I'm Lost Without You

“Ami! Get back here!” Benji screamed as I ran off with his guitar. Trying not to fall as I ran down the hallway in my socks, I slid a far distance from the wall and right before I made contact, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. “Whoa, there. you could have killed my baby!” Benji screamed, yanking his guitar from my grip and hugging it.
“Awh, but.. I just wanted to play..” I told him, while poking my bottom lip out. “You’re so beautiful when you do that.” Benji said quietly. “What’d you say Benj?” I asked. His face turned dark red and he replied with, “Uh. Nothing. You almost killed my guitar!” and ran back towards the basement.

Laughing, I followed at a much slower pace. When I got down there, all the guys were just messing around not playing anything specific. All of a sudden, I was attacked to the ground. “Oof.” I grunted as my ass made contact with the ground.

“So, Ami! What do you want for your birthday?” Joel screamed while sitting on top of me. Everyone started shouting “Yeah, Ami! What can we get you!” I frowned deeply – I forgot my birthday was in 2 days.

“I want everyone to shut the fuck up about it.” I said and pushed Joel off of me. The guys got really sad looking all of a sudden. Out of being nervous, I played with my necklace absent mindedly.

[ By the way, here’s Ami’s jewelry from the guys, and her outfit. ]

They let the subject go, and we went upstairs to eat some pizza. “Oh! I meant to tell everyone..I got a job.” I exclaimed randomly. “Cool! Where? When do you start?” Everyone asked at once. I laughed.

“Well. At the guitar shop. And I start Tuesday.” Benji glared at me. “That’s your birthday, Ami.” He said. “Um, yeah.. I kinda know that. No one will shut up about my fucking birthday.” I spat. A flash of hurt spread over his face. I instantly felt bad for what I said. “I uh… need to be excused.” I said and walked outside and down the street.

I hate birthdays. Why? Because who really gives a shit that you’re one day older than yesterday? And everyone makes a huge deal out of it.

As I was walking, completely lost in my thoughts, I felt someone grab my arm. When I turned around, I saw that it was Paul. “Hey, Pauley.” I said to him and smiled a little. He frowned. “Why’s this bothering you so bad, Ami?” I sighed. “I really don’t know. I just hate when people make a lot out of a goddamn birthday.”

5 minutes, and 6 car honks later, we walked back in the house. When I walked in the door, I was tackled by Benji. I giggled and screamed for him to get his arse off of me. He pouted and got up. He offered a hand for me to get up, but I just pulled him back down to the ground. Laughing, he pinned my hands down with one and started tickling me with the other. “Hahaha, Benji! Stop. Please… can’t… breathe… lungs.. failing!” I screamed between giggles. Finally he stopped. “I surrender!” I screamed. He smiled triumphantly but I quickly pounced up and pushed him over so I was on top of him. A look of surprise consumed his eyes.

“Aha! Gotcha!” I said and began to tickle him back. He was laughing and squirming underneath me, and suddenly I was lifted in the air by Joel, who proceeded to spin me around. “Seriously! I’m gonna throw up all fucking over you if you don’t put me down NOW!” I said sternly.

“Alright, jeez..” Joel said and put me down. I turned around and hugged him, then hugged all the guys and apologized for being so rude.

“Hey Ami? How come you never date anyone?” Paul asked me suddenly. I blushed deeply. Joel and Billy knew exactly why. “Yeah, Ami. How come you never have a boyfriend.. I mean, we’d kill him and everything. But still..” Billy asked, and when I looked at him with a shocked expression on my face, he winked at me, which made me blush even deeper. So I did the only thing I knew to do when I got nervous. I screamed random shit.

“Because.. Girls don’t like boys! Girls like cars and money!” All of the guys burst out into laughter after that statement. Little did any of us know, that they would make that a song one day.

“But, seriously.. I er.. I’m really into this one guy. But.. he’s too good for me, and will never feel the same. So I’m just waiting to get over it so that way when I meet someone else, I’ll feel like I’m not being unfaithful by thinking about someone else.” I explained slowly. I looked at Benji and he looked extremely upset.

“Benj? What’s wrong?” I asked him and wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his shoulder. His arms instantly wrapped around me and he just shook his head. I pulled away, and slapped him in the face playfully. “Well! You better cheer right the hell up!” I screamed and ran away to the kitchen.

