Life As We Know It

“This trip has really been amazing” I say to James as we pull into his driveway. “Thank you”

“You are very welcome but it should be me thanking you for coming out to see me early” he says as we unpack the car and Austin.

“So are you coming over later?” I ask him.

“Yeah, let me throw this stuff in the laundry and grab a shower before coming over”

“Okay see you then” I say and we separate.

After unpacking not only my stuff but Austin’s too, I throw a load of laundry in. I make my way to the kitchen to see if I have anything to make for dinner. I find a frozen pizza and put that in before going out to check the mail. Most are bills but there is a letter mixed in between them and it is addressed to me. I have never seen the handwriting before and I don’t know the name on the return address label.

“Who the fuck is John Gates?” I say to myself. I rip open the envelope to find a handwritten letter to
me from a stranger.

“Dear Alexis,
I know you don’t know me but I am your father…”

I stopped reading right then and there. John Gated is the man, no boy, who left my mother when she told him she was pregnant. I have never had so much anger towards one human being in my life like I do for this man, this stranger. I am instantly in a bad mood and I am taking it out on everything, throwing the laundry into the dryer and slamming the door shut, slamming cabinets closed after getting stuff out, kicking some of Austin’s toys out of the way…

I was so wrapped up in my head that I didn’t hear James come in until he spoke. “You do realize you are scaring Austin right?”

“What!?” I ask and I can see the confusion on his face.

“What is wrong with you, you were fine two hours ago”

“That was before that son of a bitch came into my life” I say and pull the pizza out of the oven, burning myself in the process. “Fuck!”

“You need to calm down” he says and takes me over to the sink to run my hand under cold water.
“What are you talking about? Did someone come over here?”

“No, I got a fucking letter from the sperm donor. The first time I have ever had contact with him. He has never given two shits about me before and now he writes? 21 fucking years and now?” I ask.

“What did it say?” he asks

“I don’t know, I stopped reading after the first line that told me he is my father” I say.

“Are you going to read it?” he asks as he cuts the pizza.

“I don’t know yet” I say and get a banana to mash up for Austin.

“Aren’t you a little curious to see what he said?” he asks and puts Austin in his high chair.

“Not really” I say and start feeding Austin his dinner.

“How about you sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning?”

“Okay” I say and take a bite of my pizza. We spend the rest of the night watching TV and playing with Austin.

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“Are you sure you want to do this?” James asks as I open the envelope again.

“I need to know” I say and start reading.

“Dear Alexis,

I know you don’t know me but I am your father, John Gates. I am not sure how much your mother talked about me, if at all. You may hate me or have no opinion of me at all but I want to tell you my side of the story. I met your mother when we were 15 and freshmen in high school. We were friends for that year and over summer break we finally got together as boyfriend-girlfriend. Our sophomore year we started going out and partying with friends who were older. One night we went to a party and got drunk, I don’t remember much from that night. The next morning I woke up next to your mother and a couple of weeks later she came to me crying and told me she was pregnant. We didn’t know what to do so she said she would take care of it. I called her for a week straight and got no answer, I thought she was still upset so I left her alone. She finally came back to school and I asked her what she did but he told me to leave her alone and that she didn’t want to see me anymore. I tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t listen and finally dropped out of school to be home schooled by her mother. I tried to see her to find out what happened but her father threatened me to leave her alone. I never knew that she kept you and the next year my family moved from the city. Ten years later I moved back to the city and have gotten married since then and have two children. My wife’s name is Claire and my children are Eric who is 9 and Ashley who is 6. Recently I ran into an old high school friend who told me about the passing of your mother and step-dad. I looked it up and found her obituary; I read it and did the math. You are my daughter. It took me some time to write this letter to you in fear of you ripping it up as soon as you opened it or to ignore me, as you still might. I just wanted to say that I would love to meet you and get to know the daughter I never knew about. Here is my phone number and email. I would love to hear from you but take all the time you need, I understand.

Sincerely,
John”

After reading over the letter a couple of times tears of anger came to my eyes; Anger for my mother not for this man who had no knowledge of me.

“That bad?” James asks balancing Austin on his lap.

“No, he never knew. My mother lied to me for twenty one years. She said he walked away but she pushed him away. He wants to meet with me and get to know me.”

“Are you?” he asks

“What do you think?” I ask him because my brain is everywhere.

“If it was me I would at least want to meet with him for coffee or something, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t know what I want” I say and he wraps an arm around me. I snuggle into his chest and Austin pulls on my hair.

“I am behind you, whatever your choice is” he says.

“Thank you, I just need to take some time and figure out what is going on in my head”

“Whatever you need, I am here”

“How did I get the two best guys the world has to offer?” I ask and kiss them both on the cheek.

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“Are you sure you want to do this?” James asks me for the hundredth time since I told him I was meeting John for coffee.

“Yes, I am sure” I say again and look over his shoulder at the door again.

“Okay, do you want us here or do you want to talk alone?”

“I don’t kind either way, whatever you want”

“I want to be here” he says and throws me a smile. Before I can say anything a man walks through the door and he looks around until we lock eyes and I instantly know that it is him. He walks over with a small smile.

“Alexis?” he asks with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Yes, you must be John” I say and stand to shake his hand. He just stares at me with this weird look on his face. “What, do I have something on my face?”

“No, your perfect” he says and I can see he is dead serious.

“Um, this is my boyfriend James” I say and they shake hands with a small ‘I’m a fan’ exchange. “I, um, read your letter obviously and wanted to tell you to your face that my mom never told me about you. She said that you walked away when she told you she was pregnant” I say and I can see the hurt in his eyes.

“I really wish things were different but we found each other and I really would like to have some kind of relationship” he says and stares at me some more causing me to blush “I’m sorry you just look so much like your mother but I see pieces of me in you too”

“Like what?”

“You have my dimples and my mother has curly hair like you” he says with a smile and I can see the matching dimples.

“I think somebody wants you” James says with a wiggling Austin in his arms. I take him from James and set him in my lap.

“He looks a lot like you” John says

“Yeah I get that a lot and people often think he is my son” I say

“I can see why” he says “Well I need to get going to pick up the kids from school”

“Okay, um” I say standing up not really knowing what to do “I will talk to you later?” I say but it comes out like a question.

“I would like that” he says and we stand there not knowing how to end things. I finally stick out my hand and we shake hands before he leaves.

“Well that was interesting” James says and takes a sip of his coffee.

“Yeah, kind of weird but that was to be expected”

“Are you happy you did this?” he asks and I pause to think about it.

“Yeah, I really am.” I say with a smile.