Light Up the Room

“Jackson if you don’t stop squirming then we’re not going”. My son immediately sat still so I could buckle him into his car seat. We were going to the San Diego zoo one of Jackson’s absolute favorite places to go. After I finished buckling him in I double checked that I had everything and buckled in myself. We lived about 20 minutes from the zoo but that 20 turned into 45 with summer and weekend traffic. Generally I was a very calm driver but all bets are off when I had Jackson with me in the car. “Watch where you’re going dumbass”, I screamed at the man who cut me off causing me to slam on the brakes. Thankfully my son was too into playing a game on his DS to notice my road rage.

The zoo was actually less crowded then I expected and I paid for our entrance while Jackson bounced on his heels eager to get inside. “Where do you want to start Jack?” “Tigers!” he exclaimed with a grin. We made our way over and Jackson got a little excited and removed his hand from mine and ran off. “Jackson!” I tried chasing after him but was stopped by a crowd of people. He was over by the exhibit talking with someone who I recognized as Vic from Pierce The Veil. “Jackson you terrified me, what is our number one rule at the zoo?” I asked while hugging him tightly. “Don’t wander” he repeated back. I turned to Vic “I figured somebody was missing him so I stayed by him so I knew he’d be found”. I responded by hugging him tightly and thanking him profusely, “It was no problem”. He explained that him and the guys were there with Tony’s nephew and Kellin was there with his wife and daughter.

That was how I found myself on the way to meet everyone by the penguins after Vic has insisted on me and Jackson joining their group. He didn’t press me on the details about Jackson which I was grateful so many people, especially guys always wonder about his father and where he is and other questions that I hate answering. I saw Jaime first he was what looked like trying to communicate with the penguins and Tony was watching him and laughing. Vic announced our arrival causing everyone to look “I brought some strays, you guys remember Tess from the other day and this is her son Jackson.” I was greeted with a big hug from Jaime, “Of course we always remember our awesome interviewers, especially if they’re pretty”.

Jackson loved them all, I think it was partially that they acted kind of like kids and partially because he had no guys in his life minus Zane. “Now we have to remain friends my son likes you guys,” I teased when Katelynne took him and Copeland over to get ice cream. They laughed and I can tell they were wondering about the father thing. “Alright I’ll tell you guys.” “Tell us what?” Kellin asked. “You’re wondering what the deal is with his dad right?” “Yeah” Tony responded softly.
“ I met Cameron when I was in high school, he was your typical bad boy but always treated me ok. My mother didn’t even notice I was dating someone, so when I turned 18 I moved out with him. Things changed he became sneaky and got involved in drugs and the wrong sort of people. When I got pregnant with Jackson I decided I didn’t want to raise a child in that environment so I moved to Oregon. He came up when I was like seven months pregnant and wanted to come back with him, he was strung out and I refused and after one of my neighbors came outside he decided to leave.” I paused for a minute and all five men were watching me intently. “ I got a call when Jackson was a few months old it was from Cam’s mom he had been found in an ally dead from an overdose. I didn’t even feel sad or remorseful, Cam was a terrible person and I’m glad Jackson will never meet him. Sometimes I feel like that makes me a terrible person and I just-“. “You are not a terrible person you did what was necessary to protect your child and that’s commendable, I’m sure Jackson will agree with you when he’s older” Vic said with a look of apathy.

Around five I noticed that Jackson was yawning and not as energetic, “I think it’s time for us to go,” I announced. “No I wanna hang out with Jaime more mom!” he exclaimed, “Yeah mom!” Jaime added in. I gave them both a look and they stopped pouting, “Do all moms know that look?” Mike asked. “Yep it comes programmed in after you have a kid, right Katelynne?”. She just nodded in response while Jaime came up to me and held out his hand, I just looked at him until he said “Phone” to which I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and handed it to him. He began typing on it putting in numbers was my guess, “There everyone’s number is in there and I sent myself a text from your phone so you can’t avoid us”. I assured him he would indeed get to hang out with Jackson again and gave everyone hugs, “Make sure you let us know that you got home safe alright,” Vic said right after I hugged him. “Alright mom I will,” I said while laughing.

Jackson fell asleep in the car and I couldn’t help but start to feel a little overwhelmed, I had actual friends, male friends who didn’t look down on me for having a kid and wanted to remain friends after hearing about all the baggage I have. I hadn’t real friends like this ever, in school I was a drifter making acquaintances more than friends. I had only met these people twice but felt like they would be some the best friends I’d ever had.