Live While We're Young

He looks so helpless lying in that hospital bed. I rushed here when I heard the guys found him barely clinging to life. And I can’t help but think he is in here because of me. The doctors said he is very lucky to be here and that he may not have been so lucky if they have had gotten to the room a half hour later. Apparently Zack loves his whiskey a little more than I had originally thought. I wish I had never broken up with him then maybe this wouldn’t have happened at all. All of the guys have been on edge, especially since I flew out here after my last final to be with them all. It’s like they blame me as much as I blame myself for making them almost lose their (my) best friend. When he wakes up I hope he will let me apologize for breaking him so badly for such a dumb reason.

“Hot sidekick, you have to move away from that bed sometime to shower!” Jack said breaking me out of my thoughts.

“But what if he wakes up and then I don’t have a chance to apologize because I left for just a little bit?” I answered sadly.

“Finlee, look at me,” he replied grabbing my hands, “what happened is not your fault. Zack is a big boy and he just partied too hard this time.”

“Then why do you guys look at me with pity and disgust when I walk into a room?” I alleged starting to get irritated with the conversation. How could he look me in the eye and blame Zack when I knew they all actually blamed me?

“It’s not like that! We just don’t know what to say around you. We don’t want anything to make you sadder than you already are,” he answered with a sad smile.

“Ugh, fine!” I replied dropping my hands from his, “if he wakes up call me right away Jack-Jack. I really need to talk to him!”

“Will do Finster, <3 you!”

With that I trudged my to the hotel we rented about a block from the hospital. Once I got to the room I was sharing with the guys I took the hottest and longest shower ever to relieve stress. It did not help at all. If anything it made me think of all I needed to say to him. The plus side to coming back to shower is I no longer smelled and looked like death. It’s something that nobody should ever smell or look like while living, in my opinion.



Thank goodness I was in the same room as my phone when I got the text from Char because if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be able to will myself to go and talk to Zack. I basically ran back to the hospital and ran over a few too many patrons to get the room faster.

“Hey,” I sigh as I walk in and see his face.

“Hey,” he replies with a half-smile.

“Can we talk?” I awkwardly ask.

“Yeah, of course,” he smiles.

“I just need to say I am sorry for being a bitch and treating you badly. I just…”

“Look, Finlee. There’s no need to be sorry. I did a dumb thing and now I am paying for it. Don’t put this on you…”

“But…”

“No, let me finish. Yes, I was hurting. In fact I still am; but that is because I was dumb and should’ve told you about the tour sooner. I love you and probably always will even if you don’t feel the same way any longer. Don’t feel bad, okay? I am glad you came by the way,” as he ended his mini speech with a smile.

All I could do was sob for a good 10 minutes until I could answer, “I love you too Zachary Steven Merrick. I didn’t mean to break your heart; I am just so messed up in my head right now,” through sobs.

“How about we start over,” he responds.

“Okay,” I laugh.

“Hi, I’m Zack. I play bass for All Time Low and I read your blog religiously. I am also madly in love with this girl named Finlee Rayne. I want her to realize that she has a “family” to love her right here. She doesn’t need her messed up old life to feel loved.”

“I’m Finlee; I am a student at Virginia Tech University. I am in love with this boy who has made me rethink my goals in life. I am so confused and have now realized nobody is perfect. I blew it with my last boyfriend so I am terrified of him loving me again.”

I’ve got to say that Zack always knows what to say and wins me over every time we fight/break up. So I lean over and kiss him as passionately as I could. The kiss was followed up by smiles from the both of us and cheers from everyone else who had recently made their way into the room.