Breathe Life Into Me

Sam

Hour Three. I shoved Crowley’s head to the side so I managed to stick the needle into his neck. Then I tilted his head the other way for Mel but as soon as she took the needle out he grabbed her arm and friggin bit her! I jumped forward to kick the shit out of him but her fist flew first, colliding with his jaw. I’m pretty sure I even heard some bones crack.

“What the hell, Crowley! Biting? Seriously? Ugh!” she hit him again and then stormed out of the church holding her bleeding arm close to her chest.

I quickly followed her with my bag in hand. She started pacing. “Here. Come here” I instructed as I pulled out some bandages. “Didnt think he would actually stoop as low as biting” I muttered.

“Yea, you’re telling me. He took a chunk out of me” she made a face at the blood spilling down her arm. I started to quickly clean her up and bandage her.

“Hey, Sam?” she murmured.

“Yea?” I stayed focused on not cutting off her circulation.

“How was Dean?”

“What do you mean? Like when you...”

“Yea. I mean, I remember saying some really nasty stuff to him and he pretended to not care too much...but I...”

“Honestly, he never really talked about it with me” I lied.

“Seriously?”

“Well...yea. You know how Dean gets” I shrugged, forcing myself to look her in the eye but she wasnt even looking at me anymore. Her eyes went up to the sky.

How could I really tell her that she was all Dean cared and worried about? At some point she had become his true reason for living and she wanted nothing to do with him. I remember how he told me he felt she was disgusted just by looking at him let alone being two feet away from him. I tried telling him it was all in his head and that she wasnt herself but it was no use. He felt that if she couldnt remember him of all people then it was pointless to even try. But I dont think Dean really knew the extent to which Brit was dreading waking up every morning knowing her best friend...her sister...wouldnt know who she was. We all may have a long history together but Brit and Mel have the most memories together-good and bad. I truly believe their bond is what kept Mel fighting...what brought her back.... I know I will always have Dean and obviously he will always have me...but I also feel like the girls are what keep us all together. They’re the glue. Without them...would we have made it this far without literally killing each other?

“Mel”

“Yea, Sam?” she sighed.

“You know I love you right?”

She looked back at me. “Yea...of course I know...and I...”

“Then you know this is for your own good when I tell you that you shouldnt stress about it too much. What happened these past couple months...with you and Dean and Brit...”

“And you...” I just nodded.

“Just forget about it. What we all need right now is to move forward and forget about everything”

She gave me a look. “Maybe not everything, Sam. What’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing. I just...see things more clearly than I’ve seen in months”

“Okay...”

“So just trust me when I say you dont want to bring it up...any of it...to any of us...”

I felt my chest tighten again as I remembered how Brit would cry herself to sleep...and how Dean went through five different lamps because of poor anger management...and how I found myself craving a sense of emotion and feeling but all I felt was pain.... Things were falling apart and none of us even realized it...we were broken.... I feel like the alien from that one Disney movie when he says, “This is my family. It’s broken, but still good...still good”. The story of my life....

I hope we get these trials done soon. Im starting to feel too much.

Dean

“Anything? You've been gone long enough” I asked Cas as he rejoined me at the bar.

“I went to check on Brittney. She had been gone for a while”

I gave him a look. “You checked on her in the woman’s bathroom?”

He just stared back at me. “Was I wrong to do so?” I just shook my head and laughed. “I didn’t find anything anyway. There was one female, but I dont think she was female. Anything here?”

“Free drinks. Your, uh, buddy over there thinks you saved his life” I gestured to the bar tender who nodded gratefully toward Cas.

“Do you really think it's wise to be drinking on the job?” he asked, referring to the three beers I already downed.

“What show you been watching? Talk to me. Are you sure about this? I mean, it's one thing me, Sammy and the girls slamming the gates to the pit, but you're boarding up Heaven and you're locking the door behind you”

“Yeah. I know” he sighed.

