A Ballad of Love and Hate

The fall was setting in New York. The leaves were beginning to turn and fall on the edge of the sidewalks as fashion week was under full swing. The finale would be tomorrow and everyone, including Anna Wintour herself (the editor-in-chief of Vogue) would be making their final judgements about a clothing line that would make or break a designers work.

And needless to say, as a designer, I had my work cut out for me.

This would be a grand debut for me. My work had yet to be revealed to anyone more than mentors and professors from design school and now, I was going to be a part of the Ralph Lauren show as the next big designer to watch.

Me. My dream was finally being achieved. My years in design school and being a grunt at the bottom was finally going to pay off.

“Noah, this hem isn’t setting right,” my assistant grabbed my attention and showed me the model and the hem line.

Tonight was the night we put the finishing touches on the clothes and doing a walk through of the show.

“Are you nervous?” Lily, my assistant asked.

“Of course I am, it’s my grand debut,” I laughed, sending the model on and watching her walk down the runway in the pencil skirt.

“I didn’t so much mean about the line, that’s a given, I meant about the boy,” she said, not daring to say his name.

I brushed my blonde bangs aside and played with my knitted infinity scarf nervously.

“No, I know he won’t be here for my line, he doesn’t have the courage,” I said evenly. Lily looked at me.

“Noah, be serious, he’s been all over this week,” Lily tried to make me face the reality that was coming tomorrow.

“Let’s do one final walk!” I yelled, walking away from her.

I didn’t want to dwell on the past. I could only look ahead.

As we rehearsed and I put finishing touches on my line that would be showed to the world, I left to go home, thinking of what I kept trying to push out of my mind.

I knew my ex-boyfriend would be at this show. And I knew he would be in the front row, eyeing everything I had worked for over the last two years.

When I got back into my apartment, I pulled on my leggings and an oversized sweater. I braided my long blonde hair and turned on E! for any updates about fashion week that I didn’t know about.

“And tomorrow, the finale is coming up at the Ralph Lauren fashion show, the biggest one of the week. New designer, Noah Henderson will be revealing her first line that will be available in Bloomingdales and Nordstrom this fall, Lauren has spoken highly of Henderson and said to expect only the best at the grand finale,” the TV reporter said. I couldn’t help but feel a little relieved that I was not only being talked about, but that Ralph Lauren had confidence in me.

“Of course, all eyes will be on both Henderson and Lauren as well as their extinguished guests such as Vogue editor herself and nationally known-” I changed the channel before the gossip could begin. I didn’t want to hear the drama or scandal, and I certainly didn’t want to hear his name.

Instead I went to bed and prayed that my ex-boyfriend would forget to show up.

The next morning, I skipped breakfast and took hours to get ready. I put on a black cocktail dress and leather boots. I made my hair straight and put on the right amount of make-up. I checked and re-checked myself to make sure I looked okay to go out at the end of the show.

This would be everything.

I arrived hours early, steaming my line myself, not trusting anyone else. Lily was also there, already putting the models through hair and make-up, making sure they knew their order.

“Noah!” I heard my name called as I checked and re-checked my models and accessories.

“Good luck, and remember when you go out there, confidence and a smile to bless the audience,” Ralph Lauren himself told me, giving me a hug for luck.

I was about to send my everyday fall line down in the next twenty minutes.

I peeped from behind the curtain at the front row. I saw the Vogue editor, I saw the a-list fashionistas and finally, I saw him.

He sat in a suit that fit him well. Hair short and a little messy in the front. He stared out at the runway though no one was yet out there. My heart began beating a little heavier. He looked bored but a little nervous.

Or maybe I was just wanting him to be nervous because the site of him made me nervous.

“In Beijing, I had a girlfriend, big mistake,” his words began to run through my mind, causing a pain in my chest to come up.

The lights began to dim and music began to play, I didn’t have time to think about myself or my hurt, my golden moment was right now.

“Okay, girls, let’s do this!” I yelled, checking the first five models once more before sending them out.

Here we go.

The models began walking down the runway effortlessly as they showed the world my art and work. I sent the business apparel down next, as the applause continued, soon my formal wear would go and I would be done.

I hid in a dark corner but Lily of course found me.

“Noah, you can’t let this moment be taken from you,” she snapped at me.

It was coming down to the last models. I took a deep breath. Lily grabbed my arm and pulled me behind the last model. I felt like I was going to pass out.

“Noah, go!” She yelled, pushing me onto the runway.

I collected myself just in time, putting on a smile and waving as I walked out, the audience applauded as I walked down to the center of all the models. Anna Wintour even clapped which was something of a rarity. I looked next to her and his bright blue eyes met mine.

For the first time in three years, I was seeing Ryan Lochte face to face.

I tried to keep my smile, tried not to just look at him.

But I was caught in him.

Our eyes locked and he gave me a slight grin as he clapped.

I finally had to acknowledge the man who broke my heart.

As the show wrapped up, I made my way to the floor to thank the guests for coming and the praises I was receiving. Many were excited for my line, many were impressed by my work.

“That wasn’t bad, Noah,” Anna pursed her lips at me. I nearly fell over by the high compliment from Wintour herself.

“Keep it up and you may actually go places,” she said before walking away.

I received all the praise I’d ever need. I grabbed a glass of champagne and turned on my heel to walk away and find Lily when I heard Ryan speaking. I turned to his direction and looked at him.

Those words rang in my ear again. I was a big mistake.

I swallowed down my champagne and stalked off to the bathroom, hoping he would not see me. I went into a stall and threw up the alcohol and small amount of food that was left in my system.

I needed to control something.

I looked at myself in the mirror and fixed my make-up and put on my best smile before walking out.

I was not going to let Ryan Lochte ruin this.