Breathe Life Into Me

“

I thought the point of me tagging along was for me to jog my memory..how is this going to help jog anything?” Mel wondered as she and I hung back in the Impala while the guys headed inside to talk to the witnesses. I sighed.

“Dean’s just...being cautious...”

“More like overprotective” she sat back, folding her arms.

“Please, have patience with him...this hasnt really been the best experience for

any

of us”

She sighed again. “Sorry...I just think I shouldve stayed home. I’m not going to be of any help to you here”

“You don’t know that. You kind of have a tendency to always surprise us” She didn’t respond. She just stared out the window and then it was silent between us.

There was this sad, distant look in her eyes that made me just want to hug her but I was afraid to even do that. “Can you stop staring at me, please...it’s making me uncomfortable” she shifted in her spot.

“I’m just...worried about you...” I took her hand which was ice cold.

I looked back up at her face to take note of the crows feet, the dark circles, the wrinkles, the strands of grey hair...did she look this bad this morning?

“You don’t even know me...or I don’t even know you...”

“But you do know me. You know me more than anyone else...we’re going to fix this. Everything’s going to be okay...I promise...” Was that convincing enough?

“

So, somebody's killing demons” Dean said as they both got back in the car.

“Okay...demons...isn’t it a

good

thing someone’s killing them?” Mel voiced. Dean turned around to look at her. He smiled and I saw the light in his eyes as he looked at her.

“Yea, it’s awesome. I feel like we should send a card or flowers. What kind of flower says

thanks for killing demons

?”

“But the question is who's killing demons? And why? And, by the way, since when does a demon possess someone, then go all "Beautiful Mind" and start digging in the dirt? Does any of this seem right to you?" Sam explained.

“I like the part about killing demons. That sounds right” Sam just sighed and Dean started up the car again.

By the time we got to the next witness Mel was staring blankly out the window. She was getting worse and worse and sitting in the car wasnt going to do anything for her. If we were going to put all our hope into hunting doing the trick then we were going to have to do it right.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked as I walked around the car to open Mel’s side door.

“The field work will...”

“It won’t do anything, Brit” Dean argued, shutting the door again. Mel didnt flinch. I looked up at him and narrowed my eyes.

“It’s better than making her sit in the car...” I opened the door again but he slammed it shut and stood in front of me.

“She’s not even in her right mind to do field work, Brittney. It’s bad enough we dragged her along...”

“Guys, lets just...” Sam tried but we both shot him a look and he backed off.

“Dean, we arelosing her...” I hissed at him.

“I know that. And I’m not about to lose her for good if something goes wrong...”

“I’ll be there, nothing will...” I tried for the door but he moved in my way. I clenched my fist and glared back up at him.

“She’s coming in there with me whether you like it or not and you can’t stop me” Then, I surprised myself when I grabbed his arm and threw him out of the way. He stumbled as I opened the door and quickly guided Mel out. “Ya know...I can just sit in the car...it’s really not a big deal...” she tried.

“No. If we’re going to fix you then you’re coming inside” I told her, grabbing her by the arm and leading her up the steps. I noticed Dean was pacing around the yard, suddenly frustrated by how I went against him, but Sam followed us quickly.

I positioned Mel to the side and folded her hands so that her arms crossed in a professional way and then I knocked on the door. “Do you really think...” Sam started.

“It’s better if she just observes anyway” was all I said. Was I in denial? Was this a waste of time? Will this snap Mel out of it?

“Special agent Lynn. This is my partner, Agent Tanner and our intern who will just be observing. We'd like to ask you a few questions about Ann Morton” I spoke like a line from a play that I wrote myself.

“Oh...of course. Please come in. I had never met her before she called the other night” the woman explained as she played with the stuck curler in her hair.

I put a hand on Mel’s back and guided her in. I positioned her again in the corner of the room and she stayed still. Never moved or objected against me. Not even once.

“Now, why was she calling you?” Sam asked.

“She was looking to find an original map of the city"

“Did she say what for?"

“Well...no, she didn't, but she did mention an old orchard that had gone missing”

“Missing?” I voiced.

“This town was wiped from the earth by one of the river's 100-year floods. It was rebuilt. But all the original records were lost...” I eyed the multiple town maps around the living room.

“I'm a PhD candidate. And this is my research. I...my dissertation is on the history of this town and its connection to the Underground Railroad and whatnot”

She eagerly brought over a big pink binder and showed up other, smaller, maps inside. “I've been working to re-create a map for years as part of my research, and this is the old Jakubiak orchard there. I found out yesterday it's where Downey meets Bond Street"

“Now, did Ann say why she was looking for the site of an old orchard?” Sam asked.

“No. We set a time to meet, and she never showed. Then I read about her in the paper. It's just tragic. Ann's assistant called this morning, though, asking if I still had the map”

“Assistant?”

“

We got company” Dean said as he came rushing in and right over to Mel to get her out of there.