“You did a lot of damage up there, man. You think they're just gonna let that slide?” I wondered. “Do you mean do I think they'll kill me? Yeah, they might”

“So this is it? E.T. goes home” I joked and forced a smile at him and then realized he wasnt getting the reference.

“What about you?” he suddenly asked.

“Are you...sure about what you’re doing?”

“Man, I’m not sure about anything lately”

“What about Melissa?”

“What about her?” I snapped. I didn't mean to but I was just really edgy about the topic.

“Well...I...” he started stammering and I sighed.

“I’m sorry. It’s just...I don’t think that it’s sunk in yet”

“That she remembers who you are, you mean” he assumed and I just nodded.

“Well, yea. What do you think...”

“Are you asking for my opinion? My advice?”

I glanced at him for a quick second just to see him smiling stupidly. “Ya know what? Never mind” I finished my fourth.

It was just all happening at once...how am I supposed to react? I didnt even have time to process it...when we kissed it felt real...more real than it’s been in months. Was I crazy to be so dependent on the amount of reality I felt with Mel around? And the fact that she came back just in time to really be there for Sammy...it’s all I could ever ask of from her...to be there for Sammy if I can’t be....

“Hey, there. Where's Ed?” I looked over at a woman coming in the back door to greet the bartender.

“Flu. I'm Gail"

“Well, okay, then.Let me give you a hand” Show time.

“Oh, thanks. Ah. You're a real gentleman” she commented, eyeing the other dude sitting at the bar and she gave a laugh.

“Holy crud, this is like the first five minutes of every porno I've ever seen” I shook my head, taking another swig.

“Gail, Rod” the bartender introduced.

“Ma'am" “Rod rides a stool here most days” “I’ll be seeing you both. Thanks for the help” she smiled and put a hand on both of their shoulders and then just left.

I furrowed my eyebrows. What the hell? Why didnt they.... I looked to Cas for an explanation but he just kept staring at the two dudes watching some hunting show.

“Damn, that's sweet” they both spoke and then smiled at each other. “How about the next one's on me?” Oh...okay then....

“Let’s go” Cas grunted and I followed him out of the bar and around back to where Brit already had the woman pinned up against the wall.

“Well, it took you two long enough” she muttered.

“I thought you were in the bathroom” I eyed her.

“Who takes that long in the bathroom?” she laughed.

“Umm have you lived with yourself before?”

She just rolled her eyes at me. But even with the smart ass mouth of hers I can always count on Brittney for anything. She’s strong, smart, obviously a pain but lately she’s always a step ahead. But, it also worries me. She’s here but never completely. I’m concerned about her...about her and Sammy...about all of us....

“Hello, brother” the woman voiced, trying to shove Brit off her but she just held her wrists behind her back even tighter.

“Give us your bow” Cas demanded and pulled out an angel blade.

“What?” she panicked trying to back away from Cas.

“Hey, hang on a second, Cas” she pulled the Cupid back a little.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey” I grabbed Cas’ arm. “Talk first, stab later” Who knew those words would actually make sense to me...

Sam

Hour five. I was hoping that because Mel and I are both doing the injections the process would be moving a bit faster but it just seems like Mel’s getting more and more drained by the second and and the pain is starting to get unbearable.

“How we doing, Moose? Ain't it about time for the next love injection?” I couldnt let him get in my head.

He started singing and I clenched onto the alter, struggling to stay standing while I felt the insides of my arms...my chest...my head...being torn to bits. “Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. Turn and face the strange. Ch-ch-changes, just gonna have to be a different man, time may change me, but I can't trace...”

I jumped when I heard a loud thud. But when I spun around I saw it was because Mel threw her fist at Crowley’s skull. She glanced back at me heaving like she just ran a marathon and she shrugged.

“I hate that song” she heaved out and I couldnt even figure out the muscles to smile at her.

But then the whole church started to shake and the floorboards were even cracking and splitting apart. I rushed to Mel to pull her back. “Did you really think you could kidnap the King of Hell and no one was gonna notice dumb nuts?!” Crowley spat and the front doors flew open.

