearing a white button down dress shirt with short sleeves and a collar, a skirt that’s not too short, black framed glasses and her hair was down and brown—typical Psychologist appearance.

I gave her a half smile and sat down on the brown and black couch across from her. It looked comfortable but the situation wasn’t.

First day of having a shrink…I’m not crazy. Although I don’t feel like I’m psychotic. But it’s just marriage counseling. She’s going to try and fix the relationship that Tony and I have…or are trying to have. We'll see how this goes with Tony being stubborn and all. We've been giving each other the cold shoulder since the day he decide to file for divorce. We decided to come here separately and I'm absolutely positive he'll forget or come late. He has about two minutes before he’s late.

"Will Tony be joining us today?" She asked, sitting down on her seat in front of me. She removed her glasses and crossed her leg over the other.

"Yeah," I said briefly. I crossed my leg over the other like she did and waited patiently for Tony's arrival.

I examined her room for the meantime and stared at all the degrees and awards she had hanging on her walls along with pictures of herself at her college graduation. She also had pictures of her family and children—I'm assuming. I looked at her filing cabinets and desk and just observed my surroundings. It didn’t look boring...just neat and well decorated.

Five minutes passed and we were still waiting on him. She appeared to be observing my body language and face while I stared at her pretty green eyes. I kept a straight face but I knew she knew, that I didn't want this divorce. My face was readable that even the judge knew.

"Sorry I'm late," Tony came in and closed the door behind him. He then greeted the therapist. Her eyes grew wide as she stared at Tony. I’m pretty sure she wask wanted to ask me “you married him? No wonder you marriage isn't working out.”

She told Tony to take a seat next to me. He hesitated first but then did what he was told.

"I'm going to start out by asking you two a question and then I'll take it from there." She opened her note pad and then looked back at us after getting her pen ready in hand. "What does a perfect marriage look like?"

"Not what we have," he replied with an attitude that made me want to punch him until he was out of breath.

I kept a straight face on while she wrote down on her notepad. "Okay," she looked at me, "What about you, Mrs. Hernandez, what does a perfect marriage look like?"

"Trustworthy couples who are honest with each other and full of compassion. No secrets, no lies and they find a way to deal with problems than to walk away from them." I saw Tony glare at me from the corner of my eye, but I ignored it and kept my eyes at the doctor in front of me.

"I don't walk away from the problems." He argued. "You simply start all of them and get into my business. What am I supposed to do? Ignore it and say 'I love you' and pretend they don't bother me?"

"Oh now you want to talk?" I said, still not looking at him.

He scoffed and leaned back on the couch, putting his right leg on top of his left lap. "This is why we can't solve our problems. She either gives a smart remark or a shitty answer. Excuse my language." He put his hand up to signal his apology for his vulgar language.

"It's fine. You guys are talking so we can get something out of it." She replied while writing down a few things. "Next question, what are you guys hoping to gain from counseling?"

"A divorce," he replied sternly, causing my lips to purse and my foot to shake in no particular pattern. "It's obvious we're not meant for each other because of the constant fighting and lying and no trust at all."

"I'm not the one hiding things." I commented.

"I'm not the one who cheated."

I stood quiet.

The doctor looked at him. "Let's talk about trust. Trust plays a major role in a relationship. It determines how much you can confide in one another. If there's a trust issue in a relationship, it can lead to other problems. From one to ten, ten being you absolutely don't trust each other, how much do you guys trust one another?"

"10," We both replied simultaneously.

She nodded her head and jot it down on her notes. I crossed my arms under my chest and continued staring at her and the pen on her hand that was moving. Dr. Smith then stopped and looked up at me. "Do you feel like you cannot trust your spouse because of something he did in the past?"

"Here we go." Tony commented and slouched down on the couch—getting ready for my blabbering about everything in the past and the most recent issues.