I wasn’t about to object if it meant demons going up against a handicapped Melissa. But then the door slammed open and three demons came walking in, black eyes flaring and all. Sam and I charged at them first as the witness was thrown across the room and into her coffee table. I started to fight hand-to-hand combat with one of them but then I saw Dean had left his post from protecting Mel and one of them were actually going after her with a knife! So then I grabbed the arm of my demon and threw her over my back, flinging her up, over and on top of the one who tried to get at Mel. I ran to her side and suddenly black smoke came out of both of them and they fleed the seen like cowards...except one of them flew right into our witness’ mouth and she stood up and ran out the door before any of us could go after her. The third one started to charge me and Mel but I stood my ground in front of her and braced myself for the attack...but it never came. Instead, the demon started burning out through his mouth and his eyes and the body fell to the ground...leaving Cas standing there with that same stupid blank look on his face as he also had our escaping witness in his hand by her curlers.

I dont really know what came over me but I stalked forward and threw my fist at his face. It was like hitting cement though. He wasnt phased, didnt even flinch or make noise. He just stood there and his eyes went to my hand which was now in such an intense pain.

“One would think you would have all learned by now” was all he said as he gestured subtly from my hand to his face.

Cas’ POV

“

Put this on your shoulder” Dean spoke as I walked back into the living room where Dean was handing Sam an ice pack. “I’m fine” he said but then looked to Brittney and offered it to her instead.

She hesitated, shaking her head at first but then reluctantly taking it for her hand. If she punched any harder her hand would’ve surely been broken...I guess she didnt deserve it though...maybe

I

did. I wasnt too sure anymore.

“The other demon escaped. I bound the one I caught in a devil's trap. I'm gonna interrogate it now” I established.

“Wait a second. Cas. How about you answer some questions first? Like, where the hell have you been?” Sam demanded.

“Yea, and like

why didnt you come sooner

?!” Brittney yelled at me.

“You heard me, didn't you?” Dean said lowly and my eyes went to him. Sam and Brittney looked up at him.

“You prayed to him?” they both asked. But Dean never looked away from me which made me a bit uncomfortable.

He was my friend, wasn’t he? So why was I getting this discomforting feeling?

“

Yes, I heard you. But that's not why I'm here” I told them and then I looked at Melissa who hadn’t moved once since I got here.

Why was I almost expecting an elated reaction from her?

“Wait, so this is a

real

angel...and those were

real demons

?” she was snapping out of her initial shock I suppose.

“What’s wrong with her?” I found myself asking but I couldnt find reason for it. I felt no emotion for her demeanor or her actions.

“What’s

wrong

with her?! I don’t know, Cas! That’s what you’re supposed to tell

us

!” Brittney exclaimed again. She was angry.

“Ive had no time to concern myself with Melissa’s condition...”

“

No time

?

You’re

the reason...”

“I

told

you there would be consequences to me saving her from herself. This is what she wanted too. She wanted to be brought back to all of you. I did exactly as you all had asked of me. I brought her out of her state of being to save her from her other selves taking over...”

“Yea, but now she’s becoming someone

worse

than who she was when she got back from Purgatory! She can’t remember who we are, Cas. Who she was. Who

you

are. She’s vanishing into

nothing...

”

I had to remember the mission.

But why did I feel a a shift in my chest when I was informed Melissa couldn’t remember who I was...It didn’t make sense to me. What was this feeling?

“

Well?! Arent you going to say anything?” she snapped at Dean.

“Lets just hear him out for a second, Brit...” He was defending me.

Why

?

“You’re about to choose

him

over Mel? Wow. Now I’ve seen it all...”

“I’m not

choosing

anyone. I’m just saying...”

“I've been hunting demons” I moved the topic along. We didn’t have time for this...

or maybe I just didn’t like seeing them fight...

but how would I know?

“So this is you. Why?” Sam wondered. That question made me hesitate.

“

What should I tell them?” I begg

ed Naomi, flashing myself into her office space. “The truth. Most of it, anyway. Maybe they can get us closer” she suggested and I nodded, projecting myself back.

“

I've been searching for the other half of the Demon Tablet"

“Without us?” Dean asked, sounding hurt.

“I've been trying to help, Dean. And in my search, I uncovered that Crowley has sent out demons to find Lucifer's crypts"

“Lucifer had crypts?"

“Dozens of them, apparently"

“But why the storage wars? I mean, what the hell are they all looking for?” Sam asked.

I flashed away again, hoping for a conclusion to this conversation. “It would be more helpful if they knew everything”

“They cannot be trusted” she insisted. “But..." “Lie, Castiel. Tell them what we discussed” she commanded...and so I obeyed. But why did it feel so...wrong?

“

They're looking for a parchment that would allow them to decipher Crowley's half of the Demon Tablet without a Prophet” I explained to the four...three...of them.

“A demonic decoder ring? In Crowley's hands? Awesome” Dean said.

“The crypts were, uh, lost over time. Only those closest to Lucifer knew their whereabouts"

“Then how did Crowley find them?” Sam asked.

