I Didn't Know I'd Love You So Much

“Stay in the car, my ass!” I muttered rebelliously, reaching for the door handle.

Just then, a loud yawn came from the seat beside me and a baby voice called my name confusedly. I sighed. 'Shit.'

“What is it, Elle?” I asked exasperatedly.

“Where’s Daddy?”

“With John, remember? They’re going after that Yellow-Eyed Demon.” I frowned deeply, my face flushing with anger at the injustice of being left behind again. “They told me and you to stay here.”

“Then where ya goin’?”

“I’m tired of being treated like a kid, Elle! I’ve been hunting since I was sixteen, and you’ve been hunting longer! I know Greg’s just trying to protect us, but I’m ready for some action! I’m ready to prove myself!”

“Gari, Daddy told us to stay here ‘cause they’re doin’ somethin’ really dangerous!” Ella protested, her sapphire blue doe eyes growing even wider after my outburst.

“Even more reason for me to help!” I shot back. “I’m twenty years old, Ella. I think it’s about time I get treated like it.” I reached under the seat and grabbed the pistol that was always stored there, then opened the car door and started to get out.

“Please don’t go!” Ella begged. “What if ya get hurt? I can’t lose another sister!”

I froze, shocked that she would go that far to get me to stay. 'The little bitch is trying to play me!' I thought bewilderedly, though I couldn’t help but feel a bit proud that she had learned a little something from me.

I laughed and said, “I won’t get hurt, Elle! Have you forgotten how totally kickass awesome I am?”

She sighed in defeat. “I’m not gonna make you change your mind, am I?”

“Not a chance.” I grinned. “You staying here?”

She nodded. “I’m not gonna face his wrath for screwin’ up the hunt!”

“Alright, you goody two-shoes,” I joked. “I’ll be back soon. And I’ll come back victorious!”

“Don’t get your ass kicked!” she called as I shut the door and walked off in the direction that John and Greg went.

After about five minutes, I began to hear people yelling. I picked up my pace a bit, the cool night breeze calming me enough to focus completely on the situation.

Then I heard the scream. His scream.

'Greg.'

I shot off into a sprint, dodging trees, leaping over roots, and flailing my arms in order to keep the branches away from my face. They snatched at my hair, trying to pull me back, but I ran ahead despite the pain. My legs burned and my lungs felt as if they were about to burst, but still I ran.

I came upon a clearing and stopped abruptly at the scene playing out in front of me. John had a gun—the legendary Colt—pointed straight at Greg, whose back was turned to me. I knew immediately what had happened, but I didn’t know how.

Yellow-Eyes had possessed Greg.

And John—revenge-filled, obsessive, impulsive John—was going to shoot him.

His deep brown eyes finally saw me and widened slightly.

“So what’s it gonna be, Johnny boy?” Greg said in a light, playful tone. “You can kill me, yes—but then you’ll also be killing Mr. Harken here. And just think of his poor girls.” I could hear the twisted grin in the demon’s voice and a shiver ran down my spine. “Or… you can let your little friend live, but lose me in the process. And then the two of us can continue this little game of cat-and-mouse forever. Personally, I think the second option sounds a lot more fun.”

John snuck a glance at me again, but this time a look of pleading was on his face. I knew what he was asking. He and his boys had been after this demon forever—it was what got them into hunting—and here was the chance to finish it once and for all.

'But can I do this? Can I give him permission to kill my father—my true father? He and Elle are all I have! And Elle… Elle will hate me forever. But if John doesn’t shoot him, he’ll go and continue killing people and maybe even come back for us.'

My mind was made up, despite how selfish it made me feel. I shook my head slightly at John, much to his disappointment. He lowered the gun in defeat and the Yellow-Eyed Demon laughed.

“That’s what I thought,” Yellow-Eyes said triumphantly. “I knew you’d see it my way.”

Suddenly, an intense look of determination crossed John’s face and my heart dropped into my stomach. He raised the gun and cocked it back, a slightly psychotic grin on his scruffy face. “I can’t let you get away,” he said quietly, and I realized that he was directing his words at me. “Not again. I’ve gotta end this.”

“Now, now, John,” the demon said, actually sounding kind of panicked. “Let’s not be hasty.”

The grin faded from John’s face and he spared a last look at me, wordlessly saying 'I’m sorry.'

I opened and closed my mouth repeatedly, trying to make a sound, any sound, that would stop John from killing my father. Finally, I managed to yell, “John! No!”