"Well, he told me he never wanted to get married or have kids back when we were seeing each other. But it turned out he was already married back then. His wife at that time showed up on my doorstep claiming that she was still married to him. He never told me about her or spoke of ever getting married." I paused so I can let her write it down. "After that, I was hospitalized and he promised me he was going to help me with the baby. He also said he filled out the divorce documents and was going to send it as soon as he could, but what do I find in his closet a month later? The divorce documents untouched. I asked him why didn't he file them and he said he thought he was still 'in love' with her. He also told me he didn't want the kid in his life anymore.” Tony was playing with his braid and I could sense him rolling his eyes at me. "Then, the most recent things, I found his ex-wife calling him at three in the morning. THREE IN THE MORNING." I repeat again and looked at Tony. "He's been secretly going out to see her behind my back as if he thought I wouldn't approve."

"You wouldn't have!"

"I wouldn't mind you guys talking but keeping it from me? How do you think that makes me feel?"

"Why the fuck would you be mad if I still talk to my ex-girlfriends?"

"Wife." I corrected him. "I don't get mad. I don't mind if you talk to Jackie or Crystal or whoever the hell you dated, but Stephanie? The one you chose over me and Leia?"

"I chose you over her!" He defended himself by screaming it out loud to me.

"Yeah after you cried like a little bitch and begged for me to come back to you!"

"Okay!" Dr. Smith shouted and then cleared her throat. She straightened her blouse and then turned her attention towards the stubborn guitarist. "What about you, Mr. Perry?"

He sat up straight and leaned forward, putting his arms on his laps and looked at the doctor in front of us. "She's crazy." He pointed at me with his thumb.

"That doesn't answer her question!" I yelled at him. I could feel my blood heating up and my fists getting ready to punch his stupid face. “What makes you think I’m crazy!?”

“Because you are.”

We started arguing again, going back and forth like ping pong. I wasn't planning on staying quiet or letting him win because that was what he wanted and I wasn't letting that happen. Dr. Smith didn’t stop us this time, she just listened to us argue for a few minutes.

"I am not going to lie and tell her you’re not crazy!" Tony yelled.

"I am most certainly NOT crazy!”

"Fine, you're an unfaithful psychotic bitch!"

I remained quiet and leaned back on my seat and faced the opposite direction of him. I quickly wiped the tear that was on my right eye and held back the other ones that were forming.

Cheating on Tony was not intentional. I didn't mean to hurt. I was drunk and vulnerable. I got taken advantage of. I swear. I still love him a lot and I didn’t want that ruining our relationship.

"Tony, please answer the question." Dr. Smith requested.

"We decided we weren't ready for a kid so we agreed on an aborti—"

"You forced me to get an abortion." I corrected him. I looked at him and he took a deep breath before continuing.

"She lied about getting the abortion for a few months and she made me feel like crap. She went through my phone when I'm taking a shower or sleeping. She followed me to my friend's house or wherever I go. It's like I can't have any alone time without her being there or following me. She destroyed my friendship with my band mate and also my relationship with my own mother. And did I mention she cheated on me?" He looked at me. "So no, I don't trust her at all."

"His mother asked, so I replied truthfully. It's simple as that. And he should already know about the cheating."

He turned his direction towards me, "She's my mother! She didn't need to know that! If I wanted her to know, I'll be the one to inform her. And no YOU practically gave yourself to him! You cheated on purpose."

"The doctor is this way, hubby." I snapped my fingers towards Dr. Smith’s direction.

"You won't be calling me that in a few months," he muttered under his breath and faced the psychologist.

"Oh, yeah? You'll be missing me the minute I leave just like you did when I left to Arizona!"

"What makes you think I'm gonna want your cheating ass back?"

We went at it again, but this time, she shut both of us up. "Okay, here is what we're going to do!" She shouted over our voices. "We're going to start out with the basics.” She removed her glasses and left them hanging on her neck. "How did you two met?"

We both remained quiet for a fraction of a second and continued our arguing and yelling.

She kicked back on her seat with her hands interlocked on her lap and watched us fight. She stayed calm, patient and listened to all the words flying out of our mouths. Right when we started to shout less, she smiled at us and we came to a complete stop.