“His demons have been possessing locals who may have some special knowledge”

“That would explain the crazy room at Ann's house. But how did they know where to start looking in the first place?"

“I don't know. I'm hoping the strange-haired demon in the kitchen is more knowledgeable than the others I interrogated” I made my way back into the kitchen to wear I had binded our hostage.

“

Well, he puts the "ass" in "Cas," huh?” Dean commented. I sighed, rolling my eyes.

“He's definitely off” Sam added.

“Off? He hasn't been right since he got back from Purgatory. We still don't know how he got out of there”

“I don't know, Dean. If he's so sketchy, then why were you praying to him?”

“Well the hell is

wrong

with you two? He’s

here

and he can cure Melissa! This

has

to be it. It’s now or never...” Brittney hissed at them.

“Hold on a second, Brittney. Let’s just breathe for a moment...” Melissa tried.

“No! I’m done waiting...”

“You know, I can hear you all. I am a celestial being” I voiced out to them and the talking ceased.

I stabbed my blade through the hand of the prisoner and she yelled out in pain causing the others to run over to me. I ignored their presence. “Who told you about the crypts?” I demanded.

“What, no witty banter? I thought angels were supposed to be the good cops” she breathed out.

I impaled her other hand and she screamed as sparks flew out of the holes in her hands. “Wait! Stop! Stop!! We have a hostage!” she screamed and I yanked the swords out of her.

“It's one of Crowley's pets. She's at the Murray Hotel, down by the interstate. She knows the towns where all the crypts are buried. She saw them all back in the day"

“And she told you about the parchment?” Sam asked. This couldnt be good....

“

What parchment?!”

“Hey. Hey! Think he's the only bad cop in this room? Stop lying! We know what you're really looking for” Dean demanded.

“No. I am telling you, we're looking...”

Kill it

! So I did. I killed it before it could ruin everything...everything we’ve been working for.... “Cas! What the hell was that?!” Brit yelled.

Her screaming was beginning to get annoying. “It told us what we needed” These weren’t my words anymore. This wasn’t me anymore. I...wasn’t me anymore....

“No, she didn't! You can't just...” Sam started.

“I started this hunt without you because I didn't want anything to slow me down. We have to get to the motel now”

Brit’s POV

“

Seriously?! Come on” Dean complained as Cas vanished from his spot and we rushed back into the living room. I grabbed Mel’s hand and rushed her out the door.

“Where are we going now?” she asked.

“We’re going after the guy who can fix you” I told her and she didn’t say anything else.

We piled into the car and Dean sped off. We reached the motel Cas had mentioned and rushed to the room that had a bright light emitting from the windows. We ran in to see he killed another demon. “Thanks for waiting” Sam commented.

“The hostage is in there” he pointed to a door. We walked over to it and opened the door to see

Meg

curled up in the corner. She was bruised, bloody, tied up and

blond

.

“Aren't you a little short for a Storm-trooper?” she breathed out.

I got to her side to help her up and I guided her out and onto the bed. I cut the ropes off. “Thanks...but I would’ve expected the courtesy and sympathy from the depressing one” she gave me a strange look and I quickly looked around seeing Mel wasn’t in the room.

I rushed to the door, opened it and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw her sitting in the Impala. I waved her in to us and she started to slowly get out of the Impala.

“Well, you’re gonna have to settle for me instead” I replied, turning back to face Meg.

“What, Ms. Sunshine sits out of all the good missions now?”

“Enough about us. What’s up with your hair?” Dean made a face at her.

“Aww. Thanks for noticing, Dean. But this wasn't my idea. It was Crowley's. And it's just another reason I want to stab him in the face"

“Wait a second. You've been telling Crowley the location of Lucifer's crypts” Sam stated.

“What can I say? I needed a break from the constant torture. And I did visit them all during my time with Yellow Eyes. But don't worry. I haven't exactly been giving them the Glengarry leads"

“You mean you've been lying to them?” Cas asked.

“I just get them in the ball park. Enough time's passed and enough's changed that they bought it”

“Why lie?" Dean wondered.

“Buy myself some time, dummy. Try to find a way to get free"

“Wait, so...a bunch of innocent people died so you could...buy yourself some time?” Mel voiced from behind us as she shut the door.

“Hi. I'm Meg. I'm a demon. Nice of you to join us, princess”

“And she’s still alive because...”

“She’s an exception...” I tried explaining.

“Exceptions?!” she exclaimed.

“What’s up her ass?” Meg commented.

“Nothing. Just keep your trap shut...you should’ve stayed in the car, Melissa” Dean said.

“No, she should be here. Maybe Meg can help...”

“If you think I’m letting her anywhere near...”

“I’m sorry. Am I missing something?” Meg voiced.

“Melissa has no memory of who she is or who any of us are. She doesn’t remember the past you had with them...” Cas explained.

“Trust me, princess. Your life isn’t worth remembering”

My eyes widened at her. “Dont tell her that!” I yelled. She just shrugged.