In the split second it took me to realize that I had just signed my own death warrant, the demon slung out a hand and sent John flying back about ten feet. The Colt stayed firmly grasped in his hand, however, a fact that I noticed immediately.

“Well, well, well,” the demon said as he walked toward me. “What have we here? Disobeying Daddy’s orders? I’m disappointed in you, Garideth.” His voice was tainted with pure evil, but it was still Greg’s voice, and I suddenly felt nauseated. “We’re gonna have to do something about that, kid.” His eyes, normally a gorgeous sapphire blue like Ella’s, flashed a sickly yellow. I took an involuntary step back. 'Guess that’s where he got the name…'

“Please,” I begged, forgetting to use my normal fearless façade in my desperation. “Please let him go.”

“I don’t think so,” he replied with a smirk. “I kinda like this body. Fits like a glove.”

“Please! Please, just—you can have my body! I’m younger, healthier!”

“Ya got that right, but that blood of yours is spoiled, kiddo. I can’t possess you. I just don’t have the stuff. Helpful little quirk, huh?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, my fear temporarily being replaced by curiosity.

He gave a knowing grin but didn’t answer my question. Instead, he stepped closer and said, “Now, time to finish this.” He grabbed me by the neck and lifted me up into the air. I coughed and gasped for breath and kicked wildly at his legs, but it did me no good. “It’s gonna be fun killing you,” he laughed, eyes turning yellow again. “And it’s gonna be even more fun killing little Ella. Imagine the look on her face when her daddy walks up and snaps her pretty little neck.”

“Don’t you touch her!” I snarled, though the force of it was weakened by my lack of oxygen. “I’ll kill you if you touch her!”

“Oh, will you?” He smirked. “That’d be an interesting trick. Amaze me, Garideth.”

I tried summoning my powers—weak and uncontrollable though they were—but nothing happened.

At first.

Suddenly, Yellow-Eyes released me with a loud yelp of pain and I crashed to the ground. I looked up to see him clutching his hand protectively against his chest. The skin was a bright, glowing red and I could smell the faintest trace of burnt flesh.

He fixed me with a murderous glare that made my blood run cold. “Why, you little bitch,” he growled, advancing on me in a slow, predatory crouch. I scrambled backward as fast as I could over the grassy area, scraping my palms against little rocks and twigs as I went. “I was gonna kill you quickly,” he said, his teeth baring in a feral grin, “but now, I’m gonna make it slow and painful. And then, in your last excruciating moments, you’re gonna watch as I rip Ella limb from limb. How’s that sound, huh?”

My back hit a tree and I realized that I had reached the edge of the clearing. 'Trapped!' I thought hysterically, my terrified mind only able to think the one word. 'Trapped!'

As the demon reached down to me, his yellow eyes glowing with maniacal delight, a deep, strong voice called out from behind him. “Stupid bastard,” John said, wiping at the blood pouring down his face. “Shoulda taken my gun.”

Yellow-Eyes barely had time to turn around before John took the shot. It hit the demon right in the gut and we stared expectantly at Greg, waiting for that fabled orange light to fizzle through his body. When nothing happened, my attention jumped to the demon smoke drifting above us and over the forest. 'He… he got away…' I turned my eyes back to Greg as he fell, as if in slow motion, to the ground.

“Greg!” I cried, tripping over my own feet as I rushed to him. I tried not to look down at the gunshot wound and he noticed. He weakly raised his hand to cover it, but it didn’t stop the heavy flow of blood. I gently lifted his head into my lap and pushed back the sweaty strands of thick brown hair stuck to his forehead.

He smiled as he looked up at me, saying, “Thought I told you… to stay in the car.”

I let out a strained laugh that turned into a choked sob at the end. “You know I never listen.”

“Where’s Ella?”

“You know she always listens,” I said with a roll of my eyes and he laughed, then grimaced in pain.

John placed a hand on my shoulder and I jumped—I had forgotten he was there. He knelt down beside me and stared at Greg with regret etched on every line of his face. “Greg, I—” he began, but Greg interrupted him.

“No, I’m sorry,” he said. “I—I underestimated him. It was… my fault. He’s still out there… and it’s my fault.”

“You couldn’t have known,” John argued, some of the fire seeping back into his deep brown eyes. “I’ve been huntin’ this thing my whole life. I shoulda warned you. I shoulda told you what you were getting in to.”

“Still woulda helped,” replied Greg, the smile back on his face.

“I know,” John said quietly, hanging his head.

