You Are Not a Diamond

For the remainder of the day, I had a bright smile on my face and a spring in my step. The thought of hanging out with 5 incredibly awesome guys was exciting, nerve-wracking and scary all at the same time. But the fact that I would be the only girl amongst the guys made the whole idea a little off-putting. In the 3 years that I had worked at Kerrang! Magazine, never had I been asked to go out for drinks with a band. This was new, uncharted territory for me. Like I said before, I wasn't the most sociable of people and I manage to make almost all social situations awkward. Remind me why you're going through with this again? I thought to myself.

"And I was like so...hey! Are you even listening to me, Talia?" Valerie waved a hand in front of my face, interrupting me from my thoughts. We were sitting at our desks, finishing up articles before we headed off home.

"Yeah, sorry I was just thinking. Hey...are you busy Friday night? It's just, I got asked to go out for drinks with guys from Young Guns and I kind of don't want to go by myself..." I asked hopefully. I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind if I brought a friend along. I mean, it's not like Valerie was unattractive. If anything, I envied the way she looked. Her bright red hair fell down her back and reached just above her hips. Her skin resembled that of a porcelain doll. Colourful tattoos adorned her arms and complimented her piercing green eyes. Why couldn't I look like her?

"You were going to go out with these guys without telling me?! Of course I'll go! I haven't been out with my little munchkin in ages!" Valerie jumped out of her seat and pulled me into a hug (well, squeeze).

I sighed with relief. I knew I could count on Valerie. When it comes to guys, she was a natural. She flirted like it was her second nature. She joined in with their banter. And they seemed to love it. I, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. I was shy, quiet and awkward around guys most of the time. But I guess interviewing bands gave me the opportunity to open up a little.

"Thank you so much! You being there is going to make the night a whole lot easier!" I managed to untangle myself from Valerie's arms and resumed to my work.

---

Friday. 7:00pm. I was staring at my reflection mirror in my hallway. When it came to dressing up, I was an absolute failure. What was I supposed to wear? The outfit I had on as the only decent thing I had in my wardrobe: a black leather skater skirt and peter pan collared blouse. I sighed. It would just have to do. I quickly texted Valerie to tell her that I'd be on the way, slipped on my studded flats and left my apartment.

The club was surprisingly crowded for a Friday night. Every square inch was covered with a person; either drunk, sober or tipsy. The sea of bodies moved together to the music, almost resembling waves on the shore. How we were going to find the 5 guys in a place like this was beyond me.

"Can you see the guys?" I screamed down Valerie's ear, my voice being drowned out by the sound of music.

"Um...there!" She pointed in the direction of the bar. Having a tall friend really had its advantages. Valerie grabbed my wrist and lead me through the crowd of warm, sweaty bodies. Fraser was the first of the guys to see us. His eyes lit up and the most adorable smile crept up on his face.

"Valerie, hi!" Fraser walked over and greeted the two of us, followed by the remaining members of Young Guns.

"Hi Fraser! Guys, this is my best friend Valerie. Valerie, the guys. Hope you don't mind that I brought her along...?"

"The more the merrier! Hi, I'm Ben," The drummer slid past me, took Valerie's hand and kissed it gently before stepping back and winking at her. John and Simon looked at Valerie in awe; she really did look stunning in her short black lace dress.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaay!" Gus said, slapping Ben playfully over the head. I giggled at them before averting my eyes back to Fraser, who quickly shifted his gaze from me. Oh, was he staring at me? I blushed, thankfully nobody saw due to the dimness of the club.

"Shall we get some drinks in, or shall we get some drinks in?!" Valerie screamed, her voice just about audible over the obnoxiously loud dance music. We all nodded, so our voices didn't have to battle with the music.

---

4 shots, 2 beers, a cocktail and 2 hours later, I was well and truly on my way to becoming drunk. For a girl of my stature, I could hold my drink surprisingly well. I sat down on the cushioned leather seats with Ben, John, Simon and Fraser, watching them down a few more shots. Valerie had drunk significantly less than me but was already on the dancefloor with Gustav, both stumbling around like toddlers learning to walk. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous when I looked over at them.