“Look...we’ve worked with this one before. She’s different...” Sam told Mel. She eyed him first and then nodded. “I suddenly feel a lot of tension in the room...” Meg voiced.

“

So, what have they found?” Cas continued, looking to Meg for answers.

“Bupkis. Every crypt's been one Al Capone's vault after another. And on top of that, someone kept picking up the trail and icing demons. I'm guessing that was you, Castiel. But Crowley just keeps sending more. He's hell-bent on finding that Angel Tablet"

"Wait a second. Did you just say "Angel Tablet"?” Sam asked as we all exchanged a look.

“What does that mean?” Mel whispered in my ear. I ignored her. “You know, I get why Crowley calls you

moose

now. Yes. The

Angel Tablet. Crowley found out Lucifer had it, figures it's stashed in a crypt" “Well, this is news to me, as well. Demons I interrogated, they must have been lying about their true intentions” Cas said.

“Really? 'Cause I saw you "Zero Dark Thirty" that demon. You were more than persuasive” Dean voiced, eyeing his friend.

I never fully understood he relationship between Dean, Cas and Mel but it seemed like for an angel he was really easy to read when it came to Dean or Mel. “You're all missing the point here. I lied to them, which means they're digging in the wrong place. But not for long. They'll be back here soon. So, who's up for fleeing?” Meg stood to her feet.

“She's right. We need to find those crypts before they do. Meg, you're the only one who's been there" Sam said.

“We need your help” Cas added.

“Any of you dummies got a map?” she chuckled.

We went back to the Morton’s house and headed down to the basement where maps were plastered all over the place. “There. That's where the crypt was” Meg pointed.

“What's there now?” Mel asked.

“Do I look like Google to you? None of these buildings were here way back in the day. Figure it out, genius. Is there any booze in this dump?” she sauntered away and up the stairs. Cas followed her and Sam pulled out his laptop.

“He lied to us” Dean said.

“How can you tell?” Mel wondered. We all looked at her. That was the question I always had for her whenever she called somebody out.

“I just know...” Dean hung his head, avoiding her eyes.

“Yeah, maybe he did lie. I can kind of understand why. I mean, an Angel Tablet? If the Demon Tablet can shut the Gates of Hell, what can the Angel Tablet do?”

Cas

“

These wounds have festered” I spoke as I wrapped some bandages around Meg’s wrists.

“You really do know how to make a girl's nethers quiver, don't you?”

Her voice was rough and yet soothing as she poured the bottle of booze over her hands, cleaning herself a bit. “I am aware of how to do that. Although it doesn't usually involve cleaning wounds” I replied absently.

She was different...this connection...these feelings I got...it was different when I was with her. It was strong.

“Why are you so sweet on me, Clarence?" she smiled up at me.

I suddenly felt my mouth go dry. “I don't know. And I still don't know who Clarence is" I told her honestly.

“Would it kill you to watch a movie, read a book?” She drank from the bottle.

“A movie, no. But a book with the proper spells...yeah, it could, theoretically, kill me"

She sighed. “You know, you're much cuter when you're shutting up” She eyed me for a moment. “So, which Cas are you now? Original make and model or crazy town?"

“I'm just me” I assured her.

“So, your noodle's back in order?”

“Yeah, my...noodle remembers everything. I think it's a pretty good noodle” Suddenly she started to look at me in such a way that made the center of my hands sweat.

Was I nervous? If I was I’m not surprised Meg would be the one to do this to me.

“

Really? You remember everything?"

“If you're referring to the pizza man...yes, I remember the pizza man. And it's a good memory” I nodded and I think her cheeks started to burn because they were turning red.

“You ever miss the Apocalypse?” she wondered, averting her eyes from mine.

“No. Why would I miss the end of times?"

“I miss the simplicity. I was bad. You were good. Life was easier. Now it's all so messy. I'm kind of good, which sucks. And you're kind of bad-which is actually all manner of hot...and...”

“And...?”

“I

like

being believed in...I have this weird feeling knowing Melissa can’t remember...because...well...she was the only one who ever saw good in me...is it normal for me to enjoy that feeling?”

“I’m sure it’s not...do you think Melissa saw you as a friend?” She shrugged.

“You helped kill one of her best friends and her mother...” I reminded her.

She shrugged again. “Maybe that’s why I’m so unsure about it...she forgot about what I did...accepted my help even as a demon...can demons be cured of hate?”

These were too many questions for me to answer...I wasn’t sure if demons could be cured...if their sins could be diminished and forgotten about. If a demon was willing to change...should’nt God be willing to compromise? Who knows. I’ve never had the best relationship with him so I tend to not think about it. But Meg...she’s different...special....

“

We survive this... I'm gonna order some pizza and we're gonna move some furniture around. You understand?” she gave me some kind of suggestive smile I couldn’t comprehend at first.

“No, I...” It clicked in my brain.

“Wait...actually...yes, I...” I found myself smiling at the thought.

“All right. Let's roll, campers” I heard Dean voice from behind me but I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

Special was an understatement....