“Hello, kids” Abaddon sang as she came walking in.

“That's my line. Abaddon? They told me you were dead” Crowley tried to crane his neck to look at her.

“So not” she laughed.

“And the rest of the cavalry?"

“Oh, no, it's just little, old, un-killable me...”

Mel spun, gripping onto the gun which was laid across the table and took a shot at Abaddon but it was no good. Abaddon threw up her arm and we both flew back into the wall. I groaned, feeling the wind get knocked out of me but I refused to move. I was so tired...was this it? Were we not even going to get the chance to close the gates? Maybe we weren't meant to...maybe we were done. Maybe this is just easier.

“Brilliant. Why send in a few grunts when you can send in a knight? Say your prayers, kids!” I heard Crowley taunt and I felt this force pulling me to my feet.

I wasnt sure what it was at first but I realized it was Mel right as Abaddon sent us both flying out the window and I tried to maneuver myself so I wouldnt crush her when we landed but I could also feel her protecting my head when we hit the ground. She screamed out in pain and in a matter of seconds we were fifteen feet away from each other as we rolled across the grass. She almost went into the water but managed to dig her hands into the dirt in order to stop herself. It was all still blurry but I could see her still moving so I laid my head down...I just want to rest...even for just a second....

“Sam! Sam, get up!” she grunted in a very low and demanding voice, kind of like a commanding officer in the middle of war. I didn't respond. “Sam! Don't you give up on me now! I promised Dean I would look out for you and I’ll be damned if I break that promise now. Not after everything...”

At first it sounded like she was pleading...but I could hear strength...will power...and I couldn't understand why. Why did she keep fighting...how did she do it...? And why couldnt I remember how to do it too? The trials maybe? No. A subconscious thing? I don’t know. All I know is that we’re still alive, even now, and she’s reaching out for me to keep fighting too.

“What are you talking about?!” she yelled at me. Was I talking out loud? “You fight because it’s what you do. You don’t let scum walk all over you, especially not demons. You fight because if you don’t then who will? You fight because of your brother...you fight because you promised Brittney...”

I did...I promised Brit I wasn't going anywhere...and that I would be waiting for her...I swore I would finish this for her. I had to follow through with this...for her....

“And I swear if you ever ask again why you fight. Then I’m going to give you a reason to fight. Now help me up, my arm is broken and we have a demon to purify”

I found myself chuckling as I pushed myself back up onto my feet, suddenly feeling like some weight was lifted and I was even being helped to stand back up. I took Mel’s good arm around my shoulders and pulled her up as well as we made our way back to the front entrance. She was right...I must be going crazy if I had forgotten why we fight. We fight for each other...for family.

“Love the suit” Mel grunted as I tossed the jar of oil at Abaddon and when she turned I tossed the match and the body began to burst into flames.

She screamed and started flailing across the room but then a bright red-orange smoke shot out of the vessel, swirled around the place and then shot out the window we were just flown through.

I stalked over to Crowley who’s chair was tipped over and I pulled him back upright. “You did good back there, Moose. I'll deny it if you ever quote me, but I'm a proud man. I'm proud of you. Proud of you both” he spoke fast, glancing between the two of us.

“Thanks” Mel scoffed and trudged over to the alter as I grabbed the spray pain and fixed up the devil’s trap.

“Hold on. Uh, w-what's that” he stuttered.

“It's what it looks like”

“Are you joking? I just saved your lives”

Mel walked over to us with bandages in her hand and she laughed. “Seriously?"

“Seriously? Me, seriously? We just shared a foxhole, you and I. We beat back the Tet Offensive, outrun the-the Rape of Nanking together! And still you're gonna do me like this?!” he exclaimed and everything in his tone seemed...off...different....

Mel handed two syringes: one was my blood and the other was hers. He grunted in pain when I injected both. “Come on, Band of Brothers? The Pacific? None of this means anything to either of you? All those motels, you never once watched HBO, not once? Girls?” he looked at Mel.

