Cold Coffee

He used to loathe coffee.

He used to never understand why people would indulge themselves in that bitter liquor. He used to avoid coffee shops in general, along with their beige interiors, cream-colored walls and comfortable love seats.

Ironically, it was coffee that changed everything.

And it was because of a silly interview that he could have saved himself all the trouble from. If it wasn't for his manager, Bryan's insistence, Caleb would never have wasted five minutes of his life waiting inside a coffee shop for his interviewer, Olivia.

A couple of people had walked past him without even as much as a side ward glance, making Caleb wonder what his interviewer actually looks like. Now, Caleb isn’t the brightest crayola out of the crayola box but it’s moments like this when he wishes that God had somehow added a little bit more common sense into his genes.

He lets himself sink deeper into the beige chair and he groans in frustration at himself. He wishes that he should at least have asked Bryan for a description of Miss Olivia so he would at least know who he’d be waiting for inside this coffee shop—which if he hasn't mentioned enough, he actually hates.

Common sense and patience was something that Caleb Stanford was equipped with.

However, it’s not like he can blame Miss Olivia right now, for it wasn't her who decides to show up twenty minutes earlier than the original and planned meeting time. Right, it wasn't Miss Via who is a time control freak and it’s not her who suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder—but him.

Much to his chagrin, a waitress approaches him. “Sir, may I have your order?”

“Do you have anything that’s not coffee?” He asks, straight to the point.

The waitress seems taken aback, and it’s clear by her expression. He can’t blame her, for no one actually enters a coffee shop to order something that’s not coffee. Maintaining professionalism in the end, the waitress replies, “Well, we have some tea.”

“Green tea would be nice,” he comments, pasting a polite smile on his face and continues to look at the mahogany coffee table in front of him as the waitress turns back to get his order.

He flicks his left wrist and checks the time: a quarter past four in the afternoon.

Deciding that it would be polite to call Miss Via to be on time, he fishes his phone from the pit of his jean pocket and scrolls down to dial her number into his iPhone. In all honesty, he regrets buying that pricey gadget because it always seems to be upgrading itself.

Six rings and a sip of his freshly-delivered green tea later, Caleb hears the ringing stop and her deep voice replace the annoying ringing sound, “Hello?”

“Hello, this is Caleb Stanford. The one that you’re supposed to interview me and I know it isn't until fifteen minutes later but I just want to remind you, in case you forget.” He explains, mentally chastising his inability to keep his nose in his own business.

“Oh,” he hears a slight gasp through the earpiece. “Okay, I’ll be there before the planned time. Thank you for reminding me, Mr. Caleb.”

“You’re welcome.” And he waits for her to hang up.

--------------

Exactly three minutes before the planned time, a woman with soft features and flowing brown hair takes her seat in front of Caleb.

The scent of her wafted through him as she shifts into a much more comfortable sitting position. He closes his eyes for a nano second to inhale a mist of lavender mixed with some type of fabric softener and opens them immediately, hoping that Miss Via did not notice that—not that she needed to, anyway. It's just him and his weird fetish for wonderful fragrance.

“Yes ma’am, can I have your order?” A new waitress asks as she approaches the table in where Via and Caleb were seated.

Caleb assumes that the former waitress must have thought him weird and had therefore requested another one to take her place, either way; he doesn't mind that at all.

Via flashes a blinding smile at the waitress and orders a cup of regular milk coffee. “With two table spoons of sugar, please.”

Caleb realizes that Miss Via gets straight to the point, for after placing their orders, she starts to interview him about his music career and how it all started out. At this point, he’s been asked questions like these so many times in his life he can probably reply to it unconsciously.

An hour and two cups of coffee for Via later, they finally finish with the interview and Caleb finds himself unwilling to part with Miss Via (although the sensible part in him questions his sanity for no one in their right mind should feel clingy towards their interviewer).

Via's chair scrapes the wooden floor gently as she stands up and shakes Caleb’s hands goodbye. “Thank you for giving our magazine the chance to interview you, you’re very delightful.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiles, placing his hands back in his pockets and watches her bid a final wave of farewell as she starts to leave.

-------------

Caleb widens his eyes out of panic as he feels the back pocket of his jeans and finds it flat, right where his wallet should be.

He figures that he might have left it as he was fishing his messenger bag earlier to look for his tickets inside the subway. It’s an hour after midnight and Caleb finds himself donning a large black jacket on as if his life depended on it. Three minutes later and he’s out running through the streets lined with fluorescent lights meant to guide late night adventurers such as himself.

If Bryan and Mia were here, they’d chastise him and call him out on his shortcomings and then give him a lengthy sermon. Good thing that those two lovebirds were out on a hotel now.