"We met in high school. She was the new girl from Arizona and all the guys at the school had their eyes on her, but all the girls didn't like her because of her appearance.

"She had black and blonde hair and had plugs like the ones she's wearing but with a silhouette bird on them. She had a heart locket necklace on and was wearing this white and black striped top with a black leather jacket over it and denim skinny jeans. Since back then, having big plugs and two different color hair made her an outcast, I found her beautiful. So I befriended her and I asked her for a favor after knowing each other for three months and she agreed to help me.

"I lost my virginity to her and cheated on my girlfriend with her because every girl thought I was good in bed and I didn't want to be clueless when that intimate part of my relationship comes."

Wow, he remembered what you wore. my mind told me.

"Why did you choose Carolina out of all the other girls in your school?"

"I asked her because there were rumors going around saying she was promiscuous." I scoffed and stared at him.

WOW! He thought you were a slut!

Tone looked my way and continued. "But I knew she wasn't. She agreed after a few days and that’s when our relationship then became about sex. We'd ditch class or leave at lunch and meet up at either one of our houses to you know...have sex. She was my teacher basically. But once I finally had sex with my girlfriend, she told me I was the best she ever had. I stopped meeting up with Carolina once I had all these girls after me."

"So you stopped meeting up with Mrs. Hernandez after you became popular with the ladies?" The psychologist questioned my husband. It was the truth. He ignored my presence once he became the center of attention at parties and at school. One thing I wouldn't forget about high school and that's what made him an asshole.

Tony looked down, "Well, when you word it like that—"

"There's no right or wrong answers here." She reassured him.

He looked at me with apologetic eyes, "Well yeah, we stopped talking since I didn't need her teachings anymore, but we continued where we left off when we encountered each other at a party that my band was playing at after three years."

"So the sexual relationship continued until you guys caught feelings for each other?"

He confirmed it with a nod. "I technically fell for her first but she decided to end that relationship because she didn't want to be in a relationship."

She nodded her head. "Mrs. Hernandez, what made you change your mind about him?"

I looked at the table and just started thinking about that day. How lonely I felt in bed every night and at the studio where I was practicing for my audition. His absence made me realize how much I was used to having him around and it also made me realize that I grew feelings for him. "Like they said, distance makes the heart grow fonder."

Dr. Smith smiled at me and jot it down on paper. "I think that's enough for today. Our time is up and we'll meet up next week at the same time here." She stood up from her chair and we both did the same. She shook our hands and we left the room.

I closed the door behind me while Tony walked away in a hurry. It made me upset the way he acted in there. I wasn't that bad of a wife. Or was I?

You had the right to snoop around!

I blinked my eyes hard and started to walk down the corridor towards the exit. I watched Tony climb into his car and drive out of the parking lot. After his car disappeared into the streets, I walked to the bar across the street and ordered myself a drink before I drove back to the house.


"Esperate. Tu no eres su primera esposa?” (Wait, you're not his first wife?) Tony's mother questioned Carolina while they had coffee in the dinning table. Her eyebrows were arched down, her mouth formed a straight line and her eyes became intense.

"No te dijo de...” (He didn't tell you about....) Lina's voice trailed off when she realized that Tony never informed his own mother about his marriage with Stephanie. She started to get scared that Tony will get mad at her for telling his mother.

"No," her mother-in-law replied. "Yo nunca supe que se ha casado antes. El siempre me dijo que yo iba estar en su boda.” (I never knew he was married before. He always told me I'd be at his wedding.) She left her coffee untouched as she stared at her daughter in law with sadness. She was hurt. She felt betrayed and she thought she wasn't important in Tony's life. Her connection with Tony wasn't as strong as she thought it was. "Con quien se caso?” (Who did he get married to?)

"Creo que usted y Tony deben de hablar sobre eso por que no es mi parte de—” (I think you and Tony should talk about this. It's really not my—)

"No, dime, Carolina. El es mi hijo y me duele que no estova ahi en su gran dia.” (Tell me Carolina. He's my only son and it hurts me that I wasn't there on his big day.)