Brit’s

We reached the warehouse and all emptied out of the car. “So, this is it. Basement?” Meg voiced as we drove up to a warehouse and got out of the car.

“All right. Cas, Brit and I will head in and get our Indiana Jones on. Sam, you stay outside with Meg and Melissa...” Dean instructed.

“What?” Sam narrowed his eyes, kind of hurt.

“We got this” I voiced.

“What are you talking about? I'm not letting you two go in there alone”

“They won't be alone” Cas noted.

“That's not what I mean. Meg can hang here with Melissa, watch our backs”

“What? Are you crazy? Now you trust Meg? And with Melissa?” Dean glared at his brother.

“Hey, I got you this far” she voiced.

“Shut up” Dean spat.

“Just shut up for a second, Meg...” I tried and her and Mel exchanged a look. “Sam, I saw your bloody rag in the trash can, okay?” Dean grunted.

“Your what?” I exclaimed.

He looked at me, helplessly. “That wasn't...”

“Stop. Just stop. Sam, we don't know what's in there, okay? And you almost let a demon get the best of you back there”

“I'm fine”

“You are not fine, Sam. Obviously you haven't been fine since the first trial" I said, taken back by this news.

“That's why I called Cas...I needed his help with you and Melissa...” Dean said.

“Trial?” Meg voiced again.

“Shut up, Meg” the three of us snapped at her.

“Dean, I'm telling you. I'm okay"

“No, you're not. Sam, you're damaged in ways even I can't heal. Dean's right. You should stay here and protect Meg and Melissa” Cas insisted.

“Since when do I need protecting?” Meg spoke.

“Since you were held captive and tortured for over a year"

“Touché” she nodded.

“Wait, do I get a say?” Mel wondered.

“No” all five of us said to her.

“But I thought...”

“Brit was wrong. You shouldnt have left the bunker. It’s my fault though. I shouldn’t have let her take you out. You weren’t ready” Dean approached her.

“Dean, I...”

“Just...stay out here please...I’m begging you. You’re not in any better condition than Sam is...what you don’t know is that you’re in the middle of doing the trials as well...”

“I don’t even know what...”

“I know. You don’t understand any of it...but you will...”

“I promise to fix you once we’re finished here, Melissa” Cas voiced.

“Everyone’s saying I need to be fixed. But what if I’m fine the way I am...”

“You don’t mean that...tell me you dont mean that...” I murmured.

“I do mean it, Brittney. I’m not sure if I want my memory back. Not after everything you all keep saying. Is that a crime?”

No one spoke. I felt my heart cringe.

“We’ll be right back...and talk about this later...” was all Dean said as he handed the knife to Sam, turned and started walking away. Cas and I followed behind him.

Sam’s

"Wait. so I took how many bullets for you guys, and you didn't even look for me? " Mel glared at me as we spray painted some protection insignias.

"Like not once? My hero" she scoffed.

"Mel did though...her curiosity got the better of her and she tried looking into it without any of us knowing. She didnt seem to find anything though...if that means anything to you" I told her and she thought about it as she looked over at Melissa.

"Yea it means something" she nodded. I eyed her.

"Sam, am I even doing this right? I knew I should've stayed in bed today" she muttered and Meg walked over to her to help explain what was wrong with her painting.

"So what's with all the "trial" and "being damaged" crap?" Meg looked back over to me.

"What trials?" Mel asked.

I ignored her. "Look, no disrespect, but you haven't exactly been the most, uh, trustworthy person in our lives, Meg" I reminded her.

"You're not gonna tell me? Seriously? How am I not team Sam?" I just rolled my eyes at her and kept spray painting.

"Fine. Whatever it is, you okay dying over it?"

"Dying? Who's dying?" Mel voiced, panicked.

We ignored her again. "You don't want to say, fine. But remember, I spent time in that walking corpse of yours. I know your sad, little thoughts and feelings"

I made a face.

"That's creepy"

“Here's what I remember. Deep down, in parts you never let see the light of day, you want to live a long, normal life away from creepy old things like me"

"I do..." I hung my head and then scoffed.

"You know, I spent last year with...someone, and...now I know that's actually possible" "Wait...that's how you spent your last year? With a chick that wasnt Brittney? Lame"

"You know, how about we just wait quietly?" I glared at her.

"What was her name? You don't even trust me with a name? Cut me, do I not bleed, Sam?" I didnt respond.

"So, some chick actually got you off hunting, huh? That's one rare creature. Tell me...how'd you meet this unicorn?"

Might as well tell her, right? In a really weird way...I did see her as part of the team. So what could it hurt?

Cas

“

Hey, what did you mean back there about Sam?” I asked Cas as we headed down into the basement.

“It's difficult to say. It's something on the subatomic level and his electromagnetic field...”

“Okay, bottom-line it for me, Bill Nye. Is it lethal?” Dean asked.

“I don't know”

“What

do

you know?” I wondered.

“I know...that I’m not sure if my abilities will help Melissa...not fully...”