Caleb gasps for breath and resumes running to the station which is situated a few blocks away from his apartment unit. At this time of the night, there would only be a handful of people in the station, waiting for the train to take them on their own separate destinations.

-------

To his surprise; after he retrieved his wallet (Which was thank God, still in the same place where he left it earlier), his eyes glazed over the station to a familiar face.

“Miss Via!” he calls out since he’s a few meters from the end of the platform, where the doe-eyed girl stands.

The sound of her name made Via look back to glance at a haggard looking Caleb. In a large black jacket and a pair of gray sweats, Via almost didn’t recognize the man that she interviewed two days ago.

Just as she turns to stop him, a train speeds through the track and she realizes that she’d missed her chance.

It’s that Caleb Stanford again.

“Hello,” he says as he walks closer.

“Hi,” she replies as if Caleb did not just unconsciously cancel her plans.

Caleb looks around the seemingly lifeless station and tries to scramble his thoughts into something coherent or at the very least, something to talk about with Miss Via. “The station is very nice, don’t you think so?”

“This station is like every other station in Seoul, Mr. Stanford.” She states and looks at him, trying to understand.

“I guess so,” he agrees, quite embarrassed.

His eyes rake over her slim frame and he has only realized now that she’s wearing a white dress—even in this cold night. It puzzles him but he decides to not elaborate any further and let his gentleman side take over.

“Here, wear this,” he shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over her thin frame.

“Thank you,” she rewards him with a smile the moment her shoulders and back was covered with the thick and warm fabric.

“Do you like cup noodles?”

“Yes, why?” her eyes widens, eyebrows raised in puzzlement at his random question.

“Let’s go get cup noodles.” He gives her a warm smile and takes her by the hand. He smiles as he tows her from the station and into the dark night.

-----------

They talk as the hot water warms up their insides.

Via had let herself get dragged by Caleb into one of the convenience stores that remain open 24 / 7. After they had bought and make cup noodles inside, they start to walk more and talk.

He gathered that she’s an orphan living on her own, that she has already visited countries that she used to only dream of visiting before. To him, it seems like Via has finally achieved the dreams that she kept to herself since she’s in high school. In return, he told her about his passion for music, how it all started out as a hobby then passion and turned into a career the moment Bryan (who was a troubled talent scout back then) walked into a bar where he usually plays in and discovered him.

As Via keeps talking animatedly to him, Caleb can’t shake off the feeling that there’s something off about her.

It seems like she’s there but there’s something missing. Like she’s alive but not living. Years spent socializing with others had made him realize and know more about different people, and by far; she’s the weirdest. Even though she’s actively engaging herself in their conversation, Caleb notices that her focus seems to be somewhere else and that when she looks at him, her glassy stare somehow chills him, yet the warmth that her smile emits quickly warms him up once more.

She’s a walking contradiction.

They let their feet guide them through twist and turns and somehow, they end up into a river right where the sun starts to make its appearance and begins to do its job to lighten up the skies.

“I like it when the sun rises, just the whole process itself,” she breaks the silence and Caleb does nothing but listen. “It always gives me hope, that no matter how bad the previous day was, you can always make it up because the sun keeps on rising—just like it’ll do all the days of your life.”

She’ll make me shiver without warning and make me laugh as if I’m in a joke.

The creative part in Caleb’s mind registers the line that he can use for a future song—for that’s what he’s starting to feel for every second that he spends with this near-stranger—like she’s a song waiting to be written.

“This is probably enough conversation.” Via smiles at him and waves her hand, a gesture of farewell. “I live near here so I should be fine. So yeah, thanks for the food.”

He wants to tell her to wait up as he takes his pen from his back pocket and scribbles the words on his hands to write the lines immediately, however; as he looks up—she’s gone just as quick as he saw her.

-----------------

Two weeks and a few lyrics later, he sees her again.

He has his her number but he's too chicken to contact her, it must have been fate that enabled him to find her once more in this vast metropolitan.

This time, he saw her just as he’s taking a stroll down the bridge. She’s leaning dangerously close to the water that he immediately walks up to her and held her back.

“Watch where you’re going! You might fall!” he yells out of concern, although he knows he has no right to be worried.

“But that’s—nevermind,” she sighs, as if giving up on making a proper explanation, “Why is it you again?”

“Why are you asking me that as if it’s a bad thing?” Caleb huffs childishly, running a hand through his raven hair. “I just happen to see you here, that’s all.”

Via gives him an elevator stare and releases a deep breath. “Looks like there’s no getting around with you, then.”

---------------

And you can stay with me forever.

