A Ballad of Love and Hate

[Ryan]

Seeing Noah for the first time in years. I knew this was her show, it was all over the media that my ex-girlfriend of three years would be making her first grand appearance in the fashion world at the Ralph Lauren show which I happened to be invited to.

First row.

When Noah came out and smiled and waved, I was taken aback by how beautiful she was.

She was thinner than I remembered, her hair was longer than she use to keep it. She had those side bangs now. Her eyes were brighter green under the light and when they locked with mine, I couldn’t help but smile.

She was breathtaking. Confident.

When she left the runway, I frowned a little, remembering why we broke up.

“Are you seriously pissed at me right now?” I groaned through the phone, it was almost 2am in Beijing but I hadn’t talked to Noah in five days.

“Of course I’m mad at you! I haven’t heard a word in five days!” She yelled in a frantic.

“Noah, I don’t know if you know this but I’m kind of at the OLYMPICS,” I shouted.

“We agreed Ryan, that we would always make time for each other, we wouldn’t put each other on the back burner and I’ve been sticking true to my word, but you, you won’t ever put me first,” she said angrily.

“You know what, this is my time right now and you’re ruining it. You’re crushing this experience for me,” I said irrationally and without thinking about what I said.

The line went silent

After that, when I got back to the States, Noah was done. She called it off and the anger rose in me. I continued saying things here and there over the years that I didn’t mean. Like our relationship being a big mistake.

From the other side of the room, I saw Noah talking to a group of men, laughing and smiling, looking so collected.

“Dude, Noah’s hotter than before,” Conor spoke up next to me. I took a drink of my drink and stared on at her.

“Why do you always have to say stuff like that?” I asked.

“I’m going to talk to her,” he grinned. I rolled my eyes, knowing she wouldn’t hear him out. Conor approached Noah and she looked at him hesitantly before he put his hands up in defense and said something to her. I saw Noah sigh and smile and go into Conor’s embrace.

Jealousy began to fill inside of me. Why would she do this to me?

I watched her laugh with Conor and smile. What were they talking about that was so funny? Noah gave him one final hug before she left to talk to someone else and Conor came back grinning.

“What the hell was that?” I questioned.

“She hates you, not me. She’s doing well by the way, single. She said that life was good,” her informed me. I watched as she kept talking to everyone in the room except for me.

I kept drinking, I kept watching, she kept talking, smiling, laughing.

Soon the alcohol got to me. I threw my drink at Conor and marched my way up to her. She was in conversation with another man.

“What the fuck, Noah?!” I yelled angrily, the room grew silent, photos were being snapped of my confrontation, Noah looked at me, shocked, mad, and just plain hurt.

“I’ll just-yeah,” the man said awkwardly, walking away from the scene, not wishing to be a part of it.

“Ryan, we’re in public and everyone is staring,” she gritted through her teeth.

“I want to know why you’re not acknowledging me,” I persisted, loudly. Whispers began through the room at my behavior. Reporters were filming and taking note.

“Ryan, I swear, you’re embarrassing me,” Noah grabbed my wrist harshly, and pulled me into an office, locking the door.

“How the hell did you you get so strong?” I asked, shocked that she was able to pull me around like that.

“You’re drunk, you moron. How the hell dare you embarrass me like that!” She was now fully showing her anger now that we were in private.

“Well, I think I deserve a hello at least,” I grumbled, starting to feel a little shame. She laughed at me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you would want to talk to someone you felt to be a mistake,” she snapped at me.

I deserved that.

“Noah, you know I didn’t mean that,” I sighed, sitting down on the desk.

“How would I know that when you haven’t spoken to me since that night I left you?” She asked. I saw her defense going up a little more, I saw her vulnerable side coming out.

“Well, you haven’t spoken to me either,” I said defensively, keeping my pride in place, not backing down.

“It’s always the same with you, Ryan,” she laughed sadistically and began to walk away.

I knew I couldn’t let her walk away from me. Especially not like this.

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her into me.

“Let go,” she whispered.

But I didn’t let go.

“God you’re beautiful,” I said, looking at her with desire in my eyes.

I smashed my lips onto her. At first she tried to pull away but I wouldn’t let her.

Noah sighed into the kiss and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I felt my way up her dress to remove her underwear.

Her hands went to my suit jacket, removing it and untucking my shirt.

She worked quickly to get my pants down, I worked quickly to push myself inside of her, back into the familiar territory.

We moved in sync, she made all the familiar sounds, causing me to push harder. Noah dug her nails in my back through my shirt.

It was as if we were back to the way we used to be. We both finished at the same time. Noah re-fixed herself and ran her fingers through her hair.

“No one can know,” she said sternly at me before walking out of the office, looking both ways before she walked quickly away.

One thing was for sure, I certainly wanted to do THAT again.