Dean grabbed my arm to stop me. “What do you mean...you have to...at least

try

...” His eyes were pleading...very sad...very broken.

“I never said I won’t try, Dean...I will ry my hardest...but if she does

not want

to be healed...then I can do nothing for her. She has to

want

it...she has to want to remember....”

Suddenly I felt a surge of energy and laid my hand on the wall, forcing it to crumble. We all stepped through and walked into the room that had flowing energy all over the place.

"I found it" I told Naomi. "Tell the Winchester the crypt is empty. Then you can come back..."

"It's warded against angels"

"Well, you can come back..."

"Crowley's demons are still in town, and we're running out of time. What should I do?" I pleaded for an answer. "Handle it"

Dean and Brittney continued searching the crypt. "Dean...That's it" I pointed to the bookshelf.

"How do you know?" Britney asked.

"It's the only thing in here warded against angels" Dean lifted it and placed it on the table, prying it open with a dagger He pulled out the tablet and suddenly I felt anxious.

"Winner, winner, chicken dinner"

"Good. Hand it to me, and I'll take it to heaven" I suggested.

"No, we will take it to Kevin so he can translate" he objected.

"Right. Of course. I'll take it to him right away. No time to waste"

"Well, he's not that far. I've been meaning to go check on him, bring him some supplies"

"If the demons get their hands on the Angel Tablet, they'll kill us all. They'll destroy Heaven" Naomi said, on the edge of hysteria.

"I can reason with Dean. He's a good man"

"Kill him"

"I can resupply the Prophet, Dean" I insisted.

"You know...why don't Sam, Dean, Mel and I take it over to him, and you can get back to your mission, Cas. Finding the other half of the Demon Tablet...that is priority, isn't it?" Brittney voiced.

"I can't let you take that, Dean" I kept my focus fixated on him.

"Can't or won't?" He demanded.

"Both"

"How did you get out of Purgatory, Cas?"

"There has to be another way"

"You have done this a thousand times, Castiel. You're ready. Kill him. Then take the tablet and bring it home, where it belongs"

"Just tell me how you got out of Purgatory. Be honest with me for the first time since you've been back...and then this is yours" he held up the tablet. I dropped my blade into the palm of my hand. It must be done. I was given orders.

Sams

"Wait...hold on. There's one part I don't understand. You hit a dog and stopped. Why?" Meg wondered and I gave her a look.

"That whole story, and that's your takeaway?"

"Oh, I heard the rest. You fell in love with a unicorn. It was beautiful, then sad, then sadder. I laughed, I cried, I puked in my mouth a little. And honestly, I kind of get it"

"Really?"

"Sure, except for the fact that I'm a Bram fan"

"Bram?"

"Brittney and Sam...I mean it doesn't have the same ring like Delissa but it's still a nice story...what you two have..." I seemed like she was getting lost in her own words and thoughts.

"We've got company" she suddenly became more alert. I looked around. "Where's Melissa?" She looked up at me with confusion and worry. Crap.

Cas

I threw up my arm at Brittney as she flew into a shelf and fell unconscious. I didnt need interference. I couldn't afford that right now.

“This isn't right” I paced around as Naomi watched me anxio

usly.

“Do you realize what that tablet can do for us?”

“I...”

“For Heaven?"

“I won't hurt Dean"

“Yes. You will. You are” No...stop it! I need to be back in control! I can’t let her do this to me!

“

Cas, fight this! This is not you! Fight it!” I could hear Dean yelling out to me, bringing me back to where he was. All the while I was throwing attack after attack and he blocked me by using the tablet as a shield.

“What have you done to me?!” I found myself yelling.

“

Just relax, Castiel. Let your vessel do what you know deep down is the right thing”

her voice sang in my head.

“What have you done to me, Naomi?” I yelled out again.

“Who's Naomi?!” Dean grunted.

“

What have I done to you?! Do you have any idea what it's like out there? There's blood everywhere, and it's on your hands. After everything you did to us, to heaven. I fixed you, Castiel. I fixed you!”

her voice boomed, making me feel like I was living through an earth quake inside my own head.

Fixed? I do not need to be fixed! I do not want to be fixed!

I forced myself away from Dean, staggering a little and holding my head in my hands. I dropped the dagger.

“Cas...” I felt him put a hand on my shoulder but I quickly spun, back-handing him to the floor.

He tried to stand but I punched him back. He tried to swing at me but I grabbed his wrist...then his forearm...breaking both in the process. I lived through this scenario so many times before...I should’ve been able to do it...

why

couldn’t I do it...?

Lightning flashed outside and I realized Dean had dropped the tablet, breaking it in two. He grunted helplessly in pain from his broken bones. “Dean!” a voice screamed from behind.

I turned in the direction it came from only to be shoved to the side and tossed like I was a rag doll. I was taken by surprise and it took me a millisecond to realize it was Melissa who had just threw my body over hers, flying me across the room. I craned my neck to look back at them as she raced to Dean’s side as if her own life had depended on it. The two of them always amazed me...even with her memory completely wiped...she will always have a big space in her heart for him...and I almost wondered if it was the same for me. Would they always have room for me...after all my mistakes...after everything we’ve been through...after everything I had put them through.