“You're my Marnie, kid. And Hannah...she just...she needs to be loved. She deserves it. Don't we all? You...you...me...we deserve to be loved. I deserve to be loved! I just want to be loved” He was crying now...sobbing actually.

Mel and I looked at each other and then we looked back at Crowley. “What?” is all that came out of our mouths.

“What?” he repeated but he was more questioning himself than anything. I’m not even sure he knows what he just said. Was this serious right now? Was he serious? Was this actually working...?

I wrapped Mel’s arm up in a sling and she fixed my bandage after I filled another syringe of my blood. When she did the same I noticed she winced in pain and she looked paler and sweat was dripping down the side of her face. She needed a hospital...we both did.

“You okay?” she asked me and I was just beginning to notice just how much pain she was actually in. She couldnt hide it anymore. She was too tired.

“Me? You’re the one with the broken arm” I reminded her.

She laughed. “Eh you know me, Sammy. I’m indestructible” she winked. “No, you‘re not, Mel” I sighed. “Well I got this far, right?” she shrugged. I guess she had a point. I think it’s the fact that she thought she was indestructible is what really made her indestructible...if that makes sense.

“Would it be possible, Moose...” Crowley started but then stopped suddenly. “Sam...Melissa...I'd like...to ask you a favor. Earlier, when you both were confessing back there...what did you say? I only ask because, given my history...it raises the question...where do I start...to even look for forgiveness? I mean...”

He started crying again but it was slightly less ugly. “How about we start with this?" Mel suggested lightly, holding up the syringe.

They both eyed each other for a minute and then he started to tilt his head to the side, submitting to the injections. Mel’s wide eyes met mine as she mouthed, “What the hell”. I just shrugged and stuck my needle into his neck, followed by Mel’s. He didnt even cringe away.This was it...it was going to be truly over....

Brit

Cas took Cupid’s bow and it wasn't even against her will. She was very willing once we told her why we needed it. But honestly...my mind was somewhere else. I was doing my best to focus on helping Cas or whatever but I had this heavy feeling in my chest that I couldn't help but ignore. Dean grabbed onto my arm because I was lagging behind as we trudged through the parking lot and he had Kevin on speaker.

“I think I found the Angel trials, but I don't see anything about a Nephilim or a Cupid's bow or anything like that”

“Oh, come on, Kev! We're on the one-yard line here” Dean complained. Even he seemed distracted though.

“Okay...and I should have mentioned this six months ago, but the sports metaphors, you want to motivate me? Magic cards, Skyrim, Aziz Ansari” he listed and I could tell he now felt rushed and was moving too fast.

But before I could try and think of a type of motivational skill that would help him, Cas stopped short and spun just in time for me to walk into him and he grabbed my hand to keep me balanced on my feet.

“I'm not here to fight you, Castiel” It was a voice from behind us. Cas quickly pulled me back so he could stand in front of both me and Dean in a very protective way as we all turned direction to face Naomi. “Not anymore” she shook her head and held up her hands in defense.

“Where is Metatron?” Cas demanded.

“He told you he was going to fix Heaven, didn't he? Murdering a Nephilim, cutting off a Cupid's bow...it's a lie, all of it. I've been in his head" I was alert now...but the feeling in my chest was getting stronger.

“You've been in all our heads. That's the problem"

“No, Castiel, you're wrong"

“This is what you do. You twist things. I'm trying to fix Heaven. Metatron is trying to fix Heaven”

“Metatron isn't trying to fix anything. He's trying to break it. An act of revenge for driving him away"

“Break it how?” I voiced.

Cas snapped his eyes back at me. “Brittney” he shook his head.

“Expel all Angels from Heaven, just as God cast out Lucifer” Naomi spoke quickly.

“Cast you out? To where? Hell?” Dean asked. Cas’ eyes grew wider at him.

"Here. Thousands of us, walking the Earth”

Dean and I looked at each other. “Lies” Cas grunted and even went to charge Naomi with his sword.