While all the guys were busting out laughing, and Benji was standing there with his chin dropped open, I poured myself some Mountain Dew and proceeded to stand and think about Benji. I’ve always cared about him a different way than all the other guys.. At first I thought it was just a small crush and that I’d get over it, but I was wrong. Especially after talking to Joel about it, I’ve realized that I’m quite the fool for a mister Benji Combs.

Joel came in the kitchen and saw the look on my face. “Look, Ami. You need to do one of two things, tell him or get over it. Because neither I or Billy can stand to see you sad every time Benji is around. Which is always. So cheer up, okay?” He said as he put his fingers on my chin and forced me to look at him. I nodded and he walked back out. I sighed and went back to the living room. “Hey guys I’m gonna go skate. Later.” I said and walked out of the house.

- - - - -
“Hey Ami? How come you never date anyone?” Paul randomly asked. I blushed deeply, I was madly in love with Ami. And if she ever did have a boyfriend, I would give him hell… “Yeah, Ami. How come you never have a boyfriend.. I mean, we’d kill him and everything. But still..” Billy asked her and winked at her. What did that mean? I just shrugged it off and then she screamed “Because.. Girls don’t like boys! Girls like cars and money!” and we all busted out laughing. Then she got serious and told us “But, seriously.. I er.. I’m really into this one guy. But.. he’s too good for me, and will never feel the same. So I’m just waiting to get over it so that way when I meet someone else, I’ll feel like I’m not being unfaithful by thinking about someone else.”

As soon as she said the first sentence, my heart dropped. She never told me she liked anyone.. and I thought she told me everything. I felt like my whole world just stopped. Next thing I knew, her arms were around my waist and her head in my chest. She mumbled “Benj? What’s wrong?” I couldn’t tell her the way I felt after everything she just confessed. So I just shook my head. Then I was slapped in the face.

“What the fuck?” I asked, but she was gone. I looked around at everyone but they were too busy laughing their asses off. “Look bro. You need to tell her how you feel. Soon, or it’ll be too late.” Joel said, then disappeared into the kitchen. I just sighed and thought of a way to tell her.

- - - - -
I went out skating to try and clear my head. After a nasty wipeout, I took a break and checked my beeping phone. It was a text from Benji.
B: Where’d you go? It’s terribly lonely here on a hot summer day without a female that doesn’t have her tongue down my best friend’s throat.
M: skatepark. Come join?
B: Be there in a few.

I picked up my board and started skating again. I kept waiting for Benji, but he never showed. “Eh, oh well. Guess he found something better to do.” I was really let down that he didn’t show. About 15 minutes later, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist from behind. Knowing it was Benji, I turned around and hugged him back. Taking in his scent, I could tell he had just showered and put on fresh cologne.

“Benj? Why so spiffy?” I asked him. I pulled back a little, and instead of answering, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. “Dude what the fuck!” I screamed. He just laughed and smacked my ass. So I smacked his in return. Hard. “Ow!” He explained and threw me back on my feet. Rubbing my ass, he looked at me with his lip poked out. That’s when I took in his appearance.

Red plaid pants with chains, Rancid shirt, boots, spiked hair, his Sid Vicious necklace, and some bracelets. “Like I said before, why so spiffy?” I asked him. He moved closer to me and moved hair from my eyes. The moment his hand got close to my face, my breath caught in my throat. He started moving his hand down my cheek and without thinking, I turned and kissed his palm. He pulled his hand away from my face as if my lips had stung him.

I frowned and apologized. “I.. I’m sorry Benji. I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t thinking.. I just thought you we-“ He cut me off by placing his finger on my lips. Then he traced them with his index finger. He brought his face so close to mine, and whispered in my ear. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you to do that.” I just nodded, still not able to breathe. “Would you like to accompany me to dinner?” He asked, still in my ear. He pulled his face back a little to see my reaction.

I couldn’t think, and I sure as hell couldn’t breathe. “Uh, yeah.. I’d… I’d love to.” I told him, stuttering. He smiled like a little kid and kissed my hand. I blushed deeply, and he did too once he realized what he’d done. “Hey Benji?” I asked him as he began to walk away. “Yeah, Ami?”

“Are the guys coming with tonight?” Hoping that it would just be me and him, as a date. “No.. I thought it would be just us. You know..” He started. “Like.. a date?” I asked him, winking. And he nodded his head. I suddenly felt brave, cocky, even. I grabbed his hand and laced his fingers with mine as we walked to my house so I could change to go to dinner.