"Gusss is in thereeee!" Ben slurred, pointing over to the dancing bodies. The guys cheered, while I forcefully laughed. I don't even know why I was jealous of them. I hadn't even know Gus that long and I had already developed feelings for him. Oh God.

I felt a pointy elbow dig into my side, steering my gaze away from my best friend and the lead singer and to smiling face of Fraser. I couldn't help but grin back when our eyes met. He was adorable, I'll give him that. Fraser leaned in and pressed his lips to my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"Want to dance?"

I bit my lip and nodded, getting up and leading the way to the dancefloor just meters away from Gus and Valerie. Underneath my calm exterior, I was freaking out. How do you dance with someone you've just met?! Fraser sensed my discomfort and placed an arm around my waist, pulling my closer to his skinny frame. Our bodies swayed with the music and after a few minutes, I was completely at ease. I looked up at Fraser and took in how he looked. His smile shined brightly even in the darkness of the club. I averted my eyes from his and felt the eruption of butterflies in the pit of my stomach, the jealous thoughts about Gus and Valerie leaving my head.

---

I had fun tonight, we should do it again sometime? :-) x

I smiled foolishly down at the text I had just received from Fraser. We basically spent the whole night together; laughing, dancing and drinking. It was as if we'd been friends for a long time.

Aw, I had such a good night too! And yeah, I'd like that. :-) x

I quickly replied to his text before collapsing on my bed and giving into sleep. For the first time in a long while, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

---

I woke up the worst headache imaginable; it was as if a tonne of bricks had been dropped on my head during the night. I curled up in my duvet, not wanting to get up and face the day. Instead, I decided to ignore the idea of getting up altogether. I was tired, hungover and just generally not in the mood. Staring up at the ceiling, last night's events came flooding back to me. The club. The drinks. Fraser. The thought of him made me smile to myself. I think I genuinely liked the guy.

My experience with guys was very limited. I was so driven and focused on my work, that relationships always took a back seat in my life. In the past, I had always put boyfriends second unintentionally and that always came with consequences. Since my last relationship, I hadn't so much thought about being with someone. The stress, pressure and time that goes into a relationship was just unnecessary for me.

---

A year ago.

I'd managed to lie my way out of work a few hours early. It wasn't something that I would usually do but I was feeling spontaneous, and I just wanted to spend time with Josh. Lately, I had been pretty distant from him due to the stress at work. It was that time of year again when the Kerrang! Awards came around and the environment in the office was just so hectic.

Walking up to my apartment door, I heard some shuffling from the otherside of the door. Perfect, Josh was in. We weren't living together as such, but I had given him a key anyway. I opened the door and heard hushed voices coming from the bedroom.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard a rather feminine giggle. Was Josh with someone? My heartbeat increased rapidly as I edged closer to my bedroom door. By the time my hand had reached the door handle, I was sure my heart was going to burst out of my chest and through the door. I inhaled a large amount of air before slowly pressing down on the handle.

The sight in front of my was still engraved in my mind today.

There he was, under the covers of my bed in my apartment with someone else. Clothes were strewn across the floor and giggles erupted from under the covers. It took me a while to fully understand what was going on.

"What the fuck is going on here?!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, causing my voice to slightly crack. Tears formed in my eyes, making my vision distorted. My whole body was shaking as I watched Josh's head poke out from underneath the covers. His face as white as a ghost. Seconds later, the face of the whore he was fucking emerged. Her makeup was smudged, her hair was stuck to her forehead and she gasped for air.

"T-Talia, I can explain!" Josh ripped himself from the dirty blonde and fumbled to find his clothes.

"Don't fucking bother. Get the fuck out of my apartment and take that whore with you! I never want to see you again!" I said through gritted teeth. I couldn't bear to look at him for another second so I stormed out of the room and out of the house. I couldn't deal with this right now.

I made my way to the local Starbucks, ordered a cup of hot chocolate and sat in a secluded part of the shop. I needed some time to collect my thoughts and register what had happened.

Was I not enough for him? Did he ever love me? Who was that whore? How long that this been going on for? Was it because I hadn't given him enough attention? Oh God; that was it. I had hardly paid attention to him and he moved on. He moved on so fucking quickly. As much as I tried to violently blink back the tears, they escaped my eyes anyway.