But Dean jumped forward to stop him. “Wait, Cas” he tried.

“Our mission was to protect what God created. I don't know when we forgot that. I want nothing more than to see you shut the Gates of Hell, but I told you that you could trust me. If Sam and Melissa completes those trials, they are going to die” she stressed. Going to die...did I hear right?

“What the hell are you talking about?” Dean demanded.

“I saw it in Metatron's head. It was always God's intention: the ultimate sacrifice. As for you, Castiel, I beg of you, stop this path. Metatron has been neutralized. If you want back in, truly, I will listen” And with that she was gone.

I looked down to the phone in Dean’s hand and grabbed it quickly. I was acting on impulse now...or maybe it was adrenalin...I’m not too sure...but the weight in my chest was getting heavier and heavier....

“Kevin, talk to me, right now. Is she lying?” The voice came from me but it didnt really sound like me.

“I don't know...”

“Well, find out!” I screamed.

“She's lying” Cas insisted.

“Take us to them” Dean ordered.

“Dean...”

“Take us to them, now!” I yelled and he didnt hesitate.

In an instant we were back outside the church. “Brittney, Dean, I promise I’m going to fix my home!” Cas yelled to us as and Dean and I took off for the doors.

“Sammy, Mel!” I called out as we flew open the doors and saw the two of them reciting a spell from the book.

They’re bodies were glowing now and there were cracks all over their skin. I was so sure they were just going to break into pieces.

“Stop!” Dean grunted. “Easy there. Okay. Just take it easy. We got a slight change of plan” he instructed quickly.

“What do you mean? What’s going on? And where’s Cas?” Mel asked quickly and I could hear this echo in her voice which made her sound distant.

I couldnt lose her again...it hasnt even been 24 hours....

“Mel...hey, just listen okay?” I spoke carefully and her eyes snapped at me.

I think not only was she confused...but she was scared too...truly scared...and now it was my turn to tell her it will be okay...to let her know I was here and I wasnt going anywhere and that I was here to help....

“Metatron lied. You finish this trial and your both dead, Mel...” I spoke cautiously.

The only thing is...

“So?” they both snapped.

She didnt want my help...but what else is new?

“Look at him. Look at him! Look how close we are! Other people will die if we don't finish this!” Sam exclaimed.

“Think about it. Think about what we know, huh? Pulling souls from hell, curing demons, hell, ganking a Hellhound! We have enough knowledge on our side to turn the tide here. But...we...can't do it without you guys” Dean pleaded.

“You can barely do it with us. I mean, you even said we needed a chaperon, Dean. You think I screw up everything I try” He sounded so sad...


“Come on, guys. That's not what I meant” Dean sighed.

“No, it's exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again"

“Sam...” I tried but he snapped his eyes at me.

“Brittney...” He had tears coming down his cheeks now. “What happens when you've decided I can't be trusted again? I can’t keep hurting you, it isnt fair to you...I’m not good for you, Brit. And you obviously trust Dean more than you trust me which I get it, okay. I do, it's completely understandable why you would. I mean...”

“Sammy...come on...” Now I was crying. When did it get so bad that we suddenly didnt trust each other anymore? When all we have is each other...and yet the trust is so broken it almost seems un-repairable....

“And even then...” Mel stepped forward. “Who are you gonna turn to next time instead of us? When you think we can’t handle it? Or when we’re not around? Another angel, maybe? Another vampire? Do you have any idea how it feels? How we feel? To not even be more trustworthy than the monsters we fight” she was crying now too.

“Hold on! You seriously think that? Because none of it is true” Dean shook his head.

“Isnt it though?”

“Listen...just listen, okay?” I begged and they all looked at me. “I know...we’ve all had our disagreements and we’ve all been seriously on edge around each other...we’ve all said some things, done some things...but come on you guys...I mean, we killed Benny to save you two...”

I couldnt stop now...I was just talking...saying things I knew my heart wanted me to say...things I honestly meant with all my soul....