I got dressed in this

When I emerged from my room, Benji’s jaw dropped. “You look so beautiful.” He said and put his hand on my cheek again. I started to blush like hell and just smiled “Thank you. You look very handsome, mister Combs.” I replied. He pulled his hand away from my face, and took my hand in his, leading me to the door.

“So where are you taking me?” I asked. He just said “Top secret..” We walked next door and got in his car and he drove to a local restaurant. After we got seated and ordered, I asked him

“So why did you want to bring me out tonight?”
“Well, I guess I’d better tell you this now.” He said. I looked at him confused.
“Ami, ever since we were kids and we first met,” he grabbed my right hand and swirled around the ring he had given me our first Christmas as friends, and continued. “Before I gave you this, I always knew I liked you far more than any of the other girls. It wasn’t lust that I felt for you, like it was for everyone else. I’ve always felt like I need you here, by my side. I’m lost without you Ami. And I’m so sick of you not knowing. And whoever this guy is that you’ve fallen in love with, well.. I want it to be me. I know it’s selfish but I want to know how it feels to love you, to kiss your lips, to hold you, and to be able to call you my girl. But I just want you to know, that whatever decision you make, I’ll be okay with it.” He said really fast.

“Ami, say something. Please?” he said. I just stared at him, trying to take in all of this information. “I uh.. need to go to the bathroom.” I said and snatched my hand out of his.

When I got in the bathroom, tears ran down my face. So does he really like me? Or is Joel putting him up to this so I’ll shut up?

I stayed in there a good 5 minutes and finally decided to go back out to our table. Instead of taking my original seat on the other side of him, I slid in his lap and pulled his face close to mine with both my hands. “You’re the guy, Benji.” Was all I said. His arms slid around my waist and he kissed me softly. I immediately kissed him back, and he started to deepen the kiss, but the waitress showed up with the food. I cleared my throat and moved back to my original seat.

I couldn’t stop smiling the entire time we were eating. We talked about a lot of things while we ate. After he paid for the food, I begged for him to let me at least leave the tip. When he stood up, he offered me his hand out of the booth. I took it and he pulled me against him, and kissed me deeply. I kissed him back, my hands finding his neck and caressing it slowly as we made out in the restaurant. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead on mine. I smiled like hell at him, and he smiled back. I took his hand as we walked out to the parking lot.

When we got there, before he opened my door for me, I pushed him gently against the car and just hugged him with my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. “Did you really mean what you said or did Joel make you do it to shut me up?”
He pulled my chin up to look at him. “Do you think I would one, listen to Joel.. ever, two, do all of this just because he wanted me to, and three, ever lie to you?” He said seriously. I just laughed “I never thought you liked me.”

“Ami, I never liked you. It’s always been so much more than that.” He told me. “Benji. I meant it when I said you’re the guy I’ve always cared about.” He pulled me back into the hug, and kissed me, then opened the car door and I got in.

The drive back home was quiet but peaceful. He held my hand the whole way home.

“Wanna come in?” I asked him when he pulled up my driveway. “Sure, just let me drop the car off at my house. I’ll be right back.” He said from the car. I nodded and went inside.

I walked to my room and changed quickly into my pj’s. As soon as I got my shirt on, I heard a knock on my door. “Come in.” I told him. He opened the door slowly and giggled at how fast I had changed. He walked over to me, placing his hands on my face, and kissed me slowly. I kissed him back, and his lips sent chills all the way down my body, and he started kissing me faster, but not messily. We were fully making out, with my hands going up his shirt, rubbing his back, chest, sides and arms. His hands found his way under my shirt and moved to my sides, up and down them. I moaned just slightly and I felt him smile through his kiss. He kept rubbing my sides then moved one hand to my stomach, down to the waistband of my pants, and just traced the rim of them from side to side, then up my tummy to the bottom of my breasts. As if he didn’t want to rush anything, he pulled his hand out of my shirt and pulled away.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to be able to kiss you.” He said breathlessly. “You either, lover boy.” I replied to him. I layed down on my bed and patted the spot next to me. He took off his shirt and shoes, leaving him in pants and boxers, and he took the spot next to me. “Will you spend the night with me?” I asked him. My parents were out of town, and he dug in his pocket for his cell phone to call Joel and tell him to tell their mom that he was staying with Billy tonight.