Catalyst

My mind spins around in circles. The cap of my pen is all chewed up and gross, I should stop. But I don't. Instead I bite on it harder.
An image of last night pops into my mind. A sweaty, hot, fast, night in a cloudy room. I shut my eyes tight and bite even harder on the poor cap.
"Gabriella?"
I jump up a little and my pen drops out of my hand and mouth.
I look up and see Hannah standing next to me.
"Oh, hey Hannah. What's up?"
She gives me a look. "You alright?"
I nod. "Yah..", I mumble. "What's up? Anything?"
She let's out a sigh. "Well, there's this surgery open. A kitten broke it's little ankle. The bone is out... You know. Hilliard is out- wanna take it? You can say no."
I brake our eye connection and think if I have anything to do later on today.. On a Friday night.
I look back up at her.
"Of course I'll take it.", I smile.
She smiles back. "Perfect. Thank you so much. It's on in fifteen. Thanks again."
"No problem."
I start to pack up my lunch.
"And hey-"
I look up. "Hmm?"
"Seriously, what's wrong..? You've been acting a little... Weird."
"Weird?"
"You're quiet and... I don't know."
"Really- I'm okay. Just stressed out with school and stuff."
She tilts her head. "Well- okay."
She taps my shoulder. "Feel better though."
I nod. "Thanks."
She walks out of the break room and I lay my head down on the table.
Just then, my phone starts vibrating.
I'm to lazy to get it out of my pocket. I'm tired. Of everything.
Let it go to voicemail.
After some time, I stand up, then walk to the surgery room.

It's 11PM.
I stay in my car for a while. I'm exhausted. Emotionally and physically. I don't even want to get out of the car. I pull the lever under the seat up and feel as the seat starts to roll down. I lay my head down and shut my eyes.
I try not to think about him.
Then I remember that I had a couple messages and missing calls that I didn't check. I pull my phone out of my scrub pocket and check it.
Three new messages.
A few my from my best friend and one from, of course, Tony.
I decide to ignore Tony's message for now and read all of my best friends.
Hey! We're all going out to get some drinks- you out of work yet?- Kate
Three other messages from her follow up in the same subject.
Now, Tony's.
Gabby? I don't know if you're still in work... You probably are. I miss you. We should meet up tonight...- Tony
My stomach literally aches at these words typed out in front of me.
My missed calls inform me that he called three times while Kate called only once.
I sigh and get out of the car. It's super cold outside, so I rush to my door. I unlock it and finally enter my warm apartment.
As I wash my face, I feel the warm water run down my neck.
I flop on my bed and my puppy rolls up next to me, cuddling up to my side.
I decide to text Kate back, explaining how I couldn't make it or reply. Long day at work. Blah blah blah..
I think about Tony. Would he still be awake?
12:30AM the clock reads.
Ha, of course he would. As I'm texting him my cheap explanation, my phone brings in a call from the one and only. Tony.
My heart skips a beat, but I answer it. Might as well get it over with. "Hello?"
"Hey! Finally you answer. I've been trying to reach you."
"I was actually about to text you about why I couldn't get back to you. I had to do some more things over at work."
"Oh.. that's okay. But you're home now?"
"Yah, I am. I just got home actually. What are you doing up?"
"Well, I'm just kicking it with Jaime and Casey. But I'm about to leave.."
"Oh.."
Seconds of silence.
"Mind if I come over?", he says slowly.
I stare at the ceiling. You want to say yes. You know you do. But you want to say no so bad too.
"Yah. Yah, you can.", I sigh.
"Alright, I'll be there in a couple."
I can hear the excitement in his voice.
"Sounds good. See ya."
I hang up and lay on my side.
Why do I dread this so much? I want him to be with me, here, so bad. Even though it's just for tonight..

The door bell rings once. I don't bother getting up. He knows where the spare key is hidden. I hear the door open and close. Puppy runs off to the living room to greet.
"Hey girl, hey..", I hear him whisper. I can't help but feel happy when I here his voice.
He shuffles along the hallway and comes into the room right as I shut my eyes.
I glance at him as he takes his jacket off, along with his jeans. He climbs into bed and wraps his arm around me.
"Hey.", he mumbles in my ear. I smile and turn to him.
"Hey.", I say.
His eyes are red with light bags under them. I take his cap off and throw it somewhere on the floor.
He takes in a deep breath and let's it out.
"It was a busy day for you wasn't it?", he asks.
I nod with my eyes shut.
"Yah, it was. Lots of stuff to do at work."
"You're a hard working girl."
I smile. "What did you do today?"
"Well I-" he pause and looks away for a second. "I just hung out. That's all. I'm tired. And really glad to be here with you. I've missed you."
I stay silent.
"Have you missed me?", he asks quietly.
"Course I did..", I whisper. He kisses my lips and gets closer to me.
Then it all starts from here...
Automatically, I start kissing back. Like a pull that I can't escape from. A black hole sucking everything in. Leaving nothing behind. No mercy.
He bites my lips and rubs my breasts. I can taste all the booze in mouth. Even though my whole body denies it, I love it. I've missed it so much.
Our tongues wrestle and as they do, he manages to climb on top of me. He grunts as he sucks on my neck and chest. I let out small moans and whimpers at the feel of this foreign feeling.
He flips off the covers from on top of us and pulls down my sweats and underwear.
He bends down to me and I feel him thrust into me. My legs spread wide open for him and he places his right hand under my thigh. I see his hips grind up against mine and I moan into his mouth as he does so.
My mind starts to wonder again.
This all happened so fast. Just to show you how fast he can catch me through his little trap. You know that he didn't just hang out with friends. He probably saw her. He probably slept with her.
But in the end, where does he end up at? Who does he end up with?
Me.
I still don't know why, but I'm such a stupid girl for letting him do this.

As we come to close end, he huskily whispers my name into the side of my neck, letting out one last grunt.
"Gabby.."
I save that sound into my brain. Then close the vault.
I run my hands through his thick black hair and grab chunks of it.
I love him so much. It hurts. He doesn't realize it.
Once we're done, his body falls next to mine. I stare into his eye as he stares into mine. I wonder if he slept with her today. I hope to God he didn't. I wish she would just disappear.
He folds a strand of hair behind my ear and kisses me softly on my lips.
"You know I love you.", he says.
My heart falls.
"No, I don't. But it's nice of you to say it."
"Gabby-"
"Stop. I'm really sleepy, tone. Can we sleep now?"
He stares at me and I close my eyes at the feeling of his burning into mine.
"I love you too, Tony.", I whisper.
I feel his hand on my cheek. He gives me small kisses on my neck and cheeks.
It hurts now. All of this. I want to get up and run off.
But I don't. Because I can't.
When I wake up, he'll be gone. And the black hole in my chest will be entirely empty.
I scoot closer to him and he wraps his arms around me.
"You're too amazing for me, Gabby. You deserve better."
I feel his warm breath on my lips and without thinking about, I reach close and peck his lips. "I don't want better. You're perfect."
He rubs my back. Every touch from him gives me chills through my body.
"Have good dreams, baby. I love you."
My head lays on his chest. As I feel his hands go up and down my back.
All the way up to my neck...
Then slowly down to my lower back.
I feel sleep start to hit me and I give in.
Because at the end of the day, we both feel the same way.
We both end up loving each other. It's just to bad we can't make it last.