Carolina bit her bottom lip and tried to figure out a way to get out of the situation. She could already see Tony's angry face and hear his voice yelling at her. She didn't want to tell her he married Stephanie, but she then thought if she lied, she'd lose her friendship with his mother and she didn't want that.

"Stephanie," she answered and looked down at her mug of coffee.

Mrs. Perry shook her head in disappointment. They heard Tony's footsteps come down the stairs and towards the dining room.

"Nick is awake so we can go home." He smiled but then stopped when he saw the disappointed look on his mother's face. "What's wrong?" His mother stayed quiet so he turned to Carolina. "What happened?"

"Me da gusto que yo no soy important en tu vida para que me envites a tu primer boda.” (It's nice to know that I wasn't important enough to be invited to your first wedding.) Tony's mother got off her chair and left upstairs to her room in silence. Tony's blood heated up as he glared at his wife sitting down on the table.

"You fucking told her?!" He growled, full of anger. His face turned red and his eyebrows arched down.

"I thought she knew."

"Well you thought wrong!" He stormed out of the dining room and went up the stairs to his mother's room. The door was locked so he knocked and called out his mother's name. After a few attempts to convince his mother to open the door, he decided to give up. He went down stairs and picked up Leia from the couch. She was taking a nap while Nick played with his toys.

Carolina picked up Nick and carried him to the car. Once they fastened both of their kids in their car seats, Tony slammed the door shut and started yelling at his wife.

Nick watched from the window as his father was moving his arms around in the air and his mouth moving quickly. He then observed his mother, more calmer than his dad. He could hear some of the words they were shouting but he didn't pay much attention. He went back to his toy.

"It's always an accident to you! You never admit that you're wrong!" The guitarist shouted to his wife.

"That was an accident!" She defended herself. "Why do you always make me look like the bad guy!?"

"Because you are!" He walked away from her and hopped inside the car. He started the car and waited for Carolina to get inside the car but she didn't bother to go in. She stayed outside, arms crossed under her chest and just glared at her husband.

Tony lost his patience and drove off, leaving Carolina behind at his mother's house.

"Where's mommy going?" The four year old toddler asked his upset father. He looked behind him and watched as they drove farther and father away from his mother.

"She's staying with abuela."

The next few days, Tony ignored Carolina whenever she tried talking to him. He always ended up ignoring her when ever they fought. He would be gone all day so he wouldn't see her. He'd take the kids out and leave her home alone.

Carolina didn't care at first since she ignored him back, but after a few days, she started to become upset and stressed out.

She decided to drive around the city to get her mind off of Tony. She ended up inside a pub drinking her sorrows away. After a couple of minutes, she was down to her seventh drink. She ignored all the calls she received from Feena, Vic, and everyone else. She wanted to be away from everyone that night. She told herself she'd call Vic to pick her up since she's not that far away from his house. She even texted him for that favor.


She replied with the name of the pub and the streets she thought were correct.

She placed her arm on the counter and laid her head on top of it as she stared at her phone for a new message.


She turned off the screen of her phone and stared at her empty glass of scotch.

"Can I get one more? Please." She asked the bartender. He came by and filled up her glass. She shot him a smile and took a sip of it.

It wasn't long before her ride arrived.

"I think you had enough to drink tonight. Tony is going to kill you if he sees you passed out in a bar.” Mike said to Carolina while he took her glass of scotch away from her hands and finished it himself.

“Mike, I think I deserve to drown myself with apple juice. It won’t hurt.”

Mike laughed. "But the apple juice is intoxicated."

"None sense! Can I get another order of this…apple juice?” She looked at her empty glass—squinting since she was seeing double. “It smells kind of strong for apple juice. Maybe it’s cider. Is it cider?” She looked at the drummer on her left.

“No, I’m taking her home.” Mike told the bartender and grabbed a hold of her arms and removed her from the stool. Carolina jerked her arms away and stepped away from him.