“

What are you doing here?” Dean scolded her.

“I had this...

bad feeling

. Looks like I was right”

“Yea, you should get used to that. It happens a lot” he gasped in pain as she helped him sit up.

“Hopefully not like

this

”

“Yea...well...” he shrugged, smiling up at her. I’ve seen him smile at her like that before. It was filled with awe...with love...but she had no idea...and that was my fault.

I started to get back up to my feet. Just part of the simulation...I’ve done it a million times before...this should be easy...or a piece of cake as Dean would say. So many things conflicting inside me on what my next move should be. What should I do? My orders are to kill him...so I have to kill her too...the only two people who have ever stood by my side through everything...the two people who have helped me back on my feet time and time again...and I had to kill them?

“

Melissa, you need to get out of here” Dean hissed at her as I stalked toward them.

“I’m not leaving you” she replied and stood to her feet, facing me.

She gave me that look she gets when someone she loves is being threatened-her eyebrows move down, her eyes grow dark, and she suddenly looks taller, bigger, and more intimidating. That look...that always made me feel nervous and anxious whenever she directed it at me...the look that had me pitying whoever was on the opposite end because I knew what it was like. The look that said she was ready to kill whatever threatened her family...and that’s when I realized I was the threat. It’s not that I blamed her for giving me the look that always made me feel uncomfortable, I mean, she was protecting her lover-someone I considered a really good friend-I would expect nothing less from the infamous Melissa Stern. Always righting wrongs...triumphing over evil...and what I was doing was wrong...and I was evil.

“

Castiel...you need to stop. I may not remember...and I may not even fully understand what’s going on...but somehow I know this isn’t you...I can see good inside you...you need to fight whatever it is that’s making you do this...”

Even now...she could still see right through me...she...they both...knew me better than I would ever knew myself. They’ve always had faith in me...and all I do is betray them...my friends...my only family....

I found myself bending over to pick up the dagger and my eyes went to the broken tablet. But she quickly picked it up. “If you want this...if you want to get to Dean...you’re going to have to go through me first” she warned.

I threw up my arm and wrapped my hand around her throat. I could feel her lungs constricted, trying to inhale but unable to. “Stop! Leave her alone!” Dean pleaded.

“

Please! Don’t make me do this!” I pleaded with Naomi. “Finish them off, Castiel” she ordered.

I tossed her like she weighed nothing. She flew through the air and when she hit the cement wall she fell to the ground and a chunk of the wall crumbled and fell on top of her, crushing her body.

“Melissa!” Dean tried to stand but I lifted my fist and rammed it down into his skull.

I lifted him up by his shirt collar and did it again. Then, I found myself raising the dagger high above my head as Dean looked up at me with his black eyes and his welted/broken cheek bones. He had blood seeping out of his skull, from his mouth and his broken nose. A tear slipped from his eye which had become swollen shut. He reached up my arm though and even with his eyes swollen, he forced them open to look me in the eye. He had a look too. A look that would’ve been intimidating if his face wasn’t so “messed up”...but it was gentle...very light. I’ve only seen it a few times before. It told me...he wasn’t angry...or disappointed...it was more like he was depending on me. He just wanted his friend back. He wanted me back.

“

Cas. Cas...” He could hardly speak or breath. “I know you're in there. I know you can hear me. Cas...it's me. We're family. We need you. I need you” he cried to me.

We’re family...we need you...I need you....

To still be needed...and by

them

...after all this time...to still be

wanted

.... I never knew what the feeling was like: to feel needed-until I met all of them. It was...a really good feeling....

“

Bring me the tablet, Castiel. You have to choose: us or them!”

She was right. I had to choose. And if I ever learned

anything

from these humans...it would be that there is

always

a choice...it’s just a matter of making the right choice.

I dropped the blade to the floor and as I bent down to pick up the tablet my body felt stiff, like I was slowly gaining back control of myself. “Cas...” I heard Dean whimper as the Enochian writing began to glow and flow up my arms, through my veins.

The light began to project outward, surrounding everything within a 50 feet radius of my vessel...and then it was gone. I couldn’t hear Naomi calling for me...telling me what to do...there was no need for me to resist my actions...or who I was. It was just me. I was back.

“

Cas?” Dean voiced. I looked down at him and reached forward. “No. Cas...Cas...!” he yelled and tried to block me...

afraid.

But I placed a hand on the side of his head and he was instantly healed. He gasped from the sudden changes through out his body. “I'm so sorry, Dean” I apologized and turned to head over to Brittney who still laid unconscious.

I could sense her spine was cracked from the impact and her brain was hemnorrige. I healed her and she inhaled sharply. I turned to Melissa who now had Dean digging her out from under the debris. He pulled her onto his lap. I walked over to her and cupped her cheek and healed her as well. She breathed back to life and groaned from her sore sensation and she looked up at me.