And you can stay with me for now.



Those lines echo on Caleb’s thoughts as he takes a sneak at Via through the gap in the door. He smiles and bites his lips to stop himself from bursting out into loud guffaws as he watches Via dance her heart out inside his room wearing her pajamas.

A month of ‘getting to know’ each other and it seems like he knows Via ever since he’s six—based on the stories she tells him. Numbers were exchanged, their meetings turn to routine, laughter would always surround the room they’re in and Via would always be the one in Caleb’s kitchen. His gigs and performances would mean a lot now since she’d always be by the sidelines supporting him; it seems like they easily slide their own way down each other’s lives.

Caleb can’t help himself and lets out a laugh, making Via snap her head to his direction with wide eyes; a deer caught in the headlights.

“Oh no!” heat rushes to her face and she runs to his bed, burying her head underneath all his pillows. He simply shakes his head and approaches her, trying to get her to show her face.

“Never knew you could tango.” He playfully teases and he laughs non-chalantly as Via makes a fist and punches his chest; hard.

------------------

And tell me if I’m wrong and tell me if I’m right.

And tell me if you need a loving hand to help you fall asleep tonight.

“I can’t sleep,” Caleb whines almost childishly through the phone.

Five minutes to midnight and he hasn't seen her for the whole day. Caleb doesn’t realize how much he misses her unless he hasn’t seen her for a day.

“Try,” Via’s voice instructs through the phone.

“I can’t sleep in front of the door,”

“Why are you in front of the door and not at your bed?”

“Correction, I’m in front of your door,” Caleb chuckles, hugging the pillow closer to him.

Soon enough, he hears soft footfalls and the doorknob twists open.

Via scoffs as she takes in Caleb clad in his sleepwear with two pillows in hand and a blanket over his shoulders. She laughs as she ushers him inside. He laughs to himself as he invades the privacy of her bedroom and makes himself comfortable on her bed.

“Ya! Scoot over,” she instructs and he obeys her, fixing his pillows and getting inside his blanket.

“Via! Come inside!” Caleb whispers, raising the large blanket high above them.

She fumbles in the dark but somehow manages to snuggle beside Caleb. “Why are we doing this?”

“It’s fun,” he simply replies, draping their bodies underneath the blanket. He slips his hand and wraps them around her waist then proceeds to hold her hand in his. “Let’s just stay like this.”

Via nods and the both of them close their eyes, savoring this moment. It seems too quick, they knew but in all of their lives, they’ve never felt such comfort and such satisfaction than what they feel right now. Unknown to Caleb, a tear slides down Via’s cheek but it isn't apparent in her voice as she breaks the silence, “Sing me a lullaby.”

“There’s this song that my mom always sings for me.” Caleb whispers and starts, “Lullaby and goodnight in the sky, stars are bright.”

Via smiles and let herself fall slowly asleep while listening to the sound of Caleb’s soothing voice.

“Round your head, flowers gay set you slumbers till day.”

-------------

“Why do you always drink coffee, it’s not that good.” Those were Caleb’s morning greetings to Via as he enters the kitchen.

She takes another sip of the bittersweet coffee before sticking her tongue out at him in a childish manner. “It’s delicious and very good.”

“It is eew.”

“What are you, seven?” Via rolls her eyes and brings the cup closer to Caleb, “Have a sip.”

“No!” He retorts, walking over to the refrigerator to get himself something decent to drink this early morning.

“Ya, Caleb. I've got a proposal. A game, if you must.” She smiles at him and winks.

“Game? Sure! What is it?” Caleb’s mood suddenly brightens for no one could ever beat him at any game; he prided himself on that.

“You don’t talk to me or contact me for a whole day and when that day is up, here’s the key to my house and I’m going to give you a great gift!” Via smiles at him.

“A whole day? I don’t think I can take it.”

“You haven’t tried,” she pursues him.

“Okay then. When do I start?”

“The moment that you leave for your gig and you should come back here tomorrow at the exact same time, get it?”Via smiles yet pinches herself discreetly for what she’s about to do.

---------------

He can’t take it. Just an hour more to go and he can’t take not seeing her, but he guesses that he might as well try for he’s so close.

He takes a deep breath and goes back to talking to Bryan, just to distract and to keep himself from losing.

-------------

The crashing of waves against the huge rocks were deafening and she can’t hear anything else, even the sound of thinking; which might be a good thing. Via takes a deep breath, the hem of her white dress gliding over her bare knees. She wipes a tear from her cheek and smiles to herself before sprinting off and savoring the feeling of free falling.