“Don’t touch me. I can walk by myself.” She ended up tripping over her feet and Mike caught her before her body made friends with the dirty floor of the bar. “You tripped me.” She slurred her words.

“You can’t even take two steps without tripping over something.” He said, but she just ignored him and rolled her eyes.

"I'm gonna call Tony to tell him I'm going home." She took her phone out and dialed Tony's number. After a few rings, it went to voice mail. She then realized that they weren't talking to each other. "Asshole." She said and shoved her phone in her pocket. “I forgot he hates me.”

Mike didn't say a word. His goal was to take her to the studio and let her sober up until she can drive home.

“I still don’t like you Mike.” The words came out before she could even think. “I know you’re jealous of Tony because he fucked me before you even had a chance. But to be honest,” she paused and looked up at him. “Tony and I were fucking when we were in high school. I took his virginity and made him the best fucker in this world. I’m also pretty sure he’s bigger than you.” She snickered as they exited the bar and walked down the cold dark streets of Orange County.

Mike stood quiet while they walked to his truck in the parking lot. Lina couldn't locate her brain because she continued slurring other private things about her and Tony.

“I wanted to fuck you so badly at your party.” He stopped gripping her arm and looked down at her. “But Tony beat you to it.” She smiled and started chuckling. “I’d still fuck you, but this—” she put her hand up and showed him her wedding ring. “…stops me from having sex with you.”

They reached his truck and she leaned on the door and stared at the night sky with a huge smile on her face. “You look like the controlling and demanding type.” He maintained his stare at her while his best friend's wife looked at him like he was something delicious to eat in a restaurant menu. “And it just makes me want to have sex with you even more.” His eyes popped open after she said that.

She started walking up to him while his eyes locked into hers. He knew she was drunk but it still turned him on a bit. He also knew she was right about the whole being jealous of Tony thing because Tony ended up marrying a chick that he stole from Mike. He didn't like to admit it but that was the whole reason why he didn't like Carolina.

“How about this,” she slid her finger down his torso until she reached his jean's zipper. She felt him tense up and she smirked wickedly. "I’ll give you a pass and let you experience what you've missed out on.” She suggested to him in a seductive tone. He remained quiet again. He didn't think she was being serious until she got up on her tippy toes and whispered to him a “maybe this will get you thinking” into his lips. Her hands gripped his shirt to balance herself while she nibbled on his earlobe.

He didn’t do anything until she planted her lips onto his cold ones. He started kissing back aggressively after she bit his bottom lip. He couldn't contain himself. He cupped her face, pushed her against the car door and deepened the kiss. He knew Tony was going to kill him but he told himself that Carolina is too drunk and she won't even remember what happened that night. He did had his eyes on her first at his party. He was only claiming what was supposed to be his for one night.

Little did they know, Carolina never ended her call with Tony. In fact, it was still recording in his voice mail and once it stopped, Tony’s phone chimed. He looked at his phone and saw the new voice mail icon. Tony debated whether or not to listen to it. But he ended up hearing it.

Anger filled his whole body and blood. His pulse sped up and so did his breathing. His muscles grew tense and he felt his temperature increasing. The thought of Mike and Carolina having sex infuriated him even more. He didn't trust Mike with any drunk chick and he also knew what Carolina had said was true.

He gripped the phone tighter then stormed to the kitchen to grab the keys and then walked out of his house. He climbed onto his car, slammed the door shut and started the ignition. He noticed a picture of Leia and Luke on his car which reminded him that they were both home and asleep in their room.

Her cursed and punched the steering wheel—causing it to honk. He got his phone out and dialed one of his friends number so they can stay at his house for a bit while he thought of beating up Mike if he even touched her. His friend came quickly and Tony thanked her before he scurried to the pub where Vic had told him where he could find her.

He searched for Mike's truck or Carolina's car. He was hoping they wouldn't be doing anything that would anger him even more, but he knew he couldn't get his hopes up. Once he found the truck, he stormed to it, opened the back door, pulled Mike off of Carolina and beat the crap out of him in the parking lot.