“What’s with… all the sad faces?” Greg joked, and I forced a smile just for him. “That’s my girl… You’ve got such a beautiful smile, G,” he said to me. “You should… use it more often.”

I let out another sob at his use of my nickname. When we’d first met and I told him to call me Gari, he’d blatantly refused, saying that he had a cousin named Gary who was a dick. I had laughed and said that I would call him G too, and we could be the G-Squad. Ella felt left out, but I couldn’t understand why—she’d had this man as her father her whole life. In my eyes, she was the luckiest person in the world.

“I’ll try my best,” I promised softly. He smiled again, then his face contorted in pain and he gripped his stomach tightly. “Greg?” I yelped. “Greg!”

“I’m—I’m okay,” he croaked, but of course, that was a lie. “You gotta take care of Ella, okay?” he said suddenly, his free hand searching for mine. “And she’s gotta take care of the car.”

I squeezed his hand. “But who’s gonna take care of me?” I whispered, tears streaming down my face.

“You’re… strong. You’ll take care of… yourself. But, just in case…” He fixed his eyes on John, still managing to use that deadly serious glare he normally reserved for me. “John… If anything happens to my girls… whether it’s your fault or not… I’m gonna haunt your sorry ass.”

John chuckled. “I’ll remember that.”

Greg looked at me again. “Milla and Amelia would’ve… loved you,” he said, his voice slowly losing strength. “I’ll make sure to… tell them about you… when I see them.”

Another sob shook me and I choked out, “I’d like that.” He gave me the ghost of a smile and his eyelids fluttered weakly. “Please don’t go,” I begged, pressing my forehead to his.

I tried summoning my powers again, hoping I could heal him somehow, but it didn’t work.

'Please,' I thought desperately, and I realized with a shock that I was praying. 'Please, God, if you’re out there, if you even care at all, please save him! Please! I don’t know what to do without him! Please, God! Please!'

I opened my eyes, but there was still no change.

“Garideth,” Greg said, and I gazed down at him. I tried to stop crying, but I just couldn’t hold in the tears. “My dagger… take it. It’s yours.”

“But—but it’s your favorite! You’re gonna need it!”

“Garideth,” he said again. “You and I both know… that’s a lie.”

“No,” I sobbed. “No, you’ve gotta get better! You’ve gotta take care of Elle and me, even when I pretend I can handle myself ‘cause you know I can’t! You’ve gotta try to trick me into eating meat, and you’ve gotta tell your bad jokes, and you’ve gotta—!”

“Stop… stop talking, G,” he interrupted, looking up at me lovingly. I did as he said, pressing my lips together to silence my sobs. I spared a glance at his wound, noticing with horror that the blood had stained the grass around him red. “Garideth, I’m so—so lucky to… have you as a daughter. You… saved me and Ella… Thank you so much.”

“No, G, you saved me,” I contradicted.

“We… we saved each other.”

“Yeah, G,” I said with a sad smile. “I guess we did.” His face twisted with pain again and my heart stopped. “Greg?”

“I… I love you, honey,” he breathed, closing his eyes.

“I love you too, Daddy.”

He smiled and it froze in place. His hand went limp in mine and his short, erratic breathing stopped completely.

“NO!” I screamed, my hands clutching helplessly at his bloodstained shirt. “Wake up! Greg, wake up!” I shook him roughly as my sobs grew hysteric. “Please don’t leave me! You can’t leave me! Daddy!”

I gave up after what seemed like hours. I knew he was gone, but I just couldn’t bear to let him go. I dropped my head in defeat, my forehead resting on his again, and my body was wracked with deep, heaving sobs. “I’m so sorry!” I cried.

I heard John stand up and let out a wordless cry of rage and frustration, then he knelt down beside me again. “Gari, I’m so—”

“Shut up,” I growled, squeezing my eyes shut against another wave of tears.

“Gari—”

“No!” I shrieked, turning on him and jumping to my feet. “This is your fault! You killed him!”

“He was gonna—”

“Like you care what he was gonna do to me!” I spat. “You don’t know me enough to care! All you care about is killing that demon! And look where that got us! Greg is dead! My dad is dead! And you killed him!”

“Well, that the hell was I supposed to do?” John yelled back, finally getting angry.

“You were supposed to go on your fucking insane revenge quest alone!” My blood boiled and I felt my power pushing at my skin, craving freedom. “You were supposed to doom your family, not mine!”

“I didn’t know he would go for Greg,” he said, straining to calm down. “You gotta believe that .”