“And I...” I looked to Dean who was suddenly too choked up to even chime in. When did it become my responsibility to keep this family together? To be the last one fighting for all of us?

“We are willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed your mom...our families...everyone we’ve ever known and loved...walk because of you two...you’re all we have...we’re all each other has...”

I could feel Dean grow taller as he was now hovering next to me and we slowly pushed forward to get closer to them. Dean swallowed a lump in his throat.

“So don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that we would put in front of either of you. It has never been like that. Ever! I need you both to see that. I'm begging you” Dean pleaded.

They both looked to one another and then Mel’s eyes met mine. They were sad...disappointed...not in me though. Disappointed in herself. She felt like she let me down. Yet, she still smiled with pride. Pride for me. And that alone made me feel like a million bucks.

“So how do we stop?” they both asked us as blood dripped from their cut wounds. I wasn't too sure to be honest.

“Just let it go” Dean instructed.

“I...I cant, Dean...it’s in us...” Sam shook his head and the knife fell from Mel’s hands which were now shaking uncontrollably.

I rushed forward to take both their hands into my own. “Look, listen to me...” I made them both look at my face to hopefully reassure them.

Then, Dean was next to me with his hands covering mine as he held us all together. “We will figure it out, okay? Just like we always do” he assured them...and me. He had that look in his eye...he wasnt ready to give up.

He pulled us all closer and wrapped his arms around us. From an outsider’s point of view it may have seemed like a cheesy family photo opportunity but for me...and for us...it was a moment of both vulnerability and strength. It was also a moment of clarity. For years I have been so insecure and so dependent on Melissa and wondering about the day she would leave me just like everyone else. But she never did. She stayed. Dean stayed. Sammy even stayed. I know I've been stupid to not recognize it sooner but can ya blame me? I haven't had the best of luck with people. I knew Mel would never leave...I never expected the same thing from the boys. But I got it. And now I’m stuck with them and they’re stuck with me. We've come so far together that it’s hard to think of any place else I’d rather be except for right here with these idiots.

“Just let it go, brother...let it go...” Dean murmured as he put a hand behind Mel’s head and kissed her hair.

I rubbed Sam’s back pulling him closer to get him to lean on me for support. It was as if he weighed nothing. Mel smiled up at me through painful tears and I smiled back.

“Hey...hey, look” Sam held up his arms and then so did Mel.

The glow was disappearing, along with the broken cracks in their skin. Dean and I grinned. “See?” he laughed as he choked back his own tears.

But before we could even process a celebration they boh simultaneously doubled over in pain. I tried to hold Sam up as he knelt to the floor but he was suddenly dead weight and I wasnt strong enough to hold him.

“We have to get them out of here” Dean said and I nodded as he handed Mel over to me while he grabbed hold of Sam.

We dragged them outside and over to the Impala. “Mel? Hey, I got you. You’re gonna be just fine, sis” I did my best to keep my voice steady but it was seriously hard to see her like this: in such pain.

I looked back to see Sam fell to the ground and Dean set him up with his back against the tire. So I carefully sat her beside him. They were coughing and wheezing so violently and we couldn't even do anything about it.

“Cas!?” Dean called into the dark.

"Castiel! Where are you!?” I yelled too.

I think it was the hope that he would show up last minute like he always does...but he never showed. “Mel, Sammy...come on, stay with us” Dean begged, grabbing Mel’s hand with one of his own and smacking Sam’s cheek with his other to try and wake up. But it was no use.

Then, I saw it. “Dean...” I whispered. He didnt hear me. “Dean!” I struggled to raise my voice.

I felt his head snap up at me but saw I was looking to the sky. He followed my eyes and looked up to see what looked like stars falling from the skies.

“No...”

Cas, what happened?!

“What’s...going on, B?” Mel breathed out as she was slipping into unconsciousness.

“The angels...” I murmured.

“They’re falling” Dean finished.

Looks like the story's just not over yet....