------------

He can’t believe it. The moment he turns the key to her house, it’s greeted with the scent of floor wax and air freshener. This can’t be, he thinks for Viaa hates general cleaning and to him, it looks like everything she owns is now neatly packed in places.

He feels a lump form on his throat as his knees tremble but he makes himself walk to the coffee table where he spots a cup of coffee that has already turned cold and a pristine while bond paper inked with Via’s messy scrawl.

Caleb Stanford, (it starts)

You’ve done it! I know you can, I believe in you. You never want to lose during games do you? I’m so proud of you!

You’ve done it, you can now do it again tomorrow right? And the day after that? And the day after that? I know you can!

I’m not pushing you away; I’m keeping you closer to my heart. While you’re reading this, you might just arrived home and everything and everything is so clean, neh? I like to keep it that way so that no one else will think I’m really messy, hehe. Let’s keep that a secret, okay?

I didn’t really explain everything to you because you wouldn’t have followed me. You’re stubborn, my Caleb.

The moment that we first saw each other, remember that?

You called me because you don’t want me to be late and if it wasn’t for that call, I would have been in heaven or in hell (where I think I should be for all the things that I’ve done) right now.

I was in the middle of tying a rope around my neck when your call came and ever since I got the news of my sickness, I’m determined to help out others or just to do good things in general, so when you called; I thought, maybe my suicide could be postponed.

Anyway, I really think you’re interesting in the beginning but I never thought that I’d see you again.

Especially not during the night in the subway where I had originally planned to throw myself off the track just as the train would come. For the second time, you ruined my plan but you didn’t allow me to be mad because you immediately bought me food! And you talked to me, but I still wasn’t so sure.

Anyway, I like talking to you but I know that I shouldn’t stay closer because my time is coming up real soon.

But then again, you were like lint that kept sticking on me or just a shadow following me everywhere (though you didn’t mean to). I tried to jump off the high bridge but then again you stopped me and that’s when I thought that maybe you were just like me, so I decided to befriend you.

And believe me, falling for you wasn’t part of the plan.

I’m sorry. I really am.

I don’t want to hurt you like this but I guess that I acted out selfishly. Instead of just staying away from you, I decided to make myself happy and stick with you, knowing that in the end, I’ll hurt you.

I’m sorry because I hurt you but I’ll never be sorry because I got to know you.

You know, I received the news about blood disease about a few months ago and during that time, I decided to make myself happy and roam the world, do all the things I want to do and read the books I want to and really, before I tried to commit suicide; I thought that I was already happy.

I never knew that you were God’s final gift to me.

It’s just a short time but you taught me a lot of things and you make me feel things that I used to just read about and I’m thankful for that. If I could trade anything to be with you one more time, then I wouldn’t change anything. I want you to get used to living without me, because unlike me; you have a whole life ahead of you. You could fall in love with someone marvelous and have cute babies together and build a comfortable house and grow old together.

You can be famous.

You can be everything you want, even without me.

You never needed me, you’re independent.

It turns out; I’m the one who ended up needing you.

Now, I know you’re stubborn and you might just tell me to fight, to take whatever medicines to prolong my life but Caleb, hear me out. I don’t want that.

I don’t want to waste more money and time in the hospital where death reeks from every corner. I don’t want to waste my remaining time trying to prolong it. Rather, I want to die healthy and happy and okay. Well, that was the plan until you came along then I was healthy, happy, okay and in love.

As you read this, I’m probably smiling at you as a ghost or maybe in heaven, only God can tell. But as you read this I want you to remember that I love you and that coffee is good.

I know you don’t like coffee so that’s my final gift for you, just like how you don’t like being without me.

I want to let you know that you can live with the things that you don’t like; who knows, one day you’ll learn to fall in love with it.

With love,

The girl who gave you the cold coffee.

---------------------------

Caleb feels the temperature of the mug with his hand and when he’s sure it’s cold enough, he brings the mug out to his lips and takes a long gulp out of it. He looks up at the sky and realizes that it’s been two years since Via’s death.

It seems like a long time and it seems like he can’t still move on.

Instead, he indulges in cold coffee during mornings for they remind him of her, but in this morning; as he stares down from the window of his apartment, he sees a teenage girl wearing a white sundress and once again, he’s reminded of Via.

Only this time, a careless bystander stains his coffee on the girl’s dress, making heads turn towards them. The girl just smiles it off and the boy keeps saying something that’s too far for Caleb to hear, but the wind caresses his hair and he feels like this isn’t just a regular breeze.

A sign, he guesses, smiling. It seems like something Via would do; tell him that it’s time to move on.

With a final glance at the coffee-stained couple, Caleb turns back and pours the mug of cold coffee down the drain. A gesture of finality.