“I. Don’t. Fucking. Care!” I screamed, releasing my powers and trying to direct them at John. The wind picked up and spun around us in a wild whirl, pelting us with bits of grass and rocks. Thunder boomed and lightning flashed, causing both of us to jump.

“I hate you!” I continued, furious tears springing to my eyes and cascading down my cheeks, only to be whipped away by the wind. I pounded on his chest frantically and he made no move to stop me. “I hate your obsession! I hate your sorrow! I hate your name! I. Hate. You!”

I finally ran out of anger and collapsed against him. The wind calmed down and the storm faded, as if it had never happened in the first place. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed harder than ever before, to the point where I could barely breathe.

John rubbed my back awkwardly, saying, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” over and over again.

I stopped crying finally and pulled away from the man. “I have to get back to Ella,” I said hoarsely. “She has to know.”

John nodded. “I’ll take care of his body. And the other guy’s.”

“Other guy’s?”

“The body Yellow-Eyes had first. He was already dead. Nothing we could do.” He didn’t sound very upset about it, and I couldn’t help but think, 'Yeah, I’m sure.'

“My dagger,” I said suddenly. “Greg said—”

“Don’t look at his body,” he commanded as my eyes strayed toward the ground. “I’ll get it.”

I swallowed deeply and nodded once. “Thanks.” I turned away from John and Greg and the other guy and hurriedly left the clearing.

I sprinted back the way I came, knowing that if I slowed down, I’d have time to think, and if I had time to think, I’d start crying again.

As I approached the familiar bright blue ’69 Impala, I tried to change my expression to fake being alright, but it was no use. Even if I had managed to fake it, Elle still would have seen right through me.

Ella ditched her spot on the hood of the car and ran toward me, already looking panicked. “I heard yellin’,” she said, wringing her hands worriedly. “I was ‘bout to come after y’all. Everything alright?”
I stared at the ground, unable to meet her eyes. “Gari, what’s wrong?” she asked slowly. “Where’s Dad?”

I lifted my head reluctantly. “Ella—”

Tears sprang to her eyes before I even got the words out. “No,” she said disbelievingly, shaking her head in denial. “No, he’s not—You’re lyin’!” she cried. “He’s not dead!”

“He is, Elle,” I whispered, my heart shattering into a million pieces as I finally accepted it. “He’s dead.” I opened my arms and she fell into them, tucking her head under my chin and crying into my shoulder.

“No,” she whimpered. “No…” Her legs buckled and I sank to the ground with her, trying to lessen the speed of her fall. “Daddy…”

Footsteps sounded from somewhere nearby and I knew that it was John. I glared up at him hatefully as Ella continued to cry. He and I both knew that his moment of compassion wasn’t going to change a thing.

“Here’s your dagger,” he said gruffly as he shifted back and forth on his feet. He held the knife out to me and I snatched it from his hand, fighting the urge to use it on him. His gaze flitted from Ella to me uncomfortably and he finally bent down to our level.

“What do you want?!” I hissed at him. “Haven’t you done enough?!”

He ignored me, instead placing a hand on Ella’s shoulder. She turned her head and stared at him with bloodshot, leaking eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “He was a great hunter.”

“He was more than that!” I snapped. “He was a comedian, a husband, a father!”

“A friend,” John added, glancing at me briefly. I had just enough time to see the despair in those harsh brown eyes before he turned back to Ella. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. He stood up and started to leave, then hesitated. “If you ever need anything,” he began, “just call me. My number’s in his phone. And if I get a new number, he has Sam and Dean’s, too.” He stood there awkwardly for another minute before walking off into the woods.

I stared after him, wondering over this mystery of a man, but Ella’s fresh round of sobs broke me out of my thoughts. I ran my hand over her curly mess of strawberry blonde hair soothingly and kept whispering, “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Whether I believed it or not didn’t matter—the only thing that mattered was if Ella believed me. We sat there, Ella curled up in my arms while I repeated empty assurances and tried not to think about how life would be without Greg.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

It’s been so many years now, but I still remember it as if it happened this morning. I remember every detail, even down to the city, day of the week, and time it happened.

Holly Ridge, North Carolina. Wednesday. Around two in the morning.

It’s not that I want to remember—I would give anything not to—but I can’t forget it. Believe me, I’ve tried.

But you see, that day changed everything—my personality, my life, my everything.

Because that was the day I lost my father—my real father.

That was the day I lost all hope of ever finding faith in God.

And that was the day that I began to hate John Winchester.

Those are the kinds of things that are impossible to forget.