This.

I’d made up my mind. I was going to tell Niall how I felt about him. If the interview was any indication, I don’t think I run the risk of rejection. The things he said about me and the text he sent me afterwards got me thinking that maybe he felt the same way. I figured I’ll just tell him and we can go from there.

But I was freaking out. I’d never told a guy that I liked him. I didn’t even know what to say. I’ll probably end up sounding like an idiot. Just the thought of it has me bent over, trying to hold back the nervous vomit that wants to creep up on me.

Niall had gotten back to London a few days ago. I wanted to give him some time to settle to being back him before I came on to him. He texted me when he landed, which is something he didn’t usually do, so that was a good sign? We had been texting every day since too. I was just waiting for him to ask to see me, which I knew had to happen eventually.

I was really excited when he texted me this morning to say he was coming over. It was Saturday, so I had the weekend off and Niall and I could spend the whole day together if everything went well. I didn’t respond, because there was really no point. My heart was beating a million miles a minute as I tried to calm down before he showed up.

I was pacing back and forth in the living room, practicing what I was going to say. I’m sure I looked like a mental patient with all of my frantic movement. But that was my way of working off all my nervous energy.

I audibly whimpered when a knock sounded at the door. I took a moment, smoothed my hair, and took a deep breath before heading to the door. I smiled when I saw Niall standing there, looking adorable in his simple outfit of jeans and a pullover. My smile faded when I saw the look on his face.

“Um…want to uh…come in?” I stammered. His angelic features were pulled into that hostile glare that I had come so used to. My stomach dropped and my heartbeat became even more sporadic if that’s even possible.

He brushed past me and entered the space. It suddenly seemed way to small to hold all the tension that Niall carried in with him. His shoulders held a livid posture as he pulled his arms even tighter around his chest. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just let the door fall closed at wait for him to say something.

His blue eyes closed in on me. The skin around them crinkled as he narrowed his eyes, studying me. “I’m an idiot.” He finally said.

“What do you mean?” I asked him. I didn’t understand why he was so angry.

“I talked to Liam this morning.” He said Liam’s name with so much venom, I flinched back at the force, even though I was a good distance away from him.

“Oh.” I muttered, looking at the ground.

“Yeah. Oh.” He said back. He took an exasperated breath. His calloused fingers pinched the bridge of his nose, the universal sign of someone who was fed up.

“Niall, I-“ I started to explain.

“The best part, I think, is the face the you snogged my best mate, after assaulting me for hooking up with some else.” He said with a laugh, but I didn’t think the really thought it was funny.

“That not what-“ I tried again, but he cut me off.

“I would care so much if it was someone else. But it had to be Liam. After I deliberately asked you two to keep your hands off.” His voice was gaining sizeable volume.

“It just happened. Its not like I set off the intention of-“ He held up a hand, stopping my third attempt to clear up the situation.

“You still did! After you made me feel like shit for being such a tosser, you turn around and to the exact same thing. With Liam!”

“Stop saying that. I know it was Liam!” I yelled. I was getting sick of hearing the way he said his name. It made it sound like a disease or something.

“Why him?” He asked, suddenly.

“What?” I stopped, confused by the question.

“Why Liam? Did was it to spite me or something? Was it like some sick agenda of yours to go after the one person you knew would piss me off the most?” He asked harshly, talking a couple steps towards me.

“No!” I insisted. “It wasn’t like that at all! You don’t seriously think I would do something like that?” I demanded, growing angry myself.

“Obviously I don’t know you at all. The Marjorie I knew would have respected that boundary. She never would have crossed the line to mess with my feelings. She knew that was to far. But this Marjorie,” he motioned to me with his hands, “is someone I never would have anticipated.”

“I wasn’t trying to cross any lines. We were just eating dinner and he kissed me. It wasn’t like I tried to seduce him.” I explained. It made me feel really bad to hear how hurt he was.

“So Liam told me wrong? You pushed him away right away.” He prodded. My mouth snapped shut and I looked away. “That’s what I thought. I can’t believe I wasted my time.”

“Wasted your time doing what? Insulting me all the time? Treating me like shit? I wouldn’t have even started hanging out with Liam if you hadn’t been such and asshole to me all the time! You barely looked in my direction most of the time! What did you want me to do?” I shouted back. All of my frustrations that had built up over the past months were starting to spill out.

“I treated you like shit?” He yelled, lifting up to point a finger at me. “You treated me like shit. I could never say anything right around you. You made it pretty clear from the beginning that you were going to be a bitch to me all the time. I was okay with you being a bitch. But I am not okay with you being a slut.” He said in a low growl, especially when he said slut.

Tears stung my eyes when he said that to me. I pushed Liam away because I wanted Niall, and he thinks I’m a slut. I knew that the way things were going was too good to be true. Niall and I didn’t have a chance in hell.

“At least I didn’t shag him. You have the nerve to call me a slut when I saw you in bed with someone else? You don’t know what happened, Niall. I stopped it with Liam because I knew you would react like this. Your head is shoved way to far up your ass to stop and listen.” I told him, trying to keep my voice even. I didn’t was to cry in front of him, but it happened anyway.

“I apologized for that. I thought we could move past that. But you and Liam happened afterwards and you lied about it. After you insisted you were just friends.” He maintained.

“I didn’t lie! I just-“

“Didn’t tell me. It’s the same thing!” He bellowed.

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you would react this way!”

“Well then why did you do it in the first place?” His tone softened, but didn’t lose the volume.

I wiped at the tears falling from my cheeks and tried to speak, but no words came out. I let out a pathetic sob and then covered my mouth with my hand. I looked up to Niall who now looked a little concerned, but he mostly looked hurt.

“I don’t know why it happened, it just did. I don’t know what else to say but I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Liam just made me feel wanted while all you ever did was push me away.” I admitted, finally willing myself to look into his eyes.

“So it’s my fault you kissed my best friend?” He asked, rage filling his tone again.

“Its your fault for not telling me what the fuck you wanted. How was I supposed to know that you gave a shit about me? I can’t read your mind!” I snapped back.

“Well. Let me make it easy for you. You and me? We’re done. We aren’t even friends. I don’t give a fuck about this contract anymore. I don’t want anything thing to do with you. All you cared about is you. You couldn’t have cared less about me.” He said, shoving past me to open the door. “I can’t believe I actually thought I had feelings for you. But that’s what you wanted all along. Congratulations, Marj. You broke me. I actually let myself feel something for you. Now do you still have to ask me why I always push people away? You totally fucked me over. Everyone fucks me over.” At that, he opened the door and let it slam shut.

I collapsed onto the couch and cried. I cried because that asshole keeps making me cry over him. I cried because I screwed up royally with him. I cried because I hated myself for being such a coward. I cried because Liam couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. If I had just told him how I felt earlier, none of this would have happened.