“I knew you were good” she sighed.

I couldnt help but smile back at her. Dean took her hand and squeezed it tight, putting his forehead to hers. Then he looked back up at me.

“What the hell just happened?” he asked, confused more than ever.

Where should I even begin?

Sam

“

Do we go in and get her?” Meg asked.

“No time. Looks like we have company” I replied, grunting as I dove out of the way of two demons that came at us, wielding clubs.

One charged for me and I easily side stepped, stabbing it with the knife. It fell to the ground and I watched Meg struggle a little before she gained the upper hand, killing her attacker as well with the angel blade. There was thunder...then lightning...but when I looked up to the sky there wasn’t a cloud in sight. There was no indication of a storm.

The tablet....

“

I believe they're playing my song” I jumped at the sound of Crowley’s voice as he paced behind us.

“Love what you've done with the place. You really think all that was gonna keep me out forever?” he gestured to the demon symbols we plastered everywhere.

“At least long enough for Dean, Brittney and Cas to get the tablet and get out” I replied.

“Castiel. So, that's who's been poking my boys...and not in a sexy way. Got a bone to pick with you, moose. After what you and your golden sex toy did to my poor dog”

“She’s not my...” I started but then sighed, frustrated with the fact that there was no point in arguing with him about me and Melissa.

It feels great to know that our private lives are in the Demon Tabloids though...and every other monster and hunter tabloid out there. How did our lives become

need-to-know

news?

“

You gonna talk us to death or get down to it already?” Meg spoke but I could hear a tremble in her voice.

His eyes moved to her, fixating. “There's my whore. I'm not here for my dearly departed, though. I'm here for the stone with the funny scribbles on it"

“That's not gonna happen” I told him.

“Love it when you get all tough. Touches me right where my bathing suit goes” he pulled out his own angel blade.

Were these things being sold now at local markets?!

Meg stepped up in front of me. “Go. Save your brother, rescue the princess, get back to being the Bram couple I know you can be...” I saw something in her eyes change.

“Save my unicorn” she murmured. I hesitated at first...but there was no time to just stand around and think about the next move. We had to act. Now.

Brit

“

So, this "Naomi" has been controlling you since she got you out of Purgatory?” Dean asked, incredulous.

“Yeah”

“Well...what broke the connection?” I dared to ask.

“I don't know. I just know that I have to protect this tablet now”

“From Naomi?” Mel asked.

“Yes. And from you” he looked at all of us.

“From us? What are you talking about?” Dean asked. But he didn’t answer him. And

just like Cas

him and the tablet were gone. “Cas! Damn it!” Dean grunted.

“Dean? Brit?” I heard Sam call out and then he reached us.

“Where’s Cas?” he asked.

“He’s gone. Where’s Meg?” I asked.

“We got to go. Now” was all he said and we raced after him.

We reached outside and ran right for the car. “We can’t just leave her here, can we?” Mel asked, appalled by the idea.

But there was no time to stop. Dean pulled her along as she tried to resist and he threw her in the front passenger seat and the rest of us piled in as well. Dean started the car but didn’t move. In sync, we all spun around just as Meg stabbed Crowley, ineffectively injuring him and he pulled the dagger out of his shoulder, stabbing Meg in the stomach. That deathly orange light emitted from her vessel and then the body fell to the ground. Meg was dead. Dean sped off with a weirdly ominous silence looming over all of us.

~

“

So...what happened? I mean, Cas touched the tablet, and it reset him to his factory settings or something?” Sam asked after a few miles.

“I don't know. And I don't care. All I know is that he is off the reservation with a heavenly WMD. Listen, man, I can't take any more lies from anyone” he said and I eyed Sam.

“Yeah. Uhh I know. I'm sorry. I should have told you. I just wanted to believe I was okay. I don't know” he shrugged, meeting my eyes.

“Well, you heard what Cas said: that that first trial hurt you in ways that even he can't heal. Sammy, I need you to be honest with me from here on out, man”

“You're right. And I will be"

“And

you

” he looked at Mel.

“Hey, I just found out that I’m doing these stupid trials. You can’t blame me for anything...” she defended.

Dean just chuckled and took her hand, holding it securely. “I know...and...if you don’t want to be

fixed

...then we’ll find another way to get you back on your feet...it’ll be okay...” he assured her...but I think he was saying all of this to just reassure

himself

.

“

I may not be able to carry the burden that comes along with these trials...but I can carry you” he continued, looking back at Sam in his rear view mirror. “Do you realize you just kind of quoted Lord of the Rings?” I asked him, making a face.

“But it's the Rudy Hobbit, all right? Rudy Hobbit always gets a pass”

We all laughed. “ Shut up” he told all of us and then turned on the radio.

My eyes went to Dean and Mel’s hands and I took note of the fact that he was squeezing her hand but she was unresponsive. Then, I watched Mel’s face in the window. It was unsure...confused...

she wanted no part of this...no part of us.