I Don't Wanna Feel a Thing Anymore.

Present Day

Beau’s POV

I heard the front door slam. Kellin was home, which gave me some relief. I untangled myself from Val, propping myself up on my elbow.

“One second, babe. Just let me talk to him.” I whispered, kissing her one more time. I turned to get up from our bed, but she grabbed my wrist.

“Beau.” She sighed. “I know he’s hurting, but baby…” She trailed off, chewing her lip. “He’s a grown man. He really can handle it.” I gritted my teeth at how insensitive she was being.

“Valerie, you’re back now at least. Just compromise with me on this one. You don’t understand how broken Kellin is. Besides, he’s my best friend, and best friends help each other in times like this.” Val bit the insides of her cheeks, sucking in her mouth to look like a fish. I could tell she was picking her words carefully, probably biting back some nasty comments.

“Fine, Beau. But this is getting old. You’re not his mother.” She let go of my wrist, and the look on her face said she was getting close to the last straw.

“I will be right back.” I assured her. “I love you.” I pulled on my jeans and a tee shirt and shut the door behind me. I walked down the stairs to see Kellin crumpled by the door. I wasn’t sure if something more had happened, or it was just more of the same. I sat down next to him and put my arm around his shoulders. I knew there really was nothing I could do.

“Kellin. Look at me.” I said, the words coming out harsher than I had intended. He raised his head, and for the first time I realized how bad he actually looked. His dark hair was clearly unwashed, hanging in greasy strands around his waxy face. His eyes that used to be like clear, blue crystals were now swollen and bloodshot, the aqua color looking gray and sickly. He tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, and I noticed his nails were caked with shit. I sighed. “Kellin Quinn. Vic wouldn’t want this.” I said, making sure my voice was gentler this time. I knew what I was saying was true; Vic would’ve gone to hell and back for Kellin’s happiness.

“What’s so good about picking up the pieces?” He muttered dejectedly, staring intently at the floor. Not Vic’s lyrics again. I rolled my eyes, starting to feel as frustrated as Valerie was.

“Kellin. Listen. You need to move on. I understand this is hard, but-“

“NO, BEAU. NO, YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. YOU DON’T KNOW. STOP.” He screamed, cutting me off. I backed away from the small man, now slightly frightened. He was trembling violently. “I- I’m sorry, Beau. I’m sorry.” His voice had gone from a shriek to barely audible. He looked at me, insanity swirling in his eyes like shattered crystals. He was starting to crack. “I’ll try, Beau. I promise I’ll try for you and Val.”

“Thank you.” Was all I could muster. I extended my arm and helped him to his feet. He gave me weak smile.

“I’m going to try and get some sleep, I think. Maybe I’ll shower first.” He shrugged, heading up the stairs. Good, I thought. He needed it. I followed after him, climbing back into bed with Val and pulling her into my arms. She turned to face me with an expectant look on her face.

“Well?” she asked. I shrugged.

“He said he’d try, okay? He promised. Look, he’ll get on eventually. He needs time. I’d be the same way if I lost you!” I said honestly. Her dark eyes looked grim.

“Beau. Don’t say that. And he’s fine without you. Look babe, me or him.” She turned her back to me and moved farther away on the bed without another word.

“Val-“ I reached out to touch her arm, but she just jerked away, making it clear that the conversation was over. I sighed. “Well, I’m going to go on a walk. By myself. Kellin is sleeping.” At least, I hope he was. She nodded, seeming tired. I got out of bed and opened the door, checking my phone. It was about 6:30 PM. I crept down the stairs, seeing Kellin at the kitchen table with a notepad and pen. Probably writing lyrics. I wished he would sleep, but writing was at least a step in the right direction. I opted on going out of the back door to avoid a conversation.

I ended up walking around the neighborhood, trying to clear my head. Kellin was my best friend, but Valerie was definitely my soulmate. Both of them had changed since Vic’s death. I was trying to stay level headed for all of our sakes, but Kellin had turned into a mopey vegetable, while Valerie was exhausted and more aggressive than ever. I walked for about an hour, until it started to get too cold as well as dark. This was Kellin’s kind of weather. I suddenly realized how far I had walked from the house, just lost in my thoughts. I turned around to go back home, taking a look at the cloudy sky. It seemed like rain was coming. I walked faster, nearly running to escape the brisk cold, but something stopped me in my tracks. Little white flakes fell from the sky. I felt the tears rising, tears for me, for Vic, for Kellin, for Valerie, for everyone, and I had to force myself to keep walking. Snow was Kellin’s favorite, and even though this was the first of the season, I would bet he didn’t notice. I wiped the hot tears from my cheek and continued the long trek home.